>>631260
>I feel good being hedonistic.
>What depresses me is the fact that life is doing a lot of stuff you don't want to do for a lot of time.
It's bittersweet. You say that you are disappointed that you can't spend time doing more of what you enjoy, but you probably enjoy it more because you have that balance of work-play. If it was all play you might be saying something different right now.
Hedonism is a bottomless pit. It's not even worth it to go down that road, especially if you are mentally ill. Aim a little higher in life.
>If I could simply started believing in Christianity (I can't), do you guys really think something would change?
No doubt. Everything would change. Granted, it wouldn't happen overnight, and you will have to dig in and help yourself a lot too, but things will change. And you can. Belief is not a merely natural inclination as much as it is something to be kindled, to will it. And if you want it, you can will it.
>I would still have the same problems, but I would have even more responsibilities and fears. I don't see how that would help.
This is something that I found when I converted, that sudden moment of "Oh wait, obligations … fasting, mass, days of solemnity, …", and that's just the externals. You also have so streamline a lot of wicked notions and ideas. For me conversion threw on the brakes of my life and I began to really question everything I previously held without thinking too much about, or to challenge me to think about things I hadn't even considered, and a lot of dross was purged in that time, and it's a process which is still ongoing. But it's amazing how quickly into the swing of things you can get.
Obligations make a man. Obligations form a soul, they remind it not to be so selfish and that their egotism is ill founded. Most of all, it reminds you that you are part of a group, and the most extraordinary thing there is, the Church.
>I guess it helps and gives strength to a lot of people, I'm happy for them, I don't shit on anyone for being religious, but it's just not for me.
A lot of people say that, and like you simultaneously profess that they are miserable and fed up, as though there is no connection. It is most certainly for you, and I pray that you will by the Grace of God come to realise this.