/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance★

Guys, I found a Baphomet in the research section. She says that she works here, but she doesn't have any ID, and I have no idea how to tell her age. I'm not sure if I should send her to the daycare until her parents come for her, or have her escorted out of the building.

>>342555 (OP)

Previous thread: http://archive.is/AISiW

First Thread: http://archive.is/dlsJy

>>342560

Ask her a complicated math problem.

Maintenance here.

@MachinistaMama: Apologies for the delay, had a squad of Kikimorae submitting applications. Not sure who to file these with, or if I even should.

>>342560

I've scryed that location. You have ten seconds before I lock that room down.

>>342557

I like that slogan. It resonates well with our development goals.

>>342560

Got a incineration pit in my lab. Dump my old experiments into it sometimes. Just tell her that a big strong man needs some help. No one will ever know she was even here.

>>342568

DO. NOT. START A WAR. WITH THE SABBATH.

>>342568

>>342571

What the gremlin said. Do we not put this stuff into our onboarding packets anymore? Maybe we just need it posted on the bulletin boards around the cafeterias.

>>342571

How would they know she died? Members run off all the time, so my sources say, after they find a mate. Wouldn't be any different.

Maintenance here.

Tech guys, how do I get my program to stop putting this header at the top?

>>342571

The room in question's locked down, nothing's getting in or out.

>>342575

Invoking hostilities with the Sabbath is prohibited.

>>342575

If we have an attempted infiltration here, then they're expecting her to report back.

>>342562

>>342563

I asked her the math question, and I have verified that either we hired a really stupid researcher, or she does not work here. Still can't tell her age though. Unfortunately, I didn't see the second message in time, and now I'm stuck in here with her, and she's confusing me. What is an oni chan, and why will she make me one if I give her the lollipop I brought with me? I don't have a lollipop, and I don't see what drunk martial arts have to do with anything.

>>342567

Finishing up a couple things, need 5 maybe 10 minutes. Did you figure out what I was going on about earlier?

>>342576

Should just be a matter of submitting a post with the header manually removed.

>>342576

>Invoking hostilities with the Sabbath is prohibited.

So we're to let them fire the first shot? I give it a year.

Anyways, I'm giddy for "bring your abomination child to work day" to begin. Can't wait.

>>342580

Someone extract this man.

>>342581

…stars above I feel like an idiot. HOW DID I NOT THINK OF THAT SOONER?

>>342582

And if they shoot first, we'll shoot last. But they're technically still a Guild, and just barely have the others' support…if only grudgingly.

>>342580

Immediately begin reciting the most long, drawn out, repetetive passage of poetry you have memorized. Anything boring or entrancing enough will do, but a personal favorite of mine is "Infantry Columns" by Rudyard Kipling. I've heard they use an audio version of it as torture in Guantanamo Bay. Repeat the passage over and over until she falls asleep or leaves you alone. Baphomets are weak to mental attacks like that. You can trust me, everyone in Marketing is a psyker.

>>342583

I swear tech in a corporate environment has an aura of feeblemindedness that only IT guys and a select few others can resist.

>>342581

I asked Margie and she just said I'd figure it out soon enough. I don't know what this weird cryptic in-joke is about, but as long as you don't put down newspaper and start talking about Huey Lewis it can't be that bad.

@MachinistaMama: I'm nearly at sublevel A, I can see the added ductwork and cables from here. Audio recording good enough, do you think? Video tends to get staticked out, I've found.

>>342585

And that's before my tech-averse dumb self gets involved. No wonder I'm having the troubles I do!

>>342586

…Tandy, my sister's a Wurm, and she'd be shaking her head wondering how you're not catching on.

>>342587

You guys are really freaking out about this, Kurt must have a really great media system for all this hype.

>>342586

Consider all of the following in context while you make your way to the garage:

>>342465

You mention being jealous of someone getting some, and ask if that's silly.

>>342479

I say it doesn't seem so to me, and in the next breath invite you to my place.

>>342493

Shura, upon hearing about this, mentions a potential future in-law not taking the hint.

>>342590

Sounds good. No pun intended. Doors locked, mind letting me in?

I kid, I kid. I've already got all the keys. Fire up the recorders and I'll get started.

>>342591

Not so bad, mien arsch.

>>342588

@MachinistaMama: keep all the data you have on Tandy's central processing unit. If we ever need materials denser than iridium or osmium for our products, you should have a good starting point to work from.

>>342594

The garage for this building dummkoff. I'm giving her a ride there.

>>342589

Oh. OH. Okay… Well, I'm at the garage entrance now, I guess I'll… see you in a second.

>>342596

No shit, Sherlock. Go in first and then message her to come in when you're ready.

>>342597

The penny drops it seems. Mine's the old brown station wagon at right by the exit, see you there, Tee.

>>342600

Okay, Kay, be right there. And Margie, I know you're watching, so, um, don't peek over my network? I'll revoke your access if I have to, that's only for training me in robo stuff.

<M-RG13 sez: Sure thing. And Kurt, be good to the kid.

>>342601

You've kinda got a point there, but it's still going to be ammo for teasing for a while.

Related, the both of us may be in late tomorrow depending on how tonight goes.

>>342604

Car's warming up, and let Margie know I've intended to do as she asked this whole time.

>>342605

Well, I guess this is goodnight everybody.

>Systems online. Audio recording system online. Begin transmission.

-"is thing on? Blinking red light? Yeah, okay, then it's on."

"Got some blast shields, I see. Really think you'll need - polarized you say? Wish I'd thought of that. Should have brought sunshades."

"Right, let's see…cables there for transfer, this should be the best point for access. It's going to be a bit bright for this first bit, might need to cover your eyes anyway."

"Oh, and cover your ears - I have no idea what sort of noise these things will put out."

"Okay, let's see if I remember how to do this."

>Warning. Audio recorder primary damaged by sudden activation of nearby magical field. Switching to secondary recorder.

-"s that supposed to explode? Never mind, continuing. Going to start with basic Vis generation and movement."

>Detected voice level dips below audible range. Switching to tertiary recorder.

-"gin. Vis craft form pattern Alpha, Vis craft form pattern Phi, Vis craft form pattern Eta, Vis craft form pattern Nu."

"Output pattern Eta designate held object cable full. Output pattern Nu designate cable end first pod full. Output pattern Alpha designate cable end second pod full. Output pattern Phi designate cable end empty core slot full."

''"

"How's it looking? Oh, who am I kidding - even if you can hear me, I can't hear you. Continuing, system test throughput - firing this thing up!"

"Gah - forgot how much that stings. Cables look fine, no glowing, definitely handling the flow. Pushing to full capacity charge."

Warning. Audio recorder secondary damaged by excessive heat.

"Good, good, everything's working - greatsch, can'tsh feel my lef shide; bedder notsch be anodder aneuryshm. Doctor'sh gettin shick of treating tho"-

Warning. Audio recorder tertiary damaged by large falling object. No further recorders. Record concludes.

>>342607

You ok? You need me down there?

>>342607

Actual. Holy. Shit, son. If I was going to end up with a splitting hangover like this I should at least have had the pleasure of the drink first.

Huh? We need Baphomet gone? No problem. Send her to me. Will take through tour of ever-expanding maintenance tunnels. She'll get lost and deed is done.

Ugh. Not an aneurysm this time, thankfully just a stroke. Much easier to treat.

>>342609

I think I've got this. Could use some painkillers, though.

>>342610

You and me both. Do me a favor, toss one back for me? Still can't drink.

Plus side, failure's on my end - system works just fine.

>>342611

And no one is killed! Now we have a way of disguarding spies without violating any treaties. Besides, we didn't kill her, my unchecked abominations will. Collateral damage. Good thinking Ivan.

>>342611

Much as I'd like to have the problem just go away, it's not so simple. Just let her be, the guy in the room with her is Tandy's rival in density.

>>342620

Do I have to go in there and throw lightning around again? Because it would be a wonderful way to deal with this headache. Could've sworn I destroyed those things the other day…

>>342621

>Could've sworn I destroyed those things the other day…

They replicate mighty quick and are as hard to remove as set in bloodstains on cotton lab coats. Two survive and in no time they're back full force. God knows what they eat, but I guess interns.

>>342622

>Two survive and in no time they're back full force

''Two'?' One of the things I ran into down there appeared to be self-replicating, and the copies mutated into different forms, which also replicated.

I'd say "nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure", but we already basically did that once, and then sent in paladins to do some righteous cleansing, and it looks like all we managed to accomplish was to drive them deeper and thin their numbers a bit (for now).

>>342624

Fuuuh. Lemme just - yeah, I see you little twitchers, think you're real funny do you - lemme just throw something down there. Got the motor running, might as well burn the gas. Hope they like suicidal depression and autocannibalism, because that's what they're gonna get.

>>342624

>>342625

We could probably use something automatic down there. Maybe a nice nano swarm, with a holy symbol built into each one's molecular structure…

>>342627

>holy symbol built into each one's molecular structure…

What would that accomplish? They aren't demons. Besides, they're hardly a threat to anyone with even a modicum of combat experience. More still, a personal approach is how I vent my frustrations.

>>342627

Do you have any idea how many times that similar ideas came up at Tek? They got shot down every ruddy time. Something about inability to keep control.

Let me know if you start working on it, I want to see it in action. It? Them? Her? Gods know enough inanimate objects end up sentient and female around here, wouldn't be a bit surprised if you end up inventing a metal slime…

>>342628

Best to be prepared.

>>342629

I could have the swarm networked to a control hub that one of our Automatons could cast into. On their own, they'd have no programming, so if the hub goes down we wouldn't have a Grey Goo Scenario.

>>342635

So, a metal Shoggoth, minus the delightful mindwarping.

Also, how much do you want to bet that the amazing Neutron Star that is your assistant ends up completely missing Kurt's cues until he just outright proposes?

>>342635

I wonder if we are all over-thinking and over-engineering this. What if we set up A/V equipment down there to play the most annoying sounds and video clips in the known multiverse on loop? If that isn't enough, I might be able to scrounge up some cheap PCs and lock down their internet browsing to very specific imageboards, just in case the things develop enough intelligence to use them. We might be able to get these abominations to remove themselves, one way or another, for us.

Anyone on friendly terms with one of the cheshires around here? They'd be great for suggestions.

Then again, maybe this is a terrible idea, and should be disregarded. Going by the Mad Slav's stories, we might rid ourselves of the lab abominations only to disturb and anger something darker and more terrible down there. I'm not sure I want to find out what lurks in the places that the Shogs trepidly dare each other to go into.

>>342635

You're forcing my hand here. I forbid this action. Those things are important to my studies and I'd rather you not grey goo them.

>>342638

Can you imagine Jonno's reaction if Telia went all liquid metal on him? As for Tand, I think she was starting to catch on there before they left.

>>342642

How about a good old-fashioned Gelatinous Cube?

>>342639

PLEASE DO NOT GIVE THE CHESHIRES ANY MORE IDEAS.

