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The modern hermit

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A WARNING TO ALL NEW USERS IF YOU ARE NOT A HIKIKOMORI I WILL BAN YOU!! People who are going to work or school are not Hikikomori There are many people on here who can not leave their home Please choose your topic with consideration IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN AT HOME INSIDE YOUR ROOM FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS OR MORE THEN DON'T POST HERE!

File: 913d6c68ed76454⋯.png (101.09 KB,260x295,52:59,a82dce702ec89749ab868591c7….png)

9b3e32 No.7663 [Open thread]

Over the past few months I have been having recurring dreams of myself being a normal person again and living a normal life like I should be.

At the end of this dream whenever I have it though, everyone in it turns against me and I am surrounded in darkness again. Its as if the people I dream about are only using me for something and they lead me on to just crush me in the end.

What do you guys dream about, if you do dream?

____________________________
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6c99b1 No.7667

File: 297361dc5540086⋯.jpg (98.44 KB,728x1052,182:263,4.jpg)

>>7663

Never had many dreams that couldn't be considered nightmares. I only dream about really confusing nonsense and wake up more tired than when I went to bed. Or really fucked up shit. Fortunately, it only happens occasionally these days. As a kid, I had a lot of nightmares, but I eventually stopped dreaming for the most part. It doesn't happen much anymore, but I would have a lot of really uncomfortable dreams about school. Classic school nightmares that I think most people had.

As a kid, I also had a lot of nightmares about people trying to kill me, occasionally monsters, or a bunch of people getting in my room, and I would hide under my bed. Burglars as well. Some nightmares about killing my mom, but I didn't mind those that much because fuck her. A lot of natural disaster nightmares, like meteors, earthquakes, tornadoes, losing my Game Boy Color, tsunamis and the sun exploding. Sometimes I would spend the entire nightmare running super fast and jumping over houses, completely superhuman shit, but the disasters would just follow me until I died and woke up. It was exhausting.

Oh, and dreams about losing parts of my body. A whole lot of those. Had a lot of nightmares about all of my teeth falling out, or losing my fingers, that kind of thing. Very few good dreams, and even those were bad because I would wake up and come back to my shitty life. In a way, it's considerably worse than dreaming about being tortured or killed again. It's like my brain actually fucking hates me and is trying to fuck with me. My brain is a piece of shit, I wish I could get rid of it. "You know about love and happiness and all those other things you will never have? Well, here they are. Woops, not real, fuck you." I want this asshole out of my head.

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9b3e32 No.7668

File: ce0c7307df5fedc⋯.jpg (27.55 KB,640x360,16:9,DYQkz7AVoAARPfw.jpg)

>>7667

>dreams about losing parts of my body

I keep having these dreams as well, but not as often as my others. Its almost always me losing an important tooth or all my teeth though, but I think I only dream about it because I don't bother with brushing my teeth daily

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c6c504 No.7671

>>7663

I've had dreams with recurring themes since childhood. There's really only a couple. It's usually nighttime, near midnight. I'm always alone. Occasionally I meet people during my dream, but we always split up. Any bathroom floors in my dreams are always filthy and unevenly tiled with large puddles of urine covering the floor. During nightmares there's a gigantic, unseen, unknowable entity chasing me.

I do wonder if all of this means anything. Come to think of it, I've never had any of the supposedly common dreams, what with teeth falling out and public nudity and all.

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aa7196 No.7676

The dreams are real life. This is a dream. Stop waking up. Works for me.

Most of my dreams are cryptic and cinematic. I wish I could go live there.

I wonce dreamed that I was hugging a woman down the street and across from a waffle house. Never been their but that's with I saw. I pivot with my eyes closed. There was a chain link fence that separated a yard that ended in dimly illuminated. The house was white plastic siding, the kind with '\' shape going down the side. The hug feels warm and continuous. I join her in said. She dismisses her self to take a shower. The room is dimly lit in green. there is a bed to my left under a large slated window with plants. Other the window the room is dark. I distract myself by sitting down at the table (low coffee table) and start painting on red (#ea360e) paint over a scratch on a pencil case. I'm using a wired paint brush that has a 3 way tip made of gray metal felt and a slender black handle. The three parts of the brush make me think of tulips.

After that I wake up.

I don't dream a lot. This is the most complicated dream I've had.

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ee7a15 No.7698

>>7663

Several years ago I used to have nightmares every single night without exception, ranging from bad psychedelic trips in dream form to being trapped as a spectator in first-person view to me butchering people sometimes randomly in city alleyways other times during large battles, occasionally getting tortured and feeling every bit of it. One day I just decided to skip sleeping for as long as I could, and went to sleep 6 days later around 5am. Ever since then sleeping during the day is fine, but sleeping during the day is an almost guaranteed nightmare.

Nowadays my dreams are often random and quickly forgotten, but there is a roughly bi-weekly night where I dream I'm aboard a gigantic deserted spaceship. Sometimes I start in the same spot, sometimes not, but it is always the same spaceship for over the years I've come to recognize many parts of it and draw out a rough map of it on paper. Cafeterias, sleeping dormitories, bathrooms with row upon row of sinks and showers, luxurious guest chambers, the cavernous engineering room with what looked like several inert gigantic nuclear reactors, weapon decks that stretch way beyond what my eyes can see, alleyways and corridors that range from barely being traversable while crouched to big enough to fit at least a dozen cars alongside one another half that on top of each other, a couple times I stumbled upon a behemoth of an embarkation deck with several bulky spacecraft (by the looks of it they were cargo or light troop transports, they had no visible weaponry and relatively light armor) and cranes and crates stacked everywhere. The most bizarre part of this continuous dream (does such a term apply here?) is that I always have an urge to go somewhere specific and that's how I discover new areas amidst the stupendously large labyrinth of copy-and-paste corridors and tunnels, as if my legs are moving off of muscle memory or I'm being guided/manipulated. I've also never been able to find a bridge, porthole, or any kind of text either - only roman numericals in various colours from time to time. Unfortunately I wake up randomly as far as I can tell, sometimes I walk and explore until the pain in my legs gets so bad that if I stop walking I'll just collapse, other times I wake up having only walked through nondescriPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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File: b5740171e52fda2⋯.jpg (373.66 KB,1920x1080,16:9,e5705a5b.jpg)

9c8c6d No.2391 [Open thread]

Has anyone here successfully repaired their will and attention span?

I'm talking from not even being able to focus on one thing for 3 minutes at a time to someone who can focus for 25+ minutes.

