/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance★

>>353422 (OP)

>one of the more competent in HR

That's not a game with a lot of contestants.

>>353432

>not many contestants

No argument there. Thought the change in HR leadership merited mentioning though.

And before I forget, archive of the previous thread: http://archive.is/Ck9ep

>>353432

>not many

Alex is going to have his work cut out for him, that's for sure. On the other hand, maybe now some improvements can finally be made.

Are you guys having fun with me?

You're telling me not only do you know The Name. The Ineffable Name. The Holy Inscription of the Secret Name of The Lord, written in Opal upon a plate of Gold and locked in the Sanctum Sanctorum, guarded by Seraphim and seen only by the most senior of the annointed clergy, but it's the name of a DRAGON, and Known to the general bloody public?!

I'd call you Blasphemers and Heretics if I didn't know your hearts were in the right place.

Machiko, sweetheart, meet me at home. I'm going to put the lie to this before the ridiculousness spreads any further.

>>353466

>general public

Dude, when I said obscure, I meant obscure. The books I've been going to are older than all of us put together, old enough that some of the White Lotus guys genuinely didn't know they had them, and written in a dialect of Latin so bizarre that I still don't think I've pulled all the subtle meaning from it. As for "name of a dragon," you've got me there.

>lord of light's Name=written in crazy expensive stuff and hidden away from the world

Well, that rather explains why Benny's been so reluctant to consider the idea that his Lord might be Marduk. Write something down, make its importance paramount, then lock it away under utmost secrecy, and no wonder the thought of it being known to outsiders is met with disbelief.

<This might be part of why the Nameless Goddess wants to remain as such; if she outright refuses to take a name, it can't really be hidden or forgotten.

>Finanance

Holy shit lol, how long have I had that typo there?

Message from Mail subsystems: The following has been forwarded from external mail services as per forwarding rules set by AdminUser-убитьклик@it.mamonocorp.int

Hey folks, Jonno here,

Zipangu is a fucking ODD country. Sometimes I wonder if we're even really in the same world as everybody else. But, the locals are friendly, Telia's a hit with the kids (She's even taken up math tutoring after work), and I never thought I'd sleep as well as I do on Tatami. The Lord has blessed us.

Speaking of which, kinda why I'm writing. Why is Benny calling me in the middle of the bloody night your time ranting about Blasphemy against the Lord of Light? Something about a 'Marduk?' That's so weird, I walk past a shrine to Marduk every day on my way home from work. I was planning on stopping in today to see what the hell he's on about, someone wanna fill me in on the finer details of the fuckery you poor sods are being subjected to this week?

(Mind you though, I can't talk. Current employer is known only as 'The Embassy' and boy are there days where I miss the most complicated thing about my job being clearing Umbral Slimes from the wall cavities.)

>>353474

System, please see this message forwarded to Jonno's mailing? Thanks.

Jonno, there's been some revelations since you've been gone. It seems your Lord was very likely once a dragon deity who was transformed into a Human god by means of faith shenanigans. Jade found this out while researching another deity who just showed up, and whose faith I'm helping spread. I'm forwarding my notes on the matter, what little I know at least; Jade would know more - it's most certainly a bizarre situation. Anyway, good to know you two are doing well. There's some villages I'm visiting in the Mist and Zipangu regions around this time tomorrow as part of spreading word of the Nameless Goddess, at least one should be near you - any place you'd recommend I check out while there? It's been most of a decade since I've been anywhere near that area, and I imagine things have changed a bit.

System, please mark this for forwarding to the originating sender of the linked post.

>>353474

>summary

Apparently our resident finance dragon has been waiting on Benny to invoke Marduk, who is the only "Lord of Light" she knows of, in ritual to bless their eggs. She asked us why he wasn't and we attempted to figure out what the deal was with the deal was with the different sets of information. In the course of that, Jade provided information which apparently indicates that Marduk is an old name for the Lord of Light that you and Benny are followers of, and possibly what Benny calls "The Ineffable Name." This information was discovered as Jade researched information related to a newly-formed goddess who refuses to take a name and, to quote someone who's actually been in contact with said goddess, "Her portfolio is basically 'help those rebelling against the Heavens.'"

