/christian/ - Christian Discussion and Fellowship

>I do want to remain her friend

>but if I just remain by her side regardless of what she does, will she ever learn anything?

she has a serious mental illness, you being there for her isn't going to change that fact either way.

there really isn't much she can learn to help herself, since what's driving her is irrationality.

i've often read we BPD people become less of a nightmare as we age, i know i am less of a bastard now that i'm 30 than in my late teens/early 20's.

it would have been nice if i had a friend back then who never gave up on me, even when i kicked them to the curb over and over.

i will pray for you both.

>>582162

She has mental illness. You need to be patient, and realize that you're not "enabling" her. If you left and abandoned her, she would still have a mental illness. It's like saying that staying with your friend with a cold is enabling them to have a cold. Stick with her, be patient with her, forgive her, pray for her, and encourage her to get the help she needs. BPD isn't the end of the world if it gets treated

>I know Jesus tells us to forgive those who sin against us 72 times

More than that. The passage says "Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven." (Matthew 18:21-22)

And it's not to be taken literally. The spirit of the law is to always forgive, not to place a limit on it

>Luke 17:4: And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.

>>582166

>>582171

Well, you two have convinced me to stay by her side. That's what I wanted, anyways. Thanks and God bless you.

>will she ever learn anything?

Based off of what I read from a recovering BPD in /mental/, the cure for BPD is to simply deny the sufferer attention. You'll notice the only BPDs are attractive women. There's a few ugly BPD women but there aren't many BPD men because men have to actually put their desires and fears regarding validation aside to get shit done now. The only person that can save the BPD is the BPD herself, of her own will and volition. Literally, due to the nature of free will and consciousness, while God can make this easier, she herself has to actually put in the work and say "no" to those abandonment-fears when they arise. No one else can do this.

The most you can do, as always, is help yourself. Proceed onwards with your self-development (after all, if you don't help yourself, you can't help anyone else anyway). Most critically, be conscious of the fact that when you give your friend attention, while you may see yourself as helping her, you may in fact be blindly rewarding bad behaviours with attention.

>She's actually a very generous, loving person

If she's BPD, how do you even know that? What makes you so sure she wouldn't blow some guy and then spit his emissions into the holy water? Here's a nice article regarding narcissists and BPDs:

https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2007/10/the_diagnosis_of_borderline_pe.html

Was gonna get a friend who has driven himself to depression by helping dozens of mentally ill teenagers on kik and still does to this day, but I see shit has already been covered. You aren't alone anon, in your faith nor in your struggles. God bless you and God bless her.

>>582179

>Most critically, be conscious of the fact that when you give your friend attention, while you may see yourself as helping her, you may in fact be blindly rewarding bad behaviours with attention

This is what I'm afraid of. I do tell her of her mistakes, and I am honest to her about her issues. However, Jesus tells us to keep forgiving, as is His nature. I'm going to follow that example.

>blow some guy and then spit his emissions into the holy water?

This was oddly specific

>>582208

My idea of "forgiveness" is to not let the pains of the past influence the future and to make peace with those pains. If this person's problem is one of attention then I think it's very possible to deny them attention whilst also forgiving them of their past where the reception of attention fueled their vices and to forgive even their present state where this is still the case. Your idea of forgiveness seems to be to let this person back into your life repeatedly as if the past never existed which is an act of ignorance of the actual problem regarding her psychological issue. I think Jesus would want you to live well and would want her to heal as well in order to better serve the Lord.

>This was oddly specific

Was it? I just thought of the worst way to desecrate the holy water and that's what I came up with.

>She's actually a very generous, loving person, but having trouble with stable relationships is the name of the game with BPD.

My gf in a nutshell. BPD traits soften as they grow older (they probably grow tired of being in a constant war against their environment) but in general theere are only two ways to handle a BPD: you either confront her or you let her have her will. My experience is that the latter usually works best.

>>582224

I just want to put in my two cents and say that I think it's the loss of looks that come with age that causes this. Craziness isn't so tolerated when you're not pretty.