/2hu/ - Touhou★

Our story begins with John riding his bike for whatever reason. Unknown to him, a small tear in space begins to form and John goes right through it.

*THUD*

John finds himself on the ground and quickly jumps up to his feet. He's in some grassy area with his broken bike near him.

Now what?

>>45852

>Just keep walking.

John ignores his broken bike and walks forward. He catches a glimpse of some kind of city in the distance.

Before he feel at ease knowing that there are probably other people around, a girl blocks his path. She has orange hair, a green and yellow outfit including a silly hat and some stick that looks like it serves no purpose. She speaks in some language John doesn't understand although her expression and tone of voice make it clear that she intends to fight John.

She hovers in the air and prepares to attack.

Now what?

>>45858

>Look at her dead into her eyes.

>Assume shredding position.

>Challenge her to an air guitar contest.

John taps into his his inner rock star and begins to go wild with his imaginary guitar. The girl with the silly hat screams and flies away, likely in fear.

No longer is the path to the city blocked.

Now what?

>>45876

>Keep walking again

John walks towards the city while slowly picking up his pace. As he notices that all of the inhabitants he passes by are trying to talk to him in a subhuman language he doesn't understand he starts moving faster.

WOOSH

John trips on a stone and is sent flying through the air. He sees a lake and a mansion below him before he crashes into a distant mountain.

John can see a shrine above him and a huge flock of birds swarming the area below him.

Now what?

John has a strange feeling

TIME UNTIL WR: 3

>>45880

>Stand on you hands, and jump down towards the birds.

John rockets straight to the birds and hits something hard. As he falls back down his brain processes the smell of cheap glue and cardboard that he picked up while hitting the obstacle.

Shortly after John lands safely back on the ground he notices a figure fly in the same path as him, hit something and fly down to where John is. The girl with the silly hat who was unfortunate enough to make the same mistake as John says "YO! What is up, my dude? You look new here so can I interview you?" in her clearly Asian accent.

Now what?

TIME UNTIL WR: 2

>>45892

>Nod and keep walking once more

John scales the mountain with great speed while girls with silly hats cling to him for some odd reason. Once John's acceleration reaches its maximum he rockets straight off the mountain, leaving behind the girls as they fail to keep up.

Meanwhile, the sky darkens due to the presence of a bunch of robots and a huge mechanical hovercraft piloted by a girl who hasn't been in a game for around 19 years. She monologues in Japanese for a bit and then says "NOW TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! HIHIHIHIHIHI!"

Sadly for her, in a single instant the blinding light known as John annihilates her army of robots in an instant.

With nothing to stop him, John keeps flying until he passes the sky itself.

Suddenly John is somewhere completely different. A rift in space opens up and tells him "Smith, if you get all the way out here again I'll remove your legs... and if you do another time I'll kill you. Managing the boundary is a complicated process and no one else here is up for the job."

John falls through a hole and finds himself in a forest.

Now what?

==TIME UNTIL- BOOOOOOOOOM

>>45905

>Use your super-legs to dig your way underground.

By focusing his will, John successfully digs his way through the ground until he goes right through an underground ceiling. He lands on his head but quickly jumps to stand as usual. Some light shines from the hole John made in the ceiling.

"Thank you very much" says a woman lacking a silly hat, "I was about to make a hole myself. Even the flowers born in caves where no light was meant to reach deserve a chance to live... the same can be said about you."

"I don't need to repay you, for I already destroyed the 'time until White-Red comes to exterminate you' counter just for you." she continues, "Oh, and for one piece of advice, as you become less of what you once were you'll gain abilities you couldn't dream of having. Believe it or not I'm talking to you in Japanese, yet you understand me quite well. Goodbye!" and with that she disappears.

Now what?

>>45916

>Keep walking but whistle a tune this time.

John whistles Kogasa's boss theme from UFO. He passes through a cardboard gateway that reads "go through here" and is greeted by an umbrella being held by a girl on the other side. "YOU ARE SURPRISED NOW!" the girl says, though John seems unfazed by her appearance. John's blank stare makes the umbrella and the girl flinch and the girl says "wow what a weirdo."

Suddenly the air grows heavy and the umbrella is kicked, sending both it and the girl holding it flying. "Never talk like that to my boyfriend!!!" the girl who previously launched a kick says and wraps her arms around John's own right arm.

John continues to walk despite the girl clinging to him. She asks John "Where are we going, my love? Is this a date? uh... you don't need to answer me, I trust that you'll find someplace cool."

Now what?

>>45921

>Ask her "where can I find a place with lots of people ?". Go there. Shout "Allah ackbar". Explode.

"..."

"What's that, honeybuns?" the blonde girl says, "You want to blow some people up? That sounds like a great idea. There's an autist who lives down there, we should totally make the world a better place by eliminating her and whoever is dumb enough to hang around with her" and off the two go to commit an act of murder or possibly slaughter that doesn't qualify as terrorism.

"LOOK! THERE THEY ARE!" John's female companion exclaims as the two reach the place in which the autist resides when suddenly her face darkens. "JOHN, LOOK OUT IT'S A TR-". The eyes of the cardboard cutouts light up and then the cutouts themselves disappear. A tongue of enormous size blocks the exit and with that the 'background' falls, leaving John and his clingy embodiment of envy on the roof of an old Japanese house.

"... Are you surprised now? It's me, the forgotten umbrella that came to life." says the umbrella through the girl who holds it, "this is the third time we've met and you certainly are an interesting character... Parsee called you John so I'm guessing that's your name." "Anyways, something about you ticks me off and I really needed an opportunity to test my abilities. I almost feel sorry for you, John, as SURPRISE not much of you will be left before long.". The umbrella and the girl charge at John and...

WOOSH

John's arm comes right off.

"What's the matter, John? Never been in a fight? Here, I'll give you a free shot." says the umbrella through the girl and then the girl purposely makes herself look defenseless.

Now what?

