/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance★

Archive of previous thread: http://archive.is/lvHdf

>>344597

...Why would any of my wives need physical tools for that sort of thing? Our unions are spiritual, any "kinky stuff" takes place in dreams.

And if that container is for R&D, there should be a second parcel of catnip oil arriving soon. Feel free to do with it as you wish, I will have no need of it.

Placing this here for reference, lest the three entrants thus far be the winners by default.

Maintenance Bulletin:

I would like to thank all of you who have been making use of the experimental repair drones. The test results have been outstanding. As such, before I issue the next set I would like to offer up a contest regarding the visual appearance. The ugly stick is no more!

The winner will receive:

>Eleven kilograms gold metal

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One key fitting the fourth floor breakroom door, you know the one

>Three cosmetic spells of their choice

>One month's worth paperwork filed on their behalf

Second place winner will receive the following:

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One key fitting the fourth floor breakroom door, you know the one

>Three cosmetic spells of their choice

>One month's worth paperwork filed on their behalf

Third place winner will receive the following:

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One month's worth paperwork filed on their behalf

To any runner-up entrants incorporating the company slogan, the following prize will be awarded:

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One cosmetic spell of their choice

Please note that infohazards, political marks, and any patterns designed specifically to elicit harm will be disregarded. Also note that the moon rocks will be selected by the winner, and thus round-trip transport is provided.

Anyone interested in entering the contest may do so by creating an image and/or description of their design, then placing their submissions within a box located just inside the Maintenance office. To qualify, submissions must be contained within a sealed envelope along with the entrant's name and department. The end date for submissions is in three days!. The winners will be determined the day after by means of popular vote, their names announced at the end of the day.

Best of luck, be creative, and remember: Mamono Consumer Products, Erecting the Future!

Hopefully the one that goes cyclical edition?

>>344601

I don't know, I just read the invoices. Given what we now know about Torch-a-village, maybe someone's using your department to hide their fetish or something.

You know, that brings up a good point. We have at least one person in Finance claiming malfeasance on the part of management; it's not impossible that others are doing the same thing. That means I have to audit my fucking records. Which is going to be a fucking shitshow, since usually all I get are department names and not individuals on the invoices.

Pray for me, for I enter the depths of Paperwork Hell.

>>344603

>paperwork hell

Are you not going to ask your new assistants for, well, assistance?

>>344604

>my new assistants

This is news to me. Unless you mean your drones or something, in which case please Ammit help me

>>344605

My drones will be back at their stations momentarily, but by assistants I mean the two ladies with nationally-ranked penmanship who are currently in a corner of your office.

And yes, they will be good, that was part of the deal. The "toys" were more of a backup in case their instinctive madness came forth.

>>344605

>>344606

This has so much potential to go poorly….

>>344606

You mean the ones who are handcuffed in the corner, dead to the world and sleeping off the catnip high?

…eh, I've done paperwork under worse influences.

>a 4th thread came and went without me noticing

>you're on the 5th and while im still doing spreadsheets for accounting's new budget

can the servers even hold this amount of shitposting, we didn't exactly dump the budget on those when we got them.

>>344608

Considering my own past experiences with Cheshires, I completely agree. It's why they've agreed to "insurance" of a sort. And before you ask, they were the ones to suggest it. I can only speculate on the reasons.

>>344609

Two phrases to remember:

>"No Fun Allowed"

This will get their attention and focus back no matter how much madness they're exhibiting. A sort of "no prank time" thing. Try not to abuse it too much.

>"All Thirty-One Flavors"

This will get their attention and focus back no matter how much lust they're exhibiting. Yes, it does manifest as a horrific ice-cream headache.

>>344610

I have a veritable air force of drones patrolling the building, I am working.

>>344610

I'm not just doing my job, but helping my fellow IT workers by taking on tickets for systems that I'm not actually required to support. Shell scripts are a way of life, friend.

>>344610

You'd be surprised at how much of my job is just sitting around waiting for things to happen.

>>344613

>anti-ADHD phrases

That helps a lot, actually. We're moving through this at a decent clip; I've already got some leads to pass to legal team.

>>344514

Oh ha ha fucking ha. So THAT's why nobody pinged an alert at me.

So... Lemme tell you lot what I walked into this morning.

Picture this, the gate to the assets dock clatters open... to reveal a tableaux of destruction that could have been no less total if it was deliberate. Lord of Light. there is a portion of concrete that has clearly at one stage been reduced to lava! and in the middle of it all, entwined, bloody, bruised and entirely FUCKING NAKED, (Lord of Light, there is not enough eye-bleach in the universe) the sheepishly grinning forms of Benny and... hold on... Is that the Dragon from Finance?!

No, no fuck off. You two don't get to have your little Mr. and Mrs. Smith roleplay and then make me help clean. Eat shit, maybe you can bribe Shura to send drones, but otherwise, start shoveling.

AND PUT SOME FUCKING PANTS ON!

>>344619

After what they made us listen to, I'm tempted to let them do the cleanup.

…Nah. It's literally my job anyway. Not going the drone route, though - from your description that's going to need a more personal touch of repair. Should I bring a spare jumpsuit?

>>344619

Considering you and Telia made the events leading up to this happen about a year earlier than they would have otherwise….

>>344619

Wait, assets dock? But they started in Benny's office.

>>344624

Those two locations aren't that far apart, it's entirely conceivable that whoever had the upper hand pushed their opponent back into the assets dock.

>>344619

>Benny and Torch-a-village hooked up

Ah, so he slew the dragon with his divine lance, eh? I figured.

>>344624

>started in benny's office

I think this was a running battle. I was busy wrangling the Frans at the time, but I think they might have flown through the warehouse at one point.

>>344628

>flown through the warehouse

I'd make a dragon riding joke, but I think just the suggestion of one will do the trick.

>>344619

This…isn't nearly as bad as what Slav could get up to. Shouldn't take long to fix.

Honestly, when I heard the noises of a holy warrior clad in righteous fury and wielding a blessed weapon attempting to take down the mighty dragon, I thought there would be more devastation.

>>344635

>devastation

I think the only thing truly devastated was our finance dragon's modesty.

On an unrelated note, @legal, @finance, @IT, @security, and anyone else it may concern: I've finished a shallow audit of my records. I've got a list of names of employees I suspect of using company resources to order personal items or services. I also have a list of information to pass to IT and security - console IDs, access times, stuff like that - for them to use to ID employees I don't have names for. I'm compiling this information, along with the evidence, into a nice, clean packet; just ask and I'll have it in your inbox.

As to how this happened, I usually don't open packages unless I'm 100% sure of their contents, because R&D likes to order hazmat and I like having functioning body parts. What's been happening, I think, is these individuals have been ordering items and marking them coghaz or something so I don't open them. I see what I think is a dangerous package with a final address, I sign for it and pass it on.

Hey uh… Benny is it? Do you have a brother? Because Ms. T is singing this morning… like literally singing (it's kinda scary)… and wearing a modified pair of maintenance coveralls for some reason. Whatever he did to her, I want some of that!

>>344623

So one of the Sidhe in marketing is doing something she calls "A tale of Boys and Robutts" and wants me to ask you to elaborate on that.

>>344642

The issues with the old mainframes that made the issue of upgrades a high-priority matter were caused by a power surge that occurred recently (announcement about a temporary solution: >>344203).

The event behind the power surge in question generated a notice to all staff, which can be viewed at >>343623.

>>344644

Oh wow! I mean, in our defense the guy who changes the water bottles over was here and we were all kinda looking at his butt at the time… er… I mean we were working. Yep. Real hard.

>>344642

"A tale of Boys and Robutts", eh? What form is this work going to take? A play, maybe? Or a rock opera?

>>344646

…she stared at me for like a minute and then stomped off muttering something about genres and the restriction of the 'Artiste'.

>>344649

But I just wanted to know the format, not the genre. I mean, is it going to be a book, interpretive dance, a panoramic fresco?

>>344652

…This is a Sidhe you're asking about. For all you know, the answer is yes.

>>344654

I'm kind of expecting it to be, and I'm a little worried.

And if someone is writing a story about you guys, and presumably us considering the plurality of the title, don't we have the rights to our own story? I've never had anything noteworthy enough to matter happen to me before.

>>344658

I'm fine with being referenced in somebody's work so long as said reference is faithful to the truth, but depicting me in a story is another matter entirely, and requires separate discussion.

On the other hand, wouldn't some illustrations of the shenanigans that occur around here be amusing?

>>344676

Indeed they would.

Hey Mr Worthington! You're a bully! Just because you're a bigshot legal person doesn't mean you can make my friend cry! She had been working on that boys and Robutts thing for a whole ten minutes! You big meanie… you waltz on through with your perfect hair and immaculate suit and… alright who drooled on my desk!?

>>344685

>alright who drooled on my desk!?

I think you know who did it.

@Management (all) :

My wives have sent word that the children are ready for daycare and early schooling. As such, they will be able to resume normal duties starting tomorrow. I get the feeling they're a little antsy for interactions with more than each other and myself.

>>344697

As crazy as things have been getting around here, you can certainly use their help.

>>344709

You're analyzing the narrative composition of randy orcs.

>>344708

Tell me about it. The enhanced magical efficiency of having them nearby should make dealing with all these shenanigans easier. Drone network should be more responsive by far…certainly easier to manage with four minds acting as one.

>>344709

…Did that stapler situation ever get resolved?

>>344712

I don't recall seeing any indication that it did when I went through the logs.

>>344712

Yep, the guy threatened to take then to Korean BBQ. What I want to know is whatever happened to that apparent AI core someone found that was either heavily anti- or heavily pro-Sabbath.

>>344714

Disregard >>344713, I need new glasses apparently.

>AI core with strong opinions on the sabbath

Would Zuzi know? Or would it have been handed off to someone else?

>>344711

well if that's not what it's supposed to look like, what is?

why is it a por littul staypler?

what trubbl is Staypler in?

>>344714

well, they said they would give the stapler back.. along with several other quality of life improvements that have failed to materialize. (that's right girls, we all know the camera is still in the mens room.)

>>344717

>camera in the men's room

The men's room in building B?

Because if so, I am displeased.

>>344717

>camera is still in the mens room

Dronesweep marks all restrooms clean of cameras. What are you on about?

