If you don't want to read this thread, please at least say a quick prayer for me. Thank you, and God bless.
I'm spiralling right now, I can't focus on anything and I'm finding it very hard to believe in God. It's not that I feel I have reason to believe He doesn't exist, or even that I have no reason to believe He does. I'm just troubled.
What keeps happening to me goes something like this:
>Be reading, thinking, listening to someone speak, etc
>Suddenly, I realize that I'm really wrong about something
>Begin experiencing cognitive dissonance
>I start to focus on it and I can't break free of the thought that I might be wrong about everything
>I find myself incapable of feeling good or being productive; I'm very stressed
>I start to have intrusive thoughts that everything I do is terrible and that nobody likes or respects me
>I become very irritable
>I can't pray or do anything else godly
It's not even always a big thing. It doesn't even have to affect whether God would exist or not, but I feel like I can't be sure of anything anymore so I nevertheless start to second-guess my Christianity.
What disturbs me the most is that I just noticed I'm being more critical of conservative ideas than liberal ones. This could just be the fact that I'm being overly self-critical and I don't identify myself with liberal ideas, but I'm worried that the kind of self-doubt I'm experiencing is exactly how the devil gets you.
I know, by the way, that I'm being incredibly self-absorbed. That's the whole reason I'm worried. If it were just that I had found something I hated, that would be fine. Still troubling, but not like this. My thoughts are all turned in on themselves, and I can't bring my attention off of their subject; I can't distance myself from myself. At the same time, I hate the focus that I'm placing on myself. I feel I'm sinning and being too attached to my emotions, but then when I try to be rational about things I feel I'm just making excuses not to think of what's bothering me. Then, I start to feel that I'm just trying to validate my emotions by avoiding the kind of detached thinking that would make them seem trivial, and the cycle repeats.
What do you guys do to bring your heart back to God? I've always really loved apologetics, but right now I just find myself looking for things to be critical of.
What do you guys do to reduce stress that never feels like a waste of time? I usually try to study something, but I can't focus when I'm like this.
Feel free to call me a soyboy or whatever, too. I understand how juvenile this probably seems.