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Use this for cross-dimension shitposting https://nerv.8ch.net/trek/trekgenrl/1701/strek/streak/startrek/furtrek

File (hide): 32098f70dd2b811⋯.jpg (864.29 KB, 2800x1178, 1400:589, strek captains.jpg) (h) (u)

[–]

4e5213 (8) No.14460>>14505 >>14507 >>14553 >>17049 >>17070 [Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

It doesn't matter which Star Trek captain is the best leader, or the safest to work for, or best exemplifies what it means to be in Starfleet.

The only question that needs to be answered is:

Which captain would win in a fight?

Let's assume it's a free-for-all with no weapons in a holodeck simulation of Final Destination. Who would be the last man standing?

Hard mode: Use Picard, not Swolecard

27fefe (1) No.14462>>14466 >>14471

Kirk. This isn’t even really a contest.


4e5213 (8) No.14466>>14499 >>17075

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>14462

It's a bit of a contest. Sisko has sheer nigger strength and regularly beats the piss out of aliens who get in his way. Kirk does too, but he doesn't have nigger strength.


0d0d2b (1) No.14467>>15446

Janeway wins, especially if you deny her access to coffee.


a5e047 (4) No.14471>>14472

>>14462

Kirk is the clear winner. Just witness his sheer combat strength against the Gorn.


4e5213 (8) No.14472

>>14471

Sisko would've popped the Gorn's fucking skull with that tiny boulder.


0b716e (6) No.14473>>14497

Archer would have bumbled around so much that he would win just out of sheer confusion.


5deaf0 (1) No.14475

Kirk


670993 (1) No.14476>>14562

Jellico


54a1ed (2) No.14477>>14478 >>14481

File (hide): 055fa3fd6a3da05⋯.jpg (127.84 KB, 600x741, 200:247, gravelord.jpg) (h) (u)

What about a speech-off?

Who could talk each other into reason or suicide first?


b58608 (1) No.14478>>14556

>>14477

>reason/suicide

Picard reasons his fellow captains into cooperation. They get Janeway and Archer to talk to each other and stare on in horror at the singularity of retardation, understanding at last why these two were put on opposite ends of the on-screen timeline. In an effort to preserve galactic civilization, the large intestines of Janeway and Archer strangulate their owner's brain.


1f02ef (1) No.14481

File (hide): db2f9313675c4df⋯.webm (211.77 KB, 960x720, 4:3, U Wot.webm) (h) (u) [play once] [loop]

>>14477

>Janeway

>Reason


b7d8d7 (1) No.14486

Janeway. Not because she's the best captain, not by a fucking mile. But she is the second craziest behind Archer, and the most sadistic by far.

Winning a hand-to-hand fight is largely about will to win. If you hesitate when delivery the killing blow there is a very good chance that your opponent can make a comeback and win in your moment of indecision.


b870fb (1) No.14495

Kirk would win in a fight, because he is Kirk. Picard would succeed in negotiations. He is the only one who has actually shown serious interest in diplomacy, on top of having talent, training and experience. The others tend to rely on diplomats/negotiators or, in the case of Janeway, utterly suck at diplomacy.


ad81d4 (1) No.14497

>>14473

Archer would win in my opinion. He was able to take on the Borg in hand to hand combat


ef8bb2 (1) No.14498

I feel like Picard would have the most plot armour. He strikes me as the biggest writer's pet out of all the Captains.


b9e620 (1) No.14499>>14503 >>14528

>>14466

Kirk has fought a gorn, dropkicked a Klingon into lava, and beat Khan Noonien Singh with a wrench. The only person he loses to is Spock.


a5e047 (4) No.14503

File (hide): 3c410b3286dabe1⋯.png (Spoiler Image, 850.5 KB, 1024x435, 1024:435, kirk1.png) (h) (u)

File (hide): 74434793f2b5184⋯.jpg (Spoiler Image, 68.6 KB, 618x260, 309:130, kirk2.jpg) (h) (u)

File (hide): 0104bd9023aad43⋯.jpg (Spoiler Image, 24.83 KB, 470x198, 235:99, kirk3.jpg) (h) (u)

>>14499

and metal walkways


08c777 (1) No.14505

>>14460 (OP)


985391 (1) No.14507

>>14460 (OP)

Either Kirk of Sisko. They are the most physically fit and unorthodox captains.


1dddf7 (3) No.14508>>14511

Archer because he comes from a more uncivilized time. Kirk is too civilized even though he is literally an apex alpha's alpha. Archer would have still been growing up when the economy and social order on Earth was putting itself back together. I bet he got into more street fights than Kirk.