The information Jade found seems to indicate that your order got its start as a spin-off of Marduk's following which wanted, for lack of a better term, a more human portrayal of their Lord, which overtook the original in popularity to such a degree as to have a real effect on Marduk himself. This, combined with what little I know of your faith, leads me to believe that recent events may lead to not one but two seismic shifts in religious institutions. See the attached documents for more details.

In unrelated matters, keep your eyes peeled for a wedding invite.

>Alex MIA

I had a request from Alex that if anything bad were to happen to him, to come here and inform all of you. Following his request, I'm here to inform you all that he left late last night maniacally mumbling about an international hire from Zipangu named Genji and some book or other.

I've never known of this Genji, and there's nobody by that name in the employee database. Plus, Rika, who overheard him on his way out, also said that he was doing all of his mumbling in some unknown foreign language. How she understood what he was saying, I'll never know.

Hopefully he returns soon, because I really don't want to do the paperwork to authorize a search and rescue team for our new boss.

>>353490

Well now we know why HR is such a clusterfuck. All the competant ones keep getting themselves husbandoed, assassinated, or driven mad.

Also little lady from prog whose name escapes me currently, your quad repair's done. How did you manage to burn out two stabilizers simultaneously? Someone up there must be pretty fond of you…

>>353490

>Alex missing

Pending HR authorization, I can ping the location of his work phone and provide you with that information.

>>353494

>quad repair

That's be Janet.

>>353490

>MIA

So, we have eldritch entities in Management and the sub-basement, and the first department to drive an employee completely nuts is HR. I'm surprised that that doesn't surprise me.

>>353494

>Quad repair

Janet is unavailable at the moment - she's neck deep in some kind of documentation or other - but she says thanks, and that apparently some form of shrubbery was involved in the stabilizers. Your guess is as good as mine.

Forwarded message from external mail server

Zeke here. It's been a while. How is everyone?

Just wanted to take a chance to let you all know how I'm doing. The new job is going well, though the onboarding process was quite intense, to say the least. And the stories I could tell about the boss and his idea of team building exercises…

Anyway, so I heard through the grapevine that the angel of genocide might have some up-and-coming competition? Well, let's just say her mission statement pretty vehemently conflicts with ours. Some around my new neck of the woods would take a particular pleasure in seeing the wingaling brought down a peg or two. On a not unrelated note, I'll need to wrap this up soon because I have to get to a martial arts lesson starting in a few minutes. Yay teleportation. I'm sure my instructor will be more than happy to help by spreading the word about Illias's would-be challenger, but I doubt she'll actually become a follower herself; it seems like the only thing that girl follows is whichever direction the wind takes her.

Before I go, I'm sending a care package of sorts to Jade in light of his recent trauma. One of my new friends makes this fruity nectar-like drink that could rival your coffee and tea. Firewine coffee is good for energy, and Yom's tea is good for focus, but the stuff that this papillon girl makes is good for restoration. It might as well be liquified senzu beans, given how effectively it restores spirit energy and promotes healing. I'm sending identical packages to Kurt, Shura, Tandy, and Zuzi. Enjoy. Benny may find the nectar helpful as he embarks on the adventures of fatherhood, so I'm sending a package for him as well.

Oh, and Shura, given your unique condition as a Wizard with a capital 'W', you probably want to go very easy and very carefully with this stuff. It doesn't take much of it to top off my spirit energy reserves from a heavily depleted state, so I have no idea how it would affect you with your connection to the Source.

>>353528

>book comment

Am I the only one who actually read the employee handbook? And if so, why does it seem that everyone else who tries ends up going insane?