>>344719

>>344717

I think the camera in question may have been the unfortunate recipient of a .357 to the lens. I reported the incident to HR, but there's been no action on it as far as I know.

>>344719

Do they scan for cardboard tubes with cellophane covering one end and 'kamra' scrawled down one side? These ARE Orcs we're talking about. They've done more with less.

Incidentally I apologise for any untowards disturbance or damage that happened yesterday. Machiko and I will make sure next time will be in a much more appropriate locale… er… when we decide to do it again, that is… IF! If if we decide to do it again… whew, is it warm in here?

>>344720

>disabling by .357

Ah, I forgot how much I love IT's approach to problem-solving.

>>344722

What kind of accolades are proper for a dashing knight that smote a dragon with his divine lance?

Seriously though, congrats.

>>344722

Hmm, I might've shot a different camera off the wall then.

>Machiko

No need to hide behind 'if,' Benny. Seems to have done her some good.

>>344722

I'll get a more thorough scan set up, might as well check for less-than-technological solutions.

>apologies

Drop by Maintenance, would you kindly?

>>344716

It seems for some reason it was sent here instead of Security. Fortunately it was Faraday and ward crated so it's been isolated from our network. The thing's covered with etchings in some sort of language I can't crack and it's practically dripping magic. I've got it in an isolation room if somebody wants to scry or interrogate the damn thing.

>>344729

Not sure about the etchings, but I can come down to attempt a direct scry. Might at least find out something useful.

And Benny? Reason I want you to come to Maintenance is to pick up a subplane access point; it's got a room for demolitions-grade roughhousing and a spa with a minor Syntropomantic healing effect. Should be something you can make use of.

Congratulations.

>>344729

I almost offered to find out how resistant that core is to old-school console work, but then I remembered it's an AI, and cracking an AI like that is all kinds of wrong.

>>344731

If it was just a piece of equipment I'd have simply destroyed it, but if there's an intelligence in there that's not an option. I brought a bluetooth speaker in there but it either wouldn't or couldn't connect.

>>344732

>>344734

Definitely best you didn't just risk it, direct scry confirms there's at least some kind of soul in there.

Going to give a more in-depth scry a try. Wish me luck…

I just want to know (and Kurt probably even more so) how did it come to be in the server room and why.

>>344739

As well as where it came from.

>>344739

>>344741

I remember there being a thing about a rogue baphomet making her way into the R&D labs. From what I remember, the Slav led her into the basement, but who knows what she got up to before then.

>>344739

What.

What.

What.

Excuse me a moment, I need to be sick.

>>344747

You ok there?

>>344747

Dude, your drones just fell out of the fucking sky here. Are you alright? Do I need to come running with R&D's overcompensation cannon?

…Good news and bad news, Zuzi - good news is, that's not a Sabbath attempt to get into your systems. Not entirely, at any rate. Might be malicious code or something in there, you'd have to check that.

Bad news, is you're not the first one to digitize someone. That's not a Sabbath AI, not exactly. That's a little girl, formerly a sick orphan. This was the Sabbath's attempt at being nice and finding her a home.

You know what she asked? "Do you know where my parents are?"

>>344751

You're telling me that the sabbath loaded a kid's mind and soul into an AI core?

So they shoved her in a core and dropped her off on our doorstep. Great.

>>344751

Fuck me running.

And we've had the poor girl locked in a box the whole time, too. Damn.

>>344752

>>344753

I guess? I don't know how this science stuff works, you know that! All I know is what I saw her remember when I asked how she got here. Considering how much blood she remembers coughing up on a regular basis, I doubt she expected to wake up after they put her in the box.

>>344753

Find the kid a sleeve.

Tee, assuming it's okay with you, we'll be taking her in.

Margie, I'm not arrogant enough to think that I know all the ins and outs of this situation, feel up to helping?

>>344755

She got a name?

>>344755

Science? No science here, Shu, this is dirty black magic. Who knows what side effects it'll have?

>>344756

Of course it's okay, K, I've got the most experience in adapting to being digital. Margie and I will network with her for a while, ease her into it.

>>344758

I'm gonna spin up the drone fabrication gear back at the house, have it build something as close to "child automaton sleeve" as it can.

>>344756

Her name is - I didn't even ask what her name was? Gimme a second.

…It's "Maria."

>>344757

Her soul is clean. Completely. Unharmed, unstained, no wounds of any kind. Darkened Sun, if there's any damages to her they'll be on her mind, from the technological side.

>>344758

I've let her know to expect you two. She seems apprehensive, but likes what I've shown her of you.

And please be careful? She doesn't realize she's AI.

>>344761

Hooboy. This is going to take a while.

>>344761

Thanks Shura, can you have a drone forward a likeness of her to my drone net? I'll get in touch with Mog and see about getting something close to that done up for her. Should make things easier on Maria, and Torvalds knows she'll need as many factors working in that direction as possible.

>>344763

My drones are unable to interface with yours that way - they're magical constructs, not digital. But if you and Tandy get in the dreamlinker, I can dreamwalk her over, let her introduce herself properly. Goodness knows Nubia's been making me practice that.

>>344764

Understood, I'll be ready shortly.

Tee, can you bounce Mog a digitized likeness of Maria's self-image after we meet her? I've let her know to be watching for one, that the check for the budget on this job is blank, and why.

>>344764

We're talking to her now in a virtual construct, a nice sunny park. You can put on a VR rig if you want to drop in.

>>344765

I've been sending data to the R&D mainframe this whole time. As soon as I've got it fully modeled, I'll send it over.

>>344766

My preferred rig is an older model, it'll need a minute or two to boot up, but I'll be in as soon as possible.

>>344766

I understood about half of that. What in the Dark Desert is a "virtual construct?" A "VR Rig?"

More importantly, how is she?

>>344768

Technological setup similar to a dreamlink for AI. VR rigs allow organics to enter a virtual construct in the same way.

Tee, rig's booted up, I'll be entering shortly.

>>344769

…So it's like a digital dream, in a sense.

Frankly, I think it might be best if it's just you two for the moment. If she asks for me, I can probably get Zuzi's help in joining in, but if she's going to be your daughter you ought to be the ones to see her better.

>>344768

She's calm, slightly confused, but taking it well. She understands that she's no longer sick or in any pain and that her body was changed for this to happen. We'll get into the specifics soon.

>Human Child AI

Well that explains why Telia pinched my credit card to buy a textile minifab addon and would only answer me with 'No Time! Need to make snugglies!'

Expect an overload of stuffed toys and feetie pyjamas heading in Maria's general direction.

>>344771

Maria's souls-light just brightened, dimmed, then nearly blinded me. You lot doing okay in there?

>>344774

Maria's just been informed of her new family situation.

>>344774

Just asked her if she'd like to live with me and Kurt, I think you can guess her answer.

>>344775

>>344776

Well, that certainly explains it. Kid's shining like a blazing star. I think you'll be good for each other.

…I think I need to go be with my own family, if you'll excuse me.

Margie just taught her to cast into things, now she's in a spare sleeve.

>>344778

…zzat who jumped on my back 'fore I could get out the door? Blazes, why me?

>>344778

>>344779

I'll be along to collect Maria shortly, but I suspect that she's pretty stinkin' grateful to you for enabling us to find out that she was in there.

>>344780

Right…suppose I could stick around a few bits more, just make up the time in dreams when I get back.

And yes, I'm glad she's alright. Maybe I'll be able to say so once she gets off my back and stops choking me - clearly she doesn't know her own strength yet

Mr. Worthington, can I pick your brain on the matter of the paperwork involved in officially (legally) adopting a child who's completely without any legal paperwork or documentation?

Alright, Maria. You're going to like your life with Tandy and Kurt. I promise you this. Hey, maybe I'll bring my own kids over to see you, how's that sound? Ask your parents, we can arrange a playdate.

…Much though I'm loathe to say it, I do have to head out. See you all on the morrow!

>>344783

Wisdom regardless of how unfortunate it is.

Tee, it's getting late. How about we show Maria what home is?

>>344782

>Mr. Worthington

Please, James. I insist on the 'Mr' around certain audiences because it makes them go all flustered, and who doesn't like a little ego-boost with their morning coffee? I have no idea why Shura started calling me 'Sir' though. I think he might be having fun with me.

ANYWAY, yes. I'm dodging the issue. Short answer, it's fiddly. Slightly longer answer, the straighter you try to play this, the fiddlier it gets, mostly because in the eyes of the law she's not the same as a human any more.

Now my digital ladyfriends, before you replace all my desktop icons with horsecocks, hear me out. Yes. AI have personhood rights, but they're rights held in license by their specific vendors. Fact is, before Gremlins came along, straddled a server somewhere and birthed the first undisputed, self-aware Hard AI, before promptly looking at the humans in attendance in puzzlement, as if to say 'what, like that's supposed to be hard?' We had nothing but speculative fiction to base our reactions on. So, they got a footnote in the Treaty of Seattle and everybody kind of continued on real quick before anybody spotted the massive AI-shaped hole in our legal framework.

As it stands, Since you can't really 'punish' an AI outside of denying it new data or outright obliterating its core, legal repercussions largely flow back to the 'Vendor' who 'built' the unit. Marriages are simple enough, both parties effectively enter into an End-User Licensing Agreement with each other. The AI gets spousal rights equivalent with what an organic partner could expect, and the Human gets the same, again, limiting liability insofar as the Vendor is concerned.

Pretty easy. Tandy, think of Zuzi almost like a Stepmom with limited power of attorney. That's how the law sees her right now with respect to you. If you suddenly find out a portion of your anatomy can be detached and used as an IED, Zuzi shares limited liability to ensure that doesn't happen, as she oversaw your 'Rebirth', so to speak.

"James," I hear you say. "We asked about children." I know you did, and be patient, we got through that to get to this.

Little Maria, Ammit bless her, has no recognized Vendor. At this point we have no idea how the Sabbath did what they did. I mean, there would be a LOT of people who would demand the process be reversed immediately To which I would say "Sure, just as soon as you find a living human body with completely blank neural infrastructure and let's not even BEGIN to get into souls. Not to mention even the most Detailed AI manuals have sections which basically amount to 'Ask a Gremlin'. Fuckasses. So your first issue is to rectify that. As I see it, you have a number of options.