6ca753 (1) No.14511

>>14508

Let's not forget that Sisko was raised on a diet of soul food and New Orleans, even in the utopia future of Star Trek, is still probably full of niggers who attack each other. Sisko has spent far more time in lethal combat situations that anybody else, even before his wife got nuked by Picard.


80e25d (1) No.14524>>14529

Lorca.


4a0986 (2) No.14525>>14530 >>14540

Sisko by far. He probably has actual boxing skill, and nobody else has a counter for a good right hook. You can't Vulcan Karate your way out of a confrontation when you're already flat on your back. This guy punched literally Q in the face.


4e5213 (8) No.14528

>>14499

What's tougher: Kicking a Klingon into lava or beating the shit out of him with your bare hands until he blacks out?


1dddf7 (3) No.14529

File (hide): 22f58fbb99e17c4⋯.jpg (Spoiler Image, 789.51 KB, 1625x2947, 1625:2947, bryan singer.jpg) (h) (u)

>>14524

>STD

You have AIDS.


5da02c (1) No.14530>>14531

>>14525

>This guy punched literally Q in the face.

People always bring this up like it’s some great thing, forgetting Q was amazed only because he had trolled Sisko so easily and so completely.


4e5213 (8) No.14531>>14532 >>14546

File (hide): c125a8d7c1f6c2c⋯.png (309.49 KB, 620x476, 155:119, LOL I TROLLED U.png) (h) (u)

>>14530

Yeah, Q really showed him. Sisko knows how to deal with trolls - you don't feed them, you smack the shit out of them until they get bored and leave.


1dddf7 (3) No.14532>>14533

>>14531

Hi /leftypol/.


4e5213 (8) No.14533

>>14532

Oh, you.


07a45f (1) No.14540>>14552 >>14603 >>15009

>>14525

>Picard puts up with Q's antics for years

>gets rewarded with knowledge and admiration towards the entirety of humankind

>Sisko let's his nigger genes run wild and punches Q

>Q never shows up again and Sisko ends up falling off a cliff and leaving his unborn child fatherless like a true basketball-american

really made me think


84c9f5 (1) No.14546>>14547 >>14558

>>14531

Q could have hung Sisko from a tree if he wanted to.


4e5213 (8) No.14547

>>14546

Q could kill everybody on-screen at any point and yet he doesn't, gets smacked in the face by a nigger, and never shows up again.

He sounds like a pussy to me.


a5e047 (4) No.14552

>>14540

>Q never shows up again and Sisko ends up falling off a cliff and leaving his unborn child fatherless

Q saves picard when he get's shot in his fake heart and dies. He even gives him a choice to go back in time and avoid having the fake heart, which he gladly accepts and then figures out it was a mistake when he turns into a nobody. Q then graciously allows him to go back to his original self that dies, only he saves him instead.


253d41 (2) No.14553>>14557 >>14626

>>14460 (OP)

Kirk

On a level playing field he's probably the most formidable. He's physically and mentally fit, has dealt with shit that would turn the other four pale white (even Sisko). He also has a superb crew, probably overall the best crew. One weakness is the Connie, which while being the best looking starship of the five on hand, it would be horribly outclassed by everything except Archer's Enterprise.

Picard

Picard's too weak for a death match unless the opponent has wires in their face. He's also not in the best shape, healthy but more towards the arugula-eater end of things. On ground ops he's not in a good position. However, he does control a Galaxy class which can handle damn near anything you throw at it. Additionally, while his crew is generally less impressive than Kirk's, he does have Data and LaForge as a strong double act.

Sisko

Sisko could pretty much rip everyone apart on the ground, save Kirk, easily. His ship is also the only purpose-built attack ship, making a major concern for Picard's Ent-D, and space combat equivalent of a sand blaster for everyone else. He's also, even unlike Kirk, willing to use Romulan-tier-ethics in his operations to win (giving him additional battle options). His main weakness is his crew, while quite competent, may not be able to compete against the guile of Kirk, or the capabilities of Data.

Janeway

She's not the best commanding officer, being prone to unwise, rash decisions. Her ship is more advanced than the Connie and NX, but isn't nearly combat-oriented as a Galaxy or Defiant. Her crew is competent, but also unremarkable as well. On the ground she is just about able to hold her own against non-Starfleet types but against the other four she's not a great pick. Really her greatest strengths are her EMH and her Borg crewmember(s); they could provide a devious wildcard that would throw the match their way.

Archer

He's sort of midrange on the physical fitness end of things; better than Picard and Janeway, worse than Kirk and Sisko. He's got a comparatively crap ship that all the others can out-stroll (let alone outrun) and out-fight. His crew is fine, but doesn't have any bright spots compared to the other four. What he does have though are time traveling friends, and the fact he might be a time traveler too who later develops a Sisko-tier morality plus cynicism at the same time. Also the less-sensitive era the crew hails from gives them access to the MACOs who are a little more red meat than your standard security detail later on.