>>45934

Beat her with dismembered arm

NO MERCY

>>45935

>Beat her with dismembered arm

John picks up his old right arm with his new one. He doesn't wonder why he suddenly has another one and attacks the umbrella girl. The girl disappears from the spot where she stood leaving behind images of smoke. "You really ARE an ⑨!" the umbrella girl says behind John, "Don't you get it? As a being who's one with the concept of surprise it's impossible to catch me off guard.... and that also means that you're always off guard!!!" and unleashes a flurry of punches, all of which hit right through John's defenses.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND" Parsee shouts as she flies towards the umbrella girl but unfortunately for her, the umbrella girl already had a surprise ready for her. Parsee is knocked back by a boxing glove to the face.

The umbrella girl disappears as before and reappears on the tallest building in this abandoned village and stares down at John and Parsee. "Manipulating the fabric of reality is actually quite simple, you know." explains the umbrella girl, "Most are just too ignorant to understand... but if you think of something hard enough it will spring into existence. The old granny tries to keep beings like myself in check but she cannot actually stop me. In case you weren't paying attention, we aren't even in Gensokyo anymore. Since this is an abandoned village, no one is around to hear you scream. All you had to do was be genuinely frightened or at least laugh at me and maybe we could have been friends... maybe go on a crazy adventure together to overthrow Yukari and allow us youkai to develop as intended."

"Goodbye, John... and no one is going to miss you anyways, Parsee."

The space around the umbrella girl distorts. It's likely that she's charging some kind of attack.

Now what?

>>45948

Use her own logic against her. Since she is around and not disappearing, that means she either lied or has enough of a belief field surrounding her.

Anyway, believe up a Zaku II sucker punching her.

The umbrella girl launches her attack. An endless stream of things John least expects are hurled at him. The umbrella girl explains, "you'll find everything here, John. Your worst fears, your favorite desert and probably a few of your childhood friends."

The stuff approaches John fast.

>>45955

>[X] hug kogasa [X] save kogasa

John knocks a huge pile of junk aside and soars to the umbrella girl. He jumps through and dodges many things, both things that connect to him and things that are just there for the sake of being there. The things related to John create the sensation that all of his life leads up to this point.

John hugs the umbrella.

"I KNEW THAT YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT!" the umbrella girl suddenly shouts, "...you know what, I think you're the first person I've met in a really long time who actually understands me. Maybe we can go on a crazy adventure after all". The distortion in the boundaries is then undone by the umbrella girl and all three of you are back in the underground.

PART ONE FINISHED

>>45963

ok

A girl that moves in an odd manner approaches John. She says "Mizuhashi Parsee, Satorin has invited you to her place. An incident is currently occurring above ground and Satorin along with those present will watch how it unfolds on the big screen. She wants the event to be... err... comfy..."

So John, Parsee and Kogasa follow the odd maid to a mansion that clearly belongs to this "Satorin" person. A voice is heard through speakers as the group walks in saying "YOU'RE LATE. COME QUICK, LOSERS". After they go through a big door the sounds of arguing and yelling can be heard. A girl with cat ears explains "Right now everyone is making a big deal about how a human from the outside world is doing something other than dying, becoming a Sin Sack or becoming part of the human village." She pauses for a second as if to remember something and continues "...Oh right, I better start from the beginning. The barrier that held the residents of Makai back from coming here was somehow undone and they all flooded the skies. The usual incident solvers were doing what they do when suddenly a human who word says recently came to Gensokyo sprang to action and started slicing every resident of Makai in his way. He's... different... and a lot of us fear that the balance of Gensokyo might be at stake if he is to live. Others think that he might be exactly what Gensokyo needs. Personally I think everyone is overreacting... OH RIGHT! You three can sit over there and watch how this unfolds". The three sit down and watch the show.

The guy on the TV points at the invading cute girls and confidently states "I, the warrior of fate, will send you monsters back from where you came from in a single action." He waves the sword in his hand idly and then unleashes a shock wave that parts the clouds in the sky. The screen flickers with static for a few seconds and when it goes back to normal, revealing that the residents of Makai are all fleeing.

The room falls to silence until Koagasa breaks it by saying "wow what a weirdo." Most of those in the room leave in an uncomfortably quick fashion just as the odd girl from before comes to ask if anyone wants tea. She quickly vanishes back through a hallway at the sight of so many leaving.

Parsee grips John's arm tight. John's expression remains blank as always.

Now what?

>>45990

>Keep walking around.

John leaves Satori's mansion and starts walking. Parsee asks John "Aren't you going to save Gensokyo or something? You're super badass and are pretty nice to me... I thought that no one loves me...". John speeds up, leaving Parsee and Kogasa behind. Parsee stops trying to keep up. A complex device behind Kogasa's head detects that there's some sort of irregularity in its surroundings and triggers a prerecorded message that says "wow what a weirdo".

John hits a bunch of walls and rocks from moving so fast. He slows down and finds himself by where he first landed in the underground.

Now what?

Meanwhile, somewhere far away from where John is.

"Why did you call me here?" Kogasa asks. A silhouette with purple edges reminders her "Because Mima has been absent for too long and seeing her chair always empty doesn't feel right. It's also because..." she pauses for a second "Yes, we acknowledge the level of power you've reached."

Kogasa then questions "So this whole organized meeting is because you're afraid of some guy running around really fast and messing with girls' emotions? That's honestly pretty pathetic." A different silhouette that has gray edges explains "It's not what he's doing, it's about the powers he has. That kind of stuff is dangerous in the hands of a human and we could put it to much use ourselves. If only Sanae were more of a suc..."

"EIRIN, KAGUYA WANTS YOUUUUU!" says a girl with rabbit ears who forcefully opened the door to the room where the meeting is occurring. The gray silhouette angrily replies "Damn it, Reisen, we're trying to make this look cool. You're ruining everything." Reisen says "Next time you want to play some tabletop games you should really invite me.", leaves and slams the door behind her.

