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/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

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5b0f9a (1) No.326571>>326662 >>326706 >>326793 >>327078 [Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

Imagine you are a muderhobo dungeon delver, and part of a two-person team with your Waifu. Describe your Waifu, roughly what class and level she would be equivalent to, and how competent and reliable she is at slaying and looting.

Alternative scenario; you are a solo diver, your Waifu is the dungeon boss, and she’ll only allow you to return to civilization if you beat her. How long are your chances?

8f8de3 (1) No.326576

>description

Red oni. Tall, strong, and tough.

>class and level

Barbarian, mid to high level

>murderhoboing

Excellent. She can take punishment, dish it back out, and still haul her own weight in loot.


895962 (1) No.326586>>326598

>description

Pic related.

>Class/level

Wiz 18, focus on necromancy, prohibited abjuration and transmutation.

>murderhobo

Well, the thing about sorc/wiz is that they're damn good at making things die, but not as good as making sure they don't die.That's what I'm there for; little shota healer dumping negative energy all over the battlefield, since negative energy heals the undead. As for looting, she can create a pocket dimension in which to store all the loot.


1abfba (2) No.326598

File (hide): 7eff73436761892⋯.png (323.14 KB, 900x900, 1:1, 1492037342349.png) (h) (u)

>>326586

AD&D 2nd edition Wizard Girl Waifu.

My neigga.


1abfba (2) No.326617>>326631

File (hide): b9d748cf890cd15⋯.mp4 (4.11 MB, 640x360, 16:9, miku_parody.mp4) (h) (u) [play once] [loop]

>description

Dapple colored Hell Hound with pale white skin

>class and level

21st level Shadow Knight (EverQuest D20)

>murderhobo

Excellent. She has immense strength, incredible necromantic powers, and the capability to summon her own mount. She wears full plate and carries a monstrous fiery sword very similar to the fire in her eyes. She also keeps flint locks or other pistols in her belt depending on the setting / technical advancement.


a96625 (1) No.326631

>>326617

Hey, look, there's a dullahan behind the bushes… ;)


e9a9e2 (1) No.326662>>326699

File (hide): d0a165c49fee2c4⋯.jpg (165.06 KB, 896x1280, 7:10, IMG_1647.JPG) (h) (u)

>>326571 (OP)

>description

Pic related, veru honorabru salamander w/ black scales, uses a two-handed sword, boisterous

>class/level

Mid-high ranger

>murderhoboing

Doesn't agree with it thanks to being veru honorabru and is kinda tsundere whenever hubby (an avid and passionate murderhobo) offers the loot


365e65 (3) No.326699>>326836

>>326662

We need more salamanders in our lives.

>description

Salamander who learned all her swordsmanship from Errol Flynn movies, complete with smug anime laugh.

>class/level

early level fighter

>murderhoboing

Can't do it because she's lowkey a terrible swordswoman and knows it. So she spends most of her time asking me to school her in the ways of ending them rightly.


d2f848 (1) No.326706

File (hide): fa63592cb4f8ae2⋯.png (2.05 MB, 1359x1604, 1359:1604, that's actually one girl, ….png) (h) (u)

>>326571 (OP)

Blue-light special two for one!

Before, I was a scrub. I still am, but it was worse before. I tried taking on a dungeon that seemed of appropriate difficulty, but in hindsight was absurdly over-leveled. The degree of difficulty was, in delicious irony, the thing that saved me, as noone else had even attempted to enter in ages. So when I hit a trap not three steps in and got shuffled through pitfalls and piston-pushers to a literal gilded cage directly in front of the Shoggoth dungeon boss, I was greeted by a someone more interested in interaction than combat. She still wanted to defeat me and TAKE OVER DA WURRL but wanted to have a chance to actually see the world before doing so.