>>342642

Real important. Are they important enough for you to keep them in your lab? Because my basic orders include eliminating pests. And bad odors. Both of which apply to your pets.

>>342645

>liquid metal

Oh, you MUST write these things down for her to have a look through before the ritual. She's going to be in there for a subjectively long time, can you just think of what sort of shenanigans they could get up to? "Unprepared for two," indeed.

And if Tandy figures out what Kurt's getting at before they get back, I'll fund your next project.

Ahhh, back to my office, my little home sweet home away from home sweet…home…why is there a small army of Kikimorae in my office?

>>342645

>How about a good old-fashioned Gelatinous Cube?

I'll turn you into a gelatinous cube if you don't stop. Besides, even if you do what's one cube more going to do to my childeren creations?

>>342646

Write this down for her to look through? She's always in my notes wanting to know about what the madboys are up to, if I put it on the R&D server she'll know about it.

And I'll tell you something about Tandy she probably doesn't even realize herself. That obsession with her old bod? It's not narcissism. It's because focusing on a guy who no longer exists is a safe outlet for the instincts she's afraid of. There's no danger of her actually having to come to terms with them. And since she's been repressing them, they're going to pop when Kurt gets close enough.

Receiving here. Someone ordered a ton of Sabbath Scout cookies. A literal ton, that is. I've got pictures of baphomets and cookies all over my stockroom. I'm enlisting everyone that passes by to deal with this flood of aphrodisiac pastries. Expect only essential work from my department until tomorrow at the earliest.

If nobody claims their baked goods by tomorrow I will track the invoice and deliver them myself. At a time and in a manner of my choosing.

Repost of former post, having some odd signal activity. Apologies.

>>342654

Doing your best to live up to the screenname, eh? Maybe I really should introduce you to my old NCO. I think you'd get along.

>>342655

The madboys don't call me Mama Grem for nothing. I watch out for everyone in my lab. Plus, knowing when to step in and how to keep somebody from cracking and turning into another Doc Bile is just public safety.

Also, whoever wrote this board code should be flogged.

>>342656

I swear I had more reliable connectivity on sublevel J.

>>342656

Yes, J was so much better than up here.

And you are almost word-for-word repeating what old Greygaze said at one point.

>>342659

She's probably seen too many Catastrophic Integrity Failures too. I don't even want to know how many Bile situations I've had to deal with.

Fuck me backwards… Who orders that many blade servers I ask you.? Awkward bastard things. Hope Clarice is OK… let's see what Shura's come back with.

>Gazza, you are my friend.

Aww, cheers mate!

>And it is because of this that I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt.

O-kay…

>During the day, Clarice burst into my home like, well, a bat out of hell. She proceeded to tell me about your outing, that she had an amazing time, and that she wants very much to see you again, more than ever before - that she's never felt this way about anyone, ever.

Wow… Uh, well… Wow! So… Why're you stroppy?

She knows you're a paladin. She knows about your oaths.

Oh HERE we fuckin' go…

>She's terrified that what she's feeling is less honest and true, and more a mental command you or one of your associates have put upon her, or worse.

The…FUCK? Apart from the distinct pinch of "Ow, my fucking honour" I'm feeling right now, lemme spitball one atcha bloke.

What purpose in what addled fever dream could a servant of The Lord of bloody Light have in making a DEVIL go dokidoki for him against her will? The hell kinda function could that possibly serve? So I can stand her up before the High School Prom? Come on now…

>If there is no such spell, then I instead implore you to make your feelings known to her, whatever they may be, so that there is no further confusion.

Feelings?! I'm sorry did she tell you WHAT we did prior to the Karaoke which-never-happened-seriously-Robutt-if-I-see-that-on-the-internet-I'm-gonna-dismantle-your-sleeves? Oh wait, I already did.

Viking Buffet. No, not the continental all-you-can-eat because the Zipangans can't pronounce Smorgasbord. Long house, mead, red meat off the bone, salted fish, coarse bread, fire, and rough bearded men dancing with buxom wenches afore beating the hell out of each other. Ever heard of one before? No? I'm not surprised. They don't fucking exist. Two days of planning, calling in every favour I had, spending enough money to fly us both to Gay Paree for steak tartare on the seine. Something Special. Something Unique. For Her.

Tell me again I'm fuckin' about with her feelings, cos that doesn't sting or nothin'.

>Whether you love her or not, please, only tell her the truth, in plain English.

The hell did I just finish saying… Hold on… So Go to your house, while you're not there, and she is… alone cos yer missuses are out beating innocent metal into baby sapient weapons and armor… Waitwaitwaitwait… Is she salty I said no sex on the first date? Is that what this is about?

>>342645

WOMAN STOP GIVING HER IDEAS!

>>342646

Says Mr 'We bond in the dream world'. Meatspace Johnno has limitations on his cardio that his partner's hydraulics do not share. Be fuckin' nice.

>>342652

Ooh, are there any thin mints left? There's no actual aphrodisiac in those, they're just fucking awesome.

>>342661

We had two a couple years back. They weren't smart enough to keep the heresy offsite and have a legal way to deflect everything onto the CEO. Fun fact, it's why they put a buncha churchies in assets, so we could spot potential world-eating-horror ez-bake ovens being ordered piecemeal.

>>342668

I'm obligated to advise you that the company's diversity hire policy does not have anything to do with leveraging Militant Religious organizations into doing clean-up operations to avoid having to fork out hazard pay.

>you lazy fucks have made three threads with months worth of shitposting instead of actually working.

>I'm probably the only employee in my department with a work ethic and that hasn't unloaded a firearm into the ceiling

holy shit, how in the name of Dan Bricklin have you lot not been laid off en mass.

These spreadsheets don't write themselves you know.

or have I been replaced by an automaton and never got the memo?

am i the one who's been laid off?

>>342668

>are there thin mints left

Whoever wrote the invoice had these delivered to the company, not a specific person. I can therefore in good conscience beg you to please for the love of Ammit 'take these accursed confections away.' When I said 'a ton' I misspoke. There's at least twenty. I literally cannot see the floor. All of our incoming orders are buried under cardboard boxes with pictures of smug baphomets. My desk is a giant congolomeration of tagalongs or whatever they're called. Hell, make it an interdepartmental potluck. Take whatever you want!

Forget what I said about tomorrow, I've already backtraced the invoice and I will make my displeasure known to the miscreant who chose to waste our bonus money on Sabbath recruitment sweets. You know who you are; expect to be drowning in angry shoggoths by tomorrow.

Also, bull'shit' these things don't have aphrodisiac. I tried a quarter of one and the, shall we say, effects, were immediate. Take 'em to your husbands/wives, I got too much to do.

>>342671

>spreadsheet goon

>nobody else doing work

I feel your pain, brother/sister.

>>342671

How do we find time to shitpost?

>IT - "It's running diagnostics"

>Assets - "It's missing a reference number, we're waiting for a call"

>Receiving - "Wrong con note, waiting for a call"

>Production - "Maintenance downtime"

>R&D - "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? THIS IS A CLEAN ROOM OUT OUT OUT!"

>PR - "Downtime to maximize synergy"

>HR - "…Isn't your performance review next week?"

>Legal - "…TRY and fire me."

Did I miss anyone?

>>342672

Also, either I forgot how to format things or the email parser is busted. Probably the former.

Oh…

>Maintenance - "Who are you going to find to replace me?"

>Angry Maintenance -

OL BOGIRA VAORESA ELASA GOHO A ELO DE BALATA A ALONUSAHI UNKNOWN CALZ A CALZ DE VIME A SABA

>>342672

>Take 'em to your husbands/wives, I got too much to do.

There will be a stockpicker arriving at your dock in precisely eighteen minutes and twenty three seconds. Ignore the fact it does not have a driver. Ignore the automated tare warning, the designer was a pussy. (Eeee! I can swear!) Load it up with… Oh… Give me some of everything… I'm going to do Science!

>>342673

>customer service

>sales

>distribution

>operations

>purchasing

>administration and management

>financing/accounting which might actually be synonymous with assets

aside from that think you got them

>>342678

>Financing/Accounting synonymous with assets

You take that back at once, sir!

>customer service - "I understand your frustration and will be sure to forward this to the appropriate department as feedback. Your business is important to us"

>Customer Service at 5:30PM - "Look man, I'm earning minimum wage and have less authority to do shit than the guy who cleans the toilets. You really wanna grill me for being on the internet?"

>Sales - "I'm researching the competition"

>Distribution - Okay I'm stumped, how is this different to Shipping and Receivables?

>Operations - "Insufficient Troubleshooting, please re-assign to IT"

>Purchasing - "Hahahahahahaha, Out."

>Administration and Management - "You're fired."

>Financing and Accounting - "Sorry, can't hear you over the extra million I just saved."

>>342680

>Financing and accounting on June 29th - "FUCKING NormalfagS GET OUT REEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

>>342677

Don't need to tell me twice. Enjoy your night. And your morning, if I'm right about the dosage in these things.

>>342680

>>342678

>distrib/sales

Oh look, my job. For the record, my excuse right now is that everything that isn't this desk is a baked good. My normal excuse is that trucks are slow.

>customer service

Oh look, my old job. Every time I wonder why I took this job, I remember my time on the front lines. At least I made some damn good contacts.

>>342680

>Distribution - Okay I'm stumped, how is this different to Shipping and Receivables?

it literally isn't, didn't notice your:

>Receiving - "Wrong con note, waiting for a call"

pls no bully i just fill out spreadsheets

>>342677

I suppose asking if we can just cuddle tonight is off the table? No? Alright…

R&D, there's a shipment of medical grade zinc supplements with your names on it. Half of it is 'missing.' I apologize for any inconvenience and will follow up with distribution.

>>342664

Gazza! I'm hurt! Why would you think I would do that? Why would you think I would edit together the choicest peices of footage and encrypt it on a drive so secure the Gods themselves would throw their hands up in despair. Why would I forward it to Clarice, telling her she's got nothing to worry about. I'm shocked and hurt, Gaz. Shocked and hurt. But…

I will survive

Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive…

>>342673

Receiving here.

I take offense to that. Well a little offense…some… I mean, we've had that damn cheshire down here in Receiving rearranging the labels on the packages a couple times too.

And Manami (The Ushi-Oni in case anybody forgot) is back working with me in receiving! Err us. Working with us in receiving. Not just me.

… no I didn't mean to leave you girls out. No. You're not getting a word out of me regarding that matter. HEY NO. I PROMISED OKAY? BACK OFF. Seriously.

@Benny

Anyways, I hope the orcs down here didn't give you too much trouble. I know Kaz can be a shit sometimes. OI, YEAH YOU HEARD ME. I hope she didn't come onto you too hard.

@Gazza

So that was you and Clarice I saw in that karaoke bar! You two -… oh. Nevermind, ignore me. Manami just informed me that if I keep going down that conversation line I wouldn't be getting a lunch today. But we- I mean, I saw you at… a bar and thought you two looked great together.