A red silhouette tries to get things back on track by saying "The katana guy has caused a lot of chaos and is keeping all of the 'pawns' occupied. It's time we make our move."

...

>>46000

>Jump good.

John jumps right out of the hole he made. He lands back in the forest he was in before he went to the underground.

>>46015

>[x] look for a house in the woods.

John runs through the woods, jumping trees as he moves. He reaches what he assumes is a clearer area in the forest but finds something much different. Part of the ground looks like it was ripped out by a giant hand. John jumps over the crater in his path to continue to the rest of the forest.

John soon finds a house in the forest. He goes up to the front door and knocks. He gets no answer.

Now what?

>>46026

>Wait good.

Nothing happens.

Now what?

>>46028

>Magic/will up a stand. Then practice posing.

John focuses his will to create a magical humanoid helper of sorts, likely with the intent of using it to reset the universe or reach heaven. Unfortunately, it disappeared shortly after its creation so John practices doing really fabulous poses.

"Why are you doing what you're doing?" asks a blonde girl from behind John. John turns around and stares at her with a blank expression. The girl reacts to John by making an expression that's just as blank as John's. The girl, keeping up her blank face manages to say "I'll have you know that I'm an expert at doing nothing and wasting my time. You cannot beat me, outsider."

Now what?

>>46031

>Acknowledge the sheer truth of her statement and become her disciple.

"Good, that's what I want to hear." the girl says, "Now I won't have to prove to you how better I am at doing nothing than you. Anyways, I'll have you know that despite your natural talents you are still inexperienced. I don't care if you're destined to be a hero or a villain but I'm going to train you anyways."

"BANISH"

John falls through a rift in space and lands on a raft at sea. John looks up and sees the rift close.

Now what?

"Have you seen any humans from the outside world lately, young lady?"

"No"

"Why should I belie..."

>>46035

>[X] Try to teleport back to Gensokyo

John taps into his dormant powers and teleports back to Gensokyo. While he was trying his best to end up back by that house he instead finds himself on top of a mansion, one he vaguely remembers seeing far beneath him a while back. The girl from before hops on John's head and lands by a maid who quietly waits until John's mentor introduces her. "Hey, Outsider, this is Sakuya." the girl explains, "She's a maid who works at this place and she possesses some unique abilities. If you want to continue on to part three of my training you'll have to defeat her. Sakuya prefers speed over power, so if you learn to follow her pattern and deal a nice blow victory will be yours. Your extraordinary endurance should allow you to stay alive for a while but don't expect to tire her out... ever." John's mentor does a gesture to Sakuya, telling her that she can begin.

Sakuya bows as a maid would and vanishes.

John is sent flying by the force of countless magically-reinforced knives slashing him in an instant. Sakuya appears behind John and unleashes a fury of attacks with her knives.

Now what?

>>46038

John tries to conjure up the stand from before. It appears for a second and then disappears. At the sight of it Sakuya's attacks intensify and John thinks he heard her say "damn secondaries... thinking they know how stands work..." under her breath.

Now what?

>>46040

>Fine, will up a gust of wind around you and propel the knives back.

John reflects Sakuya's knives back. In shock, Sakuya activates her special power of stopping time to give her a chance to remove them before they hit her. When time resumes Sakuya realizes that she made a terrible mistake by leaving herself open, allowing John to hit her right down through the roof.

Sakuya's mistress yells "SAKUYA, CLEAN THIS MESS RIGHT NOW." but John's mentor reassures her "I'll fix everything, don't worry." With a wave of her hand, the damage to the roof is undone.

"Listen up, Outsider" the girl says, "the one you're going to fight next said that she needs a bit of time to prepare. It's getting dark and you'll need all the strength you have to fight against such a foe so we'll camp out in Alice's house. She's not currently around and I have already disabled all of her magic traps. Apparently she thinks that it'd be 'cute' if a man would sleep in her bed."

With a *POOF* John finds himself back in front of the house he was by earlier. He walks straight to Alice's surprisingly comfy bed and falls right asleep.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

PARTY STATS

John

- still a silent protagonist

- around 90% youkai

- mentored by Satsuki

combat: 6

defense: 9

speed: 7

magic: 5

notable abilities: same as last time + teleportation

Satsuki Rin?

- you but better

- John's mentor

- sliced an insane cultist in half

combat: ?

defense: ?

speed: ?

magic: ?

notable abilities: ?

Rin wakes John up, presents some piece of cloth to him and tells him "Y...your biggest fan made this for you. Sh...she wants you to know that there's someone out there rooting for you." John puts it on as a headband as he heads out of the house.

The two take a nice walk to the human village and Rin explains to John "if only you stayed here when you came to Gensokyo... you might not have even became a youkai. Ah, anyways here we are." Rin points at a tiled arena a little out of the village. Surrounding it is a big crowd and on it there are two girls, one John recognizes and one he doesn't.

The two exchange many words starting with the one John doesn't recognize. "YOU FIRED ME! I know it happened a long time ago, but stil..." "Elly, we've been over this many times before. I don't need any assistants, if you're so passionate about serving someone then why not serve Yukari? That lady takes anyone. You're like an apple that has already gone bad to me." "BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BOSS. EVEN IF Y..." "Calm down, Elly. You're in the arena that I made so I'm guessing you're planning on fighting me. State what you wish from me if I lose." "You... you always cut off my senten..." "Elly, the person I made this arena to fight is already in the audience. Let's finish this quickly." "Fine, if you lose you'll hire me again." "Very well, and if you lose your scythe... no... your hat is mine."

Yuuka reveals her weapon of choice, her umbrella and charges at Elly. Elly tries to get the first strike with her scythe but Yuuka easily parries it with her umbrella and hits her only once with her fist. Elly flies a short distance from the blow and lands on the ground unconscious. Yuuka picks up Elly's hat, the crowd roars and Yuuka says "game over, Elly. Maybe now you'll stop bugging me."

