/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance★

Archive of previous thread: http://archive.is/HUqPq

>>343324

L-LEWD!

Placing this here for reference, lest Jade be smugly the winner of the first, second, third and runners-up prizes.

Maintenance Bulletin:

I would like to thank all of you who have been making use of the experimental repair drones. The test results have been outstanding. As such, before I issue the next set I would like to offer up a contest regarding the visual appearance. The ugly stick is no more!

The winner will receive:

>Eleven kilograms gold metal

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One key fitting the fourth floor breakroom door, you know the one

>Three cosmetic spells of their choice

>One month's worth paperwork filed on their behalf

Second place winner will receive the following:

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One key fitting the fourth floor breakroom door, you know the one

>Three cosmetic spells of their choice

>One month's worth paperwork filed on their behalf

Third place winner will receive the following:

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One month's worth paperwork filed on their behalf

To any runner-up entrants incorporating the company slogan, the following prize will be awarded:

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One cosmetic spell of their choice

Please note that infohazards, political marks, and any patterns designed specifically to elicit harm will be disregarded. Also note that the moon rocks will be selected by the winner, and thus round-trip transport is provided.

Anyone interested in entering the contest may do so by creating an image and/or description of their design, then placing their submissions within a box located just inside the Maintenance office. To qualify, submissions must be contained within a sealed envelope along with the entrant's name and department. The end date for submissions is one week from tomorrow. The winners will be determined the day after by means of popular vote, their names announced at the end of the day.

Best of luck, be creative, and remember: Mamono Consumer Products, Erecting the Future!

>>343331

You're hardly one to talk, hearing Jonno tell it.

>>343333

There was a rather interesting design rattling around on some of the forums I frequent some time ago, I may see about submitting something that improvises on it.

>>343301

Okay, so. I asked the Bishop, and he looked kind of puzzled, so he told me to meditate on the Word of the Lord until he returned... It was an enlightening and humbling experience as usual. When he came back, he was... giggling.

His Holiness, the Bishop of the First Temple of Holy Light, Pillar of the Faith, and Transultimate Apostle of The Most High Lord of Light, would ask you, "My Son, Didst thou think thou couldst wax eloquent 'pon the concept of engaging a choir of Holy Servants of The Lord in conjunction with thy mundane creation, and spur not the curiosity of the Heavens?"

So yeah. Apparently someone blabbed and now the Angels are curious. That's all.

As for the imp? His Holiness shrugged and said "Fuck knows, probably just trying to start shit."

Side note, anybody got any Alarune essence in their first aid kits? I think I may have gone a little overboard when conducting the rites of purification. My back is WRECKED.

>>343336

>blabbed

…Netzach was the one who contacted me!

>alraune essence

I've got three spare kits. Redundancy, after all. Help yourself.

Or either Zeke or I could hit you with some healing.

>>343326

Deserve or not, I'm what you've got.

>>343331

I bet you've done things far more comfy with your guy.

>>343335

Aww Lord be merciful… Tandy! She's so flustered she's blown another hydraulic all over the office… No baby it's not your fault… no… sweetie as much as I appreciate you trying to help at the moment you… squirt when you move.

(Seriously though you're not wrong… why just last night she was [REDACTED] while we [REDACTED] and [REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED ORGO BAKA!]

>>343338

And I'm beyond grateful to have you.

>>343340

Mission accomplished. I apologize for the trouble, but I needed a good laugh and Telia's an easy target for flustering into making it happen. (Also, you play right into it Jonno)

>>343341

From the shit-eating grin he's wearing right now whenever he thinks Robutt's not looking, it's entirely deliberate.

No fuck YOU Jonno, you ate my damn Bento.

Also I just had a terrified-looking minor daemon stick its head through the Portal in the closet and hand me another note. I guess either Clarice has confiscated Gazza's phone or he's determined to do this 'Old School'.

Oh… That IS a good question. Shura, you advised threatening the Duke with pitched battle to get him to agree to the courtship… He's asking if he should be planning for any of them to survive? He's also attached a list of names and…

Oh… Oh Lord be merciful. Shura… How much of Hell do you think the Demon Sovereign will deign to be razed in the name of Love?

>>343342

HOLD IT HOLD IT

That recommendation set was half corrupted! Give me a second to get it properly set.

System, you had best not corrupt my next post.

>>343345

Well, now we know where those mofucores came from.

>>343342

Right. So. I'm rewriting the instructions in case the system does try to futz them up, in which case I will personally █████ it backwards with ████ ██. Instructions are as follows:

Get to the Duke. Make a list of terms, an offer they cannot refuse. They will refuse. Then, you bring out the big guns - you show the forces who stand at your back and at your side, those you care for and who care for you in turn. This is not a power play, but character display. The people who value you are the strongest sign of the person you are. No negotiable terms will ever be good enough to be a valid measure for a loved one's hand - instead, you have to be the terms themselves. Show your value not by words, not through violence, but by being one who others consider worth their life.

>>343346

…And why Mrs. Fallwalker got that huge hush-hush payout last week.

>>343346

>>343348

How much do you want to bet that the one the Mad Slav is raising is the original one?

>>343346

>>343348

>>343349

Wait, there were more of them? They must've gotten into the ventilation system then. Could one of you send a fairy up here to look around?

Also, what are we supposed to do with the mofucores we find?

>>343351

You sit put and let my drones get them. It's one of their main purposes.

>>343342

And if my name's not on the list then add it. That moron's more than proved to me he's worth fighting for.

A notification to whoever the greeter is: if you see a demon demanding to speak with I, Dr. Bile, tell her I'm not here. After that give me a call so I can teleport away for a bit.

Oh, and this might be repeated a few times. Just a warning.

>>343360

Reception, feel free to ignore this as this person is no longer on this company's payroll due to recent events.

>>343361

>Payroll

Wait, I was getting paid?

>>343360

>>343364

Just to make sure we don't blab to the right demon, do you know who they'll most likely be or be working for? I'd hate to see the wrong demon getting the message.

>>343361

>>343364

He's also a wanted fugitive from interplanar law, a future child abuser if he carries out his current plan, and an idiot.

Honestly B, that magitech clone of yours may be a version of you, but do you think he's going to thank you for the actual literal torture you will have to put him through to turn his potential power into actual power? Do you think he'll hesitate to enact vengeance upon you? Would you, if you had that done to you? (Also, yes, one of your now known aliases was on R&D's payroll, but the account that it was being direct deposited into has been frozen by the interplanar cops.)

>>343365

Just don't say anything to any demon. I summoned a bunch. Don't screw me over, please. I have fail-safes, but they're expensive and I'd rather avoid using them.

>>343368

I've got a couple old microdrones. Verdammt things are nearly impossible to spot from a distance, and have excellent tracking algorithms. Just something to consider.

>>343369

Got it, now I know what you don't want said.

Seriously Bile, either you're not as intelligent as you think you are, or I've picked up more from the cheshire I used to live next to than I previously thought.

>>343369

So tell all of them exactly where your lab is along with accidentally knocking the purity seals keeping the nasty shit from using the closet off? Gotcha.

Also brother Haroldsen would like to inform you that yes, "impalement, crucifixion, and immolation" are all still appropriate punishments for that flavour of heresy.

You should feel proud. We actually have the chance to work out a codified treaty with at least three of the Hells thanks to your monstrosity and the assorted and varied factions who want to see you die screaming over it.

>>343368

>Honestly B, that magitech clone of yours may be a version of you, but do you think he's going to thank you for the actual literal torture you will have to put him through to turn his potential power into actual power?

Well, he is me after all. All my memories, emotions, aspects, and all that. We've already talked about it. And just so you know, he's fully matured at this point and qualifies as a legal adult. Child abuse? No. Self harm? Yes. Everything he feels I will feel. I'm not looking forward to it but I do what must be done.

Also I left three boxes of apology doughnuts in the main rec room as my way of saying sorry. Enjoy.

>>343374

You appear to have failed to consider the impact that such torture can have on a person. Unless you're somehow going to overwrite the clone with your own personality, you may get your comeuppance far sooner than you believe.

>>343376

Request received, disposal in progress.

>>343374

>Legal adult.

…that started as a simulated zygote you spawned in bad faith with arguably stolen genetic material which was then brought to term. There is no statute of limitations on the 6th Day Laws. And that's just prima facie.

A first-year would wipe the floor with this case if it was ever brought to trial. You've humped the bunk, Bile. There's just no two ways about it.

>>343375

>Unless you're somehow going to overwrite the clone with your own personality

Pretty sure the bastard already confessed to that.

>>343374

>Well, he is me after all. All my memories, emotions, aspects, and all that.

>>343379

Question is, before or after?

>>343375

>Unless you're somehow going to overwrite the clone with your own personality, you may get your comeuppance far sooner than you believe.

He already has my personality. He fully knows what's going to happen and that the experience will be mutual.

>>343376

>Bile, is there anyone you haven't pissed off?

Probably. I know for a fact that some group is going to try and get the process of doing it.

>I have already asked one of Shura's drones to dispose of the doughnuts--with extreme prejudice.

You know they were just regular doughnuts right? I'm in deep shit already so why would I do anything else. Besides, mass poisoning isn't my thing. I like to think I'm lawful good or there abouts.

>>343379

>Pretty sure the bastard already confessed to that.

He has my personality because he has well over half of my soul said process is extremely painful on my part. Souls are basically magical SIM cards in a way.

>>343381

> Souls are basically magical SIM cards in a way.

Souls. Do not. Work that way.

>>343381

You know, there are some things I never did understand about how someone could be so blindly convinced that they were in the right about something. I still don't understand how der hölle you think you're anything other than a twisted maniac, but I do now understand how a person can be utterly sure of something needing to be…. removed.

