>snapped at age 11 and became anti social when dad died and from being bullied by all my class
>bullied by class again in highschool (UK)
>see a school counciller for like a month and then dismisses me
>mum didnt want to pick me up from support group for dead parents after school so had to stop attending those
>be bullied by girls
>found reddit and became athiest. Started watching porn.
>be 12 and bullied on school trip to germany
>be bullied on school bus
>be bullied by friends (i did bully my friends too)
>had social anxiety, low self esteem, depression, suicidal thoughs daily and constantly.
>found solace in r9k, porn and anime for obvious reasons. Live a degenerate lifestyle. Masturbate as much as I could. At least twice a day.
>in year 11, all these people i've grown up with for the last 4 years want to be my friend. Completely ignoring what they've done to me. Don't want to do drugs or party or hang out with the normies. My social skills were non existent anyway.
>2 months from leaving i snap in year 11 (aged 16). Be a nihilist. Tell everyone I'm a pedo, that I watch so and so, beastiality, scat, rape, incest. Told a group of girls who asked me if I would rape my mother that I would.
>get in trouble for it. I admit I said it all. I deny that I do watch illegal porn (later found out that I can't do that from google)
> Get an isolation for it (spend a couple of days in a room away from your class).
>teachers act disgusted by me like im a roach (this is a catholic school btw). Threaten to call police.
>they didn't.
>three friends stuck by me because they knew that I wasn't a pedo and just a weirdo. Still friends to this day (3 years later)
Fast foreward today
>converted to catholicism one year later after I went to the lowest of low and thought about turning gay and cross dressing to feel loved and whoring myself out. I cried out to God to save me and ever since then gradually I've been lead to christ.
>unable to make new friends since word travels
>been bullied out of sixth form
>been badly treated by strangers
>priest won't even look me in the eye
>priest refused to shake my hand once.
>a woman refuses to shake my hand in church when we are doing a sign of peace
>reported myself to the police twice in one day and told them that I need to be arrested and I'm a danger to children because I believed that everyone thought I had raped someone when in reality I have no and never had sexual attraction to children nor have I ever abused anyone in my life. I'm a khv. They said I never watched cheese pizza and they weren't notified of what I said in hs. They chalked it up to what I did as a cry for help and what I'm doing now as a cry for help. I genuinely wanted to go to prison because I thought I was a monster. This was right after being bullied out of sixth form by the teachers and students. But since it's my word against theirs and I had just revealed myself to be experiencing an episode i guess they couldnt do anything. I had a mental breakdown.
>never wanted to killmyself because catholic until recently when I realised now that I'm in a new college, the rumours going to reach here.
There's this girl that likes me. It's going to happen again. I can't move away and I was on meds for a while but i wanted off them since they stopped working and it doesn't change the reality that people think I've done horrendous things. I only found out what people thought of me 5 months ago and I reported myself when my mum sent me to the psycharatrist. In sixth form they pretended to be my friend but then bullied me. Also, I think it happened on good friday because one of the girls who was in on the conspiracy against me asked me what day it was and I was confused and then she rebuked me at how I didn't know what day it was even though i was a practicing catholic.
do you think im a monster? Does God think im a monster? Also Jesus healed me of my porn and fap addiction. It used to be my main hobby. I'd spend my free time just fapping.