>>353518

>message with no return address

I'm going to be digging for a place to send an expression of our thanks.

>>353490

Dana, I used a loophole in IT policy to get the location of Alex's company phone between now and when he left the office, looks like he went to a personal residence and has stayed there since. You should be able to match the address against his personnel file to find out if it's his place.

We finally get another decent HR worker, and he ends up mindblasted. By the Last Light, that department just can't get a break. Here's hoping he's found safe. If there's a way I can assist, let me know.

>>353499

>surprised at lack of surprise

It makes some sense, doesn't it? After everything we've gone through, handling absurd events is almost our normal. HR has to deal with us. Stick someone new with that, the department's majority-moron makeup, and whatever's in that book, and no wonder he went a bit mad.

>zeke message, package details

Sounds like Zeke's doing well, though I can't seem to get the System to find a return mailing for a response - might simply be incompetence on my part. Kinda wish I could see the sort of training he's been going through, if it's anything like the description I've no doubt it's good fun.

<Also, I think I'm going to hold off on testing my reaction to the Nectar stuff until I can see how it affects you lot. For all I know it could be wasted on me. Or I could end up exploding.

>>353540

Sorry about that, server pigeons killed my post. They didn't like the crackers, apparently. Had to restore from copy. Mouse bug, daft thing went all clicky.

>>353540

We've taken some time to reread the handbook, both hardcopy and digital editions, and found no info- or cog-hazards. Either ours and Shura's are specifically clear of such things, as reading them caused neither him nor us any trouble in the past, or the particular copy Alex had access to was affected by something. Considering how long the HR department's computer systems must have been festering, it's our belief that the latter issue is more likely. Others' poor reactions to the book remains a point of confusion.

Additionally, best of luck to you on finding a means of contacting Zeke. I think I can safely say we all have thanks to send.

>>353542

Verdammte Kuriertauben.

>>353559

>infohazard search turns up nothing

I'm going to sweep the network for undocumented infohazards and other issues. If I find any infohaz, I'll pass details to you and Shura.

Security Bulletin:

In light of a recent potential Infohazard/Coghazard event involving a key member of HR, a network scan has been initiated by IT for the purposes of detecting and isolating such elements. Anyone with information on possible cases willing to come forward, whether anonymously or otherwise, will receive lenience should they be cause of such. Once the scan is completed, any unreported instances will be made known and dealt with, their origins located, the ones responsible detained and made to face all appropriate consequences. This is a matter of safety for employees, as Infohazard/Coghazard injuries are not minor in the slightest. Thank you for your time, and have a pleasant day.

>>353560

Much obliged, and good hunting. A shame that the dratted pigeons cannot be eliminated in a similar manner, but one cannot have everything.

Alright, I'm back from Zipangu and the Mist, and done meeting the last of my "contacts" for spreading word of the Nameless Goddess. Once my family, the Corps, and assorted other factors wrap up their ends of things it should just be a matter of letting the faith grow.

It's kinda funny - even if some people moved on or new faces appeared, at their core the majority of those little towns are just as I remember. I always did like the stability of rural areas. A few old artisan friends offered to craft some presents for the kids; my own daughters seem to be happy with what I requested be made for them, and hopefully Maria's gift will be to her liking as well. Unfortunately I didn't have time to check out more than a couple of the places Jonno mailed recommendations on, but those I did get to see were pretty neat. Going to have to make another trip out there at some point.

>>353627

>finished spreading the word

Excellent. Now we wait and see what happens. Once everyone gets together and everyone's perception of the Nameless stabilizes, she should stabilize as well. She figured out how to not fry my brain when trying to talk to me a while back and the "mood" swings, for lack of a better term, have been nothing short of alarming. The problems in being a goddess with a wildly shifting message, I suppose.

>>353518

>a particular pleasure

I aim to please.

