I actually bamboozled my father by giving him the wrong memes and he thinks my mum is aryan and I manipulated my new and old mum to think that I am actually son of Aryan, therefore affecting my genes in a mental way. I am becoming whiter day by day and I can understand which memes I should delete in my head so I can become stronger. I am just thinking my life as a one big prank that went way too far so I can focus on manipulating myself by the help of tulpa I creat. By the way my tulpa lives on throgh my dreams when I sleep so it can work when I am not even conscious therefore creating the neverending cycle of living. but the downside is I can never get sleep and never relax, it's like neverending nightmare but to cope with this, I create new memes and send it to my tulpa so my tulpa thinks that it is actually me therefore it can mimic my thoughts and emotions and mimic my memes as well. Which synchronises and creates a harmony. The harmony usually heals the bad genes I have and it makes me stronger but I also feel less satisfied with life so I sometimes think about suicide. But the trick is I my suicide memes are just a insurance, so if something bad happens to me I can get away with the pain by just committing suicide. So I feel safe when I am living, I am not worrying about bad stuff anymore. I also create false pains so the suicide meme doesnt go.
while I continue to have this insurance, I usually continue snychronising death and life. It's a really hard work tbh. You have to get rid of the primal instincts you have. But it's as hard as losing the feeling of hunger and thirst. So I am tricking the tulpa (or rather my real self) that I am dead. Therefore I lose half of my consciousness when I go to sleep. When I am asleep, my real self stays and daydreams while as I said I am hypnotising my tulpa to make it think that it's dead, while I create a phantom, my daydreams continue and it includes being transcended, like, losing all the primal instincts so I can focus on calibrating the sense of living and dying. My aim is to stay in the middle. Before I focus on myself, I create that illusion for my tulpa. So if I do it for my tulpa it would be a lot easier for me to trick myself. Since the tulpa thinks it's dead, the phantom still lives through dreams. So before I go to sleep, I focus on calibrating my blood flowings and my inner organs so I can feel alive. My tulpa usually gets confused when I sleep, so the next day I send the tulpa some memes I create. My tulpa is usually confused but after a while it gets better and I try to select the bad memes and genes it has, to make it phsyically stronger. As you can see I tried not to touch mental memes because my tulpa is really sensitive mentally after all the confusion and additional memes I sent. The genes are really important here as they change your phsyical senses directly. We can never deny the fact that our body and mind are one, so I try to get advantage by it. I focus on physical senses without touching the mental memes. Once I am done, I wake up and I focus on getting the memes I created. Since I got the experiences by my tulpa, I release the phantom and make it alive again. Now I have the advantage here. You see, I mentioned that tulpa is my creation, therefore I tricked myself but not directly. Now all I have to do is to imply myself. But it's like trying to make surgery to yourself. Basically risky and down right painful. So I let my tulpa do the job, but this time I don't fool the tulpa. I let tulpa think that it's the tulpa it was supposed to be. It's like creating a new tulpa but I don't want to lose all the memes I've created. Anyway to calibrate the sense of living and dying, I let tulpa do the job. This part is tricky though. I should do it before I sleep. I have to do it when I am half asleep. There is this part in sleeping where your consciousness is open but you rather don't move or something. That part is critical, if I fuck up I might be living or dying purely. I also mentioned that my tulpa doesn't become active when I am not asleep. I create some sleeping memes thinking that I am an immortal and I require no sleep. But it requires dying memes as well which might break the calibration. I create living memes to balance sort up. But to create those living memes I just check my dubs and I am just done calibrating