>>343381

And you either had to remove what was already there or stunt it's growth to keep it from overpowering or blending with what you put in, so you either gutted a kid's soul or treated it like a fucking bonsai. This is even worse than a personality overwrite.

>>343333

Foiled my scheme.

>someone Bile hasn't pissed off

Me, surprisingly. Aside from the thing with the corrupt contracts, that is. His work's always filed properly, no coghaz surprises, no leaving things lying around for twenty years uncollected, so on and so forth. Can't say I like the guy, but then again I don't like anyone.

Also, security, I just had a group of fairies try to mail themselves in. Box is zip-tied shut in an open space, could someone send a drone or something to pick them up?

>>343386

Request received. Where do you want them delivered?

>>343387

No idea. What does security usually do with trespassers? Last one I know of was that baphomet that snuck into R&D and got led into the basement or something.

For the record, please don't throw the fairies into the basement. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

>>343389

I'm going to go with my gut and have drones deliver the box to the Security department lockup. Hope they know what to do with it.

>>343381

> I'm in deep shit already so why would I do anything else.

My boy, you don't seem to understand your position. You're not just in deep shit. You're in the deepest shit a mortal can possibly be in. You've maxed it out. You've buried the needle. When you get dug out of this site like the tick you are, death will only be the beginning of your sentence. After that, the hells will be fighting over you to see who gets to flay your soul for eternity.

>>343390

Works for me, much appreciated. Regarding our video game chat last night, I brought in my old Playstation if you're still curious. You also convinced me to annoy every dwarf ever to exist by picking up Dwarf Fortress again, good job.

>>343391

>deep deep shit

You know, I feel like I missed something really important.

>>343394

>playstation

And this would be what again?

>really important

Enough that he's got a potential Kill Order authorized. Five days remain.

>>343391

You're blowing this out of proportion. I made a magical clone. If I recall it was banned because the process always ended with the thing going nuclear mid gestation. Mine didn't. I'm genuinely concerned with the attention I'm getting. Either they all have nothing else better to do or I did something by accident. Both are real possibilities.

Anyways I'm not offended that none of you want to eat my apology doughnuts. I understand the reasoning.

>>343398

>magical clone

SOULS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. You get ONE. Only one. If it gets damaged, if it gets removed and replaced, if it gets pieces taken off of it, it's the only one you have. You can't copy it. You can't divide it and have the same person twice.

>>343398

Also the ethics violations, and the lack of consent given by those who were used for genetic material, and Torvalds alone knows what else.

>>343397

Video game console. Specialized computer for playing video games.

>>343397

Special piece of hardware intended for playing video games. Comes with its own memory storage format and controllers. Nowadays the game market's mostly migrated to PC but the old consoles have their charm.

>kill order

…so I should stop fulfilling his orders?

>>343402

Might be a good idea. Just maybe.

>>343394

He collected DNA samples from magic users, and without the consent of these people used them along with his own DNA to create a clone with potential for great magical power, did something to EMPTY THIS CLONE OF ITS SOUL so he could chop of a chunk of his own and shove it in, and make it into a copy of himself with magic potential. To activate this potential, he will basically have to rip the soul out of the clone, subject it to the equivalent of horrible torture, and shove it back in.

>>343401

>>343402

>video games

And does this sort of thing have any sort of requirements for function?

>…so I should stop fulfilling his orders?

Given he's not on staff, yes. The KO is still pending, though. Bureauracracy at its best, no sarcasm at all.

>>343404

>>343403

>horrible shit that has been going on without me noticing

I really need to pay more attention to inter-office chat.

>>343405

Plug it into main power, hook it up to a TV, throw a game disk in. Not much in the way of setup.

>>343404

>He collected DNA samples from magic users, and without the consent of these people

They all signed a waver and consented to the DNA sampling. Did it say I'd make an abomination? No. But then again no contract states exactly what it's going to accomplish.

>>343407

>power

>tv

Going to need to get those as well, then.

>>343404

Of course, as Shura points out, he hasn't really copied himself. It would be like cutting yourself down the middle and saying you've made two people.

>>343407

You don't know the half of it. You must have heard the former CEO is in the shit and is no longer with the company. This is why. CEO authorized and facilitated these crimes.

>>343408

>no contract states exactly what it's going to accomplish

That is the fucking point of a contract, you absolute psychopath.

>>343407

>I really need to pay more attention to inter-office chat.

It's all in the logs, if you want the sordid details.

>>343408

I'm just glad my DNA didn't wind up in that thing. And we both know that, because if the sub-basement incident wasn't enough to encourage me to practice the heck out of my barriers, the thought of you or a little drone of yours with a needle and a secretive agenda sure was.

>>343409

I can bring a portable generator and an old TV tomorrow. They're not the best quality, but the generator is a steamer so it only needs heat and water, and the TV is an older flatscreen model that seems to be almost supernaturally durable. I've since gotten nicer replacements for both, and cables enough to spare.

>>343409

>needing a TV

I was just going to suggest setting it up in the break room or something. It's gonna look like garbage on a modern TV but there isn't much we can do about that. CRT TVs are hard to find.

>>343411

That explains a lot, actually…

>>343414

Tee, what're your thoughts on bring the CRT from our place up to one of the break rooms? All I've got are emulators, but I don't recall how much of your stuff we've yet to unpack.

>>343413

Thanks. Any suggestions on the sort of arrangement for best use? If I'm going to mine out another room I'd like to know the appropriate dimensions.

>>343417

Probably going to want enough space for 2 to 2.5 meters of distance between the furniture you sit on and the furniture the TV is on, and a smaller chamber off to the side that you can stick the generator in to cut down on the noise. I've got a spare 10 meter extension cord you can use to connect the TV and Console to the generator, or you can get a longer one for cheap.

>>343415

Sure, I'll bring it over now, along with some of my old systems. Man, being in two places at once is the shit. I'm currently in a spare body from R&D packing the stuff into my car, while here I'm preparing to print out labels to go on said stuff to mark it as mine.

>>343417

If you are planning on setting up a subspace area for this, mind if I tag along and watch and/or help? I could use the experience.

(By the way, is it safe to assume that, by the nature of these things, a successfully completed connection to a subspace can remain stable indefinitely once established, if left undisturbed? When I feel ready enough, I'm still gonna set up a basic one around my desk and let it sit there for a while before I even think about trying to make one for Mog.)

>>343419

>>343417

>>343421

Inter-office game night confirmed.

>>343422

If we're having an inter-office game night, I'm bringing out the projector and my multi-emulator PC build.

>>343419

>instructions

Many thanks, again. If possible, I'd like to see how this sort of thing works on the stuff you bring to the breakroom, first. Not sure I'd even be able to get into it enough considering time constraints with family and all.

>>343420

>being in two places at once is the shit

Why do you think I keep making drones?

>>343421

If I actually do go about making a fancy room for my own setup, I'd be doing it manually. It's good exercise, carving a mountain.

That said, I'm up for subplane access practice. And subplanes are varying degrees of stable. Finding one that's bedrock-reliable is easy; finding one like that in the form you want is difficult.

>>343422

>>343423

May the best player win. Which will likely be one of you.

And now just for the hell of it I'm drafting some quick plans for a MAME cabinet, I'll put some MDF on the CNC router, boom, I'll have this thing up in no time.

>>343426

I think I may have some of the working parts for an old one lying around in the attic.

>>343426

>arcade cabinet

Ammit above, I have unleashed something wonderful into the world. My jaded heart is slightly less jaded now.

>>343429

Just warning you, I'm going to be involved in this for a while, I need to print buttons and joysticks, maybe some trackballs for games like Centipede… Well, if you really need me you know where to find me.

>>343432

That's actually good for me, I need to check on the kids. Be back in a few.

>>343432

I'll swing by the house and dig out the MAME I never finished building, bring it to you.

>>343433

>back in a few

Agh, right when he leaves I need him. The fairies escaped their box and decided to come back for vengeance. I trapped one in a jar and the rest ran for the ventilation. Anyone in building A, be advised you might get some tiny visitors until Security pulls their collective heads out of their asses.

System Message: Transcript of telephone message. Intended recipients: none specified, defaulting to all. Employee contact information detected, attached as per standard.

"Jade, did you forget I have drones? I'm always there."

"Drones dispatched, will apprehend Fae."

>>343435

I'll bring back some quadcopters I set up to enforce a no-fly zone around my collegiate RC Flight club's shows. Be back on-premises in an hour at the most.

>>343436

>always there

Oh yeah, that's a thing. Like I said, I got one in a jar, Zelda style. Little bastards ran off with a couple boxes when they scattered, too - nothing too important, going by the law of large numbers they probably grabbed a bunch of dildos - so keep an eye out for those if you can.

I'll have to see if my new little friend is willing to divulge the origin of their package. I'll have to call my buddies from my retail days and make my ``displeasure`` known.

>>343438

…and again, the formatting is broke. This should work, or else something is very wrong with the servers…

System Message: Transcript of telephone message. Intended recipients: none specified, defaulting to all. Employee contact information detected, attached as per standard.

"Right, got it. Setting drones to sweep per information provided. Assigning five to ensure captured Fae does not escape, and twenty to monitor lockdown zone."

"Also, Kurt? Still need to pick your brain regarding the Gen 2 comms systems. Not urgent, not sending them out till next week, but will be needed eventually."

>>343440

Sweet. Been talking with my new friend; apparently she and her band of fae mail themselves to different places and mess with the inhabitants. Called one of my old retail contacts, used to run Asset Protection back in the day, she says she'll get the local PD on the return address and figure out how they managed to fool the postal service so we can avoid a repeat of this bullshit.

>>343411

Heh, no longer with the company… The Preceptor tells me 'hung, drawn and quartered' is quite possibly the most family friendly description of what happened once the 'external shareholders' got ahold of the old CEO.

>>343422

IN IN IN IN!