Hikki's occasionally talk about their wrecked attention spans, but has anyone ever fixed their attention span and how did you accomplish that?

38 posts and 9 image replies omitted. Click [Open thread] to view. ____________________________
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b3ab09 No.3941

>>3916

Overdosing on Ritalin is worse than ODing on Meth. I know this from experience.

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2c3c92 No.4903

>>2397

that pic looks comfy af

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ddc3d3 No.4904

>>4903

>that pic looks comfy af

I know right i wish a hoodie like that actually existed.

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817f41 No.7677

>>2692

Turmeric is anti-inflammatory. I have relatives who take it for their joints. What you are experiencing is the Placebo Effect.

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a9869e No.7693

Give up scrollable websites like reddit, youtube, even 8ch. They give your brain frequent doses of dopamine hits and eventually any task needing longer time to get rewards will bore you.

Thats a sure fire way to improve attention span

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File: 8820742862075ea⋯.jpeg (38.26 KB,512x512,1:1,qqhlO4Qg.jpeg)

46db13 No.6308 [Open thread]

Since NEETS are mostly introverts and spend all the time with their own thoughts (duh) I thought it would be interesting to do some personality tests with my fellow hikkis for fun:

https://www.psychologistworld.com/tests/jung-archetype-quiz

http://www.soulcraft.co/essays/the_12_common_archetypes.html (to better understand that these even mean)

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

http://www.easydamus.com/character.html

My results:

Self archetype - Magician

Persona archetype - Magician

INFJ - Advocate

True Neutral Human Bard (1st Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength- 13

Dexterity- 12

Constitution- 11

Intelligence- 12

Wisdom- 13

Charisma- 10

13 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click [Open thread] to view. ____________________________
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52919b No.6995

>>6308

Wow both self and persona archetypes are The Joker (?)

Logician - INTP-T

Neutral Good Human Sorcerer (2nd Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength- 12

Dexterity- 12

Constitution- 11

Intelligence- 13

Wisdom- 12

Charisma- 12

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bac75d No.7017

File: 2b65dfe2856835b⋯.jpg (21.72 KB,242x240,121:120,reading-jester.jpg)

Self: The Wise Old Man

Persona: The Joker

ISTP-A

Chaotic Neutral Human Druid (2nd Level)

Strength- 11

Dexterity- 13

Constitution- 12

Intelligence- 12

Wisdom- 10

Charisma- 10

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6d59d8 No.7021

Self archetype - The Wise Old Man

Persona archetype - Innocent Child

INFP-T

Lawful Neutral Human Monk (2nd level)

Strength: 10

Dexterity: 13

Constitution: 14

Intelligence: 10

Wisdom: 11

Charisma: 10

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124d64 No.7679

File: 2c3427753dc3073⋯.jpg (100.23 KB,736x1041,736:1041,61b698a77294757da91dd90588….jpg)

Chaotic Evil Elf Rogue (3rd Level)

Strength- 14

Dexterity- 14

Constitution- 7

Intelligence- 15

Wisdom- 19

Charisma- 13

The 'Chaotic Evil' isn't a surprise. I took a psychopathy test once and scored 5/5 Primary and 2.4/5 Secondary.

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09d604 No.7690

>>6308

Self archetype - The Innocent Child

Persona archetype - The Innocent Child

Wouldn't agree with either of those

Mediator INFP-T

Chaotic Neutral Human Monk (2nd Level)

Strength- 11

Dexterity- 13

Constitution- 14

Intelligence- 12

Wisdom- 13

Charisma- 10

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YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

405c74 No.176 [Open thread][Last50 Posts]

I just found this documentary from the early 2000s on YouTube about Japanese hikkis i think the narrator is kind of a dumbass tbh.

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e2b268 No.6979

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

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e2b268 No.7281

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

Hikikomori and the Lost Decade

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4a4724 No.7282

Daily Life of 引きこもり

youtube play list all videos

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLADFE6FAE8A91986B

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e2b268 No.7333

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

HIKIKOMORI, A DEAFENING SILENCE

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e2b268 No.7685

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

Inside A Rehab Center For Hikikomori ASIAN BOSS Documentary

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File: 0702ce482e90683⋯.jpg (52.39 KB,200x300,2:3,m0sEUA4RVPz.jpg)

3d491b No.7548 [Open thread]

I feel like I'm the biggest loser on the planet. In my life I met many shy people that had trouble socializing but no one was ever even close to being on my level. I may not be the person with the most social anxiety on the planet but it wouldn't surprise me if I was in the top 100. I'm so awkward I can't even interact with my mother or my other family members. suicide might be a pussy move when there's a chance that your life will get better, but when you're like me it's the only reasonable thing to do. I don't know what comes after this life but if there's an hell I'm not afraid of going there. I doubt it could be much more painful than my current existence. At least there only god would judge me. I wouldn't have to deal with my family's stares and their opinions about me. I wouldn't have to deal with the shame that is my existence.

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31f705 No.7552

File: 6d6f7a5c8bce145⋯.png (108.7 KB,701x1268,701:1268,random stuff.png)

>>7551

Knowing what you don't want is just as important. You are what you like and what you dislike, so doing more things tends to improve your understanding of yourself. Your identity is defined by your reaction to everything else that exists. Discovering yourself and having a solid identity makes suicide that much more difficult, because you just have more to care about, and it's just harder to let the things that you hate win so easily and so early. Of course, it's unlikely that this will reverse anyone's situation. If you are someone that doesn't get along with society, that's unlikely to change. It's just part of who you are, even if you don't know why yet. If society happens to be your eternal enemy, I guess all you can do is find ways to deal with that (well, I will worry about that when I'm absolutely fucked, because I still have a hard time caring about myself enough to do anything against a threat that isn't immediate, and besides, worrying about the future was killing me, so I decided to stop doing it, and this is the downside of that decision). It's not something easy to deal with, but denying the truth is definitely worse. Also, whenever I think that I understand myself, I'm always wrong. Something else just makes me realize that I'm not even close. Happens all the time. Maybe this never ends. That would make sense. But I guess I'm also just a confusing mess. Well, it gives me something to do. Can't complain about it too much.

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834557 No.7634

>>7552

What's the text from?

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834557 No.7635

>>7548

Sometimes you just get born into a crazy, evil family through no fault of your own. They were fucked up even before you were born, and none of it was your fault. They deliberately try to destroy your self-esteem to stimulate themselves and to maintain control over you. You don't have to feel bad about yourself because of people like that, and it definitely doesn't mean that you will never be able to interact with healthy people.