>>342689

SEE MANAMI? I COULD'VE SAID SOMETHING! Also can I get a copy of that?

>>342690

Now I know the red ones go faster and the yellow ones are more shooty… Mate can you ask the piggy-wiggys which one makes things more 'Choppy?' Like say if I wanted to paint a war-axe to methodically reduce a synth-sleeve to component compounds? Asking for a friend…

>can I get a copy of that?

Please direct all further inquiries of that nature through my legal counsel Mr. Socko. What's that? Mr Socko says yeah nah get fucked.

>>342680

Operations IRL. My excuse is "I'm running macros."

>>342698

Networks/Field Services myself, gonna have to suggest that to our Ops guys instead of having them force us to repeat shit we've already done lol

Well, stuff me sideways in a van and tell me it's a hearse, but I think I managed to get one of the most odd assignments we've had in a while: training a platoon of Kikimorae for work on Building D. Why Lightfull thought I was qualified for this, I do not know. Hope I didn't mess something up. Still want to know why the Kikis in question were all wearing military uniforms…and why one was actually a Jinko.

>>342664

I will admit I was still a bit emotional from the effort of helping my wives forge our children and then having a Devil bawl on my shoulder, so the message was more grim than I intended. That being said, there's a term, a technical term, I think you may have heard of it? It's called Keep It Simply Simple. I know there's a lot of different wordings, that's just the one I ended up memorizing. The point is, sometimes you just have to say what you mean, without the fancy planning. Even if the food was glorious. Even if you both had the times of your lives. I know you're not "fucking about with her feelings," you're too bloody much a Paladin to do that sort of thing. She, however, is a Devil, and has a family history of people coming together through manipulation. She's the one who needs to know the truth.

And there is no salt involved. She's happy to ignore her parents and hold off until the wedding, especially after putting up with them for as long as she has. Besides, her tears have brimstone, not salt.

>>342668

>Meatspace Johnno has limitations on his cardio that his partner's hydraulics do not share.

I say again, AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, Jonno, you seriously have NO IDEA what you're in for. Who says you're going to be IN meatspace for the procedure?

>>342675

Oi! Angry Maintenance prefers using bastardized German mixed with half-remembered Church Slavonic, none of which is translatable due to never having actually learned the languages to any fluency. Parents seemed to think full English was more appropriate than trilingualism. That said, the excuse is spot-on. I don't have the hours, pay, or permissions I do for nothing!

>>342708

You don't use Infernal Enochian? At all? Lord of Light… I mean even WE know a bit…

I s'pose German is a bit more adaptable though, the whole 'Jam a bunch of words together to give form to a new concept' has to be handy in a pinch.

Incidentally Gazza may be headed to your house with a portable music player and a rain machine. I don't THINK it had a microphone attachment (For which I will offer thanks most effuse to the Merciful Lord of Light the next time I pray. Don't get me wrong, it's not that he has a BAD voice. It's just that he forgoes traditional music notes in the quest to find new and horrifying ones.)

>>342710

Robutt… Can you block this post from his read-access?

Message from Marketing Systems: I'll trust you Benny, if you start talking trash I'll redact you and teach one of my sleeves Kung Fu to beat your ass though…

Thanks lovely.

Alright. You might have put a few disparate threads together. Gazza was SEVERELY abused in his younger years. I'm shocked he's still Human, considering how often he was… Rented Out. We both know the Horror that lies behind the Broken Mask… He was its plaything, for more years than any mortal should be subjected to such things. His entire concept of 'Love' and the expression thereof exists in two formats. What he's seen in film, and what the Lord has shown him. Obviously he deems the latter 'Inappropriate' to voice except in moments of Humility and Faith. The more 'Dramatic' an expression, the more sincerity he believes it to hold… In his mind. he's expressing his feelings honestly. This is why he's never had much success with women. This is why we do little but tease him about it. We don't mind him feeling eccentric. We don't want him to feel… alien.

>>342709

Nope, just simple English, Greek for some Vis pattern memorizations, Apache signs for wordless comms and a touch of Zipanese because one of my squadmates was utterly obsessed with blaring their version of pop at all hours. I don't know what any of the lyrics mean, but I'm fairly certain they're not lewd. I think. Much as I'd like to learn more, multiple aneurysms in that sector have made it no longer an option…unless I stop using my brain for thinking and switch to straight soulsearch thought processes. Hmm.

>portable music player and a rain machine

By ████████, does Gazza just have a complexity addiction? What's so difficult about only saying two or three words? Doesn't matter, I suppose. After Telia's efforts, I think Clarice might have cheered up a touch, if her most recent message's anything to go by. Hope Gazza's ready for an overly-affectionate Devil tacklehugging him - she always did like physical contact.

>>342711

>>342712

CONFOUND THIS SKITTISH MESSAGING SYSTEM. Zuzi and I had this same problem earlier.

>>342711

Oh shit. One moment, warning Clarice to hold back. Please let me be in time…

>>342717

Timeworn soul… hast thou no faith?

Message from Marketing Systems: …Okay we're stumped. Theoretically this has Managment Approval. Director Lightfull, have you given a pipe to heaven or something ridiculous like that? You KNOW the servers aren't built for it!

>>342718

Feathers, if your pound puppy so much as makes her frown, I'm going to open the ground under him. Do I make myself clear?

>>342718

Oh, I know this is going to up whatever debt I have with you Divine folks but seriously thank you for looking after my friends.

>>342726

Boss, you know what I've been through, willingly, and the guy's been forced through worse by several magnitudes. If you can afford to cut me slack as much as you do, you can afford him the same. Please?

>>342727

DE A ACOCASAHE DE REI TIA EN SOYGA I EN OZIEN… Oh, sorry, forgot you only speak analogue. His past isn't my concern. My 'Niece', however, is. He's hardly harmless, but, as wingaling so nebulously implied, they're trying very hard to get this pound puppy adopted. Black Stars know those 'upstairs' can't stomach him well enough.

>>342729

Plus, you're prettier than he is.

Hahahaha, Someone broke the board again. Robutt, there's a whole bunch of junk posts that need cleaning up.

Mad Slav? I'm not gonna be into work tomorrow. Got meself a terminal case of Need-to-talk-to-my-girlfriend-itis. Benny, if you crack shits at me I'll kick you where that eight-armed horror stuck its claws in you and laugh about it.

It's foggy tonight… Anybody else noticed how Foggy it is? S'funnypui;oooooooooooosdfjav

Hey everybody. Clarice here. I put him to sleep for the moment. I think we're going to have to talk somewhere a little more… forgiving.

>>342729

Aunt Gremory! Bleeding Suns! What if the Automata hadn't scrambled these posts? Really, I'm a big girl now, I can make my own decisions!

>>342729

Fine. If I have to, I'll call in the favor from that time with the █████████. You know which one I mean, I'm not interested in revealing it publicly.

>>342731

Bull.

>>342733

Best of luck, C.

>>342729

>DE REI TIA EN SOYGA

So… Mad Slav… I seem to have come down with a severe case of need-to-clothe-myself-in-sackcloth-and-grovel-on-the-floor-of-a-temple-itis. I may be a bit late in tomorrow. Just FYI.

>>342734

Shura, C'mon mate. Gaz might be interesting and obscenely muscular, but nobody's accusing the lunk of being photogenic.

>>342734

Really.

You'd threaten me with that.

URGH… You… Fine. Shura if you weren't married and were a modicum less Human… I'm not sure if I'd send you to my Dungeons or my Boudoir.

>>342737

And I reiterate: Bull.

Verdammte, man, what do you think I see when I scry? It's not X-Ray vision, it's soulsight! Whatever he looks like physically the punter's got a soul like a bloody Michelangelo work. Sure, he's got gashes in it, and now I somewhat understand why, but blast it his is usually the second brightest in here!

Message from ERR-NULL: Okay Blue… If you get me fired or de-rezzed I'm going to have my boyfriend do horrible things to everyone you care about, just saying. *hugs*

>>342741

Gashes? Shu-Shu… This is… artistry… and not the good kind. I don't know whether to run screaming or pat his head for the next millenia and a half…

>>342740

You know blessed well I'd bring that up. And it's a favor well spent.

>dungeons

Definitely glad I'm married, then. Never been a fan of chains, especially not after nineth-year tests.

>or boudoir

…what.

>>342745

C, are you kidding? I haven't seen absolute schiesse like that on a soul since graduation! And even then nothing nearly to that extent. Whatever did that to him, by the Source I hope that it's been terminated.

Well, you called it Zooz, Tandy has been humming and dancing since she got here. She got it good last night.

>>342752

I went out of my way to prepare, and I probably didn't do quite enough in that regard.

>>342685

Medical-grade zinc? Don't suppose you folks in R&D be so kind as to point me in the direction of your supplier? Last night didn't need them, but I'd rather have them and not need them than vice versa.

>>342651

"Pop." Little bit of an understatement there. I'm pretty sure that at least one article of clothing I was wearing yesterday has a few rips in it from the haste to remove it.

>>342646

If you'd been paying attention, you'd know that you lost that bet before we left the parking garage (though it took a half hour of being curled up together on the couch in front of a movie before she seemed to get past the "I must be dreaming" stage).

>>342624

>>342625

>>342611

I read up on what I missed over my morning tea. Slav, Zeke, there's several crates of crusade-grade holy munitions, explosives, and weapons in the back of my car that I'd like to divest myself of.

>>342764

>bet lost

Say lah vee. So when's the wedding?

>tea

HERETIC.

@MachinistaMama: Bet's a bet, let me know when your next off-books project needs the bill footed.

>>342764

Prepare? Just how long had you been planning this?

>>342770

Wait, what? Wed-

<M-RG13 sez: And that's a system crash, folks.

>>342771

I started in earnest once I began hearing how much Telia was testing Jonnno's physique. After all, I'm an ex-paladin, and as such not quite as robust as an active one. All said and done it was really just a matter of tweaking my diet starting a couple days ago (I really should have been eating better beforehand anyway, just another thing to glad about that came from meeting you, mein Liebling).

>>342770

That's "C'est la vie." And I will drink what I want to drink with regard to my caffeine intake, vielen dank.

>>342770

Also, to answer your question, waiting on two things. 1) I'm waiting until Tee feels ready for it and 2) I'm putting away some cash to make the event something special (yes, I'm a sappy romantic at heart, I'd provide proof but I don't want to make Tee crash again).

>>342772

>"c'est la vie"

Great, now I know I need to get my head examined, that stroke must have done something to my language sectors. I know I knew that one.

And, um, sorry about the jab about the tea. No, I'm not just saying that because the Kikimorae I've been assigned to train have decided to put me through lessons on proper tea preparation. Definitely not that.

>sappy romantic, proof

Don't need to convince me, considering how the magic in the air is just shy of singing around you.

>>342781

Do me a favor and let those kikis know I prepare my morning tea the way my former landlady (sweet old Brit) taught me to, water from a stovetop kettle and an infuser in the teapot.