"Listen up, Outsider" Rin says, "Sakuya might have been tough but even if she were serious she would still be nothing compared to Yuuka. You can say that Yuuka is like a big boss in a JRPG with an absurd amount of health, immunity to all status effects and can destroy any member of your pathetic party in a single hit. Actually to better describe Yuuka would be to call her a force of nature, she can be cruel and her fists hit like nukes but without man fooling around with it, nature works very slowly. Use her slowness to your advantage, you cannot win otherwise. Oh, and one last thing, Yuuka built this arena with her own hands. Apparently she's enthusiastic to fight someone who doesn't insist on working with the 'cowardly' spell card rules."

John jumps up to the arena and meets Yuuka face-to-face. Yuuka throws Elly's hat to the audience and throws her umbrella far off into the distance. "You have no weapon so I won't use mine" Yuuka explains, "I believe I did something good by letting the small flower that you were live... I'm sure you won't disappoint me. Following the rules I established for this arena I'll say that if I win that headband of yours is mine and I guess that if I lose I'll give you... how about a kiss?"

Yuuka glows red and she says "I will tell you this though, while seeing a flower that didn't look like it had a chance grow can be heartwarming... watching a huge tree grow so large that the flowers near it simply cannot continue existing is a sight to behold. Prepare yourself, former human!"

Yuuka begins her attack.

Now what?

>>46065

>Give Elly's hat back and walk back towards Yuuka.

John throws Elly's hat back on to Yuuka's head. She sighs and says "What an odd gesture... Well, this hat won't interrupt me. HA!" Yuuka fires off a punch. Its force sets a shock wave through the air that passes right by John's head.

Now what?

>>46076

>Walk in circles around her, symbolic of man's relative speed but ultimate dependence on nature.

John walks around Yuuka and Yuuka confidently says "Are you looking for a weak point? I'll have you know that I have none." As John finishes his circle, Yuuka grabs him by his headband and sends him right down to the floor of the arena. The arena cracks from the force at which John was shoved into it. Yuuka flips John over so that she'll be facing him and prepares to land the finishing blow.

John doesn't give up

John jumps straight into the air and lands a kick that sends Yuuka to the spot where John was lying before a moment. Yuuka doesn't try to get up and says "You win... I really enjoyed that fight. We should fight again sometime, perhaps then I won't be holding back." Yuuka remembering her promise then gets up and kisses John on the cheek.

CONGRATULATIONS

JOHN IS NOW 100% YOUKAI

she then whispers into John's ear "I'll make you an 'I beat the USC' shirt later."

Yuuka walks off and explains to an ice fairy how to become stronger. Rin tells John to stay on the arena because apparently his final opponent will be arriving soon.

The odd maid from the underground hovers to the arena. Rin tells John "I don't know anything about her aside from that her name is VIVIT. It took quite an effort to get her from Satori but here she is. Good luck, Outsider."

VIVIT hovers above the arena, awaiting John's first move.

Now what?

>>46084

>Greet VIVIT.

"Thank you, John" VIVIT says, "Now be on your guard. I'm going to fight you without holding back. Rin... told me that you are meant to defeat the 'threat' and only if you could beat someone like me could you possibly stand a chance against it." VIVIT prepares an attack and fires it off instantly.

BOOOOOOM

In a flash of light the arena gets annihilated, leaving John back on the ground. VIVIT makes a stance that suggests that she is about to fire off another such explosion.

Now what?

>>46086

>Hug VIVIT

John soars to the air and hugs VIVIT, preventing her from unleashing another explosion. Rin says "Good job, outsider. You just finished my short training program with me giving you the final alignment of 'neutral'. You scored two neutral points by fighting Sakuya and Yuuka because you were put in such a situation, one evil point for completely ignoring the little sea adventure I had planned for you and one good point for hugging the robot that probably can't feel genuine love. Now, as VIVIT explained, you're ready to face the 'threat'. First though we should proba...". Rin sees someone approaching. She says "Oh great, he's already here."

While it appears to be just some human from the outside world John quickly recognizes him as the guy from the broadcast of the Makai incident. He advances in a slow, melodramatic fashion towards John and then a few insane cultists jump up with the intent of catching him. The human sighs and with a single flash of light sends them flying. He jumps on to the roof of one of the houses, points down at John and says "hmph, another obstacle in my path. I'll be quick to get rid of you."

He stands there menacingly.

Now wha-

HOLD IT

"I, the almighty Mima and team Marisa will destroy you!" says a ghostly witch who's face is obscured. Following her is a witch dressed in black and white, a girl wearing purple, one with blonde hair and another with blue.

『 SPOTLIGHT SHINE』

An enormous laser is shot out of the person's hand. It puts all of team Marisa out of commission, but not before the faceless witch shouts "CURSES!".

The human returns to where he was before.

Now what?

>>46104

>Make a fabulous pose before pimp-slapping his sorry ass across the goddamn map.

John strikes a pose and the human teleports in front of him to say "hmph, how pathetic that the warrior of fate, Morty Blue, must fight against such a vile creature. I won't even bother making contact with you..."

An invisible force blows John right off his feet before he can attack and then another part of it smacks John back to the ground. John could just barely catch the outline of a huge humanoid figure floating above Morty.

Morty Blue approaches. His eyes are full of boredom and disgust.

Now what?

just imagine this was there instead of the third image

>>46111

>shoot a laser at him.

Part of the unseeable giant enters the normal plane of existence to take the attack for Morty. Before it disappears once more John notices that it looks strangely mechanical, with gears spinning and loose wires everywhere. "I get it now" Morty says, "I can't annihilate you in an instant because you're the bad guy. If I could do that it would be too anticlimactic. Interesting... Anyways, I'll just inform you that even though rules that seem meaningless to you keep me from instantly destroying you, it is literally impossible for you to win."

"Still, I won't let you stall for time... hmph." Morty says and a sword appears in his hand.

Now what?

>>46115

>Just leave.

