/christian/ - Christian Discussion and Fellowship

I am an outlier among the outliers. For example, a lot of outcasts like anime but I feel nothing for it. A lot of outcasts like __ but __ is like a foreign language I cannot understand. I see the world in a bizarre way for most people, and this has helped me make art. My art has achieved me some success, but it’s not the type of art people want to buy and hang in their living room. I’ve been invited to teach college classes because of it.

>>671026

>>671028

I would not say I know how you feel in general, but the important thing is that you regret the sinful deeds you have committed and did not rationalise it to excuse yourself with your God given intelligence.

I would say then that you are in the right place and you can many who through different circumstances ended in the loneliness as you.

What is it that you wish for, pray to God to grant it to you. Go to church, keep up your faith and pray as if your life depended on it (it actually is though). He accounts for all servants, and you are made for purpose and it is yours to carry out His will.

What do you mean by "make"? Did God ordain your autism? Yes. Did He create autism? Not directly. It comes from the degeneracy of creation from our sins. Did ordain God good to come from your suffering and your disability so your suffering is not in vain? Certainly. Will you have the problem forever? Absolutely not!

> I only did them because I thought I was so abnormal

Is there anything truly normal in this crazy, sin-stained world?

>I am thinking this is what God wants me to do and why I am so weird.

Keep working on it. Do it for His glory. God knows His church needs more good, capable artists. You could be the next Dali, though a tad less eccentric-focused though I understand Dali did practice Catholicism.

>I feel so lonely, though. I wish I had a terminal illness to take me out of my misery, but then I feel guilty for thinking this. I’m struggling.

You're not alone brother. Keep praying. You may feel lonely, but you will never be alone nor forsaken. God will be with you even through the shadow of the Valley of Death.

t. another autist who has been without good friendships for 8 years until the last 2 and still without a loving waifu for laifu, in a dead-beat job moving on, God-willing, to a slightly less dead-beat job, with a seemingly crag of other issues; but at the end of the day, thank God for being saved from just wrath and all the small blessings in life.

>>671026

It's okay. Some of us, myself included, are spectrum friends. I have Asperger's syndrome and I locked myself in with obscure web fanbases, linguistics, and more traditional STEM autism and I never had a single friend until a year ago.

My teachers tried to put me on Prozac/Seroquel or whatever new drug they had. I was suspended up to around 10 times every year for 10 years in school up to this one (I've only been suspended 2 times this year, thank God).

Who knows? I can only trust Him, since I'm scared.

You don't and shouldn't live like the world.

Thanks. I don’t know what to say. I was in a very dark place 10 years ago, and I begged for God to take me. I do sometimes wish he would now. I am so tired. I feel haunted by all the times I’ve been hurt, betrayed, misunderstood, and abused. I am 34 and I am not strong enough to make it another 30 if I were to live that long. I feel isolated despite every attempt I’ve made to do the things you’re supposed to do when you feel isolated. I have a job, which helps a little.

>Did God make me autistic and why?

<Why did the Lord give me this cross to bear?

FTFY.

I know what you mean about the isolation. It's like a walking monasticism where you are cut off from others but still in their presence. I think it's pure pride but I don't even like to associate with other young Catholics, since I just don't "understand" them.

>>671026

tigga, you should follow your vocation.

That may be the only way to produce good and happyness from those things that are causing you suffering.

>>671026

I can kinda relate to your point of view. It seems like the foul mouths of bad taste drown out every good alternative voice. People want to primarily belong to an in-group, having some sense of beauty or integrity comes often last.

I was sort of like this and werent really interested with stuff other people liked since school, but rather fascinated by natural sciences and especially astronomy (sadly, I didnt follow that path). Not really isolated or so nowadays, I have few friends but thats because we share (in theory at least) common values and all of us were involved in churchlife since younger age (and are altar servants). So maybe instead of trying to blend in, find friends that share your values? But the main part is that dont try to blend with everyone (its pointless too), you will lose your personality. Dont lose your values and dont betray them to acquire few """friends". But most importantly, remember that God is always with you, He is your Father, your Friend and everyone you need.

I’ve never felt like I belong in church. To be honest, I’ve never understood why I was there or what we were doing. Especially since my dad goes to church every Sunday and thinks highly of himself, yet abused my mom (and she him) all the time in my childhood which frightened, depressed, and confused me. They both denied it and just go about their lives thinking they are good people.

I also see so many fat people in church, disrespecting their bodies. I’m not saying people need to be models, but people are gluttons now.

Also the church seems today to be made by women for women, and I’ve had a problem with being too effeminate as a boy, so I try to avoid anything that would drag me back down there.

I’ve read a little of the Bible and plan to read more. I get confused by it though and need a good commentary

>>671783

"seek plank in your eye first" should be one of the principles to follow in this case. Especially do not judge people by their fitness or looks. Also, do not look at the others when going to church, your role model is Jesus, not your relatives or someone from that church. In fact, use example of your father to not be like him and to be really good Christian.

As for the commentary, I would recommend Orthodox Study Bible, if you can get it. If you cant, read church fathers online, they have good exegesis of the Bible. Also http://biblehub.com isnt bad either. Its mostly protestant, but still neutral enough and has some good commentaries. Personally, I like commentaries of Matthew Henry.

>>671679

I agree, glorify God through your art skills.

I don’t know what my religion is. I’ve never fit in anywhere in life. Despite focusing on self improvement as early as my teens, I’ve always been an outcast among the outcast. I’ve developed enough social skills to function at work, but that’s it. I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere with religion. It isn’t an attempt to be unique and special. I sometimes wish I did fit in, but on the other hand I have unusual perspectives on matters that sometimes help people, and help me create art.

What I’ve struggled with regarding Christianity is the issue of what happens to non-Christians? And what happened to people before Christianity was developed? Why didn’t Christianity exist before that?

I read somewhere to think of these questions as when a child doesn’t understand why he can’t eat all the ice cream he wants. We don’t understand God in the way a child doesn’t understand adults. Not exactly the same, of course, but hopefully you get the basic idea I’m trying to convey.

I get so confused by it all. People tell me I think too much but they don’t understand this is what happens when you have a 163 IQ. And I can’t talk about that with them because it sounds arrogant. It doesn’t mean I’m better or wiser. It means my brain works differently that most of the population, and that has profound affects on my life.

I would go to church and feel like I’m being fake.

Whenever I see church groups with college kids, teens, or kids, they are always doing what seem like silly activities to me. Dumb little games. I would have been better off studying religious texts on my own. They are always smiling and trying to hard to be happy. I could never have been a part of that as a kid. I’m too emotionally flat.

Sometimes I think I have the spirit of a monk who is supppsed to work on illuminated manuscripts.