1) Approach the Sabbath, assuming you find the cell that did it, get them to admit to it on something official, and that they then survived the resultant backlash and probable Holy Crusade from the less-amiable Celestial Sects, and that what they wanted in return wasn't totally abhorrent to all decent people.

2) You get Zuzi or one of our GremTech contractors to fudge the details, draw her up as one of their units. Of course as Telia quite rightly pointed out a couple of weeks back, there's absolutely no telling how she will develop, or if she even will noticeably 'mature' from her current state. Not to mention it would be giving license to whomever did claim her to essentially take her apart and put her back together again to find out 'how.' and trust me, this is already causing whispers in Corridors of Great Import, if you follow me.

3) You somehow through herculean legal means get a God of some description recognized as her Vendor. Of course then you'd be legally obligated to surrender her officially as a ward of that faith, which would then be reliant on them passing guardianship on to you. Do you trust any Churches that much?

4) You shoot the moon. You lobby to have her recognised as her own person with individual rights not held in limited liability by any organization. This, of course, will re-open the AI debate everyone's been pointedly ignoring since Seattle. You will make very few friends from this, and Maria will likely be in the spotlight for at least two human lifetimes.

Clear as mud? Good. Any questions?

>>344787

As an addendum, the 'never been done before' difference here is Tandy was already alping when you digitized her. If I understand what Shura's saying, we're dealing with a completely HUMAN digital awareness. A vendor could shoot NDAs and DNDs like flechette from a cannon and head off any kind of press blow-out. If you do nothing, you're forcing door number 4. Might not happen for a few years, but it will happen.

Ugh. You know a situation's got your mind in a twist when even a Nightmare can't help you get to sleep. Definitely going to be a day of many cups of tea.

>>344787

>Sure, just as soon as you find a living human body with completely blank neural infrastructure and let's not even BEGIN to get into souls

…Sir, you've just described the Livebody Regeneration System. It's a standard Wizard tool, been around for at least three centuries, as a necessity due to our low graduation rate and high probability of researching things likely to turn us inside out or smash us into a fine paste without warning. Syntropomancy keeps a flash-cloned empty shell body - as in, no soul, no mind, not even active autonomics - in a state of stasis ready for receiving a soul, and Realitwisting allows the Wizard to resync their soul into the LRS clone in a time frame technically before their messy demise, followed by yet more Syntropomancy to integrate the body and soul. I myself have needed to make use of the process once since graduation, and I keep a backup on standby at all times.

A little over a century ago, it was legalized for use as a medical tool in the event a person's body was beyond repair, but their soul was intact; it's a significantly difficult affair, and only permitted to licensed practitioners, but definitely manageable. Cosmetic LRS use is currently under heated dispute, last I heard. I'm forwarding you the details in full as regards the procedure and its legality.

As a dedicated Syntropomancer and Realitwister, I have license and practice in the process. It's not my personally-preferred method, but sometimes it's just the only option left. I don't easily recommend it - it's the equivalent of full-body amputation and replacement, a most extreme procedure - but it's been refined and streamlined to the point it can be performed without hazard. Whether or not it could be performed on a human-turned-AI is uncertain, but whether it's possible at all would be revealed at the beginning of the attempt.

And I call you "Sir" because you work with legalese and relevant systems on a regular basis. I would have an easier time wrenching the moon from the sky than dealing with that.

>>344796

>Livebody Regeneration System.

And this is common knowledge?

Redact my previous. Expect a judge to DEMAND the process be reversed if this ever came before a court.

>work with legalese

You work with nether-worldly paperwork. The only difference is my job pays better than yours (…I think.)

Quick note. Duke wants to see 'my party' this weekend 'assembled' on his… fuckit, guess I'll call it his 'front lawn'. Pinhead's got the address and he's told me he'll meet whoever on this side of the closet rift.

If what comes through the door isn't Clarice in a wedding dress I reckon I'm supposed to storm the cunt, so come armed, but… y'know… classy armed.

Cheers lads, it means a fuckin' lot.

>>344797

Common knowledge? Hardly. The procedure can only be performed by Liches due to their undead nature, Wizards due to essentially having gone through it before and thus inherently understanding it, and the Divine, due to their direct connection to the Source. Wizard practitioners, as I said, are required to be dedicated in those specific schools to the entire exclusion of one other before we can even manage to pull off the procedure on our own. It's the other reason I have no Warlocksmithing capability - needed to give something up. As such, it's something that's technically readily available knowledge, but never gets used because in almost all cases there's something more preferable.

And none of these can be forced into practicing. I'm not sure if it's subsection C or H…or maybe header J? It's in there, yet another of the reasons why this is so limited in practice. It is inherently the right of the patient or their guardians to decide on the matter. If they choose to have Maria stay the way she is, there is no power on this or any plane that could force the procedure.

My work with paperwork is a matter of reading and writing. You deal with people. Far more prone to causing blind fury.

>>344798

Consider us informed and ready.

[Unauthorized user detected. Security protocols activat%*&I*#NG^27&*@#]

<Oh, please. It's for a good cause. Lighten up, Security Bot!

>>344756

>find the kid a sleeve.

<Already on it. As soon as I get the self-image data, I'll have a brand new, top-of-the-line sleeve manufactured and sent over in no time.

>>344765

>the check for the budget on this job is blank

<This one's on the house.

>>344787

>Fuckasses

<I heard that (or read it, whatever), suit.

>>344808

Architect Mogawi! Don't bully Security-bot. It's a nice bot, aren't you sweetie?

(Tandy, please don't tell Maria I wanted to put her in a particle accelerator. I didn't know! I swear! I even did that silly 'penance' thing Jonno does. Tore a whole lot of synthskin off a perfectly good sleeve… that's supposed to mean something I think.)

>>344808

Mog, you're a lifesaver.

>>344798

>classy armed

The gussied up pistol or the fancy longrifle?

>>344800

>>344797

>>344796

>>344788

>>344787

I don't like the look of those options, but I'm willing to get into the slugfest involved in option 4. That said, I've no right to force this mess on my family of my own accord, so we're going to need to talk about this first.

Regardless of which option we choose, I think it's high time the FSF and EFF found out who's behind their 5-time number one Ethereum contribution address, and I'm also going to call in the favors I'm owed among the movers and shakers back in Deutschland for my part in bringing down my old chapter. My folks taught me one thing worth learning, and that's to stand for what you believe in at any cost.

>>344812

If you choose to go with Option Four, I guarantee you will have my full support, and I doubt it would take more than a minute's explanation to get the other Wizards on board. The value of the Soul, regardless of form, is utterly inherent to our beliefs.

>>344810

Telia, we all thought she was some kind of attack vector. Hardly something to hold against you. (Also, that "silly" penance business is centered around deliberately activating a pain response as a means of punishing oneself. Not really a silly thing if you ask me.)

>>344813

Shura, when this is over with I will personally build you an entertainment system from scratch that will provide top-quality media experiences for your great-grandchildren and beyond.

>>344812

Anything that involves putting her back in an organic body is a non-starter. She told me she likes how she is now because she doesn't feel tired or hungry anymore, and she spent so much of her life being tired because she was sick all the time, and hungry because of her previous family's economic status.

>>344826

I expected as much. There's two questions that need answering before we can move forward. 1) What courses of action are you able to support in good conscience? 2) Given the best explanation possible of the significance behind the decision, what does Maria want?

>>344798

I'll have my heavy-duty parts completed in time for that. I'm thinking jump jets, laser cutters…

>>344830

Option one, if the Sabs were willing to be at all official on this they wouldn't have smuggled her into the server room.

Option two, if there are already said whispers, fudging it isn't going to be enough.

Option three, nope. Ain't surrendering this kid to anybody. Unless we get Eris recognized as her Vendor, in which case as an Official Discordian Minister (got it in college for the hell of it), I can act as Our Lady's legal representative on behalf of Maria.

Option four, if everybody else is ready for it I'm up for tilting at this windmill.

Maria doesn't fully understand the significance behind the whole thing, she just wants to stay with us.

>>344849

I've got some e-mails to write then. I imagine the EFF will be an easy sell, the FSF and my connections from the Iron Cross case on the other hand…

>>344852

Confounded thing.

It took forever to get a connection, but I've received a response from the others. Looks promising. Passing it along.

>from: <undeadgearhead@antiqueroadstershow.com.>

>to: <Shura@maint.mamonocorp.int>

>subject: re:seattle treaty issue

>

>boy

>took you long enough

>the "treaty" should have been dealt with ages ago

>not even death is this stagnant

>let them know we are ready

>and let that driver know he needs better tires

>

Seems like you should have some more support inbound. Dunno what she's getting on about with that last remark, but she always was a car snob.

I'm making some tea, my three are telling me it's necessary.

>>344808

Thanks a heap for that rush job, it's amazing. You really packed all the features in. We're having some ice cream now.

>>344876

I've topped the FSF's publically released donors list for five years running as far as donations in Ethereum. I'll be attaching my request to this month's donation, along with my name for the first time.

>>344876

Not much of a gunner, always preferred direct casts, but even I can appreciate a work of art. And that, right there, is a beauty.

I walk away from the computer for a few hours, and a shitstorm begins.

>Classy armed

One Tommy gun, coming right up. The '30s gangster outfit might take a bit longer. Let me know if we go a different kind of classy so I don't clash.

Regarding Option 4: Tell me what you need, and if I can't get it I'll call in a favor with someone who can. If this thing goes to court I can guarantee a few amicus curiae at the absolute least.

If you guys do go that route, which it looks like you are, someone might want to let the bosses know that their company is going to be involved in a category 5 shitstorm. I'm willing to go on your behalf - at the absolute least I've got job security like you wouldn't believe. Being really good at logistics has its perks.

>>344891

>Classy armed

Unless I hear otherwise, I'm taking that to mean suit, ornate sidearm, and maybe a sufficiently classy rifle.

>offer of assistance

Tandy or I will let you know if anything comes up that we need the help with.

>letting the bosses know

I've passed word up to the C-levels via the CTO's email. Considering that the investigation into the finance data seems to have led to the removal of an unsavory individual somewhere and staunched a small but notable cash bleed, I think I've got dome goodwill.

>>344892

>ornate sidearm, classy rifle

Hm. I'll have to place some orders for that. Damn.