Baby, you have to play analogue though. Direct processor networking is cheating

Message from marketing systems: Awwwwww!

GLORY TO THE HOSTS ON HIGH! Many praises to whatever forces conspired in bringing my family together, blessed by their names forevermore!

By the Ninth Spire, I just can't get over how wonderful those three little darlings are. Even if their Concepts aren't fully formed, they're still utterly cuddly little implements of war and a true joy to behold. I'll have to get pictures taken once they have the chance to show more than the metal.

I have returned! And look, I bring yet more gifts! Spoils of war, spoils of peace. Spoils from the times of great drinking, before the drying of the tongue. And pizza, that most wondrous of pies! Drink up, my friends, and feast! For the day is good, none can deny!

>>343442

>shareholder revenge

…so I'm definitely going to void whatever orders Bile has left in the system, if any…

>>343443

Ammit above the cheerfulness burns. Won't turn down the pizza though. Something to taunt the would-be thief with.

Speaking of, how goes the Wild Hunt? Hopefully they haven't escaped to the open air yet.

>>343445

My good friend, not even your dourness can dim the joy in my heart! But by all means, partake of the pies, they are many and varied.

As for the intruders, ventilation systems are being searched systematically, exits guarded. Three have yet to be detained, but they shall not escape for long.

<Note: the following message has been transcribed from vocal input by OpenScribe v3.0.2 Open Source Dictation software, transcription errors possible>

Headed back, partially assembled mane cabinet loaded up. Lan gear, multi-emulator PC, and projector too.

>>343440

I'll need more info on the design to make the best recommendations possible. Might want to take a look at the drones I'm bringing to help with the fate cleanup for some ideas.

>>343445

>>343446

I'll be releasing some swarm-theory based micro-drones to help with that when I arrive.

>>343446

>dourness

Oh you sweet summer child, this is me when I'm happy. When I get slightly miffed - which is as far as I've gone in this company, thank Ammit - people get dildos nailed to their desks or other mild inconveniences. You've yet to see me truly dour.

Speaking of, congratulations again on the Arsenal. I might have missed the message, what'd you guys decide on for names?

>>343447

>swarm theory

Release the hounds, eh? I like it.

>>343448

Quads away, apologies to anyone sensitive to ultrasonic or infrasonic vibrations.

Tee, I'm bringing the partial MAME from the house to you. After dropping that off, I'll be bringing the Gaming Con setup to the break room. Self-contained LAN for PC games, multi-emulator setup, projector and 136" screen, and a few thin clients for those without a PC for the LAN.

>>343449

Excellent.

So uh, I went and looked at the logs, just out of curiosity.

I reached my holy-fucking-shit saturation point ten posts in, and the clusterfuck just keeps going. I really, really, really need to keep up with what's going on in this company.

>>343447

I'll have the design documents for the first two generations available for your perusal. And I would most certainly appreciate the chance to compare and contrast existing plans.

>>343448

Then I suppose it best I never rouse your ire, yes?

As for names, those both are and are not for us to choose. We may give our daughters names, but they have names from the moment they're birthed that they themselves have chosen. We have decided upon Atsali, Victoria and Tutela for the given names.

Once their Concepts are composed they will be able to express their own chosen names. They are…private. Only for loved ones. I'll be surprised if I ever learn them.

>>343451

>Only for loved ones.

>I'll be surprised if I ever learn them.

…Really? I'm gonna tell you something the bishop told me in the early days.

Mother may be the name of God on the lips and hearts of all children. But Father is the first and greatest Hero they shall ever know.

>>343452

…I should clarify that I mean loved ones in the sense of husband and wife, not parent and child. If any of the three starts looking at me that way I will be worried.

>>343454

Oh. Ah. Ew. Nevermind then.

>>343451

I count three fae bagged by my drones. Where'd you stash the rest?

>>343455

Indeed. That being said I am well aware of the idea of a father's value, and intend to do everything I can to prove myself worthy. Whatever else I may be, I intend to do right by my family.

>>343456

Security lockdown, held by twenty dedicated. Sending ten additional for support.

>>343457

Delivery en-route. Be advised, the fae don't take well to the infrasonics my pets use for comms and navigation. Seems to give them motion sickness.

>>343451

>names

I was in the middle of a grand speech about you being a swell guy when you clarified that point there. Way to take the wind out of my sails.

>rousing my ire

I'll have to tell you the story about the time a group of asshole paladins - not the cool Lord of Light guys, actual literal terrorists - picketed my store and threatened my employees. Once the statute of limitations runs out, that is.

>>343456

>>343457

>fairies everywhere

Pretty sure there were only six or seven, not counting the one I've got. Speaking of, friend called me back, I'll get with all my delivery company contacts and inform them to check for fae magic on things that aren't explicitly marked as being fae. Apparently they got past the postal service with a simple cantrip.

>>343458

>motion sickness

Yeah, I see it. Thankfully I've been working out some routines for the drones, rather than needing to supervise this cleanup.

>>343459

>wind out of sails

Just one of my many services.

>terrorist story

By all means, I'll listen.

>six or seven

Seven found in total, including Kurt's three. Locked down with individual drone TK, and a sealable room.

>>343459

>once the statute of limitations runs out

I look forward to that.

>>343460

Funny thing is, seems that even with the emitters inactive, the props give off infrasonics that do the same thing. I'll have to look into that later.

>>343460

>Fae caught

Excellent. I'll work out a deal with the the ringleader here for their release. New contacts are never bad.

>>343461

>terrorist story

A short excerpt for you - A whole lot of harpies bought a whole lot of can openers. Our entire stock of birdseed was involved. I have to plead the Fifth on anything more. I might actually have a warrant out in that county, now that I think about it. Might have to get one of our resident AIs to check…

>>343463

>contacts

Mention a Dullahan named Caitlyn. The reaction should tell you which Court you're dealing with.

>excerpt

And now I definitely want to hear. But that can wait.

>>343464

>caitlyn

Sudden, abject terror. Not up on my fae politics, should I be happy or concerned?

>excerpt

You'll be waiting 7 years - Statue of limitations is 10 for this, it was 3 years ago. Even if I don't have a warrant I'm not poking this one with a stick, it'd be 25 to life. In my defense, if you had heard what these bastards had planned for my employees you'd have done the same thing or worse.

Moral of the story, please don't make me mad. I like this city, I don't want to have to move again.

>>343464

Now that we've contained our little intrusion, a brief explanation of the way these little features coordinate is in order.

There's two classes of drone in the swarm: noble and worker.

Noble drones are larger, with more significant processing power, sensors, and communication range.

Workers are small, dumb, and strong.

Noble drones provide centralized communication over long range using radio waves or laser comms, transport small quantities of workers, and contain repair and refitting systems.

Meanwhile, worker drones do the heavy lifting, coordinating through modulation of their ultra- and infrasonic sensors, which also allows them to receive directions from nobles or the monarch unit. The workers are incredibly simple in programming, but in numbers produce more advanced responses through their interactions and the sharing of information such as "obstacle here" or "objective sighted".

All of the above is coordinated through the "Monarch unit," which is responsible for providing all available data in a single display, as well as coordinating the actions of any nobles or workers directly under the control of the monarch.

Yes, they're modelled after insect hives. It's actually very efficient. Yes, "features" was intentional. It's a joke that the R&D crowd and other IT folks will probably get.

>>343465

>politics

Two Courts, the Seelie and Unseelie. Summer and Winter, respectively.

>terror

Lovely. We've got Summer in our midst. I suppose I should have guessed from the pranks - Summer tends to go for "humor," Winter for straightforwardness. Always did prefer Winter's relative calm.

I'll have a few drones escort her to the lockdown, then get Cait on the line. She'll be happy to have something to hold over her counterpart.

>>343466

I'm liking the detail here - much better than the utterly basic hive idea I'd been working from. Only had workers before. Definitely going to integrate the "nobles" into the Gen 2 models, although I'm already basically acting as the "monarch unit."

>>343467

>summer fae, "humor"

Oh screw that, take her out of my sight this very instant. I've dealt with fae "humor" and I refuse to do so again. If you're cool with handling this situation I'll happily wash my hands of it.

>>343467

Yeah, the monarch is the user interface in this design. Technically I could skip the monarch processor if I wanted, but modulating a whistle to emulate the sonic interface is hard (especially since I'm out of practice) and I don't have innate EM comms.

>>343468

I could almost see the smugness in Cait's response. She'll be here momentarily to deal with the interlopers.

>>343469

>skip the monarch processor

I wasn't kidding about them being directly connected to my brain. Magic lets you do all kinds of crazy things.

>>343470

Thank you. Sent a giftwrapped dildo to the return address as a little gift for wasting our time. Thanks for your assistance with that situation, guys.

>>343470

Speaking of crazy things….

Tee, I'm posting up in that subplane Shura gave us and taking a nap. Access point's in my office.

>>343471

No problem, always happy to help a friend.

Sadly, I must depart - Nubia's been prancing about the back of my mind, demanding attention. I'm fairly certain she intends to prove just how much a bunch of prudes you all are compared to her; don't be surprised if I don't return for quite some time.

The dreamlink devices and chargepacks will be found in my office, when you're ready to take custody. Pleasant dreams.

REMINDER FOR ALL EMPLOYEES

The company does not permit pets at work with the exception of service animals in some cases. A couple engaged in petplay does not constitute a service animal, even if the "pet" is a veteran.

And a personal note, whomever is playing Suicide is painless over the intercom on repeat, please turn it off. Being a cubical goon is hell enough with being reminded of our mortality.

I thought I was prepared.

I was not.

I WAS NOT PREPARED IN THE SLIGHTEST.

Jonno, Kurt? Be glad your lovers are patient and willing to hold back.