So we made a deal: we'd travel together as a team, and explore the world. In the meantime, she'd attempt to corrupt my way of thinking into being the next BIG BOSS of the monsters, and I'd do my damnedest to keep my sanity and convince her that there was more to life than conquest and "conquest." It's not easy, given how we're traveling together. On the other hand, her acting as armor and arsenal and at times housing means I don't have to worry so much about physical hazards, so it works out.


af6237 (3) No.326793>>326796

File (hide): af8d4d6d90b7482⋯.png (115.09 KB, 455x709, 455:709, blessed undead.png) (h) (u)

File (hide): c11af60e3c320df⋯.png (177.93 KB, 587x747, 587:747, orc dragon mix.png) (h) (u)

>>326571 (OP)

well i have two waifus, but i only take one at a time when i go dungeon diving.

my first waifu is a zombie, she was a veteran archer/scout before she died in combat, now after a hundred years shes been raised to fight in the army of the blessed dead, the blessed dead are an army undead with holy powers that is used to combat the lords of hell. she can heal, bless things, smite things, and is a master in archery, stealth, tracking, and traps. she also has a silver halo floating above her head that's missing from the pic. she's a kind and quiet corpse, deadly when she needs to be.

my second wife is a half-orc half-dragon, raised to be a orc warlord, her clan exiled her once her draconic features started emerging. in her exile she finds her dragon cousin and learns how to use magic. she's adept at using elemental and enchanting magics, but shes an expert at commanding and using orcish weapons. her dragon heritage gives her natural armor, resistance to fire, and the ability to fly for a short time. she's a beast in a fight, just make sure you're not in the way.

i take my zombie wife dungeoneering most of the time, case she's quiet and can deal with traps. her healing ain't to bad either.


28eee3 (1) No.326796>>326800

>>326793

>undead with holy powers

Isn’t that like having battery acid for blood? Also

>half-orc half-dragon

How does that happen?


af6237 (3) No.326800>>326805

>>326796

to answer the first question, the blessed dead are not raised with necrotic energy, they're raised with holy energy. my zombie waifu has to drink or bathe in holy water to stay raised.

to answer your second question with a question, what wouldn't a dragon fug? ya big dum dum


13d101 (1) No.326805>>326810

>>326800

Les yay doesn't produce kids, you fucking inbred


af6237 (3) No.326810>>326846

>>326805

my setting is not the mge setting, its based off generic high fantasy settings, there's mosters n' shit still around, and dragons are still assholes that can breed with anything


28603d (1) No.326836>>326891

File (hide): f83743271f24e37⋯.jpg (58.11 KB, 1024x576, 16:9, IMG_1658.JPG) (h) (u)

>>326699

Мон товарищ


62d45f (1) No.326846

>>326810

For your sake, you better mean monsterboy, you scalie twat


365e65 (3) No.326891>>326900 >>326905

>>326836

Might wanna be careful throwing that word around, conrad. I don't speak vodka, but if google translate is correct, some people here could get triggered.


8b8316 (1) No.326900

File (hide): f00931541f7a1cb⋯.jpg (14.16 KB, 272x332, 68:83, c682352a.jpg) (h) (u)

>>326891

>conrad


7152c0 (1) No.326905>>326950

>>326891

>getting triggered over товарищ

It pretty much means pal or buddy. What are you smoking?


5f2bd4 (1) No.326935>>327078

File (hide): 67e60236852aa32⋯.png (630.67 KB, 1032x1327, 1032:1327, CursedSword16.png) (h) (u)

File (hide): cc8c9526e69f74d⋯.jpg (41.78 KB, 1800x521, 1800:521, On7skaH.jpg) (h) (u)

>Description

Cursed Sword, to be more specific she's a Cursed Zweihander. She's timid and caring

>Class and Level

Warrior, level depends on her host but is generally around mid-high

>Murderhoboing

Most of the time I just swing her around but she's actually pretty good if she has a host


365e65 (3) No.326950

>>326905

Google translate failed me on that front. described it as "comrade" or spiritual buddy. Pretty sure I mentioned I don't speak vodka.


258064 (1) No.327012

>Waifu

Succubus, because fuck you

>Level

High level. Hours of dungeon grinding together will do that to you

>Class

Mostly a mixed attacker. She can weave magic and sword strikes together for some sweet combos

>Competency

She's very good at taking out solo targets and drawing aggro from groups, so that I can finish prepping my AOE spells and curse those who would DARE HURT MY WAIFU TO THE EVERLASTING PAIN AND TORMENT OF THE DEPTHS OF HELL

>looting

Only the targets she kills. My kills don't leave a trace. [spoiler] I can't begin to describe our frustration at all the rare equipment ad valuables I've blown to charcoal… {/spoiler]


94eaae (1) No.327025

>description

Salamander - always up for an adventure, doing noticeboard jobs for cash and fun. Tempted to explore ruins and unexplored areas, really passionful about learning.

