>go without for 19 days
>asleep comfly
>loud cunt family wake me up
>in this awake asleep state I end up fapping
>end up back a sleep
I'm awake and just want to die. I can't even remember what I was fpping about. I really hope my family all die of a painful form of cancer, I really hate myself and understand the unchangeable worthlessness of everything in my life. Feel immense anger, wish I wasn't a pussy and could deservedly castrate and then seppaku gut myself. Contrite belt flagellating and head butting the floor are just pussy things I do as a gutless self harm alternative