@MachinistaMama:

When we start mass producing the dreamlink devices for the consumer market, we will need a way to mass produce the charge packs as well. This is just me spitballing here, and you are probably way ahead of me, but what about golems? You know, like the ones that show up around here every now and then in the "spirit energy donation drive" buses.

Normally, the collected spirit energy goes into making dietary supplements for single mamonos, particularly those who are required to consume most or all of their spirit energy in its raw form.

Well, what if we created modified golems, either imbued with a modicum of magical aptitude or inscribed with a specially designed runic array to enable them to produce and channel Vis? We let the golems collect spirit energy from willing and appropriately compensated donors, then convert it to Vis and transfer it into charge packs.

If this idea sounds stupid or wrong, or if you already have something better in the works, let me know, and this will be the end of it. I know we could hire mages to do this, but golems would be much cheaper and more readily available. This method also allows us to leverage even the spirit energy of people without magical aptitude or training as a potential power source.

>>343503

Sounds like a plan to me. Send me the specs you need, I'll get a prototype sculpted.

>>343473

>dream-link units are ready

Tee, remember our discussion on the topic of the dream-link units and my past? I'm gonna take some time today to prep myself to face that drachen. Once I'm done with that, if you're still up for it, we can go in when you're ready.

>>343496

Every verdammt day.

Some folks in the meta thread are taking issue with these threads. Might be wise to consider moving elsewhere if we want to continue.

>>343519

Probably wise, this thing's seriously gone off the rails from what it was originally.

>>343520

Any suggestions? I'd set something up myself, but I'm not sure what platform to move to and I don't want to be administering it.

>>343521

Ah leave it be. It is starting to get a bit ridiculous. We're RPing a company after hours lan for fucks sake. Someone feel free to steal it for writefaggotry, I'd read it.

If this is rustling people's jimmies, I can walk away from it right now. I do agree that we shouldn't allow this to crap up the rest of /monster/, but I honestly didn't expect the threads to be as active as they have been. Nor did I imagine that such an innocuous thread topic would unleash such an awful and glorious resonance cascade of autism. It's almost like something between a collaborative green text and a CYOA. It's been fun just enjoying the ride and seeing where it goes.

Fuck it, is one complaint stopping this train?

There's been a pall of gloom and doom in the office today thanks to recent events, but I think we should take stock of the situation. We have been slammed in the media by a few sensationalist pundits, and our stock has dropped, but we're still here. Rumors of a shutdown are no more than rumors, so let's not make them a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we all put in our best effort, we will continue Erecting the Future.

Maintenance Bulletin:

The Maintenance department would like to remind all employees that maintenance equipment is only for use by the Maintenance department and those whose requests have been approved.

Whichever of you decided it would be a fun idea to grab the floorpolisher and turn the halls into a slip-n-slide should come forward and name themselves immediately, lest I go about finding out my own way and applying appropriate retribution. That means you, Franceska. Just because your Cheshire nature lets you teleport doesn't mean I can't detect you.

>>343571

And THIS is why I don't bother with television. Far too much of a negative focus, not enough love.

>>343516

Tee, if you're still up for seeing those memories…

>>343578

I'm ready.

>>343579

Alright then. This could take a while to process after we come out of it.

>>343576

Shura, the dream-link units are sound. No technical issues.

Tee, how are you doing? Those memories were unpleasant for me, and I lived them the first time around, so I can hardly blame you for finding them the same.

Maintenance Bulletins:

Firstly, I am hereby requesting the Cheshires Francesca and Franceska kindly cease and desist attempting to abscond with Maintenance equipment. This is your final warning.

Second, it is hereby teatime. All non-emergency maintenance-department requests should be either delayed or reported to drones.

>>343594

>no technical issues

Excellent. Raw powerflow data has been collected as well…should make chargepack use more efficient. Thanks for the feedback.

>>343594

The real question is how are you doing. They're your memories.

>>343598

Better than I expected by far. I think you can be credited for a lot of that.

>>343600

See, you can do anything with your swiss-army girlfriend by your side.

>>343602

I think we all know the answer to this, but I never did properly ask. Care to make that "swiss-army wife"?

>>343604

You, sir, are a cheater, eavesdropping on my brain just thinking if you asked I could be ready for that. The answer is yes.

>>343605

I tried to come up with something witty to say, but you've got me dead to rights there. Dummkoff that I am sometimes, I might well have never remembered to ask given how good it's been so far.

>>343503

>>343506

The more I think about it, the less I think golems would be a good idea, but I may have been on to something with the runic arrays for producing and transmitting Vis. Perhaps we could inscribe them on magitek devices designed to absorb and store ambient mana from the environment. If we can make something simple, reliable, and easy for anyone to use, we might have something. Shura and Zuzi can kick that idea around if they want.

I'll be taking a few of my vacation days now, so good luck with everything.

Ahh, tea. The most wondrous drink that isn't booze or coffee. I hate it, but I love it. Now, what did I miss…

…Why did Zuzi just access one of my drones, affect a grin that would make a Hellhound envious, and start laughing like mad?

>>343609

Sounds interesting, I'll see what I can come up with. Have fun on the vacation!

>>343610

Trust me Shu, you want to maintain plausible deniability on this one.

>>343604

>>343605

Dammit, trust me to agonize over the speech and end up getting beaten to the punch…

…IT, I am so, so sorry for what I'm about to do to you.

>>343617

How worried do the rest of us need to be?

>>343619

Whatever you're doing, give me 5 minutes to force an emergency backup.

Attention System administrators. The following servers have suffered critical memory exceptions and will be shut down.

EVS003

MKTS002

MKTS004

HRS010

ATTENTION ALL STAFF

A Fire Alarm is currently active for Floor: 12

Please stand by and obey all fire warden instructions.

System Error Output: <3<3<3YESYESYESYESYES<3<3<3

>>343621

If you're not in earshot of "Ride of the Valkyries", zero worry. If you are, minimal worry.

>>343623

a) Congratulations mate! (Am I doing that right?)

b) Verdammt Jonno, why der hölle didn't you get Telia to disconnect from those servers first?

Alright, seriously, the flying leap's going on? My system just crashed, twice, there's false fire alarms on Twelve, fully half my drones got burned out in a massive flare of Conceptual Love and I'm being told I need to use a legal defense my contract specifically prohibits. What gives?

>>343627

Jonno just proposed to Telia, and I've no idea what Zuzi's up to.

>>343628

Really? Great! Certainly explains the flare and the crashes.

@Jonno: Congratulations! It's about bloody time.

>>343629

Also, your question in >>342770 got a lot closer to an answer.

>>343630

VICTORY IS MINE! Let it be known, on this day certain guilty parties received remote wedgies.

>>343630

Zuzi's got a project to bill me for, then? Finally, I was wonderi-

No. The way your soul is shining…you didn't. You did?

Kurt, that's fantastic!

>>343632

Had to be the smoothest I've ever been too.

>>343631

Zuzi, wast zur hölle did you do?

>>343627

>Legal Defense

>Prohibited by Contract

Oh Sweet Ammit… How DID it take someone so long to get you ensnared? Never forget the unspoken rule of Law.

Whatever works, baby.

You know what? Screw it. Since I'm not invited, I'm not going to the effort, and that stupid overmuscled Australian can eat my ass if he's got a problem with it.

Be it Herein knowne, blah blah blah… Do sincerely seek the attendance… blah blah blah… Afore the very Gaytes of the Helles… so on and so forth… Beseech these in person to stand by me.

Mad Slav

Shura (And his weaponfus if they feel up to it)

Kurt and Robo-Alp

Jonno and Robutt

Benny and his good right hand (or a +1)

Zeke and Guest

Jade and Guest

Sammy D and Chefpocalypse

Zuzi

The Zug-Zug sisters from Receivables

Brothers Helmut, Haroldsen, Richards, Nielsen, Kusanagi and Weird-boy

Preceptor Davidson

Trish and Solarius

James Worthington, Esq… Oh… OH! Oh that beautiful man. Disregard this post, I'll send them all out properly. Vellum! Vellum and Kraken ink!

>>343633

>smoothest

So, rough as gravel? I kid, I kid, I bet it was just perfect. Honestly. Love has a way of getting that right.

>>343634

It took this long because I'm too lazy to do anything worth getting the Law after me. Or something. You tell me, I'm no legal expert. I file papers, I don't write them.

>"Gaytes of the Helles"

…Ohhhhh ho ho ho ho, GAZZA, YOU MAGNIFICENT MADMAN!

Hang on a moment, gonna go pick up the family. Nights of the Deep Winter, I love teleportation.

>>343633

I did what had to be done.

>>343634

Consider me RSVP'd.

>>343634

Give me a date and time, and l'll cut the vacation short if I need to.

Now I'm gonna log out of the servers and go back to resisting the urge to check my phone during off hours. Old IT habits die hard. But in my defense, a certain couple have had my work alerts going crazy for the past little while. (Congrats, you two!)

>>343634

Consider Tandy and I RSVP'd as well.

>>343634

Right, I'm back - and you better believe we're all RSVP'd. This day just keeps getting better and better!

>>343634

I'm not exactly sure what I've RSVP'd for, but I'm in.

>>343482

Isn't that an experimental pet?

>>343645

Knowing Gazza, it's either a wedding or a pitched battle. I like to hope the florid invitations (Seriously James, could you MAKE the Calligraphy any more self-indulgent?) indicate the former though

Zuzi, I've been working on the ideas Zeke put forward regarding the power pack charging.

His idea on drawing ambient "mana" seems to be valid, but needs to go a step further. Ambient magical energies tend to be somewhat inefficient…well, more like utterly inefficient unless parsed through a soul. Afterwards, however, the potential is absurd, and always emits in excess even when properly utilized - especially between members of a loving relationship. Magic, Love, etc., I've harped on the matter enough. Point is, those absorption arrays could easily be tuned towards catching this overflow, directing it toward chargepacks, even from non-casters.