John dies to Morty's sword. Since it's a blessed weapon no youkai regeneration could have saved him.

Then again, John isn't really a youkai at all. He was just some dude who rode his bike off a cliff and is his brain allowed him to go to an imaginary world made up of characters he likes from some Japanese bullet hell game. Eventually, like all things, it was bound to come to an end.

John has died

BAD END

God's advice: "Next chance you get at life (you won't) do something other than obsess over cute anime girls. It made you such a weirdo. By the way, I'm not real."

Meanwhile, in a world that does not exist.

"I, the Mystery Ninja will avenge John's death! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." says the ninja as he runs towards Morty. "He was my younger brother" the ninja explains, "and you killed him... YOU MONSTER!!!"

Elsewhere, Parsee cries over John's corpse. She was crying mainly from joy though, as John ended up wearing the headband she made for him until the end.

Yukari, Eirin and Kanako all try to catch and stop Morty but Morty easily wipes them out despite the fact that he cannot kill them. Now Morty turns back to the Mystery Ninja. Morty launches all of his strongest attacks yet nothing seems to hurt the man in black. "Hahaha! Your power is weak, human." the Mystery Ninja says, "I cannot be beaten by someone like you." and he reveals a sword of his own. The Mystery Ninja swings his sword right through the giant that protects Morty but still barely misses him. "Impossible!" Morty says with his face full of fear, "It's impossible for anyone to break through my Plot Armor. T...that didn't happen. Y..yo...YOU ARE THE MONSTER HERE!" The ninja laughs and says "Thanks for telling me what that defensive ability is called, kid. Modern media made you believe that ninja's were inhuman killing machines but in fact we were always spies that sometime assassinated people, either as part of our job or because we got caught. Now I also know of your fears, fool. You just sealed your own fate." The Mystery Ninja explodes into a cloud of smoke and reappears by Parsee.

Parsee asks the Mystery Ninja, "Just who are you?" and the Mystery Ninja replies "I am the Mystery Ninja. In life I was called the Pacifist Ninja because of how due to skill and sheer luck I never killed a single man. I always felt like I was more of a legend than a man myself, explaining why I became a youkai after death. Anyways, I know how to defeat that crybaby but I'll need to copy John's appearance to make it work.". After a small explosion of smoke, the Ninja is replaced by a complete replica of John and he tells Parsee "I'm not actually his brother. That was just to get his attention."

The Mystery Ninja runs to Morty at an astonishing speed. Morty, with a face full of fear, slowly walks back, says "no no no no no no no no no no NO NO NO NO NO. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING." and trips on a rock sticking out of the ground. The Ninja stares down at Morty and punches the ground near his face. The Ninja says "One blow from my fist and your head will smash to pieces... Just admit defeat and I'll let you live." Morty says "I...I killed you... w...why aren't you dead...? I know, I'll just send you straight to hell. That'll work, right...?"

The unseeable giant roars and the boundaries that hold the world together begin to break down.

Some light pierces the eternal darkness and some guy John doesn't recognize peeks through. "Come back, whether it's so that you save the world, just live or purposefully make that crybaby's life miserable, I don't care. Just come back." the man says.

Now what?

John remembers that his last name really is Smith.

John remembers that a girl used to always call him Smith.

>>46122

>Come back.

John wakes up and sees Parsee crying by him. He takes off his headband to wipe her tears off, puts it back on and rockets to Morty Blue. Morty has one of the giant hands attack John but John causes it to disintegrate by engulfing it in a huge laser. Morty, realizing that this might be the end for him, draws his sword.

The two clash over and over, neither being able to finish the other one off. Morty says, "I don't know what happened... My Deus Ex Machina should prevent me from ever dying yet you somehow destroyed part of it. I'm the ultimate wish-fulfilling main character, this should NOT be happening! Well, your combat ability is still far too weak to destroy me even with me overcome by fear. The spotlight is still on me. DIE JOHN!"

combat: 10

combat: 10

combat: 10

combat: 10

combat: 10

combat: 10

combat: 100

John transcends all of his limits and kills Morty Blue easily. Parsee hugs John knowing that it's finally over. VIVIT and Rin come to join them. The Mystery Ninja disappears.

PART TWO FINISHED

JOHN 3 - THE FINAL PART

"Wow, we final got our happy en-

BOOM

"Yea, that's a dimensional earthquake, they happen from time to time" Rin explains, "Yukari makes sure to erase the memory of everyone that she can when it's all over. Oh, and that," Rin points at an impossibly huge castle that slowly emerges from the ground, "is the Creator's Mansion. I might be the Dragon God who created Gensokyo but someone needed to create me first and to create the area where Gensokyo could be made in. Legend has it that the Creator's Mansion is split into six distinct 'stages' and one 'extra stage' at the very top. I would say..."

A speaker near the entrance to the castle speaks the words of the Creator, "I don't remember making you such an infodumper, Satsuki. Anyways, I'm here to announce that John is to come to the very top of this mansion to meet me. I want to finish what we started. Oh, and I'm putting a better lock on the door this time, I don't want you creations of mine climbing all the way up just to tell me about some pathetic problems you have or about how the world I created isn't fair."

The door is right in front of John.

Now what?

>>46147

>"I like your setting."

no response

Now what?

Meanwhile in another place at another time

"I know it now. At this point in time and space 'the one' is currently at. Oh boy, I'm quite prepared for this."

Meanwhile on the moon

"I HAVE A FUCKING BONE TO PICK WITH THAT DEGENERATE CREATOR. AS THE CREATOR OF THIS WORLD IT TECHNICALLY QUALIFIES AS THE CREATOR OF ALL DEGENERACY."

>>46151

>Punch your way to old hell, grab Okuu, come back up, then blow the mansion away with nuclear fire.