I'll keep ready, my man. Congratulations on the adoption, by the way.

Oh, and before I forget - your first shipment on that finance order is on it's way, should be here by tomorrow.

>>344891

Mr. Worthington is already aware, and I'd bet he's currently preparing for shit we haven't even thought of yet. And honestly, we survived the Bile experiment fallout, fighting for the rights of an orphaned child can only improve our public image.

>>344892

>>344895

Kurt, Tandy: I think I've managed to call in all the favors and assistance I'll be able to make relevant. I've got, let's see…four journalists just waiting for a chance to tear at the politics of the situation, a blacksmith willing to donate just shy of two million pounds sterling for legal fees, a Giant Ant nest in western Australia capable of producing a similar quantity of gold, and a troop of Soldier Beetles willing to fight for one person of my choosing. And, of course, my colleagues are "on call," as it were. It's a bit of an odd bunch of options, true, and none too extensive, but I'm hoping that they'll be useful in some fashion.

Speaking of, how is Maria? Is she settling in alright?

>>344899

Maria's doing pretty well. I ended up reading to her until I fell asleep last night. Mog got her a bleeding-edge custom sleeve that's equipped to help her not miss out on too much of a proper childhood experience.

>>344900

Sounds like you're doing a fine job. Kid's lucky to have you two.

Putting on tea, want some?

>>344903

Absolutely. I've been scripting away tickets and writing emails at an insane pace all day. And once again, thanks for helping with Maria's situation.

>>344894

>shipment due tomorrow

Thanks for the heads up on that, I've gotten almost all the prep work for the upgrade done.

>>344867

>not even death is this stagnant

You're dealing with politicians, friend. When your primary goal is 'don't spend all your political capitol until right before an election' you tend to find the big plus hard issues get left in the 'next term' tray indefinitely.

>Shooting the moon

I'll admit, I wasn't expecting it, but hang it, this 'Undead Gearhead' is right, this has been left alone a little too long. I wonder if I should cultivate a touch of grey at my temples? A fatherly image might net me a few points…

>>344907

Happy to help anytime.

>>344908

Sir, the author of that email, "undeadgearhead," is a multiple-century-old Lich. Going by how she speaks normally, I'm fairly certain she's being somewhat literal.

>>344900

Heh, she thought it was funny that you fell asleep when she doesn't have to and she brought the book to me to finish it. And that sleeve is incredible. It takes everything made possible by the data from my transformation, streamlines and improves it. This is the highest of high-end custom. I mean six or even seven figures high-end. I mean, I know Mog's getting testing telemetry from this, but still, this is an unbelievable gift.

Anyway, I took Maria to daycare for some socialization, so if any of our friends want to drop by and get acquainted we'll be here all day. (She's also networking over my shoulder as I'm working in R&D because she's curious about all the machines.)

>>344912

…Three excited mothers carrying four freshly-enrolled children have just run that way at breakneck pace. They all but started scribbling on the forms get them complete and out of the way. Warn me if they get too interactive, and I'll telepull them out of there.

>>344908

James, I just got a message back from a rep for the EFF. Civil Rights case involving AI? They're on this like white on rice. Want me to pass them your info?

>>344912

When I next get enough time to spare, I'm gonna set up my AR rig so that Maria can network over my shoulder as well if she'd like.

And I'm going to find out what Mog's preferred drink is and buy her a massive case of it.

>>344915

Got a way simpler idea, love. I got a camera-and-earpiece headset from security, you can wear it and it'll have the same effect, and you won't have to mess with a whole rig. I'll bring it over in a minute.

>>344924

Good thinking Tee.

Also, for Gazza's wedding, we should take some time to coordinate how we're going to prepare. Only appropriate as we're going together.

>>344912

>Mog's getting testing telemetry from this

I'm pretty sure there's no data collection there. Mog only does that for beta testing new commercial models and only with notified and willing participants. What you got sounds like the highest end custom model Mog could put together. It probably even has state of the art nanotech self repair functions for minor injuries, since kids will still be kids.

>>344928

You'll be wearing that headset, and I'll get one of the wristbands that goes with it so I can monitor your location and vitals. Beyond that, I presume Gaz is the captain of this little operation and will give the orders. And Margie will watch Maria.

>>344930

>highest end custom model Mog could put together

Seriously, what's her preferred drink? I'm gonna buy her an unreasonable amount of it.

>>344932

I was referring to things like tie/shirt colors liebling.

>>344915

He's currently having a rather pointed argument with who I guess are his superiors here in legal. I mentioned it to him and he basically said "great, thanks, send it all via my assistant for now."

"When did he get an assistant?" I think that may be what the argument's about.

>on it like white on rice.

I have some bad news. So are a number of 'special interest' groups, very few of them with Maria's best interests front and centre. In fact the whole reason I'm up here is to tell him about what happened when I floated the matter past the Bishop.

Just to sate your curiosity, he got very quiet, thanked me for telling him, and told me that he had to go 'Pray'. Yes, he pronounced the capital P. So… I guess apologies in advance for any natural disasters resulting from the Pontiff of my faith getting into a screaming match with God?

>>344941

>'special interest' groups

Tee, I'm going to have some of my quadcopters sticking close to Maria. Might be a good idea to have a spare sleeve near her too?

And Benny, thanks for the heads-up.

>>344934

Well, my heavy duty parts include the cute legs you've already seen in white with pink detailing, a matching sturdy pelvis and abdomen with a really cool tail. I was inspired by Doctor Octopus's manipulators in the live-action Spiderman for something strong but dexterous. I need it to have dexterity because I'm going to have heavy loader arms with laser cutters on an upper torso that wraps around my normal one, and that's going to have jump jets on the back. I'm thinking a nice dress on that matching the pink of the detailing. Backless, of course, with a loose skirt.

>>344946

I've been with her this whole time, I'm working in R&D with the spares. In fact, it might be a good idea for me and her to stay around here, the building has greater security than our place.

>>344951

Alright, I think I can find something that compliments that outfit.

>>344952

I've got the subplane access point Shura made, stocked the food storage in it a couple days ago. I'll go and get a couple extra changes of clothes from the house after I'm done working for the night, anything else I should get while I'm doing that?

>>344946

>>344952

>security

Offering to send a detachment of thirty Gen-2 drones, simple-defense pattern. Basic voice-command controls to designate VIP and targets. Secondary command-logic based on VIP state; hazards trigger defense patterns. Tertiary logic relies on "Matriarch" system commands. Sensor suite primaries on scry, secondaries to thermal scans, tertiaries to EM field scans. Equipped with minor warding systems. Equipped with Syntropomantic fields for restoration. Equipped with Elementarian burst-fire emitters for hostile dissuasion; pattern A burst fires electricity, pattern B fires thermal welders, pattern C fires gamma.

>>344957

Appreciate the help, just try not to scare the kiddos.

>>344961

Acknowledged. Workers will appear in form of butterflies, Nobles in form of doves. Attaching minor glamour field emitters to minimize chance of emotional hazards. Attaching minor Psionomaniacal emotional stabilizers for post-conflict stress reduction.

>>344967

First chance I get, Mog. You're a lifesaver.

>>344968

And here I had in mind just having them stay out of sight or on the periphery.

I'm bringing her core to you. If shit hits the fan, bring her into the subplane, but not before then because I find I can't connect to sleeves from inside it. On a lighter note, Shu, your kids and Maria have been getting along great.

Unauthorized user…

<Security Bot, let me post.

…detected. Security protocols activa…

<Security Bot, sudo let me post.

Activating temporary guest access account for new user gmogawi. Displaying preprogrammed welcome message for user gmogawi:

'If you are reading this, Uncle Ben is watching. Great power, great responsibility -- Z.

Not even surprised.

>>344915

>>344934

Glad to hear the kiddo is doing well. Zeke's correct on all counts about the sleeve, btw. That was pro bono work to help someone else in a tough situation. I know what that's like, and yeah, that's all I'll say about that.

>drink

If that drink offer still stands, how about some Holstaur milk? What the Sabbath did with Maria really bothers me--not the "saving her life" part, but the "abandoning her like an orphan again" part. So, I decided to start a new side project to annoy them, among other potential benefits, and you can help by buying part of the supplies. I will only answer two questions about this new project.

1) Who is this going to piss off? The Sabbath, if I'm lucky.

2) Do I care? No.

>>344971

Guess who's gonna get treated to my habit of singing along to whatever music I'm listening to while I work (I switched up the playlist so that it's kid-friendly).

>>344974

Security bot giving you a bit of trouble despite Zeke's efforts? Anyway, I'll take care of that request of yours at the first opportunity. You're a lifesaver Mog, thanks.

>>344970

>having them stay out of sight or on the periphery

Partial affirmative. Small set in plain sight, majority under glamour, focusing ward-projection unless activated for defense.

>>344971

I am so glad to hear that. I was honestly a little worried at first, given she's the first person they'd have contact with outside the family. From what Nu's passing back, they can't wait to see her again.

Maintenance Bulletin:

Due to recent warnings of possible security hazards, the Generation Two drone network has been brought online ahead of schedule. The new drones are equipped with the standard maintenance tools, as well as temporary additional measures for prevention of hostile activities from outside aggressive forces. Rest assured that these measures are only for defense, and that their primary purpose is still maintenance and janitorial work. The improvements made on the individual drones and the network as a whole should net roughly a twenty-seven percent increase in efficiency across the board.

Moreover, the design contest is still on, though the deadline for entry has been moved up to this evening. At time of writing, there are only three entrants. If you want a chance to win the prize, you still have a chance! Until then, the vast majority of the drones will take on the appearance of parrots and hummingbirds.

Remember: Mamono Consumer Products, Erecting the Future!

>>344941

>special interest groups

I've gotten in touch with a few old buddies from home. If you notice an increase in harpies in the general area, that's because of me, they mean no harm. Merely setting up some options should the feces meet the rotating ventilation device.

Got to meet Maria on my way back from lunch. She's freakin' adorable, and whip-smart too.

>>345012

>She's freakin' adorable, and whip-smart too.

She is an absolute blessing on this earth. You should hear the kids talk about her.

>feces meet the rotating ventilation device

I'm doing what I can to make it not be an issue. So many redundancies in place.

>>345012

Indeed, she's absolutely precious.

>>345017

Here's hoping those redundancies don't turn out to be needed.