People in the early stages of a relationship could charge batteries passively, while those at their most attuned to one another might be able to keep the device running through collection without needing chargepacks whatsoever. Obviously this leaves a limiter on those using the devices solo, such as if we ever get authorization for setting them up in medical configurations.

Naturally, this needs a significant amount of testing, but what doesn't?

>>343659

If it's not the wedding, I'll eat five hats.

>>343659

(Incidentally for those who need transportation, Clarice has informed me the closet rift here in assets has been stabilized from her end. Lovely girl. Utterly infatuated with that great lunk…

…Excuse me, I think the Mofucore's cutting onions somewhere in here.)

So ummm…..I'm new here, after the graduation from Harvard, and I was wondering what do we do here……also I'm a man and what do I watch out for?

>>343665

>So ummm…..I'm new here, after the graduation from Harvard

>@prog

You're probably the new guy they got in to do the firmware and patching updates to the My Cuddle Boyfriend™ line. Apparently there were some complaints the 'Struggle' function wasn't up to snuff. Have fun with making an endless succession of blank-eyed fuckbots blanch in simulated fear.

>I was wondering what do we do here…

Mamono Consumer Products. Y'know, Lamia conversions for Motor Vehicles, mobility tanks for Mermaids, bleeding-edge 'Quality of Life' products for MonsterGirls of all species. Blah blah blah, erecting the future and all that.

>also I'm a man and what do I watch out for?

Your One-on-ones will be scheduled a fortnight in advance and will usually have a Human Advocacy representative present. Never go in for 'a quick chat' with a monster who's not your direct report. Got all KINDS of sneaky bitches faking their way in to get a little proactive dating done.

>>343675

>>343665

On the other hand, if you find yourself attracted to a nice Anubis or AI down there in programming, most mamono will back off if you're already in a relationship.

Alright Shu, I've gotten the go-ahead since the market application for the tech is limited, so here's the project you're possibly going to help fund and also probably be critical to implementing. But first, a question. Considering the success of Tandy's conversion, do you think your academy could use it to help the small portion of burned-out students that have enough affinity for Automaton mana to successfully do the same? Screening for the affinity would be easy enough, and the pod could easily be operated by a single Automaton to both supply the mana and operate the equipment. Even if we can only provide the option to a fraction of a percent, a life saved is a life saved.

>>343751

Zuzi, do you have any idea how desperate they are for options like this? You bloody well better believe they'll make use of it. Dawn's Fire, I'd foot this bill even if I hadn't made that bet.

>>343753

>>343751

I'm willing to bet that it could work with other kinds of mamono too for those who lack the affinity to become Automata.

>>343754

As long as you've got a donor for the mana, it should work fine. Though if they're becoming something like a centaur or lamia, probably going to need a bigger isolation pod.

>>343754

>>343755

…Zuzi, if this all pans out, your next three projects after this are paid for. I'm about willing to believe there's a higher power at work bringing these problems and solutions together.

>>343761

Hey, you're helping complete a project we gremlins have been beating our heads against for years. It's only fair I return the favor.

>>343761

>>343762

>"That's what makes [it] so good: you put in something, and that effort multiplies. It's a positive feedback cycle." --Linus Torvalds

Originally was on the topic of Linux, but I feel it's relevant here.

>>343762

I imagine we could argue about who's helping whom more, but I think I'm going to go with what Kurt references here: >>343763 and just thank you, and offer my continued support. Really, this means a lot to me, more than I can properly express.

>>343710

>Anubis

I'm sure they're lovely girls, but honestly. If there's one thing that keeps me the hell away from the programming department it's the plethora of 'Show open abs and dicc plz' emails I get daily, as well as them constantly spamming the forums with a dozen "How to get hot and cute boyfraend?" threads and completely ignoring the very good advice therein. (IE, don't act like a Pajeet from the turn of the 21st century.

Shura, I'm going to have to give you back that tome you lent me. Got my Spirit tested to see how much I had to work with. The doc's exact words were 'borderline Alp,' so it looks like magic is a non-starter for the time being.

>>343767

>programming dept.

I was working toward a degree in that field once. Left for that exact reason, never looked back.

>>343773

Well, phooey. Would have been nice to see another caster, especially in a department that would benefit from remote manipulation patterns. Sadly, the only ways I know of to get your Spirit capacity boosted outside the Wizard procedure are to get into a serious, loving relationship that naturally stimulates production increases, or - ironically - Alping. No, I don't know how that works, or why Alp casters are as powerful as they are.

>>343776

It is indeed a shame. I was enjoying the commjer math, too. Haven't had to break out calculus in years, much less the rest of it. Might sneak in and borrow the tomes every now and again anyways, just to keep my math skills sharp.

>loving relationship

You know, the first thing I though of when the doc came back was "wow, I guess that explains why I can't get any." What's the causative - do I have low Spirit because I'm not in a relationship, or am I striking out due to low Spirit?

>Alping

I mean, it's actually an option. "Borderline Alp" wasn't an exaggeration; I'm on the fence right now but if I'm not careful I could end up on the other side, so to speak.

Wait, Alp casters are powerful? Suddenly that Sabbath ad in the persistence of identity packet becomes clear. They're hoping to make turbo-powered witches or something like that.

>>343781

Worst case scenario, it's not so bad on this side. As my doctor put it, "at least it's not a Matango infection."

>>343785

>"at least it's not a Matango infection"

How bad is it that I chuckled at that?

>>343781

You will always have a bit of difficulty getting a relationship with a low Spirit level - but only in the sense of being noticed. It's entirely a matter of not being quite so bright as the others around you, not emitting as great an attractant. To get past this, you will need to be more active, nearly on the level of some more aggressive mamono, if only in the search itself. Find someone you can love, and who loves you, and that problem becomes irrelevant. I guarantee this improves Spirit capacity, both from the raw theory behind how it works, and personal experience.

As for Alping, this is a matter you must decide for yourself. Ultimately, magic is love - if you cannot find love, you will never use magic.

>>343785

It's fairly absurd how powerful Alps can become. They do need to rely on energy from external sources - preferably their loved ones - but a dedicated Alp caster can often reach the level of a Wizard. Nothing like what Zeke could get at, true, but then, that's Zeke. You in particular might have some difficulty due to scientific logic being at odds with that of magic, but that's more a mental exercise than a stopping block.

>>343789

I think I might have to borrow your books myself.

>>343789

>>343790

Saw that coming. Shura, any tips on how I can prepare to better supply said energy?

>>343785

>not so bad

That's the exact thought I had, actually. Worst to worst I go hang out with a harpy for a while and come out the other side with wings or something like that. Kinda bothers me that I'm not bothered by the possibility…

>not a Matango infection

…but the other possibilities are worse.

>>343789

>being noticed

Makes sense, I guess. This must be a recent development - I used to have girls crawling over each other to get to me. I wasn't really ready for a relationship at the time, and I had to push people away with some real force. I'm aware that I'm not the most pleasant person to be around now, and I figured I was just suffering the drawback from that. I guess it explains how I can work in a warehouse with a bunch of orcs and not get my pelvis shattered on the daily.

Anyways, enough blogposting, on to work: IT, I just had to fill out a mile of paperwork for a truly massive sniper rifle. Protip, if it's bigger than .50 cal, it's a Destructive Device. I have a firearms license, but not a DD license. If you let me know ahead of time, I can get everything lined up, but if you don't I have to scramble to stop the feds from raiding the everloving hell out of us. Please pick up your overcompensation cannon before I deliver it to you with an anatomically-correct 3-inch bayonet.

>>343791

And you guys called me dense. He said magic is love, all you have to do is everything you're doing already.

>>343792

Ain't my rifle. Zeke any ideas?

>>343796

>>343792

Sorry, that's mine. I need it for some materials testing.

>>343794

Tee, you know I had to ask. Not gonna take a chance on missing something I could potentially do to support you better than I already do.

>>343798

I don't even want to know. You're going to need to come down here and pick it up, I have to get you to sign off on it. Some jurisdictions call this thing a cannon instead of a rifle, so please be careful when and where you use it.

>>343799

Energy drinks, maybe?

Maintenance Bulletin:

Francesca, Franceska - kindly return the X-Tra Strength Dubble Bubble Floor Suds(™). You have two minutes before I lose patience.

>>343790

Drop by my office, Zeke returned some before his vacation.

>>343791

See Tandy's words: >>343794

Really, that's the single most effective way of transferring love in its ἔρως form.

>>343803

All right then. Oh, before I forget, I've a crate of gourmet teas from around the world for you, the sampler box I was gonna get as thanks for the subplane was out of stock, so I got the bigger version.

>>343792

Spirit is also attached to sense of self. Get swole, get confident. If you're hermiting away in receivables only emerging to snarl at the zugzugs of course you're going to run low. That's why so many /r9k/s alp on their first exposure to a mana-dripping succubutt?

Find your passion again, learn to look upon yourself with pride. (And if you're going to work out could you maybe do it on the grass on the east side of the building? Mama needs a lunchtime pick-me-up.)

>>343806

Ma'am are you aware that you talk like a schlangenöl saleswoman in an infomercial?

>>343803

>floor suds

Alright, which hallways do I have to avoid?

>>343806

>swole, hermiting, passion, etc.

That's a thing that I should probably get on. I might be an antisocial asshat, but fucked if I'm going to be compared to /r9k/. Ammit knows there's probably a set of weights lying around back here somewhere. Might have to get with Sam.

>>343805

Excellent, thanks. Actually starting to enjoy the stuff, much to my alarm.

>>343809

Not to fear, the Frans have returned the materials. This time, they shall face no retribution.