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31f705 No.7636

File: 42fefb1cd45de83⋯.mp4 (3.57 MB,492x320,123:80,Boogiepop Phantom opening ….mp4)

>>7634

Boogiepop Returns: VS Imaginator Part 1. Read all of the translated books a while ago (well, at least what I found on libgen), and now I have another reason to learn Japanese. Highly recommended, but skip the recent anime adaptation, because that was a disappointment. Phantom is good, though, but read the books first. I actually wrote quite a lot about them, because it's what I do when I read pretty much anything. Really helped me see all the connections. Now I just have to stop procrastinating, finish everything I'm watching, and get back to learning Japanese. There is a lot of stuff that I don't remember, but Japanese the Manga Way should help with that. Kind of a pain, but I have to stop reading translations. Avoiding subtitles is probably a good idea as well, and it gives me an excuse to rewatch a lot of things. I have way too many other things to learn, so hopefully it won't take long to become part of my routine.

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22e2be No.7655

>>7548

At least we have this suffering in common. Worthless as it may seem, a bit of solidarity can make the crippling emptiness of this existence just bit more bearable. I also grow more scared everyday of never making it out if this lonely vacuum, of never becoming self sufficient or finding any true happiness. This life without passion, direction, or the nourishment of genuine human connection is wearing me down faster than father time himself and his clock seems to tick exponentially faster by the year.

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File: f4cb8ea556e06d1⋯.jpg (429.15 KB,987x724,987:724,20170908_031404.jpg)

45719f No.208 [Open thread][Last50 Posts]

so what about making a thread under the topic of the day routine

can I start my fellow hikkis, the one true fact which we all share it together is that we have no sense of time or even the days all the days we live is one day repeat itself over and over for months now

my day starts with

>eat some junk filthy food or whatsoever I'm going to find in the fridge

>take a shit, and a shower only if I felt like wanting it

siting on my lap, before I sitting while I'm on the path I keep on telling myself that I will do something positive today, but eventually it turning out to be hours of surfing on image boards instead of learning a little of the language as I decided, watching anime might be the only positive thing since I watching it dubbed and subed into the language which I want to learn as well as surfing on imageboards in fact I'm able to write this thread due to my months of lurking here and there due to the language which I want and wish to start learning is English

>fabbing more than 3-4 times

>eat something

>sleep at at least 3pm and wake up again 12Am and repeat

If you want some help in your hobbies such as if you somehow want to start some thing but you struggling as me to know where and how to start you can ask about it here and wish the other hikkis help you including me as well they might give me some tips in order to help me improve this language, though since they're natives I will go fuck myself somewhere I'm pretty sure, also how can I know my level?

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bc857e No.7090

.Get up around noon

.make coffee

.Browse for about 20 minutes and think about what I need to get done today (I do 2D animation so I either have to draw new keyframes in sketchbook or do in-betweens)

.Work on animations for around 1&1/2 hour

.Eat while watching something on Youtube

.Distracted animation work for another 2 hours

.Take break/eat while watching Youtube

.Either assess that I can't get any more meaningful work done today, eat and go to bed

Or

.Last hour of work, eat and go to bed

I'm trying to make this an every day thing but there's some days where there's zero motivation whatsoever

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b30a88 No.7124

>>1406

Hiki doesn't mean all sugar. There is sugar in bread and milk and most plants are basically just one big sugar. I suspect Hekki means cut out table sugar, like the kind you put in tea or coffee and some times sprinkle on cereal. Also include sugar in manufactured foods like soda and candy. Just think of how hekki feel now the same way x-smokers think about cigarettes; they really don't like them.

That said, I can recommend cutting out table sugar. It really makes a difference, even if your not overweight to start with.

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Post last edited at

2a0387 No.7175

File: 57bd9aede869022⋯.jpeg (415.9 KB,1024x687,1024:687,no-knead-bread.jpeg)

>get up before sunrise or at noon

>eat a small hand of walnuts to get me started

>prepare a big cup of strong black assam tea

>turn on pc and put on music/movie in background

>bathroom stuff

>prepare the "no knead bread" i set up before sleep

>clean up stuff, maybe wash dishes, check the online newspapers for happenings and drink my tea

>bake the bread i prepared

>plan about what i want to eat with the bread, maybe make hummus or a soup

>waste some time on the computer until bread cooled down and food is done

>breakfast while watching something

>check my room sit down and think about what i can do today

>spend rest of the day alternating between browsing online, eating, cooking and mindless entertainment until i get tired

>prepare "no knead bread" for next day

>bathroom stuff and sleep

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0f2837 No.7203

Wake up at random times, depends when i sleep

>take tablets

>get on PC browse favourite sites

>play a game if i can muster enough energy

>usually just watch videos/anime

>eat whenever hungry

>shower every day or every two days because i don't like feeling dirty

I sleep whenever im tired and sometimes when im depressed that can be sleep 8 hours, stay awake 8 hours and then sleep again. Can barely function unless i've slept a full 8 hours.

Usually spend all day watching streams of people playing games as it gives me some sense of company and I don't have the energy to play them myself

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f00d8a No.7620

File: 3e5f73937a570bd⋯.jpg (25.89 KB,848x480,53:30,1454330177165.jpg)

I don't even have a fucking routine anymore and it has been this way for a year now now all i do is this.

>Go to bed whenever

>Wake up whenever

>Browse the web

>After midnight leave room to eat and use the bathroom

>Comeback to my room

>Continue to browse the web

>Go to bed

>Sleep for a very long time

>Wake up and stare at the ceiling

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File: d2c6406d7181cfb⋯.jpg (13.55 KB,406x268,203:134,skinnypuppy.jpg)

a9b816 No.7340 [Open thread]

Ive always wanted to be a filmmaker but i recently i dont see a point in doing anything anymore. I dont really desire anything anymore besides not starving or being tortured to death and i basically have those two. i feel like im jus being endlessly entertained with no stop and its so boring and makes me sick and i feel like i have to do something worthwhile.. but i dont have a reason to is what Im saying, say i exercise to stay healthy, eat good, talk to friends, maybe volunteer to help some people (feels kind of masochistic in a way wanting to work but thats beside the point kinda), write a screenplay, even get a gf to fuck everyday, i think id still feel like im missing something in life

____________________________
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3d640f No.7341

File: b7e1284378cbd5a⋯.jpeg (17.16 KB,650x365,130:73,1538058629772-Screen-Shot….jpeg)

>>7340

Your not missing anything. That's just life. There is nothing behind the corner everyone keeps feeling for the edge of; a blind person navigating a hall way. Welcome. There is nothing more than that which is.