<can confirm

>nectar

Oh, I can definitely find a use for this. What I failed to mention about turning that one server farm into Kilauea was the hour or so I spent on the ground unable to move afterwards.

>>353656

>"mood" swings

Ah, that little side effect of contact with an otherworldly power. At least you get words to go with it, the emotional states felt through the connection to the Source are only ever explained by odd background "noise" and a vague sense of direction.

<On the other hand, it is the Source of all Love and Life, so most of the time it's pleasant and (somewhat) helpful. With any luck the Nameless' stabilization will be similarly positive.

>nectar

When you have the chance, could you let me know what sort of quantity works for you? Zeke's description was rather vague, but considering the capacity he's working with, "doesn't take much" says volumes about the nectar's potency. Given the warning he aimed my way, I'd rather not risk wasting any of this stuff without at least a general idea of dosage, and I can only base that on others' reactions.

>exhaustion

Yeah, that'll happen, major downside of the advanced method you used. Biggest reason I prefer subplane accesses over portals is they're static constructs rather than dynamic spacial modifications - there's just no comparing the cost.

<For outsider reference, it's the difference between opening a door to a place that's only technically not there, and opening two doors between places that are both real and very much not connected.

>>353698

>nectar amount

I ran a little test. Ran myself into exhaustion and drank about half a shot, and was back to normal in about a minute. Whatever this is, it's potent as all hell. Granted, even with Janet and the incoming twins I still have a very small Spirit capacity, so take the quantities with a grain of salt.

>downside

I've been doing small-scale stuff without problems, though. I think the issue was less the method used and more the distances involved - one end was 20km away from me, the other was about 1200km away, and the two were something like 1180km apart. That and I hadn't got the Commjer down very well, since I derived the method myself without a reference text.

Colleagues,

I do not know if this post will adequately address what has occurred over the last couple of days, but I will attempt such.

Firstly, to HR, since nobody is answering phones or direct mail, Benjamin will be taking a medical absence of indefinite length, and I will be taking maternity leave effective immediately. The Executive branch have preemptively authorized this, please feel free to verify as you will. Ms Leafowicz will be acting Finance Executive, and will appoint someone to take over her role as Financial Operations Manager.

Ladies, please keep the bribery and office warfare to an acceptable level. If I have to address the department in relation to this it will be in High Draconic. Fair warning.

Now, as to the inevitable 'What Happened'. You all read Benjamin's earlier post. Well, when we arrived home there were two messages. One born by a shaking, clearly terrified imp, who ran as soon as my beloved took the note from her hand. That was from Gareth, warning him that if he tested this, there was no going back. He couldn't say how much he knew, considering how far his 'Perception' had… changed since his marriage. Benjamin promptly crumpled said vellum, throwing it into the trash, and muttering a few highly unflattering things about his once-comrade-in-arms. The next was a voicemail from Jonathan which I have attached.

Begin Playback Transcription

Benny… I'm… I'm at His shrine. I… How could we have missed this? The Bishop… You have to tell him. You have to tell him it's time.

Transcript Ends

This was apparently too much for Benjamin, who straightaway seized a sizable sword of no small magical potency, and headed into the nursery. I was concerned… no. I was AFRAID, both for and of him. Truly, I had never seen him so infuriated. His rage positively seethed from his body, like a visible miasma of power. He planted his sword in the hot sand near the eggs, and heedless of the heat, knelt before it. I do not know the words he used, only that when he spoke the name of Marduk, it was in challenge, not supplication. The house Shook with the Name of the White Dragon.

And then… I don't know how… I still can't believe what my eyes showed me… It was as if the ceiling was no longer there, and in its place, Terror and Wonder… Marduk Himself loomed, head and wings mantled over my beloved like a raptor stooping to prey.

Benjamin swore, drawing his sword from the sand and fearlessly driving at the Holy One. I screamed, for fear that either should come to harm. But The Mighty Lord of Light deflected the blow with an easy talon, before bringing it to rest oh so softly against Benjamin's chest.