>>345019

I think you said something about redundancies and failsafes the other day, during the first dreamjoin test thing.

In the event nothing happens, then dandy! I get additional drone functionality test data.

Still, I'm not taking any chances. If some tossers attempt anything? First they need to get past the drones at the entrances. Then the hallways. I'll be setting the doors to lockdown as I am able, ward-scheme based to avoid hacking. If they manage to deal with all these defenses, well, that's when I get a little angry.

I'm not taking any chances. I don't abide threats to my family or my friends. Anyone making the attempt will receive a fitting reward.

>>345017

>>345019

>redundancies

Hope for the best, but the worst contingency plan is the one you need but don't have.

I'm owed some pretty substantial favors from a few lawyers back home, and through a chain of deals I can lean on a few public figures - you'll know 'em when they speak up. If this thing ends up in the court of public opinion, I should be able to nudge the scale, so to speak.

Just don't ask me why I'm owed all these favors. That way lies madness.

>>345020

What I said was that redundancies are only unnecessary if there's no way for them to be needed. And I'll say it again, thank you.

>>345022

>Just don't ask me why I'm owed all these favors. That way lies madness.

You do realize that when this is all over, I will ask you about these things, yes?

>>345023

And I say again, your words are entirely true. If the options were unneeded, it would be good. But I can't discount the possibility. So, if I start a lockdown - grab a drone, get your family in your subplane, and close and lock the door immediately. That'll lock the outside entrance to anyone but myself as its crafter. I'll use the drone to contact you when it's safe.

What I find interesting is, going back and looking at the logs, she was found right about the same time I was in the middle of Zuzi's experiment. It's like somehow those little weirdos knew how I was going to turn out and put her here so she'd end up with me. Someone who just happens to be in the exceedingly rare position of having experienced the same kind of transformation as her.

>>345030

That is interesting. Perhaps a sweep or R&D for some kind of sabbath scrying focus or something is in order?

>>345030

…You had that unsettling feeling with the Sabbath paperwork around that time, right?

>>345032

R&D is warded against scrying from outside the building very hard. But if they did something reading her fate, like where is the best place for her to be found? From what I've been reading in Shura's handy resources, that could work. I don't think they abandoned her on our doorstep. I think they found the spot where her fate would be the brightest and put her there.

>>345034

That was a couple days before. Probably right about the time they would have been infiltrating to drop her off. The timeline does fit.

>>345035

>>345038

…I swear the Source is laughing at me right now. I know I natter on and on about how Love finds a way and that sort of thing, but really, this is just - I don't have words. I've got the harmonizing focus of a union with three other minds enhancing my own, and none of us can find words to describe the situation.

Bah! I'm making tea. That at least makes sense.

>>345042

Shura, you ever have someone mess with a very important piece of tech for (you believe) positive results while your back was turned? Because that's about how i feel right now. I wouldn't change what happened, but I'm a little weirded out by it.

>>345043

Remember when Netzach hijacked my brain to write some code and poetry for the big project? Yes, I know that feeling.

Honestly, given how thoroughly Magic loves to mess with my expectations and all that, I've given up worrying so much. I mean, like right now. I used to drink coffee exclusively. Now I've got a full kettle of brewing tea, thanks to your meddling self. I don't mind (anymore), but it is confusing.

And yes, that is an offer.

>>345045

I do believe I'll take that offer.

>>345043

You're weirded out, I'm wondering how far back this goes, and if they somehow influenced my decision to agree to that experiment, or even if they did something to my Spirit production in the first place so I'd be in the right situation at the right time…

>>345047

Now that is a disconcerting thought.

>>345047

That…I want to say it goes against everything I know about Magic and the Soul, but considering the other insane events of late I could be completely wrong. I'll send inquiries on the possibility of such things, see if there's any merit in that idea.

>>345029

>when this is all over

The short version is that I was one of the very few people willing to stand up for mamono in a part of the world where they were, and to a certain extent are, still hated. People tend to remember that.

>Sabbath manipulation shenanigans

So yet another reason to not trust the itty bitty titty committee. Even when doing something good they find a way to make it weird and creepy and morally dubious.

>>345052

>No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Remember when I told you about the asshole paladins? That was the straw that broke the camel's back. That's why I can call in favors from people living in a country that fucking hates me. Hell, it's why I have so many people willing to help me out, so many friends in odd places. I talked the talk and I walked the walk, even when it cost me.

Fuck it, I need a drink. Alcoholic, caffeinated, whatever. To making the world a better place, one step at a time, or something equally inspiring.

MESSENGER PIGEONS I SWEAR

>>345050

>short version

So it's a very real case of "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished." Shame. Need to be more people willing to stick to their ideals.

Get up here, I've got a box of Firewine Special Roast with your name on it. Just don't give any to the Frans unless you're ready to chain-chant the control phrases.

>>345055

And indeed, a toast: to standing for our beliefs, no matter what seeks to tear them down. With any luck, Mrs. Firewine's Divine-Level Fairy Coffee will give you a bit of extra pep.

>>345057

>>345056

>>345055

>carrier pigeons

Servers, what are you doing, what are you doing servers

>Firewine Coffee

Oh dear Ammit above. Coffee for the coffee god, productivity for the productivity throne.

>>345057

Is that the stuff that facilitated the previous head of IT spending some time in very intimate communion with an angel of moderate rank? I've been trying to find out if there's a comparable tea.

>>345059

Indeed. Back when I was working with strictly mundane implements and methods, this wonderful woman's glorious brew was the reason I got as much done as I did. She only makes it on commission or personal favor, and she charges a pretty penny if it's not pro bono.

>>345060

And yes, this is the stuff. It's why I was so willing to proclaim HERETIC about your tea preference as I was. Considering the power it holds, can you really blame me?

Of course, if you ever do find a tea to match I may just change my tune. I'm not averse to adapting to new developments.

>>345062

Well then, now I have a frame of reference. This will help immensely.

>>345049

>goes against everything I know about Magic and the Soul

That just means whatever god they called upon to do it was very dark and very old.

>>345047

Relax and breathe. You told me that you're happier now than you ever were before, who gives a shit if it was all engineered or not?

Tee, I'm bringing Maria, and we're going to take some time to sit down together in the lounge just be together at a state of rest for a bit.

>>345047

>>345064

Got a response back from Tek, much faster now I've had the initial connection. Having them "on-call" is handy.

>from: <undeadgearhead@antiqueroadstershow.com.>

>to: <Shura@maint.mamonocorp.int>

>subject: re:soul shenanigans

>

>boy

>do you seriously think that is a thing

>really now

>souls are by nature alive

>they change

>but the forms they take on are those they permit

>forms they could have always been

>forcing a soul to one form over another

>foolishness

>souls do not work that way

>goodnight

>

>

>

>

>and what is this nonsense about dark gods

>

>>345066

That sounds like an incredible plan. It's been crazier than usual, and that's saying something.

>>345060

Assets, just to split hairs. Technically our departments only merged on the org chart once Mad Slav won the tourney. We still control the assets register for production and R&D surplus as well as IT.

>>345075

Mea culpa. Keeping track of the org chart is ein schmerz en den arsch sometimes.

Alright, with as late as it is, I'm going to shift the drones into watchdog mode. We'll be deepdiving the network to keep an eye on things, so don't worry if I appear unresponsive, the drones' options will be competely online. Just need to stop dividing focus, is all; even with four minds working as one it's not easy. Having difficulty even keeping track of what term to use. I? We? Whatever. Maintenance is on the job.

And if I find marker on my face when we come to, I'm going to be quite cross.

Drone network deepdive complete, spinning down to normal functionality. Didn't find any hazards, so far, hope that trend continues.

On the plus side, I got a lot of additional info on the new drones' abilities and understanding how to operate them. Kurt, your assistance with the new framework is deeply appreciated. The "Matriarch-Noble-Worker" system is far more manageable and responsive than the original iteration.

And on that note, as of today the drone appearance contest is concluded. Thanks to all those who participated, entries will be read through and judging commenced later in the day.

R&D now ready to start testing on a couple of new lines, so volunteers are welcome. First, our transformation influencing isolation pods have been approved for public testing and are being made available to the local medical community for the treatment of pre-Alps. So anyone finding themselves in that condition, feel free to talk to your Spirit specialist about this option.

In other more accessible testing, we're working on improved VR/remote sleeve sensory integration. We're focusing on reducing disorientation from VR operating heavy equipment, as well as allowing VR operators to benefit from the sensory strides we've been making in less industrial sleeves. Don't worry, we'll have masculine sleeves available for male testers. Also, unless you've got a mechanical or magically-augmented brain, don't expect to be multi-operating like our resident mages or AI do.

>>345121

Zuzi, I know I've said it before, and I'll say it again: thank you for this. It helps more than I can properly express.

>>345125

Your contacts must really want this, I've never seen tech fast-tracked to medical testing like this before.

Saying this ahead of time, because I just KNOW the server is going to mess with the postings:

Messenger. Pigeons.

>>345127

>Your contacts must really want this, I've never seen tech fast-tracked to medical testing like this before.

You don't know the half of it. There's only so much magic can accomplish, due to caster limitations. The schools have been searching for a way to safely manage the burnouts' transformation without success for a stupid amount of time - this tool is legitimately the answer they've been looking for. Considering the sort of mindset the procedure brings, can you really blame them for wanting to have the tool be widely available?

I may never properly understand tech, but I know good things when I see them, and this is most certainly a strong example. Let me know if you need any help with anything, the network means I've got abundant time to spare.

>>345132

>when and where

Not sure about the time or date specifically, but the portal is here. Worst case, I can teleport people who can't otherwise get through, I know the place.

>worst comes to worst

If it helps, from what I understand it shouldn't come to blows. Daemons are big on deals and negotiations, if what I remember of the ceremony is right this is more a matter of Gazza making a show of the people who consider him worth their while, the people who - if it came to blows - would stand and fight at his side.

That said, I'm still bringing a part of the network to have regenerative fields on everyone.

So, what is the plan for Gazza's wedding this weekend? When and where do we meet?

Also, Mog wants to know how large the portal is going to be and what the upper size limit for "classy armed" is for mecha.