John, by unlocking the hidden potential of his mind, uses psychic powers to instantly know where Okuu is. Okuu fires off a huge nuclear blast and it all gets absorbed into some rock that showed up out of nowhere. The speaker reappears and the creator says "Did you forget that I'm the creator? I simply created a rock that draws in and nullifies nuclear power to protect my little castle. Now buzz off, Okuu." Some sort of mind control takes effect of Okuu and she flies away.

Now what?

>>46155

>Draw a bunch of graffiti cocks on the castle, then go bitch out Reimu for not doing her job in dealing with what is obviously an incident.

John pulls out a marker and goes to draw on the castle but some invisible field disintegrates the marker as it comes in contact with it. The creator informs John, "no fun allowed." John teleports to the Hakurei Shrine to get Reimu to action. "Dude," Reimu says, "that's my god. I can't betray her even though I'm only the stage four boss in her mansion. Have fun trying to outwit her... her... Yea, I just spoiled some of the mystery, but who cares anyways? Goodbye."

Reimu goes back to lying down on her back and watching the clouds move.

Now what?

>>46157

>Go to Mystia's stand to have a nice lunch of grilled lamprey and beer.

A voice in John's head says, "call me when you're done going through the sidequests."

John goes to Mystia's stand and eats. Night falls.

Now what?

>>46159

>Go find Mokou and hang out with her. Have a smoke, share some laughs, bully Kaguya.

John tries to locate Mokou but strangely can't find her. He then goes off to kick Kaguya. She tries to ward John off with IRL shitposting and when seeing that it isn't working she calls out to Eirin and Reisen but no one came to help her.

Now what?

>>46161

>Kiss her, then give her a headpat. After that, let's find our broken bike.

John does just so and goes off to find his bike. Where he left it he finds an empty piece of land with words burned into the ground.

Now what?

>>46163

>Shrug and conjure up a cooler bike. A rad bike that's golden and covered in both manly men and hot women doing sweet poses. After that, ride that bike around Gensokyo on a quest to pet all the cats here. We need to pet Chen, Orin, and Should.

Now what?

Meanwhile

Something huge crashes right into the mansion. The creator gets up from her chair and is greeted by the Mystery Ninja. The Mystery Ninja says, "wow, so you're the creator. You don't look as grand as I imagined. Anyways, bye." The Mystery Ninja disappears in a cloud of smoke.

>>46165

>Parsee is pretty much our girlfriend, right? Let's take her out for a romantic dinner, have some drinks, then fug

John teleports to where Parsee is, picks her up and figures out that Youmu is the one most likely to make a good quality dinner. Parsee convinces Youmu to make them a nice dinner. John goes to that one area where he slept before the battle against Yuuka and fugs Parsee there. After the fugging is over Parsee suddenly blacks out and a voice that isn't hers begins talking. The voice says "John, aren't you forgetting about something important?" and then Parsee wakes up as though nothing happened.

John feels like he recognizes that voice from somewhere. It reminds him of high school for some reason but he can't remember.

Now what?

>>46168

>Oh right, we're pretty much a poorfag with little influence. Summon up some fish and a swanky office, then start up a business in Gensokyo real estate.

Now what?

>>46171

>destroy everything you built. take the gold bike and ride it all the way to the top of god's fortress (from the outside). punch god in the face. live happily ever after with yorihime and make sure that parsee feels the ntr'd

John blows up the John's Fish building and rides off to the Creator's Mansion. He keeps riding up and up but can never seem to reach the top. The Creator informs John, "Space is warped up here, John. You can never reach the top from the outside. Now come through the damn door already."

Now what?

Meanwhile

"Damn it, Mokou. Why are you dead? You're not supposed to die."

"..."

"Fine, I'll bring you back to fight against John."

>>46176

>Walk through.

John goes right through the door and finds himself along a long hallway. He walks through until he hears a POOF and Kogasa appears right next time him. "SURPRISE!" she says. The two go through a door that looks important and find themselves in modern-day Japan. John ignores all of his surroundings and jumps up to a rooftop where Mokou is.

Mokou says "I'm the stage one boss but I have no will to live. A crazy person who came through here earlier somehow killed me so I'm guessing you can do the same. Maybe this time the Creator won't bring me back from my eternal rest."

Now what?

>>46185

>[X] tell Mokou to wait [X] go on a romantic date with Kogasa. Go to the movies if there are any and eat some hamburgers. [X] go to the nearest hotel and fug Kogasa. Make sure that you fug her better than how you fugged Parsee. [X] do >>46179 [X] kill Mokou anyways because she's genuinely worse than Kaguya

John goes on a date with Kogasa. They watch a dumb movie together and eat burgers at a McDonald's knockoff. Then the fugging happens. Kogasa says, "That just lowered the rate of me randomly leaving you by half. You're still a weirdo though."

John acquires a Jojo reference and a cool cape. He creates a new bike because he left the old one back outside of the castle and rides to Mokou. John hugs Mokou, picks her up and rides around the city.

Then John goes back to the building, overrides Mokou's immortality and kills her instantly and permanently. A portal appears above the spot where Mokou died.

Now what?

>>46190

>Mourn the loss of your wizardry.

John mourns the of his virginity from >>46167 when it happened.

Now what?

>>46192

>1. Turn our new bike into this cross between a giant robot, a battleship, and a motorcycle. 2. Ride on top of the thing while glowing PURE MANLY FIGHTING SPIRIT 3. Crash through all the stages, picking up all the bosses into your harem along the way.

John creates a giant robot which has a battleship as its head and a motorcycle instead of its lower half. The portal expands itself to allow the entire robot go through. The sheer raw manliness causes the small hallway that links stage one and stage two to cease to exist and John and Kogasa find themselves in the cloudy world of stage two. The small angels that are supposed to be stage enemies all instantly blow up once they see the robot. Those who had enough chest hair to survive the appearance of the robot are shot by Kogasa's Horror Rays and will be stuck in an endless and inescapable nightmare until the end of time (not even death can free their souls from the nightmare).

A green light warps right through the barrier and rams into the robot.