"My Servant…" The Glorious One began "…do you not know me?"

The sword fell from my beloved's hand and he fell on his face in the sand, begging The Lord to forgive him so great a Heresy as to strike against Him in anger.

The Lord placed a talon briefly atop Benjamin's shoulders. "Shall My wrath fall upon you, that you are Ignorant, when I have commanded you be thus? Nay… my servant. You shall bear my testimony to my Humans."

My beloved's eyes rolled back in his head and he began to speak in many tongues, in fear I went to his side. Lord Marduk bid me be at peace in the manner of Dragons. Likewise, I greeted him with the Honour Due the Greatest of us, beseeching what my Beloved could not. Marduk Spread His wings, blessing the fruit of our Love.

Then I knew no more, until the Paladin Preceptor in the Human temple shook me gently awake. He told me Benjamin was Prophesying, giving a new testament in rapture at the Touch of The Lord. The Seal was broken, the Name of Marduk shining resplendent above the altar, the Angels singing of triumph and glory.

(…He is a most uncouth man. Do you know what he said to me? He said "Looks like whoever the new kid on the block is, she bullied the Lord into acting. Our Gauge is cast against Illias, and I hope the bitch is shitting herself." Honestly, in a time of such revelation, he has to be so COARSE?)

>>353746

>events

Heilige Scheiße. Talk about getting an answer.

>bullied the Lord into acting

Our nameless friend seems to be doing well for herself.

>Gauge is cast against Illias

I think I smell a crusade in the air. This may also explain why a number of Ilians have been causing trouble outside the temples and abbeys of the White Lotus. Seems miss divine-temper-tantrum is unhappy with the role our Oracles played in helping the Nameless Goddess get things moving. I have to say, seeing monks who look like they ought to be tottering around assisted living communities under normal circumstances tossing aside fully-armored crusaders like weeds in the garden amused me more than it should.

>office warfare, bribery

Send me an email defining what an "acceptable level" is and I'll do my best to see that you don't need to address it.

>>353627

>gift

Maria's quite happy with it, please convey her thanks as well as that of Tandy and I to your artisan friends.

With regard to my infohazard search, I've found and quarantined all the infohazards that weren't previously documented as safely contained, and re-contained a few that managed to slip their lockdowns.

With regard to Alex, some of the monks of the White Lotus took him to get treated for his infohaz exposure, he ought to recover in full and be back in the office by the end of the week.

>>353746

>events

Well then. That's, uh, a thing.

Speaking of events: I am no longer a Disciple of Illias. Instead, I am now a Disciple of the Nameless Goddess. The first disciple, in point of fact. I can now refer to Illias without having to capitalize her pronouns. I think that technically makes me a paladin, now that I think about it. The irony is palpable.

>bullied the Lord of Light

Yeah, the Nameless is an extremely active deity at the moment.

>>353777

>crusade in the air

The Illians are marching to war, make no mistake. They're figuring - rightly - that the Nameless is an existential threat, and they're organizing to attack anyone who openly worships Her, spreads the word, so on and so forth. Shura, given all the legwork you've done, I'd keep an eye out. I figure you can handle anything they throw at you, but still.

I mention this because I had a contingent of armored bastards show up on my doorstep and come at me. It's actually the first time that I have been directly attacked by an Illian - sure, they excommunicated me, harassed me publicly and privately for years, and just recently burned my house down, but never once have they just walked up and pulled out swords. I'm fine, for the record. The other guys may not be. That'll teach them to threaten my wife and kids.

Kurt, Zuzi, my daughters have sent some performance updates on their Sleeves, further data points on how the synthmuscles have been faring. Forwarding the details. They also sent a list of mod requests, and I'll be in the shop working on these once I sort out what's needed.

<Deepest Night, after all this religious stuff I could use a bit of good old-fashioned science. If anyone's got any other projects I could work on, let me know.

