I desire marriage and companionship from women so badly it's making me suicidal.
Unfortunately, I'm just too ugly and shy. (It is what it is.)
The longing for emotional intimacy is even stronger than any sexual urges. I want to cuddle with a girl, and feel her body against mine. To feel desired and loved, and to love and cherish her.
I try not to engage with masturbation and pornography. I really try, with the aid of the rosary, Scripture reading, etc..but I always eventually relapse and then go forward trying to abstain from this deadly sin, and relapse again. It's terrible. I hate offending God so much.
Naturally, the remedy for this is marriage (1st Cor. 7), but such is not available to me. So I must become completely asexual and aromantic (?).. somehow..
What are the best spiritual practices, herbs, WHATEVER, to combat the desire for women? I'm thinking of considering chemical castration, or even physical. I don't know if that would rid me of the emotional desires, which are extremely strong, however.
What is that one great secret the most holy and chaste monks don't want you to know? (heh)