Ep. IX Predictions
greetings troopers, I am not from Disney, I have zero insider information, but I am a random force-wizard who's trying a hand at future-telling. thus here is my prediction for how Episode IX will turn out.
>Timeframe is set an unspecified number of years after TLJ.
>Leia has passed away off-screen, Poe gets a scene of looking over a resistance memorial complete with an "in memory of our princess".
>Paying respects intensifies.
>Lando and wedge return, the film will spend a surprisingly short time getting these two on board.
>Lando reminisces feels with Chewie about Han and Leia.
>Finn and Rose fight like a married couple, Finn asks how to deal with it, and everyone he talks about it dodges him with the effect of "good luck". this is played for cringe "comedy".
>First Order gets a new super-weapon, it's star-killer 2.0, but instead of using a planet as it's base, it's a halo-type design directly around the star itself.
>The planet it's closest to, is a technicolor jungle, like someone had too much fun with the hue/saturation tool in photoshop.
>Finn, Rose and Lando take the Millennium Falcon to the main power source of this weapon to blow it up, just like Lando did with the death star.
>Carrie fisher's daughter will get a prominent speaking role as a side character.
>C-3PO's voice modulator burns out, this will be treated as comedy.
this will be the easiest way to retire Anthony Daniels, but still keep C-3PO as a character.
>Rey is training new jedi knights, similar to how Luke was in TLJ exposition.
>The remains of Anakin's lightsaber are in the place Rey is training her new je(w)di, as a museum piece.
>Rey has built her own green lightsaber with R2-D2's assistance.
>Rey's personal indian apprentice goes through through the same dark-side trouble that luke and kylo did, but this time it's kylo tempting the apprentice.
>Rey considers a violent route briefly, but luke pushes her against it. Rey tries to talk to her apprentice about the dark side, but the apprentice throws a hissy fit and leaves anyway.
>General Hux is treated as a laughingstock, he tries his best to assert authority, but nobody takes him seriously. as usual.
>DJ returns, Finn and Rose find out and hunt him the fuck down because they have a score to settle, during the confrontation, DJ metaphorically hits Finn with his traitor status saying how not so different they are. Finn immediately calls bullshit, because he's made up his mind to stay at a side instead of playing both for their worth. they end up choosing not to kill DJ because it would be too good for him, instead marooning him with a tentacled alien rape-monster who wants to make love to his face.
>Force ghost Luke will happen, his personality will be a lot closer to wise aged master instead of bitter old hermit.
>Force ghost Snoke will happen, his color shading will be red and black to mirror the jedi's blue and white.
>Force ghost duels will ensue complete with ghostly lightsabers.
>The apprentice is coerced by Kylo to join the Knights of Ren, the apprentice is considering, but when he meets the knights, it turns into instant regret. He is coerced to join out of fear.
>The star forge will not be used to explain the first order's magical logistics.
>Rey doesn't kill Kylo, she gets her arm chopped off in a lightsaber duel, Kylo hands the apprentice his lightsaber, whom after psychologically wrestling between the dark and light side, freaks out, shoves the lightsaber through Kylo's chest, and then slices him diagonally. this will be touted as the most shocking and violent way someone has ever died in a Star Wars film. in a deleted scene, the apprentice continues hacking at Kylo's corpse out of rage.
>General Hux dies in the destruction of the super-weapon, with his last moment being him literally screaming for "mommy".
>Maz Kanata dies, delivering an important message to Rey. she returns at the end with Luke, Yoda, and Han Solo as force ghosts.
>Wedge dies in a suicide run in the super-weapon, much to everyone's dismay, Lando survives but goes off into the metaphorical sunset instead, because he's getting to old for this.
>The bullshit hand-waved about Rey's parents will be shown to be a big fucking lie perpetrated by Snoke and Kylo, Rey eventually meets her real mother in the end, and they share a heartfelt Hallmark-Channel-hug.
during proofreading, I remembered that 'Rey' is in fact, the correct pronunciation of the name of the sun god typically known as Ra.