>>353735

>portal skill

Considering how quickly you took to Realitwisting, even with Spirit capacity limitations, it might be that that school is your natural affinity just as Syntropomancy is mine. I mean, you started with telekinesis and levitation, right? It's not really an official thing, but people tend to gravitate to their favored schools right off the bat, to the point of being more capable from the start than some with years of practice.

>nectar test, findings

Thanks. I ran a few tests based on your own, and while not comprehensive due to limited supply, I've found that in small doses the nectar works just fine with my Source connection. The closest feeling I can describe is magic adrenaline, a temporary surge in energy recovery rate.

<The only side effect I found was it causing this Sleeve to give off an odd light, one shot enough to keep me grossly incandescent for most of an hour. Not quite sure how or why.

>>353746

…Um. Congratulations on getting your god's blessing for your children, finally?

>>353777

>infohazards managed, alex recovery

Thanks for handling that.

>thanks to convey

Good to hear, will pass them along.

Voice Recognition initialized

Which one? The red one? Should it be blinking? Oh good! Thank you so much! Now how do I reply again?

>>353746

Ms Tatsuyokai, it's prophecy, not a broken leg. I said Ben could have a fortnight without impacting his accrued leave. At a time like this I hardly think you need to be swaddling him like an invalid.

>>353778

Well Mr. Disciple, could you perchance get word to your new Mistress that we need to establish a few ground rules? Mamonocorp is an Ecumenical establishment, and a full-blown War in Heaven is getting a bit beyond what we have the capacity to overlook.

Trust me, our 'External Shareholders' will not react fondly should we start acting outside… how do I say it… Industry Best Practice? You all remember what happened to our last CEO, after all.

Message from Archive subsystems: Jade started with light spheres, not tk/levitation.

Honestly forgot about that. Point still stands about the likely Realitwisting affinity thing, Jade, you've managed a lot of progress in a short period of time.

<That said, much as I appreciate the clarification, I'm a little confused as to why the Archive subsystem decided to message me about it.

Anyway, I've completed this set of my daughters' upgrade requests, so I'm going to go get them installed in their Sleeves.

<Anyone needs me, I'll be here.

<Management.

<My wives and I are taking leave due to unexpected family emergency, specifically an uncertain quantity of Illians attacking me at our daughters' school.

<It appears they either do not know my home location, or they determined to take advantage of an apparent point of weakness.

<Our actions in this matter are our own, and I do not want them reflected on this company or any other employees.

<Security will be managed by automated systems, adjustable by the IT department.

<At time of posting we are already in transit. Forms will be filed as appropriate upon return. The duration of absence is uncertain, but we will make best effort to not delay.

Given that we've been bumplocked, I think it's time to call it. I've archived this thread at http://archive.is/PiQ1a, and I may use some of what went on in these threads to write from.

>>353876

Action was finally taken, then. Blast. 404mainframe on github, right?

I noticed that too. Nobody's been banned as far as I can tell, we haven't been locked, not even any chatter about it on the meta thread.

>>353877

Thinking on working up an encyclopedia-style/news story collection continuation there, allowing additions by other people through pull requests. Keep an eye on github for the repo to go up.

>>353879

My guess is aux took never wanted us here in the first place, and decided that he'd put an end to it relatively quietly.

>>353880

probably figured 9 threads is e-goddamn-nuff self-indulgence for like 5 users.

Followed under sodiumenriched. I'll watch the github.

Eh, fuck the ooc spoiler tags. Github seems kind of isolated, why don't we see if >>>/human/ will have us? Maybe new people will join in.

>>354408

I'll set up the thread when I get the time, several hours from now, if nobody beats me to it.

>>354408

>>354413

Thread Up: >>>/human/70

assuming the link works, because wouldn't it be just my luck I get the formatting on that wrong

IN CASE ANYONE MISSED IT: NEW THREAD

>>>/human/70