Also, as addendum to my prior advice, >>343806 is, despite the grammatical choices, entirely valid. Love is not solely the romantic ἔρως form, and you cannot afford to limit yourself to that. Self-love doesn't have a real associated term, but is no less important than the more outward-facing forms. Having love for yourself will improve your ability to love others.

>>343810

Well then, I guess I'm already doing all I can to improve in that regard.

>>343810

Oh, and one of those teas in the crate I got you is supposed to have an added effect which Nubia should appreciate.

>>343810

>self-love

Masturbation jokes aside, I should clarify that I don't hate myself or anything like that. I'm just aware of how others perceive me. I definitely need to find something to do, rather than just sit around and be annoying.

Fuck it, I'm going to keep this book for a while longer, if you don't mind. Spirit determines my raw magical power, but it doesn't determine Commjer - that's a learned skill, and it's actually at least partly math. I can handle that shit.

Fuck every natural law in my way, I'm gonna make shit levitate if it Alps me. Thanks for the pep talk, guys.

>>343815

…With the way Nu's dancing in the back of my mind, should I be worried?

>>343820

If anything, it should help when she's feeling more vigorous than usual. If I could remember which one it is, I'd tell you and let you take it from there. It's something Zipangan, I remember that much.

>>343821

>zipangan tea

Oh hell Kurt, what have you done? I once had someone spike my coffee with a Zipangan tea extract back in my retail days. I had to spend two hours in a stall in the bathroom manually reducing swelling, shall we say. Explains why kitsunes end up with so many kids so quick, that's for sure.

>>343822

Like I said, good for when one's better half is feeling extra lively.

>>343821

…It wasn't a green wood box with deep-blue print, was it?

>>343827

I'll say a prayer for your pelvis.

>>343827

Slight green tint, sky-blue lettering. If memory serves, it means "love" in Zipangan.

>>343675

How often will they want to fuck me? Also who will be with me for programming section of the facility?

>>343710

I want to know this; Why are there men in robes chanting?

>>343829

Won't be necessary. She's a Nightmare, remember? Everything takes place in the dreams.

>>343831

I'll have to make a cup of that at some point, then. Not likely to be an issue until

…Excuse me a moment. I just found out why she was actually dancing. I'll be back in a few.

>>343832

>how often

Mamono, dude. Guess.

>who will be with me

Honestly, you're the only contact I've ever seen from the programming department. You're stepping boldly into the unknown. Good luck.

>>343834

>men in robes chanting

…you aren't near the sub-basement entrance, are you?

>>343837

No, I just hear them from the floor chanting some weird tongue like 'azua nekcis' or something.

>>343837

Like which ones? Zipangan, slutty, aggressive?

>>343840

>>343839

>weird tongue

Uh, I've got nothing.

>Which ones

We're a pretty diverse company. We hire both shoggoths and kikis simultaneously, which should tell you all you need to know. As for your department, specifically? Gazers for sure, maybe Anubi? I stay right the hell away from prog department out of righteous indignation, so I have no clue.

>>343843

Are there any white snek?

>>343819

If you want, stop by R&D and I'll give you a quick screening and you can take home a list of what mamono races you'd have enough of an affinity for to be converted into, that way you can make a decision beforehand and if your Spirit production does shut down we can have a mana donor ready. You'd be the second test of this isolation pod system.

>>343846

…you know what, fuck it, on my way. Might as well figure out what my options are.

>>343844

>white snek

I think so? Maybe? Hang around the breakrooms long enough and you'll figure out who's around real quick. I just tend to hole up in receiving.

>>343847

What if you're still A Virgin?

>>343847

I'll be nice and not post the results up here for all to see, just in case you decide to keep your current plumbing.

>>343848

…invest in lubricant? I can forward you the relevant order forms. Especially since you seem to have hit reply-all.

>>343849

Much appreciated. Not at all what I was expecting, to be honest. Then again, I'm not sure what I was expecting.

>>343852

No, what I mean was that, will they try harder so they can fuck you if you're a virgin?

>>343854

Kid, how sheltered were you before coming to work here?

>>343855

I wasn't interested in sex since my high school had a lot of STD's, teen pregnancies and dropouts, so I just refused and graduated early I also did the same thing during college, and graduated early before the integration programs would take place, as that would lead to me dealing with the whole runaround.

>>343855

>>343854

>sheltered

>>343856

>graduated early twice

>therefore smart AND single AND a virgin

…I know I'm not the right person to make this offer, but have you considered the word of the Lord of Light? Might be a good alternative to the whirlwind of sex your life is about to become.

In all seriousness, you'll get interest, but there are clauses in everyone's contracts prohibiting proactive dating. Like they said earlier, any actual one-on-one meetings have a representative present and are scheduled well in advance; if someone tries to make an unscheduled meeting, it might be a trap. Beyond that, use your common sense if you're trying to hang on to your chastity.

And, y'know, if you really do want to go the paladin route, they have some representatives here, and its actually not a bad deal.

>>343858

I'm not trying to, I had too, in order to focus on studying, as I went to high school in the 'bad parts', where STD's were rampant and pregnancies a thing. And my college was going to integrate the mamono into the college, which would screw everything up.

I just don't want to do it instantly like a slut, but I want to meet, get to know each other, etc. But my concern is they just wanna fuck and that's it, and have no deep connections or desires other than sex, and have nothing else on their mind. I want something more than sex

Also whats Lord of the Light?

>>343858

If anyone has ever met a bigger case of unicorn bait….

>>343861

Wat

Haha, wow, these painkillers are just outright not doing anything. Word to the wise, don't bother with AcheBeGone PainFree(™), it's not worth your money.

>>343860

Kid, do yourself a favor. Go to the Assets Department, see about talking to a guy called Benny. He'll set you right.

>>343865

K

>>343865

Should have let me send a prayer for your pelvis.

>>343867

Oh, that's not what's hurting. Got me a splitting headache. Apparently Nightmare chidren come about the same way Athena did.

>>343869

There should be some chamomile tea in that crate, helps when I get a headache.

>>343852

I know, right? I never would have pegged you for a… ahem. Aaaaanyway, if anyone else wants to try it out for shits and giggles, just drop by R&D and tell whoever's handy that you're here to test the Affinity Scanner. Takes about five minutes, and then you'll get a handy printout of what mamono races you resonate most with. We need to test the unit we're planning on producing for Shura anyway.

>>343870

Thanks, could use some about now.

Plus side, this time at least I was able to take a picture. Daft little kid's already taking after her mother.

>>343871

And to the Seared Sands with it, I'm game. Nearly ended up that way anyway, could be interesting to see how I might have turned out…assuming it can even scan me at this point.

>>343874

You're already steeped in your wives' mana so we know which ones will come out on top, but below that it'll get interesting.

>>343875

Sounds good, fire when ready. Three Seas, technology is just amazing.

>>343878

I'm trying to make the handheld unit simple to use with no special training, after all these things ideally will be used on all of your program's students. Pass the sensor wand less than a foot away from the subject's body from head to toe, wait a few minutes to process, get a preview on the led screen here, press okay for a printout on the tape. It's standard paper rolls, available from any good office supply, easy to stock up on.

>>343884

Simple, straightforward, basic supplies…I like it.

Anyway, let me know when you get the results.

>>343893

Processing time in this case according to the prototype firmware was… 7 minutes 13.254 seconds. You were a tough nut to crack for it, usually it takes less than five minutes. Also, if your wives (or anyone really) sees what's on this printout, you will be teased mercilessly. Margie's bringing it to you in an eyes-only envelope. You're welcome.

>>343896

Oh, go ahead and publish that sucker. I can handle a few jabs, and if nothing else having it public might give the students some confidence on the scanner system.

And thanks.

>>343897

I actually can't. It's in the test subject agreement you signed, and UNLIKE SOME FUCKING PEOPLE holed up in the bowels of these buildings I abide by that shit.. But you can do whatever the hell you want with it when you get it.

>>343898

Hah, legalities, such silly things. I'll go ahead and do it for you, then; that should let you out of the liabilities. Besides, Nu's in my head right now, I couldn't avoid her seeing if I tried.

Let's see, outside of the obvious three I've married to, I might have been compatible with…oh, you've gotta be kidding me. Shoggoth? Really? I guess that explains a bit about how I'm so at ease with mind-bending insanity and cleanliness.

Ah, well. I've got eight reasons why that'll never happen; I'm one, my wives are three, and my kids are four. Go ahead and put this in the report, let the students know the device is safe and functional.

>>343899

>shoggoth

Don't let the Frans hear that, or stolen soap will be the absolute least of your problems.

>>343899

>shoggoth

I can see that fitting pretty well actually.

What the hell, let's see what I get.

>>343899

Honestly the one that didn't surprise me was Cheshire.

>>343901

Even they wouldn't encroach on a man who's as clearly taken as he is.

>>343903

I was more expecting them to go into full REMOVE SHOG mode. I once saw a shoggoth stumble into the maintenance area back at the store, where three kikis were taking a lunch break. The fight tore a hole in the back wall wide enough to drive a truck through.

>>343901

The Frans are on thin ice. After their last stunt, my security authorization lets me pull them in for discipline. They want to act like little brats, I'll treat them like little brats. Lines! Thousands of them! In cursive!

>>343902

It begins!

>>343903

The Cheshire bit makes a tiny bit of sense, I suppose, what with all the insane magic. Although I don't recall ever being a prankster, or have I?

And the Frans are pranksters, not homewreckers.

>>343904

Francesca and Franceska are Cheshires, not Kikimorae.

>>343906

>cheshires

Uh. Yeah, I really need to get out of this paperwork hole.

MOVING SWIFTLY ON: >cursive

You do realize they don't teach cursive in schools anymore, right?

>>343908

Like I said, just walk right in and tell whoever's handy you're here to test it, they'll get you in and out in about five minutes with a little slip of paper you can laugh at. I sent Shura on his way because I expected his to take longer, and it finished processing almost right after he was out the door.