Results

I think in most instances, Kirk probably wins or fights to a draw. Future Guy Archer can't erase Kirk and with that edge gone, NCC-1701 and Kirk's pecs would ruin the ENT team. Janeway would be similarly dispatched, probably after some toddler tier trickery since a Connie isn't going do to much to an Intrepid in a standup fight. Data on Ent-D would be a major problem, as would Sisko in general, however in both instances Kirk's power of ass-pull would probably win out. At least it would be a fight to a draw.

Archer can probably take Janeway with some effort, maybe even Picard if he can take it to the ground, but Archer has no hope against Sisko. Picard and Sisko could fight to a draw with outlier win possibilities for both of them; J-L getting an obvious win on Janeway. Janeway herself might be able to use her combination of Borg, photonic and maybe even time travel shenanigan technology to cause some unexpected problems for Sisko…as long as the battle is kept on the air. If it goes to ground, Janeway is doomed.


658bc4 (1) No.14556

>>14478

>In an effort to preserve galactic civilization, the large intestines of Janeway and Archer strangulate their owner's brain.


4e5213 (8) No.14557>>14622

>>14553

An interesting analysis of each captain's total combat ability, but my intention with the OP was basically fisticuffs.

You're still not far off the mark, though.


a5e047 (4) No.14558

>>14546

it would have been more Q like and more lulzy to throw sisko back in time and have him pick cotton for a year, it would have made a better episode than the two muh poor niggers even though it's the future let's go back into some previous time where sisko gets picked on for being black episodes.


0b716e (6) No.14562

File (hide): 0bc4ae2a8125398⋯.jpg (68.1 KB, 694x530, 347:265, ComeNowJellico.jpg) (h) (u)

>>14476

>Jellico

Disappointed with myself for not mentioning this.

Clearly he would be the true winner.


b7e8c9 (1) No.14603

>>14540

"It's not basket! Ball! It was! Base! Ball! Jake under!Stood! I did not leave! Him! I had to get! A pack of cigarettes at! The bodega with! The Prophets!"


6560e6 (1) No.14604

I would say the Sisko on account of him being a demi-god, but then I remembered that Kirk is motherfucking Kirk.


56e755 (1) No.14606>>14609 >>14610 >>14674

Fun fact, Janeway is the only creature Kirk wouldn't bang.


54a1ed (2) No.14609>>14674

>>14606

He doesn't want the sloppy seconds of Tom Paris


0b716e (6) No.14610>>14674

>>14606

He knows you don't stick your dick in crazy.


253d41 (2) No.14622

>>14557

>my intention with the OP was basically fisticuffs

In that case, it's much simpler. Picard isn't in a great physical condition, and personally he always seemed to be fairly flat-footed during ground combat unless he's had a bit of time to think things out beforehand. When he just goes all in right away, he gets stabbed in the heart. I think he's generally the first to go.

Janeway is a bit more cunning and aggressive but doesn't usually make the best choices and doesn't have the upper body strength most of the guys do. On the ground she could maybe deal with Picard with some effort, basically going ham on him before he has time to think out a plan, but Archer? Let alone Kirk or Sisko? I doubt it. Archer himself is sort of a wild card; I think he can easily take the previous two, and could situationally do well against Kirk and Sisko, but he'd be fighting by the skin of his teeth provided a lot of things were going his way incidentally. In an even fight, he wouldn't make it.

That leaves Kirk vs Sisko. This one is sort of hard since they can both go at it on a time yet also have the ability to plan out a long game. In all honesty this could be a coin-flip situation to see who wins. Strength is not an issue since Kirk can handle a pissed-off horny Vulcan male in a fight, so Sisko's bulk and intensity can be matched for at least a short period; any hand-to-hand or gunfight would be short and brutal, it would make the goriest moments of WoK and Conspiracy look like a Saturday morning kids show. With a trap/strategy game, it's basically Kirk and Sisko sitting up on trees throwing nuts at each other with the ground below them littered with automated rock cannons and repurposed self-replicating Houdinis, respectively. It turns into WW1.


4a0986 (2) No.14626>>14654 >>15447

>>14553

>Really her greatest strengths are her EMH

Not the EMH, the ECH. Did you forget about the power of the Photonic Cannon, which only he has the authority to wield? One shot from that, and every other ship is immediately toast.


936bf2 (1) No.14654>>14658

>>14626

Except the Photonic Cannon was imaginary.


0b716e (6) No.14658

>>14654

The Photonic Cannon was a metaphor for his balls, and I can assure you they were very real.