>class/level

Mid-High level Spellsword, leans heavily on fire magic and some healing magic.

>murderhobo

She's great at close range, good at long distance with her magick - could use target practice though. Only kill when necessary and loot afterwards.


2ac3bc (1) No.327078

>>326935

>depends on her host

>host

>Not going on a harduous quest to grant your waifu the powers she needs to become her own person and no longer rely on body-snatching.

But hey, if it's your fetish, I won't judge… too much.

>>326571 (OP)

>Stir, stir.

>The repetitive motions of the spoon in the broth relaxes the man's aching muscles.

>Despite the years spent drawing his bow and running in the dungeons, the strain is still here.

>Taste's perfect. Just add the flagon of elixir. She's just like the cat he had at home, if he doesn't hide the medicine she won't drink it.

>"Dravan?"

"Mh?"

>"Do you ever… Regret meeting me?"

"Where does this come from, Reina?"

>"I was just thinking… The people at the tavern, yesterday, they wanted to recruit you in their guild, but you can't, since I'm here, right?"

"Don't be stupid, I swore my oath to you knowing full well what I was doing, an archer of the Wraithorne never breaks his promises."

>"But…How long has it been since we began? We've yet to find anything concrete."

"But the rumors still exist, Reina, they need to come from somewhere, I don't know where, I don't know why they keep coming back, but if there is even an ounce of truth in those tales, then it's worth chasing after it. I'll help you become human once again. Also, we did get some pretty valuable trinkets."

>A part of him thinks it's a shame that she just hoards it somewhere, but she does use it for supplies and living expenses.

>"Thank you, Dravan."

"Besides, I'd be long dead without you to protect me."

>"These scales are pretty tough, it's all they're good for." her beautiful golden eyes drift to her hands, silver cuirass instead of skin.

"Have you tried to breathe fire again? That witch said you just had to train."

>"I haven't, I… It gives me a sore throat." her smile is weak and forced.

"But you can fly now, right?"

>"Not quite, it's more like jumping really high and then gliding. Sorry."

"Did save my back earlier, so once more, thank you."

>"You're welcome."

"Still… I'd like to see you soar, one day. I always wanted to touch a cloud."

>"So you want me to carry you?"

"Guilty as charged."

>"When we get out of these ruins, I'll try to fly some more, alright?"

"Just don't force yourself, please."

>You know you can heal cuts, burns and broken bones, but you'd rather not verify if you can salvage someone who got flattened.

>"Dravan?"

"Yes?"

>"If… If we learn that there is no cure for me… What will you do?"

"… I'll stay by your side."

>"A Wraithorne never goes back on his word, right?"

"Right, but even without it, wouldn't change a thing. If you want me at your side, I'll stay, dragon or human, you're the best companion I ever travelled with, and I only wish I can keep on travelling with you."

>"Oh… Oh! I-I don't know how to… Thank you, Dravan, it means a lot to me."

>You sit a little closer to her, wrapping your travel cape around the two of you.

"Eat some more, tomorrow, we breach the strongroom."

>"You keep putting medicine in it, stop."

"It's good for you. And me."

>"Say, Dravan?"

"Mh?"

>"About traveling more together, would you mind… Settling down, one day, perhaps?"

"…Umh… Y-yeah, I never thought about it… but it does sound nice."

>"Okay… it's agreed, then."

"Alright, sweet dreams."

>He remembers his first night spent in a dungeon, and chuckles at how brave he has become, with her at his side.


3d36bf (1) No.327084

File (hide): 7e627e9c1356b48⋯.jpg (468.84 KB, 700x990, 70:99, 1.jpg) (h) (u)

>Description

An e x t r a t h i c c demonic princess

>Class

Probably some gay-ass caster

>Level

Probably max level because of her lineage

>Competency

She'd be great at killing things, but would probably leave me to do all of the looting/carrying around stuff she can't be assed to do herself.

>Alternative Scenario

Considering I'd have to penetrate her castle and defeat all of her guards to even get to her, my chances would probably be slim at best. Although, I'd probably get a priest to bless my sword or give me some sort of seal to bind her to my service or something




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