Personally, I'm still hoping this is all going to be just for show, but my magic training is far along enough that I should be able to handle myself. Worst comes to worst, I think I can manage at least one decent Angel Arm blast with my new toy without passing out.

>>345134

See my post here: >>345133

I say again, MESSENGER. PIGEONS.

>>345121

Zuzi, what do you think of using the new VR tech with the Matriarch drone controller I built a while back?

>>345141

Near as I can tell, the user only needs to directly control the commanding drone which directs the mostly automated swarm, right? If so, one unaugmented pilot should be able to occupy the commanding drone with the improved integration as well as current rigs let you work with things like the heavy loaders in Receiving. The non-humanoid nature of the drones will lead to some disorientation.

>>345142

Currently, I've got it set up such that using a VR rig with the Matriarch unit puts you in a simulated environment that's designed to allow better control of the networked drones, as well as giving the option to pilot one of the drones directly through a sim cockpit.

Maintenance Bulletin:

Yes, many of the generation two drones currently take the appearance of parrots. Yes, the new drones can speak. No, they will not participate in the "Polly Want a Cracker" joke. Seriously, it's old and bad, get new material. And if you truly need a prop for a pirate costume you can submit a request in writing.

>>345144

Excellent concept, then the disorientation should be minimal. The improved haptic skin noise should make it feel more like you're in an actual cockpit. If you want to try it out, go right ahead.

>>345146

I think I will, should come in handy for getting the last of the physical prep work done for the new servers.

>>345145

Your parrots are a hit in the daycare area.

>>345151

Thanks! I was hoping they would work out. Do you think I should stick with them, or occasionally put in owls, or maybe some landborne critters?

>>345154

The kids all say they like the pretty colors, I'd stick with parrots.

>>345156

>>345157

Yeah, I originally went with the parrots because of Astali's interest in the colors. Wanted to have something in there to help her get used to the new situation. If that's what the kids like, great!

But I'm open for ideas on options. The glamours are inherently simple, so it's not like there's restrictions on what they can look or feel like. If you think of anything to try, let me know.

>>345159

I'm inclined to repeat your line on messenger pigeons.

Some variety could be good, perhaps a few other brightly-colored birds to add to the mix since the kids like the colors?

>>345159

Giant butterflies might be nice.

>>345161

>>345160

I think I know of just the things. Shouldn't be too difficult to get models prepared for a semi-randomized rotation. Have to spend a good bit of dilated time getting the behaviours right, first.

R&D just received a package, no return address, cleared by Security. It's got Maria's things in it. Some clothes, photographs, a stuffed rabbit, and most importantly, her birth certificate. I'm bringing her up there now.

Maintenance Bulletin:

Thank you, all three of you who participated in the Drone Appearance Contest!

Sadly, two of the entries had to be disqualified immediately due to infohazards. You know who you are, nice try. As such, the winner by default is the Receiving Department's Jade! As his submission included detailing from the company slogan, Jade will receive both the first prize and the bonus.

But wait, there's more! A landslide vote on the part of the Daycare Department came from the ventilation system, delivered by a mofucore completely out of nowhere, demanding recognition of two unregistered submissions. The second and third place prizes will therefore be awarded to the IT Department's Kurt, and the R&D Department's Tandy for their suggestions of "Colorful Birds" and "Colorful Butterflies." Little one, how did you even hear about these? I haven't even started making them!

And for those of you wondering about what the keys mean, and what their importance is regarding the breakroom? Simple! The breakroom in question is absolutely normal. But when the keys are used on the door, they unlock a room containing exactly what you want at the time you want it. Yes, it is just like a room from a book you may have read. No, I can't replicate it, I don't actually remember how I made it. The winners may claim their prizes at a time of their choosing. Seriously, little one, put the eyes away, I get those from my own kids enough as it is.

>>345190

I'll be up in a moment to see the contents.

>>345068

>Dark Gods

>Nonsense

This smack to anybody else of 'Pfft! Of course Santa's real, now go to bed so I can finish wrapping the presents.' Maybe I'm just paranoid today. Nerves I suppose.

>>345134

The closet's… well it's a big closet, but yeah nah I think Shura needs to handle that one.

>>344725

Are you aiming for sainthood? Because fuck it if I'm not gonna have you beatified at this rate. One question though, is it possible to hit the deck hard enough to make reality 'wobble' in there? Because if not I think I probably should see a medic. Not to kiss and tell but I think Machiko's carries a fair bit of tension in her day-to-day…

..I-I mean, just from what we've talked about. Yeah, talked, that's the ticket. Shut up Robutt, I'm not blushing, you're blushing!

>>345200

>pfft, santa's real

You're not paranoid. She sent a followup email, demanding I not post it, confirming that such things are very real, and that discussion on the matter is prohibited under multiple forms of law. Your Bishop's recommendation of prayer? Very much valid.

>sainthood

I'll be lucky if I ever come close to doing enough deeds that I might feel I merit that title, even if I decide to make myself biologically immortal.

>hit the deck, make it wobble

It's meant to be sturdy and self-repair over time. Go see a medical practitioner. I'm licensed, if you need immediate attention.

>>345200

I get the distinct feeling that you're going to be almost as mercilessly teased as Telia is with how easily you seem to get flustered…

>>345202

Ever seen a dragon in full wing just yank a fully grown bloke off his feet while stammering and weeping apologies? Because that's a thing that just happened. Benny's face was priceless. I assume he is either on his way to a hospital, or on his way to a locum in attendance at 's house while she babies him outrageously.

Message from Marketing Systems: Baby, you know that name hurts her feelings and she's really very sweet.

Only after she's had Benny playing dragonlance up her unmentionables…

JONATHAN PEARCE ANDERSON!

…You've been talking to Sister Margarethe, haven't you? Oh the betrayal!

…Promise? Okay I'll be good.

So yeah, Finance folks, it's probably a safe bet to say this board is no longer safe from your boss. I can't think of any other way she'd have known unless she installed monitoring… Baby did you give her access to the security feeds down here?

Apologies, Marketing System Unit is unable to facilitate that request. Please try again later.

That's a yes if ever I heard it.

Alright, to the point. Gazza. He said 'This weekend' probably because he knows getting to hell isn't as simple as hailing a robo-cab. I guess the general plan is to get there when we can and we'll do what needs doing once we reach an appropriately critical mass.

>>345208

Blast it, I didn't mean he was injured, I just meant to do a quick checkup! Seriously, I said practitioner, not doctor. The included spa takes care of ailments and heals wounds, anything short of actual disfiguring injury would have been fine. Could you let them know, next chance? I don't have his contact info.

>>345202

I need to talk to your former NCO, transmission in my wagon is acting up again.

>>345208

My money's on Telia having helped Ms, Tatsuyokai set up a monitor using the access that she has as an employee here (yes, that's right, she's had the ability to log on and read this board this whole time).

>>345211

>Contact info

Neither does he. His phone and wallet are still in his locker here on the dock. Guess he really is getting spoiled today…

…Okay I think Benny's paranoia is catching because I just had an unworthy as fuck thought pop into my head. You don't think she… PLANNED all this, do you? Go too rough on him in the pocketverse, conveniently 'forget' about the spa, wait for him to be Benny and check himself over and pounce?

>>345215

>transmission

You can reach her at "undeadgearhead@antiqueroadstershow.com". I've sent her a message to expect your contact.

Weird address, I know. It's the only digital communication option she ever bothers checking. She only set it up because her hobby required it; otherwise, we'd have stuck to the messenger birds, or teleportal comms if we absolutely needed quick contact.

>>345218

>planned?

Honestly, considering some of the stuff my own three have cooked up, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Oh Ammit above I tried some of this Firewine coffee and holy sweet Ammit does it work I've never felt as energetic in my life excuse me while I relearn how punctuation works

>>345193

>first prize

Fantabulous. I'll be along shortly to pick up that key and the gold, and to drop off the first box of paperwork. Given current events, might be worth postponing the trip.

About that room: If I were to request food or other consumables, would they be spontaneously created or pulled from another place? I would really rather not incur the ire of, say, Mrs. Firewine, when I open the door while in need of caffeine and the room swipes her stash. (Seriously, this coffee is the fucking best.)

>>345242

That reminds me, I may have a lead on a tea with similar properties to Firewine coffee. A buddy from college went into business selling insanely high-class tea, and he told me that there's a blend that his grandfather used to make that matched what I'm looking for. Problem is, the book the recipe is in is partially-burnt, so there's a couple of unknown ingredients.

>>345244

>the recipe is partially-burnt

@Kurt: Do you think your friend could tell us how old this book is, or, more to the point, roughly how long ago the fire damage to the book occurred?

@Shura: Do you see where I'm going with this? Do you have any Wizard colleagues roughly as old as Kurt's friend's grandfather or older who might be willing to help with a bit of Syntropomancy?

>>345242

I honestly have no definite answer for how they work. For all I know, the rooms the keys open are unique existences, the contents created immediately and dynamically for that purpose. But seeing as how all my tests have shown that they're a case of what you need, not what you want, it could simply be the Source providing goods, as opposed to taking from outside materials. Considering that the day I made those keys was a day I had drunk a total of three carafes of the Firewine Blend…

I should also clarify that the breakroom door is a red herring. It's the keys that matter. They'll work no matter what door they're used on, as far as I've been able to test.

One last thing. Seeing as you're the winner, I'm letting you decide which design you want to be featured outside the Daycare.

>>345244

>>345248

Give me a moment. I need to make a call.

>>345242

Speaking of that, would Kurt and I be allowed to take Maria with us on the moon trip? If not, I think I'd give up my slot to her.

>>345249

>choosing a design

I'm going to be honest, I have no opinion. I only entered for a chance to have someone else do my paperwork for a while. I'll leave it up to you - my design was more a crystal-spires sort of aesthetic, which clashes pretty heavily with colorful animals and such.

>room details

That's pretty freaky. Just tried one out and got a handcart - which makes sense, since this paperwork is going to be pretty hefty. Why did you make that a prize, anyway? There was no way that could possibly end well for you.

>three carafes of Firewine blend

Did you get a stomach pump when you tried one out? Because that sounds like a caffeine overdose in progress.

>>345244

>firewine blend tea

If you find the recipe, I'll pay whatever price you or your buddy end up charging. This coffee is wonderful, but I've always preferred the taste of tea.

