From Seraphim's Acquisition of the Holy Spirit;
>…"you had a great desire to know the aim of our Christian life, and that you have asked many great spiritual persons about it."
…
>"But no one," continued St. Seraphim, "has given you a precise answer. They have said to you: 'Go to church, pray to God, do the commandments of God, do good - that is the aim of the Christian life." Some were even indignant with you for being occupied with such profane curiosity and said to you 'Do not seek things which are beyond you.' But they did not speak as they should. Now humble Seraphim will explain to you of what this aim really consists.
"However prayer, fasting, vigil and all the other Christian practices may be, they do not constitute the aim of our Christian life. Although it is true that they serve as indispensable means of reaching this end, the true aim of our Christian life consists of the acquisition of the Holy Spirit of God.
…"
It happened last night, Anons. I was up for no reason, tossing and turning in the bed. I have a habit of praying to unwind, and decided to try something different this time.
Understanding, instead of thinking, I offered one of my usual petitions (bring my agnostic girlfriend back into the fold). Except this time, I thought about the apostle's question. "How SHOULD we pray."
I know for a fact The Lord's Prayer is raw power. It has saved me many times from destruction, allowing my soul to cry out when my mind cannot find the words. But this time I combined everything I had learnt about prayer.
From the Rosary, deep in my childhood, I found the quiet space for contemplation. From The Jesus Prayer (the book came) I brought both renewed meaning, AND a commitment to have my heart gaze at the Lord. To bring to bear my love for God with every word.
And finally, the nature of the Our Father dawned on me. I said a prayer in seven parts, addressing seven pleas, with each one running parallel to the meaning behind each verse of the Lord's Prayer.
It worked in so many ways. I felt The Spirit alight on my head, and spread throughout my body. I heard the whisper of God's presence.
My tinnitus frickin changed pitch.
Since then, I've felt a kind of euphoria I can only attribute to actually humbling myself before The Lord properly. There's a lower key warmth that hasn't left since the initial shock, and it is honestly better than drugs.
I feel as though this small gift is literally the mustard seed. Or a handful of talents. It's precious, and I don't want to lose it.
But I know this is only another beginning. So I wanted to share it with you, and encourage anyone else looking.
Don't give up, because when God comes to you, you'll know.