Good news everyone! I have made a new strain of coffee that should boost productivity tenfold! It's balancing on the cusp of being a drug however so take it as you will. I need disposable valued guinea pigs employees to experiment test this product with.

>>342782

Oh, so you've just bagged me and now you're going to flirt with the Kikis?

>>342784

They call me a heretic over my tea, I'm gonna correct them. I am not flirting. If I was, I'd be asking for lessons.

>>342786

>>342784

Also, I'm more than a little hurt that you'd take me for a cheat so easily.

>>342788

Relax, it was a joke, silly. You're not very good with those, it seems.

>>342789

Former roommate dated someone who used almost that exact line in a non-joking context and it turned ugly fast, so it scares the schiesse out of me. Sorry.

>>342782

Yeah, they don't particularly like that idea. Something about using a proper samovar being the only proper method.

>>342791

That was kind of the point….

>>342792

Sorry, they saw the Brit part and made assumptions.

>>342789

Sounds like I'd better come down there and… reassure you.

>>342794

I'm just gonna take a moment to thank every divinity and infernal power in existence for the fact that I met you Liebling.

If it's an emergency, page me. Otherwise, I'll check back in here after a while.

>>342748

Even I spotted the 'Not the good kind'

>terminated

With EXTREME prejudice. As I hear it, that was the primary reason the faith went in, even before they discovered Gaz.

>>342772

In Telia's defence, I did tell her to give me everything she had. There was almost a DAY worth of 'are you sure' before shit got strenuous.

>>342783

Oh sh-

…okay… so. I still get paid if I'm on-site right? Even if I am ensconced in steel?

So fun fact… We DO in fact have network connectivity that goes much… MUCH further downstairs than just Bile's Labs. So… Yeh. That's a thing. Okay switching to Voice Rec… Yes I accept the fucking terms and conditions… fucks sake…

So this is Hell huh? A bit more 80s than I was expecting and not nearly as much fire… Why is that funny? Why are we here anyway darl? If you're springing a family dinner on me I don't have nearly enough suits…

…Expert in my condition? What condition? Of course I trust you. You don't even need to as-OH SWEET LORD OF LIGHT NOPE NOPE NOPE… Honey, he has PINS IN HIS HEAD! There are ten movies made about exactly this!

…Such sights to show me? I'll give you such sights to fuckin' show… DEUS VUL-Owowowowowowow! Okay, Okay, I'll behave… Sweet Lord of Light… No, you DON'T Look like someone who cares what God thinks. Are you sure about this babe?

Alright… I trust you…

I apologize to everyone in IT about the recent noise… I'll get Kurt's office soundproofed.

>>342801

Probably better to get the mini-office by the finance mainframe room soundproofed and stage any future…. noisy activities in there.

What did I say about bringing stuff with garlic in it to the office?

>>342810

That depends, since you're using a pseudonym, are you bad fan fiction on work printers Vampire or one of the other ones?

>>342800

Oh wow. I mean, I knew the whole 'you see what you expect to see' thing went over his head… but… did he literally replace the traversible areas of the Lower Planes with an 80s film set? Damn, and I was hoping he'd be able to confront things easily…

…it also explains how he turned into a bald man in a leather dress with pins all over his head, I suppose.

Hey Zeke, how are Mog's rates for auto work? The local shops are a bit reluctant to give me a decent price for transmission repair since the engine in my ride's a custom job.

Message from Maintenance:

You may shortly see a decrease in the quantity of Kikimorae in Building A. They have not been evicted, but rather been formally hired and given positions as part of the Building D Maintenance department.

>>342798

>terminated, with extreme prejudice

Thank bloody goodness for that. Whatever sort of…thing could do that to a soul, I don't even want to contemplate.

>>342818

If you show up with me she'll probably give you a deal. She's just thrilled with all the sleeve tech that's coming out of me. She might want us to… test some things for her, though.

>>342812

I'm one of the other ones, didn't even know we had someone that bad at writing here

>>342821

>testing things for Mog.

If that makes you uncomfortable, it's off the table. Even if that means I have to use my bike and we get record rainfall until I can find the time to chase this problem down myself.

>>342824

Out of curiosity, what sort of build are you talking?

>>342824

Oh it's fine with me, I just wasn't sure how you'd feel about being with me in all sorts of strange custom bodies designed for people with who knows what kind of kinks.

>>342825

A while back I got together with some neighbors and swapped an 8-liter V12 with a hydrogen fuel system into an '85 Caprice Wagon. It's got some weird sloppiness in the low end of the power band and the engine checks out fine, so I'm thinking transmission problem.

>>342829

From what I've heard, Mog would probably be the best bet for making improvements, but if all you need for the moment is a simple and reliable repair I've got a favor I can call in from one of my old squaddies. Guy loves cars, never understood my willingness to settle for a junker.

>>342827

>custom bodies designed for …. who knows what kind of things

The prospect has me simultaneously nervous and aroused.

>>342830

Much appreciated. Apparently the thing that scares the shops I've called is the fact that it's a hydrogen burner. Not too much a rush job as I've got an old dualsport that can get me to work, but it's hardly fit for two people on a regular basis. (Note to self, bike passenger mods)

>>342831

Sounds like it's right up his alley. Guy doesn't do much business, but what he does get lets him pay through the nose to get good parts for his cars. I'll drop him a line, have him send his contact info, and make sure he knows it's no payment required.

>>342831

Now you know how I felt yesterday.

>>342834

If you want to try it, I'm with you. However, let's try starting slow with it (hopefully with more success than yesterday).

>>342833

Thanks. That makes for one less thing to worry about whilst Tee and I get settled.

>>342836

Okay, I'll email Mog and tell her I'm taking her up on that offer.

>>342836

No problem, glad to help. Besides, you're helping me out as well; with this favor done up I might not have to worry about him nagging me to get rid of my old firebox on wheels.

And Mog just replied saying she's got something perfect for us to start with. She says it's a mod designed to work with the tech sourced from my systems, I should come by and get it installed and if we like it we can keep it.

>>342847

Exciting! The anticipation seems to have turned the nervousness into enthusiasm on my part.

Wow, where to begin. You spend a day mostly away from your desk and the messages just pile up.

>>342673

I've got another one:

>IT - Scripting, Automation, Orchestration…and waiting around for the developers and/or suits to figure out or decide what they actually want, rather than what they asked for.

Though today actually was spent dealing with more mundane projects and issues. Refreshing, really. And Tabitha, please, next time don't click on emails promising pictures of cute cats from unknown addresses. Bob, that goes for you too, for different reasons. At least that's all cleaned up now.

>>342745

>>342815

Clarice, I would be remiss if I didn't inform you that company forums like this are intended solely for use by employees only. Now, having discharged my duty as an administrator, I won't say anything if you won't. A friend of this crew here is a friend of mine. Best of luck with Gazza.

>>342801

>>342804

I wouldn't have been around to hear anything, anyway. Spent a lot of the day racking and cabling servers in Building D. (Knew that TK and ESP training would come in handy solving practical problems). They must be gearing up for something in there with the new hardware and new cleaning staff.

Oh, and a word to the cheshire who has been going around swapping the salt and sugar in the break rooms in Building D: Yes, I know it was you. Don't expect to get much of a rise out of me, but you'll soon be dealing with a platoon of militant kikimorae who might get a little more than salty if your antics in any way manage to interfere with their food or beverage preparation.

>>342810

We have a vampire working in IT now? I did think that one server rack in one of the rooms looked suspiciously like a coffin. If that was you, let it be said that I make no apologies for humming Jojo music to myself while I set up the servers, neither for the general dorkiness nor the specific content. Deal with it, and welcome aboard! (Assuming you are actually on the payroll. I'll check into it. You never know around here sometimes)

>>342818

>>342821

Mog's prices are fair, and she'll probably cut you a discount as my friend. Besides which, any kind of custom work is bound to grab her attention.

>>342821

I can assure you that Mog's interest in you, however enthusiastically it may be expressed, is benign, and as much technical as anything else. Whatever she may or may not ask of you, feel free to refuse if you think her eagerness is outstripping her manners. She means no harm, but she can let herself get carried away sometimes. Gremlins are often known to be creatures of curiosity and obsession. Am I wrong, Zazi?

Well then I'll head over and get it installed right now. Be back in a bit.

Maintenance Bulletin: Maintenance would like to remind all employees that microwave ovens should not be operated with metal objects inside. Five have been repaired or replaced this month alone.

I mean, really, people, I'm a tech-averse goon and even I know not to do that.

@Jonno, @Telia: The data from the sleep-dream test suite is promising, but incomplete; I'll need to perform another test to have reference points to work from. Ideally I'd like to get a total of five scans, but if you're finding the tests invasive I can probably manage with just the one more. I do apologize if the contents of the dreams are unpleasant - given how you two rushed off to comfort one another immediately after the scan, I wouldn't be a bit surprised - but this is apparently utterly new ground being broken and as such still needs calibration.

>>342853

So that was you humming the jojo music you've got good taste

>>342857

oh shit, forgot my posting name

>>342856

Shura, I'll dropping off some supplies I snagged on my way out of my old chapter at your office relatively soon, need to finish taking stock of what I'm handing off.

>>342860

What sort of supplies, and should I be worried?

>>342861

See the end of >>342764. Slav and Zeke didn't respond about it, and you've probably got a better idea of what in it is safe for use on the premises than I do, and thus where it should be used or not used.

>>342862

This is before your arrival, so as far as I know there's more in your parcels than what I'll be going over. That being said, with regards to the main building - the one I actually cover at least - I can tell you some things right off the bat. Explosives are generally less than viable; the basic warding setup is reflective in nature and grenade use would result in a lot of metal bits flying at the user's face. More precise projectile munitions could probably be used, assuming the user maintains strict trigger discipline, but again, reflective wards. Fire, conveniently, tends to be utterly perfect for the corridor environment due to its ambient nature, aside from the whole "burns everything" bit. It'll find best use in the sublevels for various reasons. As for the consecrated nature of the gear, it really is about as relevant as it is in other situations.

As for the deep tunnels Slav tends to deal with, it's probably going to be weapons-free for all I know. I've been avoiding his territory to avoid messing with his protection schema, and as such I can't honestly say what sort of effects the weapons themselves might elicit.

Also, this leaf-filtered murkwater you call tea is disturbingly addictive. I'll have to get back at you for getting me hooked on it. As it is, I've put a bit on to boil, if you care for some.

Okay, that wasn't so bad. You can't even tell anything's different right now, but if I drink a liquid I can choose to route it to my boobs which will increase in size accordingly. And then it can be drunk back out from the obvious places. They're even insulated to keep cool liquids cool. Mog says if we like this one we can keep it.

>>342866

Interesting first choice, we'll have to experiment with it tonight.

>>342865

I'll be there shortly.