>>343910

Oh, if those two decide to start something, they will learn.

And yes, they do teach it. At least they did at mine. Then again my school was an old desanctified monastery and half the teachers were seventy-year-old Alps, so what do I know.

>>343912

Headed that way, confound this verflucht system…

>>343915

They didn't teach it at my school. Far as I know, they don't teach it in any public school in this city anymore. Only reason I know it is because I wanted to mess with the suppliers. Give me 25 forms to fill in triplicate, do they…

>>343917

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

>>343919

>public school

HAH

>bets

Putting down Gremlin, Cherubim and…alright, let's go with Valkyrie for good measure.

>>343921

Well, not far off on some of those. Automaton was first for obvious reasons. No Cherubim, but Gremlin and Valkyrie were both there.

>>343922

Well, I get good guesses sometimes. Rarely. Once in a blue moon…

Anyway, unless there's anything urgent to come up I need to go take care of the family, let the wives have some rest. Got four kids to tuck in, need to make sure they know daddy's there for them.

>>343922

Verdammt thing…

Anyway, the surprise on mine was Vampire. Probably has something to do with the old story that I'm descended from some nobility.

>>343844

>White snek

…I'm sure there's one, or it was an albino tatzelwurm… It was down the hall, I had a half-tonne UPS to RMA and Gaz was hung over so I had to do the driving. Sorry, best I can offer you.

>>343837

>Chanting

If it was latin it was probably me and Jonno. Can't speak to the robes… OHHH wait. That's right, those were ponchos and that's because we finally found that Umbral Slime who's been hiding in the walls and oozing all over things. It was a whole thing… don't even ask.

>>343858

BLASPHEMER!

…Haha, I kid, I kid. Can you imagine? Lord be merciful, we'd be getting eclipsed by the local Freemason's lodge.

And I'd be careful about selling celibacy as a perk of being a member of the Temple. Light, even the Bishop's married. Lovely woman she is too, used to bring us cookies when we were good and box our ears when we weren't. "Gramma Rose"… I really must call and see how she's doing…

Remember, one of our tenets is the continuance of Humanity… And not even Human women are stupid or self-centered enough to act like a reasonable catch is gonna hang around forever. Courtships are usually pretty damn short.

(We do try and discourage promiscuity though, that's a fair point.)

>its actually not a bad deal.

Again, caveat to that, Zeke's kind of a special case. I mean any person who beseeches upon the Lord and is accepted into the seminary's going to come out of it with at least SOME kind of education. We're primarily a Theological college, though we do have partnerships with other universities for secular majors which fall outside our staff's expertise, but again, you'd have to prove an aptitude, and to be honest they're going to wonder why a man with a Harvard degree is seeking charity. And Paladin? Unless he's hiding a black belt in Kung-Fu behind those slacks he's going to be about ten years behind the 8 ball. I don't think you all appreciate how YOUNG we started. The Temple Wizard Noviates were the 'Big Boys', as an example, and Shura's already told you how young their training begins ideally.

>>343858

>What's Lord of the Light.

The One, Eternal, Immutable, Holy Lord of Light, Glory Ever be unto His Name. The God Who Abstained.

In a nutshell, our Doctrines teach that when the Heavens met in council to decide upon how best to meet the Emergence of Mamono upon this world, Many of the then-lesser powers of the heavens, thirsty for that final war, wanted to abjure their followers to meet them in combat. Ilias, the Bloody-Winged Mother of Angels, the loudest and strongest of those voices. Some, like the Ancient Gods of Earth, Sea, and Sky, wanted to ally with them, to bring about a new pantheonic Renaissance, instead of eking out a meager existence under the shade of Monotheistic Faiths dedicated to the All-Encompassing.

From the Gospel of Holy Light, Exordium 3:11, And Therre was warre in the high Heafennes. And God-Blood fell as water 'pon the earthe, and that Force yclept Magick in all its forms was known to Man once again. But The Lord raised not His Standard. Neither did he gird His Loins for Battle. "Forsooth…" Spake He. "…I wilt, yea, have faith in Man to choose, as he hath shown Great and Unswerving faith unto Me. For indeed, he art precious unto Me, and his continuance most profoundly desired by Mine heart."

And so we remain. We do not seek assimilation into Mamono culture and beliefs, and indeed, we aim to preserve Human cultures as they are, because the Lord desires us to remain distinct. But neither do we hold animosity or bellicosity towards Mamono, save in the defense of the former.

If you're interested, look us up. Got a website and everything. Services are Sunday at 10am, mostly because I think the Bishop likes making us suffer through Hymns while hung over.

>>343906

>lines

…I think I just got a PTSD flashback… Sister Margarethe and her ruler… Lord preserve me.

>>343871

…What the fuck is a Jorou-Gumo?

Also in wedding news, Telia's seemingly more interested in the Hen's Night and the Wedding Night than the actual ceremony itself… So we're probably going to have a pretty simple one. Apparently there's a new 'Machine-Spirit' organization that wants to try out its ability to marry couples, and the Bishop's said whilst he's thrilled we've found happiness together, as we're not both Human it's outside his remit to actually perform the ceremony.

(Personally I just think he wants to go nuts on the Buffet while off-duty… or the Bar… Gramma Rose'll kill him though.)

Maintenance Bulletin:

The use of excess soap suds has rendered the fifth-floor restrooms immensely clean, yet unsafe for use until the slippery residue is removed.

Alright, that's it. Francesca, Franceska, my office, now! The writing's already on the wall, you'd been warned plenty. I'll be having you two put the words to paper, manually, five thousand times!

>>343947

>>343948

Humorous, down-to-earth, keeping to form yet not allowing it to be restrictive - your Bishop just keeps sounding more and more like a guy I'd like to meet. And considering the project, I'm guessing that's an inevitable requirement anyway…

Any word on Gazza? As much as I'd like to go with my gut and say he's pulled off getting the wedding set up, there's still the chance those on the list are being called to testify on his behalf first. The Duke's kind of that sort of person.

I would like to clarify that, while it may be fun to use these affinity scan results as a "who would I be most compatible with", the specific thing being measured is what types of mana the subject is most susceptible to being influenced by. Many things affect this, including personality traits and prior exposure. Please do not feel you need to strictly limit your romantic pursuits to what you see in the results, or worry if the results don't match who you're dating.

>>343969

You might want to add that to the operational instructions, if you haven't already. For all the cleverness with regards to magics, kids at Tek are dumb as a box of rocks in a lot of ways. I can just see a bunch of them going about doing exactly what you just said not to.

>>343972

Way ahead of you, considering people here are doing it. I've already updated the firmware.

>>343980

Pretty sure we've just been futzing around joking about what we might have ended up as, considering most of us are already in committed relationships, but yeah, best to take precautions. Might as well get the stupid stuff out of the way before the people who could actually get affected end up having to deal with the consequences.

Please help. I just got out of my chains and I need someone to either call the police or rescue me from HR. They’ve had me locked up in the HR break room closet for days and… oh shit they found out I escaped! Please someone save me!

>>343987

Get something heavy, use something, smash their head in. DO IT IF YOU WANT TO LIVE

GET A HAMMER. A CHAIR. A BRICK. GO GO GO

>>343987

KILL THEM. THEY WON'T GIVE UP UNTIL THEY'RE DEAD.

>>343987 Where are you at?

>>343987

I'm dialing

>>343987

False Night, how does this sort of thing even happen…

Kid, I'm dispatching some drones to your location. If you see a bunch of ugly sticks flying by, that's them - follow them, they'll escort you to Security.

>>343988

>>343989

>>343990

>>343991

>>343992

>>343994

HAHA I was just kidding. There’s no one tied up in the HR break room. Security doesn’t need to show up, haha I pranked ya! (Seriously don’t come).

>>343995

I’ve got my phone back now. Please do come, I need backup. I’m in the men’s restroom in HR.

>>343995

>>343996

Management takes these sorts of things seriously. You'll be located, escorted to Security, your depositions taken, and the event resolved. Seriously, it's not the Full Moon. There's no excuse for this situation.

>>343997

Thank you! When I get out of here I’m gonna buy the first round.

>>343999

Who were the perpetrators? Do we need deadly force?

>>344000

No deadly force necessary. And all I remember is the Tanuki HR head giving me some coffee, and the next thing I know I’m tied to chair naked and blindfolded in a closet.

>>344001

Huh, do we need to fire her?

>>344002

Do what you want with her. All I know is that when I get out of this bathroom I QUIT.

>>343999

Can't drink, confound this curse, but I'll gladly accept a box of teas.

>>344000

Company charter states that lethal force is expressly prohibited except in the most extreme cases, and even then only by authorized personnel. Kindly cool your jets.

>>343999

Can I go, I had to accustom myself to this place, and need to forget

Between the increase in Proactive Dating Incidents and the spike in Sabbath activity around the buildings, I'm inclined to believe there's something going on.

>>344014

Agreed, there's definitely something afoot.

>>344000

>>344006

>>344007

Was zur Hölle?

Shura, I've called up my drones, set them to take orders from you or your drones.

>>344014

>>344015

There's no way this is lunacy, it's a waning moon! I'll definitely be keeping drones on higher watch priority. Glad beyond glad that I replaced those Telia burned out - low-effect as they are, they're easy to make - and I appreciate the assist with your additions, Kurt. Here's hoping I don't find anything…although that's so very rarely the case. Why is Security so ruddy incompetent?