Basically: same. You've come to the right place. –This is all we are and all we'll ever be.

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d05203 No.7538

I feel the same way, anon. I mean I'll still eat till I'm full and listen to music and shit, but I don't really find it fulfilling or really that enjoyable. And all that shit I don't have, all that shit i desired for so long, a lover, friends, a healthy body, a "dream" job, and all that shit seems like just even more work which would be neither fulfilling nor enjoyable. It's just a feeling of "So, this is really all there is to life." that I've been getting lately. I just can't fathom the attraction.

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File: 7e49864527dd77d⋯.jpg (179.38 KB,1900x1425,4:3,6594.ngsversion.1509199314….jpg)

ae6156 No.5282 [Open thread][Last50 Posts]

Well it's coming to up to that time of year where I will wake up in a pool of sweat every morning and have asshole neighbors blasting their horrid music while they get drunk.

What time of year do you dislike the most hikkis? for me it's definitely summer with the armies of bugs that will invade my house the sleepless nights due to the heat and the idiots who go into overdrive as soon as it gets hotter.

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a623f5 No.7097

File: 7d32cfb27f09235⋯.jpg (105.79 KB,840x699,280:233,1537386952160.jpg)

Summer. I fear that my dog might not make it through this coming one, the last one was almost too much for him. He's so old already and my companion for 10 years now.

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fa54c8 No.7098

The worst time of year has got to be my birthday. I don't want to know I'm yet another year older.

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625cd4 No.7346

File: 609736d4b4ddc60⋯.jpg (30.79 KB,640x1216,10:19,feel death.jpg)

>>7097

Dammit whya re we alowwed to have pets, only to suffer when the only true friends we ever had die?

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ad4204 No.7359

I like the heat of summer which makes time move faster.

Proximal, shrieking, womanly noise is constant year-round from my teenage sisters

They go out during summers so I like that season better than others.

Fall with its crappy holiday TV, or if not TV they always bring Halloween, Christmas and new college students online every fall, and two family gathering holidays in a row.

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d05cde No.7513

File: 0970be20c7cf987⋯.png (9.45 KB,320x320,1:1,angry sun.png)

>>7079

>6 months of constant daylight. How absolutely horrifying.

It's that time of the year again, it hardly gets dark anymore.

Summer is by far the worst time of the year, as said the sun is up most of the day, it's hot as shit and there's no air to breathe. The heat not only makes me lazy and incapable to do anything, it also makes me feel ill. Sleeping is even harder when the sun is boiling your room from late night till noon. Insects are everywhere and there's nothing quite as revolting and disgusting. People everywhere, that get hyperactive and obnoxious as soon as the snow melts, especially the already hyperactive africans that I have as neighbours, plus the fact that their kids are home from school which makes something already insufferable ten times worse. And that fucking annual summer festival and other events where they blast noise all day till late after midnight that makes the whole city shake.

Rain is a blessing if you have to go out for groceries, 80-90% of people disappear from the streets, including every single immigrant, however it feels like it almost never rains. Last summer was horrible, sweltering tropic heat every single day and no rain for weeks and months.

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YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

d396f4 No.236 [Open thread][Last50 Posts]

ITT we post and discuss songs about hikikomoriism and social isolation.

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e6b165 No.7077

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

Ultimate hikikomori anthem.

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3c9201 No.7121

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

I know there are no lyrics and so nothing that directly relates to isolation or being hikki but I feel such strong emotions listening to this I hope it's okay

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263e99 No.7416

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

ひきこもりの唄』Demo【crunch blue オリジナル曲】

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976153 No.7417

>>6893

Funny

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263e99 No.7465

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

BANG YONGGUK Hikikomori.

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File: 84b705aa90009b7⋯.jpg (238.22 KB,1421x1067,1421:1067,wallhaven-262088.jpg)

f54b7b No.4347 [Open thread][Last50 Posts]

Are you content with being alone? Do you have any online (friends/)contacts which you occasionally talk to? If not, is it a conscious choice or is it more like you're unable to find someone? What are you all doing against loneliness? It gets tiring when you've nobody to talk to for long periods (1 year or more). The things you do are just repeated that you've did already at a previous point in your life ad infinitum, i.e it's a hopeless cycle without escape. That brings me to my next point, have you considered killing yourself because of that, to escape this damned cycle? I just wish my life wouldn't be boring, anime, movies and other things get old very fast because you've seen the best already and at a later point even "hidden gems" my seem boring due to you knowing of a similar scenario already. Even if I had the perfect live, I probably still would feel dissatisfied… There's just no fun in the world like in fiction.

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985273 No.7301

File: 261bf37d31181b8⋯.png (518.58 KB,1159x468,1159:468,5345345657567.PNG)

>Are you content with being alone?

For the longest time, I used to be. I've been this way for almost 12 years now and, for about 7 of those years, I was largely at peace with my isolated existence and, in fact, never once got lonely. I essentially had no concept of the sensation whatsoever. Funny how, at least back then, I pretty much thought of myself as being immune to any kind of loneliness. "I could spend the rest of my life living on Mars, never speaking to or interacting with another person ever again, and be utterly unphased. Hell, I'd probably enjoy it! I'm beyond such needs or desires and hold loneliness, and those who are plagued by it, in contempt.", being one such common thought. Yeah well, so much for that. Guess I wasn't so special after all. Turns out, I'm just as susceptible to it as anyone else. A fact that I'm still greatly disappointed with myself over, frankly. I truly envy those who can maintain that similar kind of immunity to loneliness I seemed to momentarily possess, except extended through their whole lives. Then again, people like that might very well just be lying to themselves and are still suffering on the inside, whether they want to admit to it or not. Either way, I thought I was one of them once, but I guess I'm not. I'm not really sure what changed. Declining stimulation from video games and the general anhedonia that followed, was probably the turning point, I think. I wish I could just go back to feeling that way and have hoped I'll just wake up better one day, but since my discomfort in this regard has only seemed to deepen in these passing years, I doubt I ever will.

>Do you have any online (friends/)contacts which you occasionally talk to?

Nope. Never. I've also never entered any sort of chat rooms, or anything similar to them, because openly messaging people in real-time like in an exposed environment like that would be far too anxiety inducing. Overall, such places are way too social for me and, not to mention, I have nothing to say, anyway. Being honest, I'm also not really one for message boards or forums either. I only use them because I'm desperate and have a very tangential history with them in general and have no real "good" or "fun" times to speak of while using them. I've always feltPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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985273 No.7302

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>7301

(cont)

>have you considered killing yourself because of that, to escape this damned cycle?

