/christian/ - Christian Discussion and Fellowship

>>621841

Look at the continent. No, really, just LOOK at it. It's not hospitable. "Some" of the world's ten deadliest spiders (I've read it's nine, but I can't verify that), six of the top ten deadliest snakes, scorpions, catastrophic fires every year, hurricanes, floods, and then, of course, it goes without saying, the belligerent, warfaring Emus – you have to claw and scrap and save to survive in a place that is so determined to steal life from you. Plus it's what must have seemed a billion light years away from any sign of civilisation. And all this was incredibly new to the Europeans who settled, or were forced to settle, here. It was NOT like the Ireland or Britain they left behind! The indigenous people didn't feel that way because they lived here and knew how to adapt. But, the Europeans just kept trying to live like Europeans, whereas we should have come living like middle-easterners. Plus we had some pretty nasty, unjust forms of governance and oligarcy that eroded peoples' hopefulness.

I figure such things stole faith from people that there is a benevolent creator just waiting to do good for you. So, cynically, people say, "If God isn't any good, why believe?" And I think, over the generations, that morphed into ambivalence and then unbelief.

It's only a guess, but since, I think, we're a pretty sceptical and cynical bunch it kinda falls into place. And so this attitude that Religion is nice an' all for those fancy folks in the cities, but not out 'ere became ingrained in working class people in even the cities and then generally in the culture. Australia has never been a particularly religious country. We never had the revivals on the scale that happened in the US or Europe.

>Just The Facts

>1. Australia is the largest island nation in the world, straddling the border of the Pacific and Indian Ocean.

>2. It has a rich and exotic ecosystem supporting fantastic flora and fauna…all of which were unfortunately eaten by the monsters that live there.

>3. Its primary spoken language is screaming.

>

>Back in the 1770s the British Empire discovered Australia and, after finding it generally unfit for human habitation, proceeded to send all of their criminals and generally unwanted peasants there…because basic human empathy was not to be invented until the year 1821.

>After somehow managing to survive on Monster Island for over a century, it was considered only fair to grant the Australian citizens their freedom and on January 1st, 1901, Australia gained federation of its colonies, and The Commonwealth of Australia was born.

>Things in Australia that Will Kill You

>Everything. No, seriously: Everything.

>First there's the wildlife: If something appears to be cute and harmless in Australia, then we promise you - it has only evolved that way to lure you close enough for the thousands of ravenous, prehensile blade-tongues to descended upon you.

>Then there's the Geography: Consisting mostly of arid, dry desert, (populated by over 100 venomous species of snake,) the harsh local climate is peppered with small, liveable areas presumably just to lull human beings into a false sense of security.

>Ah, but the tropical beaches, you say! Surely the paradise on Earth that is the Australian beach makes up for an entire continent of biological weapons. And it's true: Australia is known for having some of the best beaches in the world…all you have to worry about are the Saltwater Crocs, Great White Sharks, poisonous Stonefish, or being stung by the Box Jellyfish: The deadliest and most painful sting of any Jellyfish species in the world.

(Oh, yeah, I forgot the crocs.)

>Your best bet is just to stay in the city then, right? Enjoy the local culture; go visit the capital of Canberra, or visit beautiful Sydney and see the wonder of the Opera house. And that's totally safe: Just remember to wear protective clothing, stay in well travelled areas, always know the nearest path to a hospital, and just generally try not to exist - because Australia is also home to over 280 species of poisonous spider, including that aforementioned Sydney Funnel Web Spider. What, did you think it was just a name? No, it lives in cities, in garages, in tool sheds and houses - it even swims. IT F**KING SWIMS.

>Seriously: Everything in Australia evolved solely to kill everything else in Australia - and you show up with your soft, unarmored skin, tiny, rounded teeth, and ridiculously non-poisonous spit and expect a vacation?

>You just walked into Mother Nature's Thunderdome, friend. And in this analogy, you're not Max; you're the dead retard.

>Things in Australia that Will Not Kill You

>….

>Hugh Jackman seems nice.

It's funny because, really, it's kinda true.

Freely stolen from Cracked because I couldn't find the essay I was looking for.