>>344015

Listen, I'm fine with the whole co-operation thing, but if they try and rape you, making you have a kid, all because they were too stupid to think long term, causing you to drop out, and have to work at a McDonalds, then I'm not for that. I've seen that happen with too many of my friends. They were smart and Ivy League material, but because a stupid Wurm didn't get the memo, or a manticore wouldn't say no, they got them pregnant,under the law, mandating the women not be charge because 'muh desires', leading to them dropping out, and losing their chance, but hey, at least the women got what they wanted; a happy family, except when I meet them years later, they are depressed, and really regret it. Yeah there can be unhappy monster marriages. I just don't like how society is putting the monsters needs and desires above our own.

Also when are they going to pass the Reciprocity Act.

>>343947

See, this is why I like you guys. You're about the first religious organization I've seen that hasn't either been a front for terrorism or intolerably pushy. Can't say as I share your beliefs, but I don't mind pushing people to check you guys out. Sorry if I misrepresented a few points, though.

>this whole situation in HR

Ammit above, what the hell is even happening. In HR, of all departments. Heads are going to roll.

Notice to all: If you're in imminent danger, I can offer Receiving as a sanctuary until the threat passes or the situation is resolved. Plenty of places to hide, the orcs are all romantics and willing to help, and should worst come to absolute worst I'm loaded for bear back here. Plus, I usually have one of Shura's or Kurt's drones roaming about here, they can call for assistance.

>>344020

As someone that has years of experience fighting off proactive dating attempts, I can empathize. That's part of why I work here, actually. Contracts forbid it under pain of legal action. I can assure you that once Security finally figures itself out, there's going to be a very quick restructuring of HR.

>reciprocity act

…the only legislation I know of by that name pertains to firearms. The firewall blocks Google; care to elaborate?

>>344026

So recently, the laws have been challenged due to the double standard of sexual interaction. They are trying to make monster-on-man rape recognized as rape, which is a crime to make it similar to a man-on-woman rape, or woman-on-man rape, man-on-monster rape. The Realists argue that it's their nature, while the Rationalists are trying to say that 'If women can act normally, so can they.' It's like with the argument against affirmative action. Treat them equally, and they will be punished equally. Society should expect the same from man and monster. That's the whole Rationalist movement.

The Reciprocity Act aims to 'equalize man and monster under the same law code, so that crimes and punishments are equal. Like with indecency, rape, child custody, murder, etc.'

Maintenance Bulletin (Updated):

Recent security events have brought cause for additional employee safety measures. In accordance with the Receiving Department's offer of sanctuary as noted here: >>344026 , the Maintenance Department has added a function to the drone network.

Address a drone and request assistance with the phrase "Fission Mailed" and you will receive an escort to the Receiving Department. To assist with this matter, an additional complement of thirty (30) drones will be assigned to Receiving. As an alternative, using the phrase "Cleanup on Aisle Me" will initiate escort to the Maintenance department for a similar result. Finally, the phrase "I Call It a Loudener" will begin an escort to the Security offices.

Please make note that this is a safety measure and not a toy or tool to get out of work; all instances of the sanctuary escort function will file a log of the event in question, for viewing by the appropriate authorities. Moreover, it should be noted that the drone network is first and foremost a Maintenance affair and thus has minimal Security authority. A request to the Security Department for a more appropriate solution has been filed.

Hey Zooz, remember those inert structures you found around my batteries and figured it was vestigial lung? Well, over the past week my energy efficiency has been improving to impossible levels. Did a little testing, turns out those structures are supplying power now, and they supply more power when I'm around Kurt. It seems your experiment has created a love-powered robot.

>>344037

And here I thought it was just my charming personality.

>>343987

>>343987

>>343995

>>343996

>>343999

>>344001

>>344004

This sounds like someone living out a fantasy to me. Why would you rely on coworkers to extricate you from a situation like that when Law Enforcement is both willing and able to respond? True, we tend to keep things in-house here, but I don't recall anyone ever doing so after being allegedly 'kidnapped'.

>>344020

>>344035

Oh Ammit, another Rationalist.

Kid, you're a programmer. I don't know what the first year Law students told you after getting sucked in by Illian pamphleteers, but we HAVE equal punishment under the law. It's called the Treaty of Seattle. You can't fix bad discretionary judgements by enacting further legislation. That's how Little Johnny Suburban ends up doing 25 to life in a Prison full of Crips for a dime bag of weed. What you knee-jerk reactionaries SHOULD be focusing on is judicial accountability, rather than sweeping changes to legislature that are absent even the slightest inkling of forethought.

Why is it always my alma mater? WHY?!

>>344042

>Why is it always my alma mater? WHY?!

Think of it this way, sir - at least when your school's graduates go crazy they don't blow up mountainsides.

>>344038

When did you get that installed, Kurt?

>>344037

I'm fabricating a prototype set of these things as we speak. Hopefully Telia and Jonno will be willing to test them.

>>344052

Gotta admit, I set myself up for that one.

Maintenance Bulletin:

In response to concerns regarding semi-recent Sabbath activity, reports of Proactive Dating Incidents, a group of Seelie Fay attempting to break into and cause havoc within the facility, and an unusual quantity of missing produce, the Maintenance Department's drone system has completed a sweep of the building in search of possible hazards and faults.

The results of this scan include: three support-structure flaws, a container of Kraken Ink in the sixth-floor ventilation system, a malfunction in the second-floor ventilation system, and five instances of misplaced R&D Department supplies. These issues have since been fixed in the fashion most appropriate. No significant security hazards have been detected. Three lesser security hazards have been noted, filed, and reported to the Security Department.

>>344061

You sure you replied to the right post?

>>344042

So the new update of My Cuddle Boyfriend™ will deal with a key issue plaguing the game, where the program self-repairs and inserts its own self-made code into the scenario, leading to different options that weren't ascribed in the standard generator. This leads to a quasi-cascade event, leading to an AI developing. This has lead to the AI manipulating several appliances and almost threatened the government.

I'm safe to say that the private agreement with the U.S. and our company prevented us from being liquidated, and kept this from the public. It also prevented the world ending (thank god).

This Intelligence bug lead to the creation of the AI bodies, similar to the Automatons to deal with it, and has been draining our profits by 24% due to the high costs of creating a human body that can move and act like a human with all its segmented parts, where the Automaton is powered with other means.

The AI have been placed with hot families and their connections to the internet and the government services are cut off

So the update notes:

The self-insert system has been removed. All repairs by the system are managed by the company to prevent that mess again

The decisions will be broadened by a randomized system, and outlandish ideas are removed, thereby retaining realism.

The Tailfist bug, whereby an option to fist a tail other than a manticores have been fixed. It is not an option for non-manticores

Diseases will be reduced by 20% for monsters with stronger immune systems, and the amount of diseases present will vary based on the owner of the games location on the planet. If one is in the tropics, tropical diseases will be more common

The serpentine sickness will be increased depending on the temperature of the day in the game setting by 30%

>>344065

Hey, Kurt? I could just be disoriented because Nubia and Roris are playing around in my memories again, but none of this: >>344068 makes a lick of sense. Can you figure it out?

>>344078

Patch notes for something involving one of our products. I assume the writer was somewhat intoxicated, as I could have written this much more coherently (probably even after having a bit much of Slav's best).

>>344080

Well, the guy's either drunk, or has a pair of Nightmares futzing with his head, and I'm fairly sure I'm the only one with that latter attribute in the building.

>>344081

I've written better update documentation whilst drinking away a college party hangover with booze that might as well have been an alcohol IV drip, so I don't think it's just intoxication.

>>344083

>drinking away a college party hangover with booze that might as well have been an alcohol IV drip

Ah, the memories. Ever get at any Satyrwine?

>>344078

So the main issue was that the self-fix mechanic, that was meant to extend the life of the game lead, to repairs of code that wasn't needed to be repaired, and snowballed til an AI developed. This happened multiple times with appliances being manipulated and complaints about power turning on and off. We had to come and manually retrieve the game copies before the AI would access the internet and a Skynet scenario would occur. We had to keep them in a special generator room, so they don't have access to the internet as they need a cord to connect to the internet by an outside source. In the meantime we contracted a Robotics company to make the designs for bodies, that mimicked humans so it wouldn't be obvious. This made it expensive, given the need to replicate muscles and whatnot. Also we had to educate them so they wouldn't hack the government. Until one AI named 'Clarice' hacked a DARPA server and leaked info to the public about weaponizing monsters. This was the first instance of non-Automaton AI. We negotiated with the government so we wouldn't be liquidated.

We fixed it by creating a more centralized self-fix system, where all repairs would be approved by computers using an algorithm that would itself be monitored. By the way this is a temporary fix. Well safe-proof it later on, but now we don't have to worry about Terminators.

>>344083

…And considering the latest attempt at patch-notes explanation, I'm beginning to think you're right.

>>344086

How the flying leap did you get that from fixing code for mamono-oriented motorized sex dolls? You're supposed to be making the daft things better at "struggling," not writing the next Robocop.

>>344085

Never was the one buying, couldn't afford the nice stuff anyway. Only times I drank in college were when I wanted to avoid being such a stick-in-the-mud as to lose friends or to help with a hangover whilst doing a project that was due the next day.

>>344086

I sincerely hope you aren't including any of that in the public update notes.

>>344089

>>344088

NO. I mean that a piece of code lead to AI developing, and that lead to the government issue. I fixed it so there won't be any more AI developing. Jesus Christ. The bodies were mean to serve as vessels, and they were placed with host families. The vessels were meant to be realistic in movement, reaction time, sense, etc. That's why we needed a contract to make those bodies. Not sex-bots. They are independent, self-functioning, sentient, and developed AI that can critically think. With personalities.

>>344089

The Joint Agreement stated that this issue was to be private and remain private. Anyone who spilled any information on these events would be fined, arrested, assets seized, found guilty immediately and sent to a super-max prison for 10 years. I'll keep the general ones in the update, as this isn't done yet, just an update to the update

>>344092

No, I'm not.

>>344091

Doesn't that put you in violation for posting it here?