For Shura, Slav, and Zeke to review

Tally of the contents of those crates:

4x Military-style automatic rifles with all identifying marks replaced by holy symbols of a Teutonic nature, chambered for 7.62×51mm NATO

10,000 rounds 7.62×51mm NATO, mixed between silvered, holy, and cold iron

12x 9mm handguns which have undergone the same treatment as the rifles

15,000 rounds 9mm, same mix as the NATO rounds

30 fragmentation grenades, split evenly among the same types as the ammunition

4 bricks plastic explosives(?) marked with Teutonic cross, 1kg each

2 chemical throwers, scriptures crudely scored into the barrels

4 canisters each of holy water and blessed napalm

>>342867

Forgot to bump, as well as the fact that the canisters are 5L each

>>342866

Also, I assume the insulation works both ways?

>>342866

>>342865

Tee, if you're not busy, why don't you join me and Shura for some tea?

>>342853

>feel free to refuse if you think her eagerness is outstripping her manners

I figure the worst case scenario is we end up with something too weird for us and after a good honest consideration we simply don't use it.

>>342868

>>342871

Why, yes it would keep your tea nice and piping for a while, and yes, I think I'll join you.

>>342872

Funny thing is, those thoughts came to me completely separate from one another. I was honestly thinking of Hot Cocoa for the winter when I asked about insulation.

>>342873

You could also use me to sneak alcohol into a movie theater.

>>342874

I… Ich liebe dich, Tee. That is brilliant and I can't believe I didn't think of it.

>>342875

I think I'll be keeping these, yes. She does caution against using carbonated liquids, they caused problems during her preliminary experiments. Other than that, the system has the same maintenance as my gustatory system. Flush with a cleansing solution, a cycle or two of water to rinse.

>>342876

That easy to read, huh?

So, I just need a confirmation. Are you all not going to try and storm my lair lab? Because I need to know if I can put away my equipment, CD player, and 3 hour CD of my theme song.

>>342867

Bearing in mind that all the aforementioned points still apply, here's my thoughts with regards to safety and regulations:

>rifles, associated ammunition

The firearms will need to be capable of single/burst fire modes, but otherwise technically "legal for security-mindful forces of the company so long as they are appropriately trained. Obviously I assume they are either already in this configuration or easily adjusted to fit. The ammunition itself is similarly technically legal. Quote: "Primary concern lies in overpenetration power of full-power rounds compared to intermediate cartridges - irrelevant in situations where this is beneficial such as overwhelming hostile aggression." To sum up: if you know how to use it properly, and I assume all Paladins go through relevant training, it's okay for use. Other personnel would need instruction and authorization.

>pistols, associated ammunition

Less restricted by nature, these will be perfectly fine as part of security operations. Training will as usual be a requirement for use, and authorization for weapon assignment.

>grenades

Fragmentation weapons tend to be significantly more restricted even in our lenient environment, and on the whole will need to be kept in heavy lockdown unless specifically removed for use.

>plastic explosives

Inert shapeable explosives, on the other hand, are surprisingly specifically permitted for use by Maintenance staff. I honestly did not expect this. Apparently they've been made effective in so many cleaning operations it's almost a standard part of equipment in some companies…including this one apparently? Which of course begs the question of where our supply is, because if we have any I've never seen it.

>chemical throwers

Quote: "Extremely restricted, use permitted only by fully-trained, authorized at time of equipping and closely monitored for signs of misuse. Individuals required to submit detailed reports of use, those authorizing use required same, for two levels of command." So, basically these'd get locked up except if one of the Big Three or the CEO sets it as allowed, and then you need to file a stupid amount of paperwork.

>napalm

Absolute lockdown, constant monitoring, requires multiply-signed authorization from two levels minimum above user and detailed report on use.

>holy water

No restriction.

So, yeah, that's about it.

And if you two lovebirds absolutely need a room with soundproofing and haven't already taken care of putting in the insulation, I can provide a small subplane access point. Bloody thing's not much bigger than my office itself and doesn't have much more amenities than a foldaway and some chairs, but it's bedrock-stable, utterly unscryable and was a pretty decent way to start into practicing crafting the things.

>>342879

I'll see that the stuff from the crates makes its way to the appropriate locations before heading out today.

And if you're sure about not wanting that subplane access for yourself, then we'll take it.

>>342878

Bile, I've a fair number of .357 rounds waiting for the next time you do something too far off-base.

>>342881

Kurt, go ahead and take it with you, I can make another one if I need one. Stars Above, I can have a better one made by tomorrow for you to test. And yes, I do mean test - the one I'm giving you now is completely base in contents for a reason, I wanted to get one that would work before I added in any other effects. It was more meant as a bit of a comfortable place to sit in quiet and collect thoughts than anything else; I might be able to work in slight time-dilation effects in future iterations so you don't spend realtime hours inside, but it's still something I'm working on getting right.

>>342883

Much obliged.

>>342853

Sorry for the slow reply, Shura's putting me in touch with a friend for the repairs. That said, I do like the opportunity to show off my handiwork when it comes to my car, bike, or computers, so I'll chauffeuring Tandy on at least one of her visits to Mog's for that.

>>342878

@Shura: Did we ever hear anything back from the brass about that whole blood sample situation?

>>342883

>subplane

Sounds neat. Think I might be able to take a go at learning about it? I can think of lots of uses for something like that. And can the method be extended through space-time manipulation and additional portals into a sort of psuedo-teleportation? For that matter, how difficult is real teleportation to pull off?

On another note, am I on the right track in thinking that Syntropomantic healing is less about regeneration in the healing sense and more about

>determining and understanding the composite nature of a thing, and applying the flow of Vis to synthesize, or alter its component parts, restoring wholeness to that which was broken, distorted, or intrinsically incomplete

Does that sound about right, or am I way off-base?

>>342888

>brass, bile, blood

Ten business days. I'll only be willing to even consider even talking about the matter after that time is up.

>subplane

Surprisingly easy to learn, exorbitantly difficult to practice. The full explanation isn't something I can quote - it'll be in the Realitwist primer you retrieved for me, and I assume you are now either studying or have on the to-do list - but ultimately it involves poking holes in the foam of reality without the popping the bubble you're reaching into. There's no real "creation" of the subplanes, only the access points. It's just a matter of figuring out the right way to look at things so when you go to slap a door in place, you get the correct wall. Problem lies in seeing it, which is power-intensive. My output lets me keep looking for ages, but I can only see so far; you'd be able to see an absurd "distance," but I've no clue how long you could search. If you want really unusual effects like near-infinite time dilation or natural healing you need either immense reserves or a dedicated team.

>portals, teleportation

MUCH simpler. Not even really going into different places so much as folding space and pinning two separate points together.

The portal is not a hole, but rather a perceptual gap in reality that it thinks is natural and therefore doesn't bother filling. Realitwist Theory calls it by the literary term "plot hole."

Teleportation, on the other hand, is less a matter of reality perceiving two points as the same and more perceiving you as being in both at once, and letting you decide which to stick with. "You step on a platform, as it were, and at that moment it is at both point A and point B. Then you decide if you're going to stick with the page you're on or skip to the good bits."

>syntropomantic healing query

Got it in one. It's the way it works with biology that made it get the "healing" appelation, but other than that it's more a big "undo" button. The school's not a direct counter for entropy, but it's a fair shot at slowing it down and transferring its effects into energies like heat or light - hence the unavoidable glowing. Realitwisters can take a smashed plate and make it similar to what it was, but Syntropomancers can actually make it never have been broken.

Sadly, there are limitations. It doesn't affect anything that was damaged before you were conceived, it can't undo true death, and it is utterly unable to affect the soul.

>>342891

>Then you decide

I get it. It's the parable of Starbuck's Pebbles.

Gudday Mates I'm Gazza throw another shrimp on the barbie! Bugger bastard cunt kangaroo or something. My butt is a work of art.

Hi. It's Clarice. Gazza's letting me use his phone since the stodgy Security-bot shut down the 'guest' access I had. He's in… treatment? Yeah, I guess that's the best word for it. He told me whatever's with him, he wants to get past it… for us.

…Then he broke into a Moulin Rouge number. Telia you HAVE to see this one.

>>342874

>current year

>still paying for kino

Even GAZ doesn't waste money on cinemas any more.

Ooh… I wonder what kind of nasty porn he's got on here… strange. There's just one picture of a devil. Well at least I know I'm his type! Hold on I have that outfit… wait… that's… me!

…he kept the picture Shura showed him. He's kept it all this time… sorry all, gotta go, localized brimstone fire outta nowhere. *sniff*

>>342896

There's a place I go to that only charges three dollars, which I think is pretty fair for a show.

>>342891

So then, portals would be somewhat like wormholes as explained in the movie Interstellar?

>>342896

>>342897

I'm gonna be entirely honest here, I only go to the cinema if I'm going with friends or for some kind of special event, like the opening night of a remaster of a movie I loved when I was younger.

Receiving/inventory here again. Good news is, my stockroom is clear of cookies. Bad news is, I'm back to my original problem, namely people leaving their mail in here like it's a post office box.

Laying around here we have, in no particular order:

>One (1) "Sexy Kikimora" pinup calendar

>Two (2) bottles of scotch, of middling quality

>Twenty-seven (27) bottles of lubricant, of various sizes and flavors

>Two (2) boxes of generic granola bars, expired

>One (1) "Sexy Shoggoth" pinup calendar

>One (1) oversized dildo

>Three (3) packs of batteries; one each of AA, AAA, D

>One (1) pack of condoms

>One (1) robotic vacuum

>One (1) mimic, forwarded to the childcare center

>One (1) box that formerly contained a shoggoth, now relocated to wherever security puts people nowadays

>An unquantifiably high number of what appear to be contracts with a demon/devil? I'm not sure, I'm not touching them for obvious reasons

>Various other things buried in dark corners

If you guys think I won't nail a dildo to someone's office door, you're in for a wonderful surprise if you don't come and get your crap out of my stockroom.

>>342899

I never like opening nights. Too many people.

>>342900

>An unquantifiably high number of what appear to be contracts with a demon/devil? I'm not sure, I'm not touching them for obvious reasons

Thank you. I found a loop hole and fully intend to abuse this newfound power to its full extent. Papa needs some new lab equipment.

>>342894

The best Realitwisters in the world are authors who need ghostwriters to simplify things because what they actually see is too unbelievable for us normal folks.

>>342896

C, remember fifteen years ago when we first met? You called me a worthless virgin who could only get laid in my dreams, and I told you to go date a Paladin. Innit funny how things turn out?

>>342898

…Basically? I've never tried opening or traveling through one that's between star systems, so I have no idea what that size of portal would be like on the inside, but it is essentially two points in spacetime that are connected.

>>342902

But why connect them when you can just convince them they're the same thing for a little while, right?

>>342901

It was a relatively obscure movie, and the remaster showings opened on night 3 of a record-setter that's still packing theaters if memory serves. I had a whole row to myself, and a lot of the other rows were empty.

>>342900

There a crate of data storage tapes down there? I put an order in for one shortly before the whole scheißsturm with Bile and the magic clone.

>>342902

Good luck, don't die, hopefully the loophole didn't close in the year since those arrived.