Boy, have I. Not a day goes by where I don't think of it at least once. I'm very deeply embedded in suicidal ideation and all my most common everyday fantasies are suicide related. I'm too cowardly too kill myself however, as much as I want to, so I'm left just impatiently waiting to somehow die unexpectedly for now. Definitively speaking, I don't want anything out of life. Not friends, not love, nor anything else. I might dream about such things, but I know better than to be foolish enough to wish for them to appear in some form in the aggressive, cesspit of the real world. It's all futile, rotten and of no value and I'd rather just fade back into non-existence.

>Even if I had the perfect live, I probably still would feel dissatisfied… There's just no fun in the world like in fiction.

Exactly. I'd much rather just be rid of it all for good. No matter the circumstance, the world is a deeply hollow & disappointing place that's simply not worth getting invested in. People are ugly, selfish letdowns that will always leave you unfulfilled and vice versa to them. Anything else always leads to dead ends & boredom. My dreams are my only consolation, but even that itself is worthless. Eventually even those dreams would become stale & unwelcoming. I suffer in the absence of poisonous things that aren't worth having, in a wretchedly dull world that isn't worth living on. And it's all quite a predicament, really.

>and at a later point even "hidden gems" my seem boring due to you knowing of a similar scenario already.

I wish I played more "hidden gems", since, in my case, I usually enjoy them. I finished Arx Fatalis for the first time a number of days ago and had a bit of fun with it, as an example. It's just so hard to find the motivation to sit down & play something. Feels like all I can do, or wantPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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05bb33 No.7362

>>7301

>>7302

Your post made me tear up, it was very well written. It's probably because I can heavily relate to a lot of your thoughts.

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e587d8 No.7444

File: e4d2aea0b771f25⋯.png (1.38 MB,770x770,1:1,home.png)

honestly my loneliness is crippling me and every time i come to this board im thinking, if we al suffer from this, why arent we working together to solve it? it cant be that everyone on this board is unable to take lead, after all we already have one leadership personality on here, the BO, so surely there must be at least a few more that can organize something that helps us feel less alone. i mean this board surely helps, but its really only used when anyone of us has something of importance to say, so its quiet most of the time. i tried to join a discord from the reddit hikki board but it turned out it was all normal people who had experienced a brief "hikki-like" period in their life and nothing more, i was absolutely unable to relate to these people. cant we like, all play some game together, where the focus isnt on winning the game but just to share some time to not feel alone? we really just need a few active people to make that happen, its not like an image board that needs hundreds of posters to come alive. im thinking of things like minecraft or a private wow server guild but im sure theres many more options

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ba102e No.7445

>>4641

Yes I have this too. It's like I'm talking to what I construe is someone off the television or met before. I think it's the lacking of a cognitive distortion that people (the object that another consciousness represents) exists inside you and not inside the body that it came form. All you ever have of anyone is memories. Even when they are dead, what they were even in the moments after you became conscious of their speaking (or other sensory input) is only ever present inside you. Thinking that people live inside their bodies is not a concrete component; it's a leap to think that the consciousness is localized to the thing it's coming out of and not just a parsing process inside of you. Think like a Turing machine: Do you know it's alive because there is a consciousness inside of it or are you just falsely detecting the presence of a consciousness? The machine was never really conscious, you just were tricked and here is where the cognitive distortion lyes.

DSM5.PD.Cluster-A seems to not be exclusionary to 引きこもり、Etiology speaking this is mostly likely a co-morbidity of the 2 conditions. What I suspect is really going on is that your brain is too easily tripping so these sorts of realities are easer to perceive. Original symptomatology described would be indicated by Cluster-A.

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File: 0c6a60b6cf83e49⋯.png (519.77 KB,800x680,20:17,neet_erasou.png)

78c950 No.5637 [Open thread][Last50 Posts]

Do you blame your parents for you becoming a hikikomori?. Or are you thankful that they are supportive in providing you with whatever you need in your isolation?.

For me i have mixed feelings on one hand i'm very thankful of them for being supportive in providing me with whatever i need in my isolation while on the other hand i'm angry at them because they pressured me too much growing up to follow society's rules and expectations and their own expectations as well and they still do it to this day . I'm also angry that they never took the time to sit down listen to me and hear me out and ask me how are you feeling?? or what's wrong?? and so on.

What is your relationship with your parents like? also do you communicate with your parents or are you completely withdrawn from your family as well?.

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1ed23c No.7085

File: 5804ecb2485b3b7⋯.jpg (72.51 KB,1280x720,16:9,12031465_691686484299375_4….jpg)

My parents pampered me. My whole childhood I remember happy memories. Playing at the park. Having petty little fights with my friends then making up later. Inviting the neighbors to play smash bros with me. I was a little weird, but everything was okay.

Then middle school happened. Things changed, I learned about my father (she was a single mom with only me for 13 years), my mom got a new bf, had kids out of wedlock. I was starting to be emotionally neglected, I turned suicidal. I got rejected by a girl I liked. I started hurting people around me, I started stalking people, and hacking things for ego boosts. At one point, my mom just told me to kill myself while I was depressed. The warning signs were all there.

I went through high school after recovering. It was just a phase I thought. But I couldn't work up the courage to talk to anyone. I was alone. My parents didn't think of me the same way anymore. I was estranged from my own family, had no friends. Nothing. All I could do was sit in my room and play video games to try to forget. I was a C-student. I wanted to know what was wrong with me, maybe I had autism. Was I a sociopath? Is my mom a narcissist? I had many questions.

I went to community college and I tried hard. It was something that interested me after all, computer science. But one day, all of a sudden I just had no motivation. I failed all of my classes, and I got an academic suspension. I stopped going to school after that.

There's simply no reason for me to go outside anymore. I've given up. I feel like I've lived my life already. I am content, but I am not content because I am content. I feel like there is so much more that I am missing, but I just don't have the motivation to go out there and put the effort in to get it. I feel empty, dead inside. I still think about that day. How things could have been different. I stare at the ceiling as I think about these sorts of things after playing video games and watching anime at 4 AM. I feel like my mom's nicer to me now than she was back then, but something feels off. Like she's just being nice because she pities me. I'm sad, scared, and lonely. I hate them, but I fear the day that they are not there anymore or if I get kicked outPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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604ac4 No.7388

File: 707464ba517de78⋯.jpg (150.53 KB,640x357,640:357,pixta_19896836_S.jpg)

Have any of you tried to open up to your parents and talk to them about your problems and how you're feeling?

