>>733275
>I've neglected my duty to attend church, I've sinned all the time, I've been a terrible Christian… and convinced myself otherwise, at least in feeling, all this time.
I've seen this episode before.
See, your conscience is telling you that you're guilty of sinning against God. You're aware of it, but it's so painful that you try to put it out of your mind.
And it works… until it doesn't. Until something reminds you of the reality of your situation. This time it was a weird little brain fart. What'll it be next time? A song on the radio? An unusually-shaped cloud? A man on the sidewalk who gave you the stink-eye like he could just see your sins written on your face? Superstitions like these are the conjurations of your heavy heart. When you know you've sinned against the Creator, the whole of creation reads like an indictment against you. It's not a bug. It's a feature.
>I want to repent, I want to be recieved back, I want to be a man of God. But I fear now, seriously, I can't fulfill the role of prodigal son anymore, because I have become a repeat offendor… and so that it is too late.
It is never too late to repent. You've acknowledged your sins and you're sorry for them; you understand that they merit death. Now turn from them and run.
>Has anyone ever felt the same and dare I say lived, really lived, too?
I've lived this episode before.