>>342906

Think so, yeah. Just came in so you escaped the Wall of Shame.

>>342905

That is literally what you're doing. It's only "connected" in the sense that you go in one and out the other, but otherwise there's no physical connection. Put a portal on two separate pieces of paper, set one on fire, and watch as the other is unaffected.

>>342900

Got any C4? Because according to regs I am supposedly supposed to have some, and there's never been any in my storage rooms. Don't really need it, being what I am, but I'd rather know where it is if it's there. Easier to keep explosions under control.

>>342908

Wait, never mind, ignore that portal explanation - I misread the question.

>>342907

If that's who I think it is, I think everyone here would be okay if he died, actually.

>>342908

…I don't know, and that scares me. I never filled out the paperwork for any hi-ex, but that means literally nothing. Excuse me while I overturn the entire building making sure one of the cheshires didn't turn your explosives into the world's worst party favor

>>342909

Honestly, the more I hear about Realitwist Theory the more it echoes Discordianism, and I wonder how many in that school are Discordians or vice-versa.

>>342907

I'll be collecting those tapes shortly, It'll be nice to not be worrying about the tapes for the finance mainframes snapping on a read cycle.

>>342913

If you're reading this Ms. Leafcowiz, Ms. Tatsuyokai, this is another reason why we need to have a hardware refresh in the finance mainframes.

>>342902

Wesker

Bondrewd

Gero

Doom

Just working through that list, one at a time, aren't you?

>>342905

>>342912

My original answer to this question was faulty. If you're wondering about something like "quantum linking" or however it's called now, that's an entirely different matter. It can be done. It is also out of the range of anyone not actually a Lich or Angel, and only practical for a full-blown Angelic Choir. It's even a part of the thing I'm working on with Zuzi.

The problem lies in making yourself, the objects/places, everyone aware of it, and reality itself unable to distinguish between the two. Gotta be unbelievably convincing to the sell the lie as truth.

>>342911

Oh, great, so it could be anywhere.

Fortunately, the Cheshires in this place - while utterly frustrating with their habit of teleporting in front of you for only the briefest instant - are more-or-less stable for their species, nothing like what cousin Frank decided to marry. I doubt they'd be willing to use it in hazardous quantities.

>>342915

I smell a holy purge coming on.

>>342916

I'm talking about how going to the trouble of actually mustering up the gravitational forces to actually bend space and forge a navigable wormhole is an extravagant waste of power compared to your methods.

>>342907

>hopefully the loophole didn't close in the year since those arrived.

It's more of a general flaw with wordings. "Whomever signs this is bound to yada yada yada" and all that falls through when you make a creature that can only fill in the blanks. The creature wrote it so therefore the contract does not affect me.

>>342915

>Just working through that list, one at a time, aren't you?

Can you guess the next one? It rhymes with Delbor-kal

>>342916

Good to hear, I guess. I dated a cheshire a while back - turns out I'm too serious for a cheshire, who'd a thunk it - and she'd have blown half the city up with that much C4. I'll have to follow up with security. Paperwork for the paperwork god, I guess.

>>342913

Cool. Appreciate you being punctual about that.

>>342916

If you're curious, the parable of Starbuck I mentioned involves a man drawing lines with a stick between pebbles on a beach. He comes across five in a circle . If he draws certain lines, he makes a pentagon, if he draws other lines, he makes a star, but the reality is that none of these things, the star, the pentagon, or the circle, mean anything the pebbles, the only difference is how he chooses to see them.

>>342918

Ah, that. Yeah, I'm guessing it's because Magic and Science tend towards different methodology.

Your current body is a scientific marvel, no doubt about it, but it's also affected by the limitations of scientific logic. Everything has to be functional based on something working; limbs powered by servos/hydraulics/pneumatics, all sorts of wires, circuits, and any number of other components.

The most obvious magical equivalent, the Golem, is completely and utterly the opposite: a Golem is a mass of something shaped to fit the crafter's wishes, then bestowed with a soul and awakened. Underneath the surface material is just more material.

The problem is that while magic does have power, it's limited by the caster, whereas science has permanency and is only limited by time. I don't actually know if anything short of a Deity could open a portal on a scale like in the movie, but I guarantee you a bunch of persistent Gremlins could.

>>342920

>paperwork god

You rang? But seriously, after as much filing as I've done I'm fairly certain I could help cut that pile in half right quick. If you need some help and I'm not busy, just let me know and I'll lend a hand.

>>342921

Oh, I know about Discordianism; our Realitwist professor disdained it because the more proper number is three. Or so he said, while writing a seven with eleven bits of chalk.

>>342921

I actually had to look the parable of Starbuck up, interesting way to explain that.

>>342923

>the more proper number is three. Or so he said, while writing a seven with eleven bits of chalk.

I bet your professor has also read The Hitchhiker's Trilogy

>>342925

Required reading for the course, all parts; then we were quizzed on the meaning behind Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and berated for assuming it wasn't important to read anything not on the list. The libraries were packed for weeks afterwards.

>>342926

And that was covered by the actual professor, because the guy we'd been getting lessons from for a month was actually a hobo with a penchant for really good lies.

>>342923

The Law of Fives is just a game for demonstrating the power of confirmation bias to yourself. It's an object lesson in mental self-programming. The part of it people miss is that the more you look, the more examples you can find to support it.

>>342928

See: >>342927

Connectivity issues there? System's been doing that lately.

>>342929

I have a number of… unpleasant things in mind for whoever is behind those connectivity issues.

>>342922

>help with paperwork

I would sell you my firstborn for help with all this paperwork

Did you know that ensorcelled objects have more paperwork attached to them than firearms or explosives? Did you know that we get shipments in daily, for whatever R&D gets up to? I've got an inbox that might as well be its own warehouse. If you're offering help, I'm taking it.

>>342931

>ensorcelled objects have more paperwork

For bloody good reason.

>shipments in daily, for whatever R&D gets up to

Being as I'm working on one of those things, yes, I know.

>offering help

I'll be right down. Eight of Eight, it's been a while since I've really gotten stuck into paperwork.

>>342930

Considering what the Slav's found below these buildings, a number of unpleasant things could be behind the connectivity issues.

>>342934

Speaking of the stuff below the buildings… I just had an idea that vaguely smacks of something a cheshire in my field would do…..

Jade, what material were most of those demonic contracts written on?

>>342932

you are officially my hero praise the paperwork god

>>342935

Not a stationery expert, but looks like parchment. Probably signed in blood, normal ink otherwise? Don't seem to be magical beyond being demonic contracts.

>>342936

>contracts

Destroy them immediately.

Any contract not directly handed you by the Devil or Daemon in question is corrupt by default.

>>342936

>>342937

Funny thing, I was about to do just that to some that Bile got his mitts on….

>>342938

…Scrying, hitting them with a Screyton's Triple-A. Sorry, Bile, but you'd wish I had if I didn't.

>>342939

Dammit, I was about to trip his lab's fire suppression system and water-damage them into uselessness. Oh well, your method was probably safer anyway.

>>342936

These things have been sitting in here for more than a year. If they haven't already incubised me or turned the building into a church of the Sabbath or something in that timeframe, they can wait until I'm done.

That does mean I have to backtrace the invoice and privately inform whoever ordered them that if they send me hazmat without informing me again I'll nail a dildo to his/her desk. After I nail a dildo to their desk tonight for making me do extra work.

>>342940

Safer? Only method I know of that works. The ruddy things are meant to be readable and signable under any condition. The problem is that the readable condition falls apart when mishandled, such as being pulled off a random shelf in a thoroughly-overloaded Receiving department, and bits of the contract become impossible to determine. You can still write on it, but there is no way to tell what it'll do, with fine print that's there but undetectable.

The only reason the Triple-A worked is because it's a confusing bit of Realitwisting, and shoves the object into a subplane noone ever knew about and then makes it forgotten for just enough time that it stops existing. No, I don't know how Screyton worked out how to do it. She's a Lich, she cheats.

>>342942

The one good thing about contracts is that they're inert until signed, witnessed and notarized. You'll be fine. That said, I'm recording the details and then hitting the lot with another Triple-A.

>>342943

>meant to be readable and signable under any condition

That… shouldn't surprise me as much as it does.

That said, I may just punch Bile in the face next time I see him. This sort of thing can't be good for one's mental health.

>>342939

I'm placing anti-scrying tunes on my lab. Try this again an I'll make "I have no mouth and I must scream" look like a joke. Don't fuck with my workings, I had it all under control.

>>342945

No, you most certainly did not.

>>342943

Shoved 'em all into an open space. Magic away.

>>342945

I'm not sure whether or not you're the one who ordered those contracts yet - I'll find out once my guy gets back to me - but I'm tempted to give your desk the dildo treatment anyway just for saying "I had it all under control." The moment you say that, anything that may or may not be under control stops being under control, like Schrodinger's Cat where you are the cat.

>>342948

Contracts…dealt with. Let's just move on, yeah? You weren't kidding about these papers - could take an hour to go through, maybe several.

>>342951

>several hours

More than that. I have to handle IT's firearms and ammunition orders, maintenance's hi-ex, and all the R&D orders, along with the usual things receiving deals with. Lucky I've got an FFL and hazmat certs or else this would be so much worse.

>>342920

Tapes are in place, thanks for letting me know they had arrived.

The finance mainframes are gonna start mirroring all data to their new tapes in a couple hours. If anybody's accessing the finance software during the mirroring job, it may (read: almost certainly will) prove sluggish as the mainframes move all of their storage to the new tapes.

Tee, I'm all done here. Ready to head out when you are.

>>342904

>Dreams… Paladin…

Y-yeah. Pretend I'm giving you a hug, and then hitting you. Gently of course. You goober.

…Circles Beneath… Why is my boyfriend running naked towards what I assume is a heavy metal representation of Lake Cocytu… How did he know there's a portal there?

>>342961

Three… two… one… aaand yep! Out he pops. We knew that rift led somewhere, just weren't sure where so we put seals all over it and put a closet over the top.

Hey Gaz! Good to see you're out of the… OW! you could at least let me finish the joke. What Prototype? And put on some fucking pants for the love of the Lord…

Dear me. R&D you have a very naked, very determined man running at full-pelt towards the labs. I'd say he is utterly soaked with hell-energy from the speed he's moving.

>>342962

Robo-alp, it's me. Open lab three. We need the prototype. Gotta show Bruce. Big things I tell ya, huge.

>>342963

Put some ficking pants on before you bother mein freundin.

>>342964

No time for pants! I need the VN-82 beta prototype and I need it before the whole thing changes again! Open the door yerself if you're sketchy about the missus seeing me meat and two veg, Deutschbro

>>342965

I would were it not for the unheilige Hölle that the R&D bosses would raise for me opening a door I shouldn't have access to to give you unauthorized access to a prototype. Also, the pants thing is a matter of common decency, and Tandy seems to be engrossed in some kind of work that's prevented her from checking the activity on here.