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4d5250 No.7392

File: 6a1620cd279a892⋯.gif (56.01 KB,500x432,125:108,1486575081626.gif)

>>5637

>Do you blame your parents for you becoming a hikikomori?

I used to, but then I realized that regardless of their actions, who I was, and would grow to become, was pretty much set in stone from the beginning. I'm simply a defective human being. Boiled down, that's all there is to it. Be that as it may, I have, and will always, strongly regret the fact that they had to go on like so many others do, mindlessly rutting me into existence, without any care as to what the consequences might be, and the lifetime of internal strife & inevitable death that they ultimately condemned me to. And here I am, nearly 30, utterly miserable, more or less alone & waiting to die. Just another waste of space, unthinkingly tossed out into the howling winds of an indifferent & cruel universe, as a result of my parent's base copulation. They say we have no freewill and, of course, it's true. There was nothing anyone could have done and, even in regards to my birth, I can't blame them. They were as chained to their DNA as I am. I rue that day, that very hour I was conceived with all my might, but it's futile to shake one's fists at something that can't be taken back. The passage of time & my eventual death will remedy their mistake. I just wish all the waiting in the meantime didn't hurt so much. Every single day is a struggle. An endurance test towards nothing & nowhere. Whoa nelly, does my head just hurt thinking about it all.

>are you thankful that they are supportive in providing you with whatever you need in your isolation?

Well, it's the least they could do, frankly. Irregardless, I do appreciate their efforts to accommodate me, even though the living arrangements around here used to be very stress inducing, given that, up until late 2016, I never had a room of my own. It was only from then on that I was finally allotted a space of my own, and some small measure of peace & privacy. Keep in mind that my family is rather poor and our house is quite small, so them giving me an entire section of what little space is available here was a long and hard thing to push for. It really wPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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4d5250 No.7393

File: e0fda5906fd0708⋯.png (370.26 KB,808x455,808:455,17a9e5755caf5dff6b35c887c0….png)

>>7392

(cont)

Even if everything turns out fine, it still feels like all that's being accomplished is ensuring I have a glorified tomb (this house) to rot away in, until hideous old age and death takes me, never having found romance, and no friends to speak of either. In that sense, no matter what I do, I've already lost. If only I could be a scholarly Christopher Knight type, but I'm not. Never was and never will be. I'm just a weak, lonely, shit encrusted monkey, by comparison.

>I'm also angry that they never took the time to sit down listen to me and hear me out and ask me how are you feeling?

My parents were one of the few who did. More often than not, lending me ear when I needed it. In my case however, it didn't help. There was nothing they could ever do to assist me besides saying some variation of "There, there, my son.", so to talk about these things amounted to nothing more than someone futilely spinning their tires in some rainy mud covered slosh. Do it enough times and you just get tired & annoyed, with nothing having been accomplished. But I get it, though. I mean, what are, or were, they supposed to do? Get me a job? A shrink? Some meds? How useless & horrifying. Thank christ, they know better. They listened to me piss & moan and I'm not selfish enough to have expected anything more to be done, since there was/is nothing more to be done. Speaking of nowadays though, whenever I talk about how miserable I am with my mother, she can only reciprocate, which makes me feel even worse. "You're miserable?", she says, "I'm miserable! Who's supposed to help me!!!". At this point, I don't even bother opening my mouth about it anymore. I still do sometimes, which I, can assure you, I always regret. My father just spends all his time at his office with his coworkers and sees "home" (aka this house we all live in) as basically just being the place he has to come back to in order to sleep. He & I used to talk a lot about my problems many years ago, but he never had anything worthwhile to say, so I just stopped out of my own lack of energy & my father's feigned concern, mPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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4d5250 No.7394

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>7393

(cont)

>>6876

I get what you're saying, but, each of us, really were doomed from the start. I realize society has brainwashed the masses to think otherwise, but you shouldn't blame yourself. We're mental paraplegics flopping through a disgusting abattoir that we're not cut for, and will only grind us to mulch anyway. All living things are cursed, but us especially so. Like infant flamingos born with the salt calcified around their legs. Falling over, lost & without hope, in agony to the last breath. It's tragic, it's cruel & it's not fair, but that's the true ugliness of life. All one can do is weep at the sheer inescapability of such a predicament. Let an Ave Maria ring out for us all.

>>7388

Yes. More times than I can count and they understand it all well enough to defend & support me to their dying breath. On the other hand, two people drowning in the same ocean aren't very likely to help one another, however. It's an impasse with no answer. Therefore, I just sit & rot in silence. I wish I could write more online, so as to turn the proverbial release valve in my mind and relieve, for a time, the pressure of my own thoughts, but I'm so retarded, inarticulate and lacking of energy that, very often, it feels next to impossible. As a result, I just tear at my skin and bang my head against the wall and pray for enough fatigue to fall asleep again.

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File: d838211fa042fc1⋯.gif (644.91 KB,969x700,969:700,1531818906610.gif)

a74671 No.7351 [Open thread]

So after failing highschool at 19 i became a hikki. Now 23, i have wasted all those years on games and youtube. There's nowhere to go, and nothing to do or look forward to… I just wake up, eat, get on the internet, sleep. Same cycle every day. I eat only once a day to save my mother money, hoping that she would somehow see me less of a leech that way. I have been diagnosed and prescribed meds for OCD at 15, which i took initially but ultimately abandoned treatment. Also i am fairly certain i have social anxiety too. Despite learning about OCD, i just can't seem to tell with certainty that i have it. Gone to psychiatrists twice, they were of no help. Each just sat there eyeballing me, expecting me to tell them everything without screening. Social anxiety kicks in, i forget what i wanted to say, and by the end of it i doubt his opinion and competence. So, i have been wondering for a year now Do i have OCD or do i not? What should i do? Each day not having reached an answer i carry over the problem to the next day.

I don't… Anyone going through similar situation or is it just me??

____________________________
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90686c No.7372

File: 397fbd0f48809ae⋯.jpg (19.18 KB,480x472,60:59,1474948421803.jpg)

>>7351

I failed out of uni within the first semester because I got very tired of going through another 4 years of high school and a part of me knew that unsocial, uncharismatic, anxious people like me will go nowhere in life with simple As. In the end you end up being someone's wageslave and eventually went into withdrawal for 7 years. Never seen a therapist since I don't think it is in their best interest to help anyone. My mental state was terrible and spent the first half of my time half sitting down and the second half bedridden.