"JEALO JEALO JEALO JEALO JEALO JEALO JEALO JEALO JEALO JEALO JEALO JEALO!!! JEALOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A nigh-infinite number of kicks hit the robot and one last one snaps it right in half. John and Kogasa fall right to the cloudy ground as the top of the robot explodes behind them. John sees someone who isn't fit to be the boss but probably is anyways. John approaches her and she says, "Sariel was the boss but some crazy lady killed her instantly. I was then told by a voice from above that I'm to be the boss that will protect the entrance to stage three. I did let a frightening woman and her rabbit solders pass because she was really intimidating. Please do not fight me... I'll let you p-"

"Was that the girl that slept with John?" Parsee asks. Kogasa replies, "No, but that angel was in our way. The evil slut who tried to seduce John is right here. I transformed her into a piece of paper with the word slut on it just before she could lead John completely astray." Kogasa throws the piece of paper into the air and a blade of energy that Parsee created cuts it in half. After getting up to date through Kogasa's heavily altered version of the events the occurred until now Parsee joins the group once more.

A portal opens in between the two halves of Matenshi (the Touhou wiki calls her that).

Now what?

>>46199

>>46200

>into the portal.

The three go along yet another torch-lit hallway and open a door to stage three. While the sky of red, the demons flying about and a huge sign that says "THIS IS HELL" imply that stage three is in fact hell, the mood of the people suggests otherwise. Countless people who sinned throughout their life and people who purposely came down from heaven because of a certain someone are all partying to extremely loud music. They all chant the following at the sight of their idol:

"HECA-CHAN HECA-CHAN HECA-CHAN HECA-CHAN HECA-CHAN HECA-CHAN HECA-CHAN HECA-CHAN HECA-CHAN HECA-CHAN HECA-CHAN HECA-CHAN "

Heca-chan plays some heavy-metal tunes, throws her guitar away and finally addresses the two girls on either side of her. "I D♥N'T KN♥W H♥W Y♥U TW♥ MADE IT THIS FAR... N♥W D♥ Y♥U THINK Y♥U CAN JUST LEAVE? I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A C♥NCERT AND I'D RATHER N♥T GET MY HANDS DIRTY." Heca-chan says. "You're the first boss I've fought against that didn't die after a single hit. You certainly are something, rockstar." says a red-haired girl and a silver-haired girl with a ponytail says "I'M GOING TO FUCKING DESTROY YOU, DEGENERATE. YOU'RE THE CANCER THAT IS CORRUPTING THE YOUNGER GENERATION. I WON'T EVEN GIVE YOU A FUCKING CHANCE TO REPENT FOR YOUR CRIMES."

The girls on either side ready their attacks and Heca-chan blows a kiss to John but otherwise acts as though two girls aren't going to attack her in a second. The crowd roars wildly and roots for Heca-chan.

Now what?

>>46202

>Show them all up by conjuring up a guitar covered in gold, skulls, and eagles, and let loose the most goddamn impressive power metal they will ever hear. Rock out so hard that every panty/bloomer in the room with fucking' explode.

John taps so deep into his inner rockstar that his music becomes a giant beam of death. Heca-chan, having godly endurance is simply blow off to the audience. The people carry Heca-chan and they all say "d...don't worry, Heca-chan... we still love you."

"♥MH (oh my Hecatia)" Heca-chan says, "I KN♥W I'M N♥T SUPP♥SED T♥ D♥ THIS BUT I'LL T♥TALLY LET Y♥U GUYS M♥VE ♥N T♥ THE NEXT STAGE."

Hell dissolves into nothing and all of those who infiltrated the Creator's Mansion find themselves in a huge area in the mansion with a lot of rooms. A sign reads "I'm not opening the next entrance for the next eight hours. Just sleep, nerds."

The moon people, the scientist and John's crew all split up to different rooms but just as John is about to open the door Kogasa says "I think I'll sleep by myself." and wanders off to a different room.

John tries to sleep but finds it hard. He sees that Parsee is already asleep.

Now what?

>stay in room

>go to the room where the people from the moon are

>go to the scientist's room

>go to Kogasa's room

>wander around outside of the rooms

>check every room that isn't occupied

>>46205

>check every room that isn't occupied

Since the rooms aren't labeled John just goes through every one of them. While many of the rooms he passes by have nothing in them but a bed he soon stumbles into the scientist's room. She's too busy looking into an old yearbook of hers to notice John. John takes note of all of the high-tech gadgets and weapons scattered throughout the room.

John then checks some more empty rooms and finds the room where the moon girl and her three rabbit followers are at. As John opens the door one of the rabbits signals to John to stay quiet and softly says "Yorihime is sleeping." One of the other moon rabbits is trying to hold back laughter and the last one is sitting on a chair near Yorihime and is writing down everything that Yorihime says. Yorihime twitches in her sleep and says "F...FUCKING DEGENERATES... THE HOLY LAND... LUNA VULT..."

The door right next to Yori's is the one that leads to Kogasa's room. The moment John opens the door he hears the Carnival Night theme from Sonic 3 and sees various masks, normal black and white photos of people with strange, dark creatures in the background and streams of blood all along the multi-colored walls. Kogasa sits on a bed with a clown theme to it and explains, "the walls of this place feel very... light. I can easily warp them into whatever I want without even trying. Before I ask you to leave I just wanted to tell you that my purpose in being here is to scare God... so thanks for making everything turn out this way."

John leaves and continues checking doors. At the very end of a seemingly endless hallway John opens a door that leads to a pitch-black space...

The door disappears behind John. Glowing purple eyes open up and stare down at John. An extremely distorted voice says "So you chose no one? Why didn't you choose any of the girls? I made this area specifically so that you bond with one of them... damn it... Now I'm beginning to wonder if you really are in charge. Also, I seriously hope you didn't think that I was some cute girl with a silly hat, that would be stupid."

"You know, you really should've gone for Yumemi, she's that cute science girl. I also don't really like your relationship with Kogasa, I'm honestly quite embarrassed in creating her. At least Parsee has.... ah never mind."