>>342966

I didn't want to do this. Someone open the door or I'll Jojo pose in front of the Salamanders and kite their charge straight at it. This is a matter of critical importance!

>>342968

…Gazza you lunk, the prototype you're after IS STILL ON YOUR DESK IN THE OFFICE!

>>342968

>>342969

Scheiß drauf, I'm done with this mess. Somebody wake me if Gazza's hallucinogen trip genuinely requires my attention.

>>342969

…Oh. Right. Ignore that last. Hellgullet express, WOOOOOOOO!

''System alert: Multiple logins detected, defaulting to BYOD connection per priority polling. Voice recognition activated.

…Don't know if this thing is even working or not. Hello? Testing testing… Black Stars… I don't know where he's… Oh! Gazza what are you doing? Do you have any idea how worried I was when… What do you mean me first, what do you have on your hand? Oh?

OH! O-oh my…

Orright. So. Me again. Sorry about the nuddie run, it was completely necessarry.

Message from Marketing systems: And also recorded for posterity

…Don't you have a Jonno shaped object to molest right now Robutt? Shut yer noise.

So. Rough summary. We lob in Hell, Clarice introduces me to a bloke who looks like Pinhead from those movies (Apparently only because that's what I think he's S'POSED to look like) who's supposed to be able to straighten out why everyone reckons my awesome ideas are shithouse.

So, I ask the bloke his name after he stops threatening me with various gardening implements, he tells me he's known by "Many Names."

Cool, he's got a new one, Bruce it is. So me and Bruce start sifting through all the rather horrid shit what happened when I was a tyke. (Incidentally what's an appropriate bribe to offer a Demon for ten minutes alone with the shade of John Podesta? Asking for a friend.)

There's a fair whack of shit, and Bruce starts runnin' a bit low on go-juice. Reckons I'm gonna have to stick around for a month for him to have the chops to get through it all.

Fuck that, I've got a better idea. Oi Shura, remember when I said R&D developed that prototype that delivered Quantum Headpats? Well look what the Raiju manage to do with a plain old regular one. I reckon Brucey gets a trans-planar scalp massage, his juju goes through the roof, we can work our way through it. Hence the nuddy run and the inappropriate threats, sorry again, but we had the dream-state all set up and fuck me if it wasn't gonna fall apart if we didn't do something with it.

Course I gave one to Clarice first which was probably not the best idea as she's been 'Insensibly snuggly' for what passes for 'Night' down (up? sideways?) here.

On a completely unrelated note. Shura… if you know anybody involved with or still working for a mob named the "Broken Mask", feel like hooking a mate up with a few names? I promise you'll never be implicated, and the bodies will never be found.

Mad Slav, I'll be in on Monday. Bruce reckons I've still got a couple of sessions to be proper sorted. Cheers mate.

>>342986

Oi Robutt, block this from Clarice if she looks? Cheers petal.

Also, Shura… What's the Protocol for asking a duke of fucking hell for permission to court His daughter official like?

>>342987

Quantum Headpats? Yeah, that sounds about right - that's pretty much a big weakness (and I'm not revealing the secret, C, Gazza already found out) and the one thing I'm willing to divulge that drops her guard. Good luck finding the rest~

I…honestly, the only time I've ever heard of this "Broken Mask" or any subordinates before meeting your group of Paladins is from a briefing I overheard one of the other squads going through. Could get my old NCO on the line, ask if she knows anything.

Please mark this post as Gazza's Eyes Only, thanks. And please cut the filter making half the content infohazard-blocked? This is requested, safe information.

>>342991

Alright, here's what you do. You've got Gremory's grudging acceptance, so her parents will already be at minimum willing to hear you out. You need to start filing a a petition to see the Duke by taking this form that will have been placed on your desk, signing it, and handing it to the boss. She'll then grumble and ask if you really want to go through with it and offer you an out instead. This is a trap, obviously.

The trick is to make the Duke and his wife a deal they can't refuse, and when they do, bring out the firepower. Your Order should be able to respond if you call them, and you can count on my spells if they're needed; ultimately it's a show of dedication and willingness to follow through, and if any of a Paladin's other qualities ever wears away I know those two will hold true until the end.

>>342996

Ends of the Earth, it still got half-corrupted! Blast it, I'm not reposting the bloody thing again. If there's points needing clarification I'll explain further. I swear, messenger birds would be both more reliable and more secure than this system.

>>342966

Sorry, I'm as bad as the gremlins sometimes. Especially now that I don't get hungry or sleepy. I've had Margie give you basic R&D access so you don't need to wait for me to notice your messages, you can just come in and get my attention directly. Good news though, these hyper-mobility legs are turning out great, should be ready for me to test tomorrow. Also, simultaneously, Margie and I are running spare sleeves over at my apartment packing my stuff up, getting some ready to sell or donate. I mean, I'm not going to need my crappy old CRT anymore when we've got your media center, and I'm not going to need my bed at your place…

>>343001

Keep the CRT, liebling. That's what retro games are meant to be played on, and I've had trouble finding one that works.

>>343014

Sure thing.

>>343018

Also, I've ordered a larger bed, since the one at my place currently is really a little narrow for two (at least long-term).

>>343019

Well, the only one actually sleeping in it will be you, but more space for other things will be comfortable.

>>343020

Very true. Also, do you do that diagnostic thing that Telia likened to sleeping? If so, that'd be a good time (at least, I think it would) to do that.

Wait a minute, waaaait a minute! TANDY, you delightful digital dame, your talk about Discordianism and reminders on the Law of Fives got me thinking - and I believe I've figured out part of the project! If this works out I'm getting your name on the header one way or another.

@MachinistaMama: I hope the dreamlab's latest reinforcements are functional, because by the Moon's Setting I've got it!

>>343021

I can, but I don't usually need to unless I've been focusing on something for days. I have constant low-level diagnostics going on, and they ramp up in times of lower activity.

>>343022

You don't have to do that. I get the feeling my comments where just one of many little things that seem to be piling up to facilitate this.

>>343029

You did more than you know, miss Automatic Alp, and by all means you deserve some of the credit. If you really want to avoid getting named…bring yourself and Kurt to the sublevel A dreamlab for this next test. Can't put test subjects' names on the header, or so I'm told.

I'm up for it, how about you, K?

>>343031

>>343030

Gimme 5, I need to finish setting the mirroring job for tonight so that we have backups that aren't about to crumble into magnetically-charged dust.

>>343032

Tape mirroring job set, headed that way.

>>343031

>>343032

Take your time, it'll give me additional chances to catch inefficiencies before firing this sucker up again.

>>343022

Yep, the reinforcements are all complete and I'll be watching from a nice sealed observation chamber as soon as our test subjects get here.

>>343037

That's hardly reassuring given what happened the last time that I saw any data from activating this equipment…..

>>343039

I'm sure it'll be fine, I mean, we're only testing the dream pods, right?

Simple. It's all so SIMPLE. I kept looking for ways to accomplish things on a level I just didn't need to operate on, and overlooked the options that seemed too basic to be effective. Science wants things to be explainable, but Magic? Magic just wants them to work.

Remember the idea you raised about having two things be the same at one time? That's the ticket! Dreams aren't like reality. They don't require explanation, just emotion, desire, and belief. Once you're in the dream, you're no longer hindered by such things as natural physical law. Gain control of the dream, and everything opens up. Time, space, form, perception, the very concept of concepts stops being limited save for those you impose or allow. The you in the dream is not the the you outside, and yet they are also one and the same.

The enormous electronic extravagance is only needed to handle the input Vis from an Angelic Choir during the full ritual. At its core is the dreamlink unifier, meant to interface with your minds and souls, then link into the dream itself and permit your will upon the world inside. I still haven't gotten back word from Telia and Jonno regarding their take on the matter, but considering your original organic nature you should have significantly greater ability to report your experience. If you find it appealing I can get you a smaller, dreamlink aspect-only model for your personal use.

…Fires of Dawn I just blather on and on, don't I. Sorry about that.

>>343037

Shouldn't be nearly as migraine-inducing this time, I was putting things through in far too inefficient a manner. Going to use a different set of prefab patterns for the Vis.

>>343039

>>343040

I'm not taking any chances. You're only using the dream pods, and if there were a surge despite the boosted shielding and cabling I'm basically the fusebox. You'll be the safest people in the room.

>>343040

True, but I worry over just about everything.

>>343042

A decent survival strategy, and one I've made extensive use over the years. It's why there's so many unnecessary redundancies on this model.

>>343043

Only unnecessary if there's no way to fail down to relying on it.

Alright, before we begin, got a few points of order, thanks to Zuzi for prepping the notes.

First, for privacy's sake the only things inside the dream that will be monitored are vitals and mental stability. If you need to open communications to the outside for any reason, there'll be a big yellow button with the picture of an eye. It'll give the option for audio/video communications, or simple access functions via drop-down menu.

Second, while your primary means of manipulating the dream should be your own imaginations, there will be a set of prefabs you can look through to get things started. It's a basic list for the moment, no fancy interface, but it should function properly enough.

Third, for safety's sake there will be a big red button available at all times; this is the emergency exit and should be considered a panic button, last resort option. The intended method of exiting the dream is by hitting the comms and stating as such through the menu. This emergency option will also activate if any vital sign drops below a fairly high level. While the greatest possible discomfort that may arise from the emergency option is disorientation, headache, and perhaps nausea, it's preferable to avoid the risk altogether.

Aside from that, everything's prepped. I'll be charging arrays for uninterrupted power flow, so when you're ready to begin hit the button in your pods.

Zuzi, I don't know how you do it because Stars Above the tech side of this is absolutely amazing. I've had nearly no difficulty integrating my side of things into the machines.

>>343051

Tee, ready when you are.

>>342900

GIVE ME BACK MY SCOTCH

>>343052

Here goes…

Power flow good, no problems starting things up. Shouldn't be any issues keeping up with the draw this time round.

How's it look in your monitor station, Zuzi? You've got all the screens, after all.

>>343056

Vitals are fine, brainwaves are stable, looks like we've got a connection.

>>343054

On your desk. I even provided a complementary drinking vessel for your enjoyment. Couldn't get the internal tube with flesh color, so you get neon pink. Lucky you. Next time don't leave it lying around for four months.

Hey, Zuzi, any word from the oneironauts, vitals and mentals still good? Not that I mind giving them a bit of time, considering that it's a good chance to test prolonged-use stress on the system, but I'm getting a little concerned.

>>343062

Looking at these readings, they're getting along quite well in there. I doubt they care much about the time at this point.

>>343063

Light of the Source, that's good to hear. Power draw's amazingly not too heavy either - not even going to consider trying the full ritual's system load at any point, but could probably work out rechargeable battery equivalents for the portable dreamlinker systems. Have to figure out a medium, of course. Some sort of crystalline framework, maybe?

>>342996

Gaz, as an addendum to this, I would like to add two points.

Firstly, as tempting as it may be, and as much as you know it's one thing I would completely love to see… Please do not Headpat the Demon Sovereign. The War in Heaven is hard enough to READ about. I don't need to live through a War in Hell.