27 now and I have gone through the same wasted time on video games like you and I've had bad social anxiety. Now I do not get as anxious as I used to and can keep somewhat calm while outside. Even get groceries and do my own laundry alone now.

One thing I realized in my own experience is that I think I dislike making myself uncomfortable and unwilling to change or grow. I think the younger me just wanted to be the same anxious guy that is afraid of change for the rest of his life. If you have not tried quitting videogames, porn, and other distractions that add nothing but waste your time and provide a comfort through escapism. If you want your current situation to change you'll need to do a lot of self reflecting and mediation. You need to access yourself and fix shit that is making you feel a certain way you do not like; it fucking sucks but you can find the answers you seek if you listen to yourself. You're still young enough to save yourself from what will be a miserable life. I know I changed a lot over these last 9 years but I made the most progress during the periods when I was not wasting my time with the distractions this world assaults you with.

One important piece of advice. You need to fully understand how something works and how it affects you.

I did not fully understand how negatively videogames and later pornography were affecting me all these years. I knew they were hindering my quality of life and that expressed itself when I missed a certain quest, the daily reset or fap session was interrupted due to some distraction; whether it was a loved one or another Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

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File: 6f744df6dd69d33⋯.png (80.1 KB,601x186,601:186,Screenshot_2.png)

7d10b2 No.2045 [Open thread]

I am reading Scott Adam's Win Bigly book and I chance upon this section:

> Evolution doesn't care if you see the world for what it is. It only cares that you make more of yourself.

I ended up typing this "hypothesis" but I am not sure if you guys would agree or disagree.

"If you twist it around, you could say hikikomori communities produce hikkis anyway despite someone living an isolated lifestyle and even for those who stay offline - the lifestyle would theoretically create a tug of war between people who want more people to socialize so they will "free" the hikikomori or they will look down upon the hikikomori so that they can "judge" the hikikomori among peers (increasing companionship which increases the chance of mating and being seen as successful) or the hikikomori can succeed and the people who know about the hikikomori's success can be influenced to tolerate/communicate/mate/join the hikki thus the isolationist lifestyle actually leads to a more truer and purer social friendship than the friendships and mating rituals developed by the common outside world which has been diluted by social media and walled societies. Just a hypothesis of mine."

I haven't fleshed out the idea that's why I am searching for criticisms or agreements regarding the concept.

As to why it interests me, I sort of wonder if this is a clue to curing the depressed days of a hikki.

That there's some evolutionary purpose to why we chose this lifestyle. That it's not as many feel "an unnatural way of living".

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16466a No.2466

>>2461

>i hate his pronounciation

Same here but he does have some good points to be honest.

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37ca66 No.2480

>>2460

motivational speech tier

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7c9a3a No.2481

>>2460

Judging from the thumbnail, it's some normie garbage. Am I right?

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16466a No.2495

>>2480

>>2481

Pretty much yeah but like i said he does have some good points.

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6e2344 No.7345

Hikikomori is a distinct psychiatric condition. It's not like it's just another lifestyle. I actually hate the word lifestyle because it's not a lifestyle to be trapped living with someone who passive aggressively sabotages your ability to be successful while simultaneous saying, "Fool, why ain't you successful?" The word lifestyle implies that individuals have some kind of choice inherent in their current situation. Which if your situation sucks and you are mostly trapped, perhaps though no fault of your own, then you know that such a idea as lifestyle is inherently a product of self-righteous narcissism.

>>2045

> Evolution doesn't care if you see the world for what it is. It only cares that you make more of yourself.

Also I think you misunderstood the quota. Evolution is a organic process for adapting to your surroundings so that you can create more of yourself so their progeny can go on to adapt to their surroundings. I'm using surroundings as a short-hand for environment because humans specifically have been masters of the natural environment meaning earthquakes and forest fires, and floods, and things that want to eat us for a very long time. When the past Mega year has probably been gregariously over felon with is the psycho-social environment, meaning that we have been adapting to how to manage relationships with other humans. I'm not trying to make out that relationships are some kind of goal, but Homosapien, relative to Neanderthal-man, perceive the feeling of each-other and their consciousness more than the latter. It's the difference between having a complicated funeral and just throwing away your dead like a broken toy; Homophones and Neanderthal-man respectively. The quota actually means that their are many spices that are very good at procreating and staying alive generation to generation. Having a fancy big brain, such as our selfs, does not inherently make us any better at procreating then any other organism that has survived this long. Just because us humans have fancy big brains that make us better at making nuclear power plants doesn't really matter if, in the human case, women don't want to have sex with people (men) because they are good atPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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File: a9ba1abc328b247⋯.png (839.7 KB,663x591,221:197,a9ba1abc328b247a288ca48fa5….png)

410e53 No.2187 [Open thread]

It's as if the past ten years never really happened. It's like I've just been sleeping - dreaming through life, and now it's all just a hazy, disjointed memory. I can remember things prior to 2007 with near autistic precision, but everything beyond that is just a sparsely populated void. Nothing to remember, because there's been nothing 'worth remembering - nothing except all of the things I'd rather forget.

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5004dd No.7286

File: 0cc7e05a6eade1e⋯.jpg (50.21 KB,500x532,125:133,500full-taxi-driver-(1976)….jpg)

It's weird how I can recall some things quite clearly, but, for the most part, the past, my whole past really, is an impenetrable haze filled with nothing worth the mental storage capacity it would take to keep. I'm actually glad it's just a haze, to be honest. Having a photographic memory of all the empty days I've endured & trudged through would, I guess, be rather unpleasant. I'd imagine I also have a lot in common with those in solitary confinement as far as how fragmented the mind & memory end up becoming. It's a bit of a laugh to think on how in all the years I've been a hikikomori, my brother has lived a pretty varied life and has went to many places around the world and done many different things, whereas I've just been sitting here living out my own personal Groundhog Day on repeat (sleeping, sitting around in my underwear & playing video games). It's just funny that he's probably packed in more life in just these past 10 years, then what I've even experienced up till now, or will ever experience going forward. To a lot of people, he'd be the only one they'd consider to be actually alive & living a life, whereas I'd just be seen as merely existing/surviving, eking by as a reclusive ghost. Then again, he'd probably kill himself if he were forced to exist the same way I do. Doubt he'd even last a year, frankly. Maybe there's a unique sense of strength I posses there. I don't know.