By the way, your first shipment for the finance upgrade is in. You've got at least one more coming after the weekend.

Kurt, just got off a teleportal comm with Screyton. Let her know when you've got the book available, and she'll teleport out to take a look. She knows about the Firewine Blend, but can't stand coffee - the chance to try a version she can stomach will be payment enough. I'll still pay the price if the guy asks for anything.

>>345250

I don't do lawyer stuff. The only legalese I'm sticking to is that each trip only takes one rock back. If you want to go as a group each time, I've no problem with it.

>>345252

>design

Then bright animals it is. Makes it easier to keep the whole network consistent.

>paperwork prize

Because I find it relaxing? You pick up odd hobbies in Isolation years.

>stomach pump

Please. I'm a dedicated Syntropomancer - as long as I've got more than a third of my body intact, I can heal up in under a minute. Besides, this is Firewine Blend. It surpasses such things as mere caffeine.

>>345248

Book's at least 6 generations old, and not the original. Apparently Yom's descended from a tea-maker who was wed to a spirit of some sort from the east, and that ancestor left an ancient collection of recipes in the form of a bunch of scrolls. Yom's dad rescued it from a fire that took the original when he was a kid.

The two recipes that he's been able to reconstruct in the past decade (with mundane means mind you) have made it such that he'll probably never have to worry about money again. He also mentioned that he'd sell at cost to someone who could help him recover the other recipes.

>>345193

Still not sure if Tee got second and I got third or vice versa.

>>345252

Thanks for the heads-up, I'll cue up some of my drones to bring it in.

>>345253

I'll send Yom a message. Odds are he'll insist on it being looked at in his presence.

>>345257

You can have second. I don't really need any of the cosmetic spells, I can just modify myself. And it doesn't matter which of us gets the key.

>>345257

>book age

Then Screyton will have no problem. The one time I asked her age, she started listing events. Next thing I knew, I was waking up in an infohazard mindrepair bed.

Of course, she could have been messing with me, but I'm willing to bet she's at least old enough to manage the repair.

>which prize

Well, whichever you go for, I should clarify that the cosmetic spells are things like physical enhancements, minor capabilities, that sort of thing. Not healing medicine, but where you can see in the dark, endure hours of physical activity without tiring, lift a car over your head…that sort of cosmetic. ''Non-essential" is another term for it.

>>345253

>odd hobbies

To each their own. On a tangentially related subject, I'm going to take advantage of my sudden downtime to practice my magic a bit. Right now I've got a lightball running through the rainbow like a demented disco ball, and I'm only slightly winded. Hopefully I'll be able to work up to the point where I can do something somewhat useful.

>>345261

>that strange definition of 'cosmetic'

I was actually going to pass on the cosmetic spells, because I assumed they were mostly, well, cosmetic. If you can give me nightvision and endurance or reduce my need for sleep or something I'll have to reconsider. Just give me a day or two to come up with ideas.

>>345261

>cosmetic spell definition

What I want: Increased physical endurance, enhanced physical toughness, and perfect pitch.

Why I want it: reasons, kids can get into messes sometimes, and I miss being able to do some of the neat tech tricks I could do when I had trained my ears to the point of having perfect pitch.

>>345266

Mundane medicine has a monopoly on the basic medical cosmetics like facelifts and liposuction. It's not something casters have ever really cared enough about to challenge. Just let me know whatever you decide on.

>>345267

>choices

Simple enough. Drop on by when you're ready, and I can have it done in a few minutes.

>>345269

Be there shortly.

Servers being slow for anyone else right now?

>>345271

Great. That should about do it. Now, I do need to confirm a few points; endurance and perfect pitch are passive enough to not be a problem, but toughness has a cost, and draws power from your spirit. You'll be able to walk away unharmed from around a dozen-ish impacts with a speeding car or the equivalent, or maybe a couple shots from those cannons R&D has. After that, though, your soul will rapidly drop the effects to prevent burnout, so don't take too much harm in a short period.

>>345275

>servers being slow

I'm seeing decreased activity, not sure as to server response times.

>limitations on spells

Good to know, especially on the toughness one. I'm only intending the toughness to help for something like "Maria accidentally a heavy object in my direction," not turning me into superman, but all the same it's important to know your limits.

>>345277

>turning into superman

Hah. That sort of thing would only be possible with active casts. The spell's a standard matter, the effects vary from person to person based on their soul and certain other factors. You're getting as much as you are because you've got a fairly hefty soul to begin with, and your love for your family is greatly enhancing the rate at which it replenishes.

Login successful. Voice Recognition activated

Are you sure it's working? Which light, the red one? Ah.

This is a message for Operations Director… Really? Killclick? That's his name? I see why you call him 'Mad Slav' now.

I have put through a resource request for Benjamin Ross to be placed on secondment to the Finance department until further notice as a… Managerial assistant… No hush dear one, lay back down…

His… Unique abilities have proven quite invaluable and I have fears for department productivity were I to… Lose access to him. Expect Directorial approval first thing monday morning… Yes, we're still going to the wedding, lie back down, you're still groggy from the medication.

>>345321

I require clarification.

…Did Benny just get Hoarded?

>>345321

>>345322

<So the dashing knight and the daring drake did go head-to-head with the intent to bring each to their knees in submission, only to find they could only bring about a little death from which each rose with yet rekindled desire for victory.

<Makes sense. Steel knows I've seen it enough times.

<Yes, dear, I'll get off the line. What, don't press send? Too late!

>>345277

Considering I caught her casting into an idle heavy loader when she thought I wasn't paying attention, she's likely to be the heavy object that's accidentally in your direction. I think I'll teach her to occupy one responsibly when they're not so busy down there, it might help her get used to being stronger than she expects.

>>345325

>Kidbot's learning to play with Loaders

Lord of Light be with us all…

>>345327

>>345325

I’ll be setting up a VR environment to run on one of my personal machines this evening to allow for safer experimentation. Should help ease concerns and avoid tying up too many resources.

>>345339

I’m trying to find that antique high-class “fuck you and whoever’s behind the wall you’re standing in front of” elephant rifle. Once I’ve found that, I’ll be ready to head through the portal.

Maintenance Bulletin:

For those seeking assisted transit to the upcoming wedding ceremony, please contact the Maintenance Department and be ready at the Loading Docks exterior. Multiple transit opportunities will be available, but only to a certain point, so please be prompt.

>>345341

>assisted transit to the upcoming wedding ceremony

Mog and I will be needing that, but I was able to finally talk her down from a 20-meter-tall mech to something more in the 6-10 meter range.

You should have seen it. She's had more trouble deciding on a mech design than she did picking out a dress

>>345343

<No problem, let us know when you're at the Docks and Wielder will bounce you two over here.

>>345343

You can't even start to pick a dress until you know what chassis it needs to match.

>>345327

Playing is exactly what I'll be teaching her not to do.

>>345337

I appreciate the thought, love, but the real thing is a better lesson. I'll be ready to override if she gets too far off course.

>>345341

Be there in five.

>>345357

<My, my, such a careful mother.

<Now, Wielder is indicating he and Mount are ready to transit a group. Those of you who are gathered, please brace yourselves - there's always a slight jarring sensation. Like catching yourself mid-step.

<In three, two, one…

>>345325

>playing with heavy machinery

Weekend's a good time for that, if you like. After the wedding, obviously.

>>345359

On my way for the next group. Sorry I'm late - never was a big suit fan, had to remember how ties worked.

>>345368

<Thank you for waiting, we'll have you all over momentarily!

<And don't worry, Wielder can't do ties either. He's always - eheh, sorry, I'll let you focus. Are we waiting for anyone else?

<Oh, and watch the first step, it's a doozy.

>>345374

Doozy mein arsch. Where did you guys get to? I got separated from the group and now I'm just standing by the portal that leads into the closet looking like an idiot.

>>345404

I think I know where you are. Cress, I thought you were handling comms!

<Sorry…

Kurt, stay put and I'll pull you over here.

>>345405

Much obliged.

>>345406

Don't thank me yet, I just dragged you deeper into Hell, without a handbasket even.

But in all seriousness, is anyone else yet to arrive?

>>345357

>You can't even start to pick a dress until you know what chassis it needs to match.

I have since discovered that, since she had to redo the dress about three times after settling on the mech.

We are here and ready.

>>345413

Drones see you - hoboy. Nu, hope you got that pattern ready.

<Zeke, Ms. Mogawi, thank you for waiting. Please watch your step. Transit will commence in three, two, one…

>>345412

Still waiting on Benny and Frau Tatsuyokai, as well as Herr Worthington, Zuzi, and a few others (if my memory is correct and I've not simply missed their arrival).

>>345420

I'm at the transport site now. Had to find the right dress to match my ride-on fleshmower.

>>345423

>ride-on fleshmower

<AHAHAHAHA

Oh dear.

<SO MANY IDEAS

Rossa, no.

<ROSSA, YES!

Ugh. Getting your transit prepped. If she's planning what our joined consciousness tells me she's planning, I will get you for this.

>>345420

Machiko had her own way of getting here. I'm assuming James did too because he was here to meet us (insert joke about Hell and Lawyers here) And either hell has orcs as well or the leatherbound, screaming mass heading for what I assume is the Duke's residence are the Orcs from Receivables.

Now Gaz said there would be… Oh… He really does have pins in his head, doesn't he?

>>345423

Alright, Zuzi, sorry about the delay - Rossa's little temper tantrum made calculations difficult. I just know I'm going to be fighting dozens of those "fleshmowers" barehanded in my next few dreams.

Starting your transit in three, two, one…

>>345426

>"pinhead"

Oh, hey, █████ ! Long time no see, thanks for the cookbooks. Can you believe these guys really see you as "Pinhead?"

>>345442

So you're the one they see as "Pinhead." All honesty, you look to me like a less-murderous version of somebody I used to know.

>>345442

He looks like Pacino to me.

>>345444

>>345445

Appearances are deceiving, she's the best doctor I know and makes a fantastic souffle.

>>345448

Right. Let's see, what was that technique that those monks taught me for resisting illusions again…

>>345448

Of course Mog would see her as a stuffed penguin doll with peg legs and little bat wings.

>>345454

Don't break your brain on it, Kurt, even I don't know what she actually looks like. I've only ever seen her as a sort of Satyros.