487174 (1) No.14674>>14679 >>14789

File (hide): 0d01947ecf2bd61⋯.gif (452.37 KB, 320x240, 4:3, Capt. Kirk.gif) (h) (u)

>>14606

are you sure about that?

>>14609

>implying Kirk can't time travel

>>14610

He stuck his dick in crazy all the time. Last TOS episode is Kirk vs a homicidal ex.


0b716e (6) No.14679

>>14674

He truly bangs to save the galaxy.


1b6bbd (1) No.14789

>>14674

Kirk needs to get his shit together, he must have 12 kinds of space AIDS.


44ff20 (2) No.15009>>15083

File (hide): 91f85cd928070cb⋯.gif (4.9 MB, 480x480, 1:1, butthurt.gif) (h) (u)

>>14540

>Q gets scared off by a nigger when he can do literally anything


9382f9 (1) No.15083>>15086 >>15403

>>15009

If you could bend time and space to your every whim, would you spend your time hanging around some violent nigger you're not allowed to kill or erase from existance because of some namby pamby jackass of a bureaucrat back in the Q continuum?


5b9e13 (1) No.15086

>>15083

It’s pointless to argue with Siskofags. They worship BBC.


9bf113 (1) No.15088>>15089

Kirk practices judo and is in super shape. Sisco is a big guy, but using judo Kirk can use Sisco's weight against him and judo chop his ass back to new Orleans.


0b716e (6) No.15089

File (hide): 33ca7e5a4969ae8⋯.jpg (113.78 KB, 694x530, 347:265, Boss of the Rocks.jpg) (h) (u)

>>15088 (Heiled)

Kirk is swole.


b0aca6 (1) No.15391

Swolecard always win


44ff20 (2) No.15403>>15416

>>15083

I'd at least do something, but nope, no consequences whatsoever. It wouldn't be that hard to find a loophole and fuck with him if you really wanted to.


7e35bc (1) No.15416

>>15403

You could make the Promenade look like a 1950s casino. I heard that was the most traumatic thing strong independent black captains have to face.


61af22 (2) No.15446

>>14467

Remember that time she almost nuked the entire ship with everyone onboard (including herself) just because she wasn't getting enough sleep?


61af22 (2) No.15447

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

>>14626

Robert Picardo was the best part of Voyager hotdamn that man.


2b99e2 (1) No.15474>>17068

File (hide): ca04f04b1136104⋯.jpg (13.6 KB, 367x482, 367:482, Jellico.jpg) (h) (u)

Jellico beats them all.


ea685a (1) No.17049

>>14460 (OP)

Clearly Jelico

How can most of this thread be so wrong?


0bca80 (1) No.17068>>17076

File (hide): f9126b614307a35⋯.jpg (60.52 KB, 597x900, 199:300, swold-guy.jpg) (h) (u)

>>15474

Swellico when?


33c6b7 (1) No.17069>>17071

File (hide): e06ae176fc54694⋯.jpg (42.55 KB, 602x643, 602:643, star_rekt.jpg) (h) (u)

Best finisher


ef254f (2) No.17070

>>14460 (OP)

Archer obviously.

None of the other captains can duel-wield.


ef254f (2) No.17071

>>17069

>The Star Trek Hit: hands clasped together, strike hard with the soft bottoms of hands on the top of your opponents back.

What the fuck kind of fighting is this? That would be useless.


ca6e9e (2) No.17075>>17091

File (hide): 1c6abb57b52ed59⋯.jpg (62.71 KB, 480x360, 4:3, masterrace.jpg) (h) (u)

Grebnedlog

Obviously.

>>14466

Retard strength > nigger strength.


531119 (1) No.17076

>>17068

We already have him Mirror Jellico is a bitch


e74948 (1) No.17091>>17133

File (hide): 8f0f164730c1669⋯.png (209.16 KB, 425x569, 425:569, I seriously hope you bajor….png) (h) (u)

>>17075

You callin' Kirk a retard, buddy?


110a41 (1) No.17116

Either Kirk or Sisko, they both have the brain and brawn but Kirk has better odds because he's Captain fucking Kirk. Picard is good at diplomacy but he's no good in a mano a mano, maybe he could be able to convince the weaker members to join forces against Sisko and Kirk and then try to take out the survivors, but I doubt he'd be pragmatic enough for that. Janeway isn't as strong nor has the fighting skills to compete, and I haven't watched ENT yet

>Swolecard

That would be unfair, he could take everyone all of them at the same time and have a decent chance of winning, not counting whatever cheating bullshit he could come up with in the spot.


ca6e9e (2) No.17133

File (hide): 43d89d654b033b8⋯.jpg (85.18 KB, 640x469, 640:469, 5f4.jpg) (h) (u)




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