I'm just glad I began keeping a list of the various games I finish, or have in backlog, because, otherwise, I wouldn't even remember 90% of it. Looking back over my list, and thinking back on what I was playing at the time, can help me recall my amorphous past a little more easily in some respects. Not only that, but if I don't have a way to remember what I finish, then I can't help, but wonder what the point was in even playing it in the first place. To put it simply, a list stops the experience from crumbling to dust in my mind. Keeping a record gives a little bit of continuity & purpose to it all, at least to me anyway. By contrast, I don't keep a list of the films I've watched, mostly because I watch so few which, in its own way, makes it easier to remember what I've watched. I'm sure I've forgotten a ton though, which is depressing and makes me wish I had started a film list of some kind.

As a randPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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a2aa19 No.7300

I never even bother trying to remember anything. What is the point.

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ee07b4 No.7303

>>6994

What is the tracking software you're using?

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d86623 No.7316

>>7286

>neurogenesis is dependent on new experiences and that maintaining the mind's overall neuroplasticity leads to greater cognitive ability. Couldn't help, but laugh since, naturally, sitting around in the same sterile, unchanging environment for, in my case, 12 years, would have essentially the reverse effect.

Changing your environment and having new experiences in the context of neuroplasticity doesn't imply necessary leaving your room. A chess player can go from being a beginner to being very good without ever leaving his room once, but his brain would've gone through a lot of strain and plasticity in the process.

>>7300

>I never even bother trying to remember anything. What is the point.

There are many reasons to bother. The two post above mention two:

> if I don't have a way to remember what I finish, then I can't help, but wonder what the point was in even playing it in the first place. To put it simply, a list stops the experience from crumbling to dust in my mind. Keeping a record gives a little bit of continuity & purpose to it all, at least to me anyway.

>to avoid the uncomfortable situation of being very old and not knowing what happened in my past

I can give you another. Apparently human beings are very bad at remembering their past accurately, and their memories seem to usually be distorted in the act of remembering to reflect the bias of their present self, rather than what actually happen. If you keep track of what you do your future self would have a harder time trying to distort the past which can be beneficial.

>>7303

>What is the tracking software you're using?

timewarrior. I used manictime for some time but timewarrior fits my interests much better. I also use websites Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

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183707 No.7325

>>7316

>Changing your environment and having new experiences in the context of neuroplasticity doesn't imply necessary leaving your room. A chess player can go from being a beginner to being very good without ever leaving his room once, but his brain would've gone through a lot of strain and plasticity in the process.

Yes, you're right, of course. The problem more lies with me, if anything. I have no desire to learn or do anything which is the bigger reason why my brain is a rotten lump and not so much as a result of the isolation, even though it has compounded it in my case. Either way, having or developing a sharp & keen mind certainly isn't dependent on going outside or interacting with others. It can help I guess, but it's not required, like you say.

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File: adfdd3c1e155bd1⋯.jpg (16.3 KB,365x205,73:41,b71a7246a71fea7c4e0356e889….jpg)

a0def8 No.6629 [Open thread]

Do any of you guys actually leave your homes/rooms despite the fact that you are shut away from society? If yes what do you leave for? i only leave to get groceries once a month and every once in awhile i will walk to the Mcdonald's by my house and get it to go.

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a0def8 No.6647

>>6645

>Am I a hikki if I only go out for food and therapy?

Yes this discussion does not need to even be had.

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7064d1 No.6650

sometimes I will sit in the backyard to get some vitamin D and about once a month my Dad will drive me to the dentist but thats really about it fuck…

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298dbe No.6662

>>6650

You're going to the dentist montly?

Why?

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2cb040 No.7069

File: 1e000b7a2b139c8⋯.jpg (11.23 KB,480x360,4:3,54858934792800.jpg)

I'm about to go to the dentist tomorrow. Haven't been to see one in like 5 years. I'm dreading it immensely, to be honest. The silly thing is that there's nothing even wrong with my teeth. I just want them to remove the metal brace that sits behind my bottom teeth, as kind of a hidden retainer of sorts. Anyone else have one of these by the way? Just curious, I guess. Anyway, it's been there for like 15 years and removing it won't cause any issues, since it's purpose was always to serve as a light precautionary measure once one gets their braces off. Other than that, I've never gotten any cavities and pretty much have super teeth despite treating them like absolute shit (I only brush them like once every few weeks and I don't floss), all thanks to certain beneficial enzymes that exist in my mouth that prevent plaque & bacteria buildup. Funny how nature would bless me in such a weird way. Basically the only good thing in my genetics.

Besides that, no I don't leave the house. I only left the house twice last year. First time to an eye center, escorted by both my parents because without them the anxiety would've been too great too handle, while also needing them to push me along when the already present anxiety was enough to paralyze me, to see if I were a candidate for LASIK/PRK since I hate, and am long sick of wearing my glasses, but the lady there denied me since my prescription was too high (I'm a +5).

Second time, more embarrassingly, was an emergency visit to the local clinic because I got a bladder infection from using a dirty sock to jerk off in because I was too lazy to grab another roll of toilet paper/tissue box. I tried to ignore it, but the pain became overwhelming, so I went with my father to get it sorted out while panicking the whole time and having my heart turn into a jackhammer. The doctor there just gave me some antibiotics pills, which sorted it out rather quickly, fortunately. Nobody ever asked any questions, aside from my parents, but I just lied and said I must've missed cleaning down there, to which they both just shrugged and said whatever. I want to put my first through my head for being so lazy & stupid.

The year before that, I also only went out once with my mother to get an office chair for myself (Herman Miller foPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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f733de No.7306

File: 51c037bfdca80ad⋯.jpg (128.81 KB,1200x926,600:463,DhzCXcMUYAEz8Ux.jpg)

>>6629

First four years I would not step a foot outside for a couple of seasons. I remember just peeking out the window seeing snow and months later during summer felt odd.

During 5th and 7th year I would go outside more and more often to get groceries with family(never alone) or do laundry(with family never alone) and push myself to go out for walks like normal people do.

Now I try to walk around the neighborhood in the evening more frequently because they installed some LED lights and the area looks really nice especially when it was snowing. I also try to do my laundry once a week instead of every 3-4 months and get groceries more frequently to get over this unease and anxiety when I am outside. I'm thinking of picking up a routine and run around my local park at noon to get some vitamin D instead of taking quick fix western supplement that might do more harm than good. My mother did always tell me how her grandfather took his hourly sunbath when she was young.

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