>>345462

End result was her appearance shifting to someone else I used to know, with much less of a negative history attached. Also made pretty much everything take on appearances associated with less negative memories than before.

>>345463

…That's a ruddy useful tool. I've never even managed to get a slight shift in the illusion. Assuming we all get out of this alive, after everything's settled I'm going to be asking for a way to contact those monks. Could use learning that technique.

>>345466

Saved mein arsch on more than one occasion in college. You don't wanna be a single guy near a dorm full of fey and baphs partying it up any time near a full moon.

I'm sure them being drunk off their collective arsch was a great help, but I was actually able to completely break their illusions.

>>345448

Oh how wonderful, she looks like music!

So this is Hell, eh? Reminds me of home, in a way. Not sure what that says about me.

>>345426

>orcs from receiving

Yeah, they said they had their own way down.

>>345469

Having a synesthesia moment liebling? (did I get that right?) certainly does elicit good memories, so it makes sense.

>>345479

I heard back from Yom on the matter of his recipe book. He's interested, and invited you, me, and Screyton to come have a look after the wedding.

>>345486

Sounds good. I'll set up a transit when we get the chance.

And I most definitely need to seek out those monks. Pretty sure something around here's messing with my head, even with three other minds to help shield it. Never was much good with Psionomania attacks.

>>345479

>>345486

VERDAMMTE BRIEFTAUBEN, ICH SCHWÖRE BEI GOTT

>>345488

Let's just hope the Duke and Gazza come to whatever resolution they're gonna reach soon. Much as I like the people here, there's no denying that Hell is not good for temporary visitors.

Hang on, why am I just sitting around complaining? I can teleport, blast it! I'll be back in a few minutes with tea and some cups. Hopefully that'll help with the wait.

>>345492

Well, after much negotiation and near descent into fisticuffs over the interpretation of the word 'Assume', I am glad to announce that Duke of has acceded to wed Princess Clarice of the aforementioned (I am not trying to pronounce that again) to Gareth DeRichon, annointed Knight-Errant of the Temple of Holy Light. The ceremony will take place in the antechamber, principal guests taking priority, with a reception in the… It's a what? No. I'm not saying that. Reception to be conducted in the main ballroom.

(…Don't threaten me, dimples, I've got more friends down here than you realize.)

>>345494

Sir, I know you're mostly just acting as the messenger, but I swear if you have a request and it is within my ability I will grant it.

>>345496

Have the flutist discretely strangled? I've run into him during the coronation of Baron of the fifth gate and he really is just terrible.

I'm kidding. Everything's fine.

>>345494

>>345498

I'd make a joke about lawyers and hell, but that's better saved for when we're properly drunk later in the celebration.

Now then, on to the happy occasion!

>>345498

>everything's fine

More like everything's blessed amazing!

>>345499

Indeed! Onward! For this is a day of much joy!

>>345494

>it's a what

Now you've got me curious.

In all seriousness, MAGNIFICENT. Let's go see how good demonic booze is, shall we?

>>345501

>demonic booze

Just be careful with that stuff. It's amazing, yes, but drink too much and the illusion of a Satyros will get massively irritated and curse you to never be able to drink again.

>>345503

>too much

The other option is for me to wallflower, and that sure as hell ain't happening, so I'll have to take the risk.

>>345506

Let's worry about that after the actual wedding's done.

Speaking of, I think it's about to start. Oh, glorious day!

>>345507

I'm not sure what I was expecting from a demonic wedding, but this wasn't it. Not in a bad way, mind, just surprising.

Beautiful. Only way to describe it, really. Simply beautiful. C, Gazza…those two are going to have a wonderful life together, I just know it. The light between them - by the Source it shines so brightly!

>>345512

Agreed. This nice of an event is a must for… Need to figure out….. What I need to be doing now is congratulating the newlyweds, not getting distracted from why we're here right now, no matter how important the distraction in question is.

>>345513

Lemme guess: Tandy?

>>345514

You'd have to be denser than that poor sap who got locked in with the sabbath infiltrator to not get that right. (Seriously, who else would I be thinking of?)

>>345516

Demonic booze, that's who.

Kidding. I know I'm not the brightest bulb in the box, but yeah, that much was blazing obvious. And I'm in the same boat here, believe me. With all the love in the air, that'd be impossible to avoid. Still, I intend to thoroughly cheer on C and Gazza before they head off. Not going to let slip the chance to give my best wishes to my oldest friend and one of my newest, you know?

>>345517

Speaking of, it bears saying again: Congratulations to the newly-minted Herr und Frau DeRichon!

>>345518

Hear, hear! May their life be full of love, their love full of life, and their days without number!

>>345518

Hear hear!

Let us say a toast to Gazza's soon-to-be-demolished pelvis as well, heh.

>>345520

How about something with a bit more "oomph?"

Τα οστά του δεν θα σπάσουν ποτέ. Ούτε η βούλησή του ποτέ να λυγίσει. Το σώμα του ποτέ δεν θα κουραστεί.

It'll probably only last a few days, but hopefully that'll give him a bit more to work with.

>>345513

Now don't think you have to compete with this show, love. You don't need to go to great lengths to make me happy.

>>345564

Compete? No, just taking inspiration from a few details.

<Maintenance Bulletin:

<The Maintenance Department would like to apologize for potential slowness of service by the drone network.

<Department Head Shura is currently on a brief leave-of-absence, and so the three of us are managing the department in his place. Depending on how quickly he recovers, he may be back before the end of the day.

<We…may have gone a little overboard in the aftermath of the wedding.

<Maintenance will still be managed as per usual - we have been practicing!

<Hopefully this should not impact overall performance too much; ideally, outside of emergency matters the performance decrease won't be noticeable.

<You can still reach the Maintenance Department through the drone network, or through Shura's company mailing.

<So, again, thank you for your patience in this matter.

>>345565

On the other hand, if you want to compete with Benny's romp and test out your new toughness on some of this equipment's hidden special features, I'm game. Ever made it with a power loader before?

>>345597

I'm game. However, let's try to cause less damage to our surroundings than our resident drachenritter did, given the hit to the maintenance department's staffing.

>>345599

>>345597

<If you two want to go about your business, um, could you hold on a moment while we set some wards? Shouldn't take more than a few minutes.

Illias condemn me my head fucking hurts

I think I blacked out right after the toast. I haven't partied that hard, well, ever. If I did anything embarrassing or insulting while I was alcohol, have a blanket apology. I can assure you this hangover is adequate punishment for my actions.

>>345597

>>345599

Please use one of the loaders that isn't in Receiving

Relax, It's the same custom chassis I've been wearing, we're not going to soil your equipment.

>>345604

<Let's see…repair schema, multiple reinforcement layers, minor regeneration - these notes on that subplane are coming in handy.

<Better double down on the new soundproofers while we're at it.

<Alright, we've got an area warded and ready; it's not a perfect setup, but it'll handle most of what you can throw down. We'll pull the drones out of the area for privacy and mark it as temporarily off-limits. Have fun, you two!

Hangovers and randiness. Sounds like you boys and girls had fun storming the castle.

>>345614

Messenger pigeons. All I have to say about that.

Anyway, anybody know a good place to get more ties? Given how Tee reacted to the act of removing the one I wore for the wedding, I'm planning to wear one more often.

>>345602

<Jade? Your first batch of paperwork has been completed and is ready for pickup.

>>345610

<I'm certain there are recordings, but yes, it was most certainly amazing.

>>345617

>Messenger Pigeons

<I swear the system has been mocking us. We've been having trouble all day. Took forever to get that first bulletin posted.

>ties

<Mount claims there's a nice haberdasher over by the library. She's been trying to get Wielder to go there for a set of his own, to no avail.

<…Don't suppose you or your associates would be willing to try and convince him when he gets back, would you?

>>345607

The soundproofers worked, but the impacts must have reverberated through the structure because we had applauding orcs on our way out.

>>345617

You're determined to get as much use as you can out of your endurance and toughness upgrades, aren't you.

>>345619

>Convincing Shura to wear ties

Get him to wear one once, and let the effect it has on Nubia (at least, I assume it's something similar to what ties seem to do for Tee) be experienced in full force.

Also, let Shura know that once he's feeling a bit more fully recovered we can pay Yom a visit over that recipe book.

>>345621

The look on your face when I was removing my tie was incredible. Can you really blame me for wanting to see it more often?

<Oh sweet STEEL why are the rusting servers going so odd?

<Forget pigeons, tin cans and string would be more viable.

>>345621

>soundproofers, impacts, orcs

<Noted, and we'll add that to the list of pending improvements.

>>345624

>tie strategy

<Will do, Mount can't wait to try.

<…Chances are, that day Wielder will end up being out afterwards as well. Sorry in advance.

<Oh, and System? I'm sorry for the off commentary. Please block these relevant postings from our account's view after Wielder returns?

>recipe book

<Will do. He'll be back within an hour; it's as much time as we were able to convince him to take for recovery.

<I swear that man is so stubborn at times. Yes, he's good at healing, but still, after Blade put him through the wringer he really needed to rest!

>>345624

>>345621

Alright lovebirds, rope it in. Anyway Tand, I've been researching like you wanted now that we have Maria's identity, turns out your little girl's been officially inducted as a Junior Member in the Northeast US Regional Sabbath, no chapter listed. But if they were treating her, when her parents died and with a lack of any next of kin, as a sect member they would have had the right to continue to do so in loco parentis. You might be on the lookout for any notions she might have picked up during her stay with the Washboard Society.

>>345629

Might have to call up that irritating arschloch from the business school who was dating the daughter of a high-ranking member of the Southern US Regional Sabbath, see if I can't get in touch with somebody in the Eastern Regional group for more info.

>>345631

<If it helps, Wielder does still have access to the contacts the Guilds demand graduates meet on occasion. I can forward the relevant details to you, if you'd like.

I doubt they'll tell anyone which chapter specifically was involved. If nobody can figure out what was done or who did it, investigation into possible violations of whatever won't get anywhere.

>>345633

Might be worthwhile.

>>345634

What I'd like to do is sit down with one of the Sabbath who knows something and see if they can't be convinced to pitch in when it comes time for a legal fight over Maria's status. After all, they're why Maria's to be the focus of this legal scheißsturm, and it feels almost like letting them up and abandon her to not ask.