...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

PARTY STATS

John Smith

- silent as ever

- far beyond being a youkai or even a god

- is of great interest to the Creator

combat: extremely high

defense: extremely high

speed: extremely high

magic: extremely high

notable abilities: the Zero Engine, warping the fabric of reality, teleportation

THE CREATOR

- created all of existence

- wants John to romance Yumemi

- ???

combat: irrelevant

defense: irrelevant

speed: irrelevant

magic: irrelevant

notable abilities: all of them

John wakes up back in the room with Parsee. Everyone goes to the now open door to stage four. They all find themselves back at the Hakurei Shrine. Large amounts of fairies who're meant to be stage enemies are destroyed by Parsee, as she thinks that they all want John.

At the sight of the stage four boss Reimu, Yorihime runs all the way to her, points her finger at her and says "YOU'RE GOING THE FUCK DOWN, REIMU. I'LL HANDLE YOU MYSELF." Reimu simply sighs. Due to this sudden turn of events, a girl with green hair appears out of nowhere and a sign that says "kiss kill the guy with the headband and I'll donate to your shrine" drops on her head. She readies herself for battle.

Yumemi, Kogasa, Parsee and the Mystery Ninja all play card games since they won't be relevant to the fight. For some reason, Yumemi is holding the Mystery Ninja's cards for him. The rabbits just stand still.

Now what?

>>46226

>Kill Sanae.

Sanae is dead. Apparently she deserved it.

Meanwhile, Yorihime faces off against Reimu. They both summon the powers of countless gods but Yorihime overpowers her easily. Reimu becomes invisible and claims "This is Fantasy Heaven. You cannot hurt me and I can hurt you. I didn't really want to do this but now I've already won." Yorihime says "TO HELL WITH THAT. YOU DIE NOW, DEGENERATE JEWISH MIKO." Yorihime attacks the unattackable Shrine Maiden and kills her instantly. Because Reimu was using Fantasy Heaven she simply fades into nothingness rather than rematerialize and let Yorihime kick her dead body. Because of Reimu's death Gensokyo begins to collapse in on itself and Yorihime can only mutter "OOPS..."

A portal appears as Gensokyo collapses and everyone jumps through. The Mystery Ninja waves his hand and walks straight to the destruction though. John thinks that he heard the man laugh for a second.

John finds himself in a strange realm not to far from Gensokyo, here stage five is to take place. Two girls appear in the air and are about to introduce themselves when suddenly a huge cross destroys the two of them instantly. Yumeko laughs and says, "I won in the card game so I got to fight against this boss by myself. That wasn't all that hard."

The world where the final stage takes place is not one anyone recognizes. The ground is a sickening black and the sky is clouded by smoke. The temperature is far beyond any healthy level of 'hot'. Volcanoes explode all over the place with the lava being the only source of light in this harsh environment. The gravity of 100 times normal crushes one of Yorihime's rabbit solders, leaving her to shed manly tears (that evaporated quickly) for Five Five Six.

The biggest of all of the volcanoes seems to call for the crew. They go into a conveniently put entrance to the cave inside the volcano. There the boss bathes in the lava until she notices that she has visitors. Yorihime orders that Four Five and Four One Zero fire off lasers to see if the boss is even worth her time.

"GAH! Her magic resistance... I see nothing but nines... IT'S ENDLESS NINE!!!"

"You weaklings... I'll fight you all at once."

Now what?

>>46245

>Ruffle Cirno's hair.

Cirno gets mad and cries. A speaker appears out of nowhere and says "That was pretty cute. You can take Cirno with you to the extra stage. Since your journey is pretty much over it's not going to matter all that much." The harsh planet where Cirno was training dissolves into nothingness and everyone is led straight to the extra stage.

Rather than being some sort of other world, the extra stage is simply a big room inside the Creator's Mansion. Someone sits on a throne with insane cultists circling her. She says,

"humans"

"non-humans"

"gods"

"those who tame gods"

"the dreams that we all have"

"the very strongest"

"and the extra stage..."

John detects that she is preparing an attack.

Now what?

>>46251

"...is the waves that make up the physical plane of existence." Reisen says as she throws away the cultist robes that she was wearing. Reisen points her finger at John and prepares to fire.

Now what?

remove her

>>46266

>remove her

Before John can react Kogasa jumps ahead and says "boo". Reisen falls to the ground dead, presumably due to a heart attack. Yuuka and Yuyuko emerge from a door to the right and Yuyuko says "actually I killed her." Kogasa just says "like whatever". Yuuka says "We just came here for fun."

A sign appears on a door to the left that says "This is the true final area know as the phantasm stage. Only John and three others can go through here at first but once they inevitably die the rest of you can try it out."

Now choose two girls (Since she got the most points, Kogasa is coming along for sure)

>Parsee

>Yorihime (with 45 and 410)

>Yumemi

>Yuuka

>Yuyuko

>Cirno

>>46293

>Parsee and Yorihime.

The four pass through the door. Yukari was waiting for them on the other side. "Hello" Yukari says "...and goodbye." Yorihime jumps up to meet Yukari eye-to-eye and says "SO YOU'RE THE ONE BEHIND THIS... I SHOULD'VE FUCKING EXPECTED SEEING YOU HERE."

Yukari laughs and replies to Yorihime with "You... you genuinely believe that I'm the Creator? How pathetic..." and with that Yukari falls over like a puppet.

THE CREATOR PHASE ONE - MANIPULATE appears

Now what?

>>46301

>Use THAT.

John uses THAT. The form of the Creator says "[insert defeat dialog here]" and disappears.

THE CREATOR PHASE TWO - ORDER appears

Now what?

>>46303

>Skip to the end of the final phase where we've defeated the boss.

[insert destruction of all of the three other stages here]

"GRAB MY HAND, JOHN."

[insert conclusion here]

John is in an empty space with nothing in it.

Now what?