Second, talk to the Bishop before you do anything? He's not a young man any more and if you make his heart explode with the shock, The Preceptor will likely peel you alive… You may want to spend some time in purification first though. The book, scourge, and incense are in the locker on the left.

>>343064

More importantly, it'll need some sort of safety system to ensure somebody doesn't go into this thing and just forget about hunger or physical needs.

>>343068

Way ahead of you. Those vitals scans? They're hard-cast to throw an emergency eject prompt if so many real-world hours go by, or the users' status drops to even marginally ill. More, if I've done it right they're inherent to all parts of the array, so even attempting to start it up without running the scans won't work. I'm not taking chances.

>>343069

On the other hand, there may be situations in which you'd want someone with unstable vitals in there. This could make the medically induced coma obsolete. But you'll want to run this by certain guilds. The tech we have here could potentially let anybody do what a mindflayer does.

Got some elevated vitals from Kurt, heart rate and blood pressure, but nothing concerning. And he's leveling out now after some increased activity from Tandy.

>>343070

I actually didn't even think of that. See, this is why I believe your contributions matter as much as I claimed; even if I can think of the how, the why needs to be considered to an even greater extent. Definitely need to get Mindflayer and Nightmare consults for the medical application possibilities, though, even before attempting to calibrate for that sort of purpose.

I can get my contacts to read through the documentation when it's ready. Going to ask you for help with that, I don't have the faintest idea of what parts you used in the components in some of these gizmos. Never thought I'd be glad those vultures hounded me so long.

>>343074

You just forward the tech questions to my desk, I'll get back to them. And you just remember the two main questions a gremlin asks when developing groundbreaking new tech. "Who is this going to piss off?" and "Do I care?"

>>343077

I'm fairly certain I just heard your inbox cry out in panic.

>>343083

It can deal with it.

Heilige schiesse. Ever feel both more refreshed than ever and exhausted beyond belief at once? That's how I'm feeling right now. (Note to self: make a significant donation to that Zipangan-style monastery that my therapist had me learn meditation techniques from, those were invaluable in this experience)

>>343071

There was definitely a point where the experience could have gone the wrong way (think "chasing the rabbit" like in the movie Pacific Rim). I almost pulled us both headfirst (so to speak) into some very nasty memories of mine there. Going into this setup is most definitely not something to be done alone at all.

>>343070

>>343074

With proper preparation, I think it could definitely be used to help with mental issues. It's definitely got potential for someone with my background, but I think it's got some pretty incredible potential for someone like Gazza with more serious issues.

>>343087

Tee, you ready to come out of this?

>>343087

I'm up, love. That was an experience. I can't even be sure we were always two people in there.

>>343090

I know exactly what you mean.

>>343087

>more refreshed than ever and exhausted beyond belief

Advertising points!

>"chasing the rabbit"

>nasty memories

Definitely consulting Mindflayers and Nightmares contacts before adding medical application modifications.

>viable for use to help with mental issues

Promising. Very promising.

I think… I think I feel a little… tired, after that? How fascinating. I wonder if Telia felt this but just didn't mention it because bots don't get tired.

>>343094

Tonight is going to be a lazy night when we get home, no two ways about it.

>>343094

>>343097

Thanks for the feedback. Got a couple forms for you to fill out - we need the details for improved calibration and safety concerns. Also, think you'd be interested in testing the home model when it's ready?

>>343101

Absolutely

>>343101

>>343102

Ditto.

>>343104

>>343102

Great. I should have a test model for home use by the end of tomorrow. Don't worry about getting to the forms immediately - I doubt I'd be able to look at them before tomorrow anyway.

>>343097

Lets go get you some tea.

>>343111

Sounds good to me, leibling.

Maintenance Bulletin:

I would like to thank all of you who have been making use of the experimental repair drones. The test results have been outstanding. As such, before I issue the next set I would like to offer up a contest regarding the visual appearance. The ugly stick is no more!

The winner will receive:

>Eleven kilograms gold metal

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One key fitting the fourth floor breakroom door, you know the one

>Three cosmetic spells of their choice

>One month's worth paperwork filed on their behalf

Second place winner will receive the following:

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One key fitting the fourth floor breakroom door, you know the one

>Three cosmetic spells of their choice

>One month's worth paperwork filed on their behalf

Third place winner will receive the following:

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One month's worth paperwork filed on their behalf

To any runner-up entrants incorporating the company slogan, the following prize will be awarded:

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One cosmetic spell of their choice

Please note that infohazards, political marks, and any patterns designed specifically to elicit harm will be disregarded. Also note that the moon rocks will be selected by the winner, and thus round-trip transport is provided.

Anyone interested in entering the contest may do so by creating an image and/or description of their design, then placing their submissions within a box located just inside the Maintenance office. To qualify, submissions must be contained within a sealed envelope along with the entrant's name and department. The end date for submissions is one week from tomorrow. The winners will be determined the day after by means of popular vote, their names announced at the end of the day.

Best of luck, be creative, and remember: Mamono Consumer Products, Erecting the Future!

>>343094

Tired? No idea, but I don't have an identifier for what fatigue FEELS like in the first place. I guess it's possible I do and just don't know it?

I remember feeling… itchy. Like I had a bad calibration data file loaded. And I really wanted a hug. Everything else was pretty standard considering how many concurrent marketing sims I've been running.

>>343118

>Gold

>moon rocks with trip

>THAT key

…okay what's going on?

>>343129

YES. I also felt the wanting of a hug. Very much. Not so much the itchy.

>>343129

Feeling tired usually indicates one of two kinds of fatigue (mundane terms, I can't speak to the magical stuff). Those two are physical and decision fatigue. Physical fatigue is pretty much a an indicator for needing rest from exertion. Decision fatigue is sort of similar, but based on how often/how many decisions you've made since taking a rest. Got anything analogous to either of those descriptions?

>>343130

I've not the slightest idea.

>>343131

Tee, get back over here and let me hug you some more.

>>343130

>>343132

The gold is a basic incentive - like a cash prize, but with more uses.

The trip to the moon is a trip to the moon. Then you get a rock as a souvenir.

Not spoiling the key. If you want to know, enter and win!

>>343130

>>343129

Also, I'm working on a smaller version of the dream-joining device Zuzi and I have been putting together, for home use. Thanks to Zuzi's notes and the most recent test, the smaller version is much simpler and leaner than the initial prototype, and reliant on charged Vis packs for energy instead of constant input from a caster. I should have three units and plenty of charge packs prepared by tomorrow's end. Kurt and Tandy are going to be taking one of them for testing, care to try one for yourself? Additional feedback would be very helpful!

>>343132

Sure thing, I'm waiting for a bunch of parts to print on the SLS anyway, getting hugs sounds like a wonderful way to wait.

>>343118

>>343135

>one month of paperwork filed on my behalf

I have never before drawn a pretty picture with such speed and precision. Probably not going to win, but I can at least use a moon rock as a paperweight. And, you know, I can chisel it into a hand giving a rude gesture and point it at all the flat-earthers.

In other news: R&D, the shipping company lost of one of your packages due to undeclared infohazard contents. Apparently some idiot at their distribution center opened the thing on accident and got their sanity blown out of their skull or something and they had to torch the whole package without review. Might want to call your supplier and tell them to properly declare coghaz contents. If that had made it here it would have affected me, and then we'd have problems.

>>343139

Ugh. Honestly, I'd stop working with them but they're the only legitimate supplier of certain materials.

>>343132

>physical fatigue

…ask Jonno's pelvis. Kyaaa~ don't!

>decision fatigue

Mmmm… nope. Let's face it my job is effectively simulating market appeal of varying brands by running a shitload of fractal booleans on it until it or its designer starts crying.

>>343141

I'm not talking about calculations, but actual decisions. Things where you decide, not some algorithm that you're running. That said, I'd imagine that automata are generally pretty resistant to decision fatigue anyway.

>>343135

Sure, why not? Dreaming means sleep, and I've been lacking that on account of someone deciding to work her way through cosplays of all the 'Hyperdimension: Andromeda' outfits.

Yes. ALL OF THEM. She even [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] my [NUUUU] with six [STAAAAHP] so I'm physically FUCKED in every sense of the word right now. We're in.

>>343140

I think I know a guy in this corp, now that I think about it. I'll have to get with them and make your displeasure known. Hopefully he'll be able to get a message to administration.

>>343143

Tandy, if you decide to take a leaf out of Telia's book, we're taking time off for the duration.

>>343145

And no, that isn't the only way to convince me that we need to take some time off.

>>343145

What, you don't want me to be a dozen anime princesses all at once, all hot for your schnitzel?

>>343147

You don't need to be, but if you want to be then we're not going to be dragging my sorry ass to work when I'd rather be enjoying the aftermath with you.

>>343148

Kurt? Thanks for the reminder. If you drop by Maintenance, I've got the improved subplane access point I promised you. 4:1 time dilation factor, plenty of candles, and a kingsize. Let me know if there are any less-than-positive effects.

>>343149

Thanks Shura. What's your preferred booze?

>>343150

You know full well I've got this curse that makes booze not a thing I can do. But Nubia likes a good rum.

>>343145

>>343143

This might be a good time to mention that Mog also sells custom clothing for sleeves. All she needs are the sleeve's measurements, which can be taken physically or simply accessed by the resident AI, and the desired costume or even a sufficient set of drawings or model files for original clothing, and she can 3D-print tailored outfits.

>>343151

Forgot about that, sorry to hear. I'll get a nice bottle for Nubia and a sampler of some of the better teas I've had for you.

>>343152

Something tells me I'd best start hitting the gym before work again. Endurance training this time rather than strength.

>>343151

I feel for you. It's the caffeine that I miss. I suppose I could simulate it but if sim inebriation is anything to go by than sim caff would be a pale imitation of the real deal.

>>343153

Thank you very much.

>tea

Ah, I knew I was forgetting something. I included a small kitchenette, kettle, and fridge. Nothing's stocked yet, but that should be easily remedied.

>>343156

I don't make much fuss about the curse unless asked because it doesn't affect dreams. Dreams let you take anything you can imagine or remember and enjoy them as though they were real. Just food for thought.

>>343157

True. But I only really needed caffeine to wake me up, and since I don't sleep I don't need it. That's the weird part, I don't need it but the habitual part of me still wants me to need it. I think tea tastes better than coffee anyway.

>>343157

I assume that subplanes have a constant flow of time even when unoccupied? That'll make perishables go bad at 4x speed… Good thing tea doesn't go bad quickly.

>>343160

Sadly, yes. They still technically exist.

Which is why I took a page out of my NCO's book and cheated. The pantry and refrigerator doors are themselves access points, the contents at 1:4 time dilation. So just don't leave anything out, and you should be good.

>>343161

That's quite ingenious.

>>343162

It's practicality. Setting up access points inside access points is a depth-search practice method. Helps me get the hang of making the things more complicated. That I had a way to make it useful is a simple bonus.