[–]▶ ace49d (38) No.317723>>317734 >>317741 >>317845 [Watch Thread][Show All Posts]
This is the place to share cute stories about your husband, boy wrangling tips, and other ideas on how to enjoy your new human plaything lover.
Remember, Humans suffer from a strange genetic condition that prevents them from growing enough fur to stay warm. So it's important to lay on top of them at night, hold their hands, or maybe even sit on their faces to keep them warm.
▶ d7dde6 (7) No.317734>>317737 >>317739 >>317741 >>319568
>>317723 (OP)
>tfw shark girl
>husband has legs
>I don't
>He wants to go out and do land stuff, and I have to stay in a wheelchair the whole time awkwardly trying to participate
>Everyone's staring at my tail
>I'm staring at everyone's legs
What does it feel like to have legs?
▶ ace49d (38) No.317737>>317742
>>317734
How long have you had him? He should be able to breathe under water after you incubus him.
Sounds like a real fish out of water story
▶ fcde8d (5) No.317741>>317763
>>317723 (OP)
>>317734
>implying
Reminder:
Never
EVER
▶ d7dde6 (7) No.317742>>317744
>>317737
Yeah, he's developed gills and that good stuff. He's even able to keep up with when we swim together, which is a big step-up from when we first got together and he was trying to swim with his puny human limbs. The problem is that his family doesn't like coming to our underwater home, wearing all the diving gear and not being able to talk to each other seemed to be too much for them I guess. They like going to land-based parks and having picnics and barbecues instead, anything that involves running around and walking with their legs really.
>Sounds like a real fish out of water story
I can always expect you incessant purple britbongs to say something smug, can't I?
>>317739
You should lend some of your EIGHT FUCKING LEGS to someone who needs them, web-butt.
▶ ace49d (38) No.317744>>317748
>>317739
>come outside
>see those shitass spider girl kids from down the road shot webs all over my house and trees
>it's not even close to being Halloween yet
>>317742
Smuggest creatures on dry land, kiddo.
Why not have them rent a boat, or go on a trip to a lake?
▶ d7dde6 (7) No.317748>>317749
>>317744
That's not a bad idea, my feline friend. I know of an unoccupied fishing vessel not too far from our house, that'd be much cheaper than wasting money on a rented boat. our house is a sunken submarine that we put a couch and a refrigerator in. My hubby was ok with the move, his only regret was that he couldn't play his vidya underwater. That's ok though, because now he gets to spend more time with his fish babe. Anyway, I'll be sure to mention maybe trying to put that thing to sea next time my husband's parents are in town.
▶ ace49d (38) No.317749>>317751
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>317748
Be sure to re-enact this scene if you do it.
▶ d7dde6 (7) No.317751
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>317749
You wouldn't believe how many Jaws-related puns I get on a daily basis.
▶ ace49d (38) No.317753
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
I tripped my husband in the hall and now he wont stop playing this, send help
▶ 503948 (1) No.317763
>>317741
Go back to bed with your old meme grandma, now it's
FOREVER EVER
▶ 60558b (6) No.317768>>317782 >>317784
I hate human boys who honestly have never taken a sex joke in their entire lives. All I said was that knock a guy over the head with a bottle and drag him home. All the girls laughed along with the good boys, but then this landwhale of a guy with the hair coloring of an alp clown vomit goes on a tirade how I don't know how guys live in fear of rape and suffer constant catcalls. Bastard please. By the time we're almost out, I wanted to toss his fatass out the window. Turns out the shit he's spewing is a thing and I've been promoting some horrible standard just by existing or some garbage like that.
Sorry about the rant, I just needed to take that off my chest.
▶ ecc640 (2) No.317782>>317785 >>317857
>>317768
Monster girls like you are the reason why rape rates in the cities are so bad along with most men and incubi suffering glass ceilings. This is why we meninism. Go stake yourself.
▶ 79aac7 (1) No.317784>>317788
>>317768
anyone got the strange feeling that these landwhales are just signaling so they can lure some one to be tenderly raped?
▶ 5e9c28 (1) No.317785
>>317782
Someone's upset because they haven't been proactively dated yet.
▶ ecc640 (2) No.317788
>>317784
They probably are, but since no one's taught them how to please a girl, they wind up having pussy envy and getting a billion cats while gaining 200 lbs in the process. Equal rights for men and incubi is going to be the downfall of civilization and the Danuki are to blame.
▶ 280d88 (4) No.317804>>317805 >>317814 >>317821
>be a lamia
>live in a colder climate so I need to be careful with the cold
>Meet a guy, we hit it off pretty hard
>makes me be alright with living in a cold climate
>We decide to get /fit/ together
>Coiling around him feels so good
>start to notice human sluts stare at him
>human slut tries to flirt with him after he's done with his workout
>he doesn't even realize it
>Finish my workout and try to look for another more monster friendly gym
>Nearest place is a Sports club Kobold 2 hours away
What should I do /human/, I can't stand these whores. Am I overreacting?
▶ 85afee (1) No.317805
>>317804
Just tell him you have a jealous side, seriously.
Men can accept flaws, and can do their best to prevent exacerbating it. When he knows he can be more aware of sluts hitting on him and he can tell them that their cuddle game is way too weak.
▶ 903c2f (6) No.317814>>317824
>>317804
Going to a monster friendly gym might be a good idea, but you should also make sure to display more territoriality towards your man in public.
▶ 60558b (6) No.317821>>317824 >>317826 >>318025
>>317804
Like anything else, you should be trying to project 'force' towards the human girls, don't outright say anything, but do show that your 'above' them and you'll get them backing down in an instant. Hellhounds and Onis have their muscles, dark mages and baphomets have their magic. What I do is that I usually show off my wealth, as to say 'I can provide for him more then you could ever.'
▶ 2b7516 (1) No.317824
>>317821
>>317814
>be strong and territorial
Can she, even? Hell, she'll fall asleep if she so much as goes outside.
▶ 5ec0c3 (1) No.317826>>317827 >>317831
>>317821
>'I can provide for him more then you could ever.'
>she'd rather provide for a beta numale than get a real man who provides for her
lol
▶ 903c2f (6) No.317827
>>317826
>mfw human females try to post on /human/
▶ 60558b (6) No.317831
>>317826
Nice false-flagging there, hu-girl. I'm rich enough has it is, I don't need someone working themselves to death over me.
▶ 051e7d (1) No.317845>>317848 >>317856
>>317723 (OP)
So i guess this is the gay larp thread?
▶ 3e2fda (1) No.317848
▶ c64784 (16) No.317856
>>317845
>Larp
>Larp means live action role play
>Being this retarded in 2000+17
▶ c64784 (16) No.317857
>>317782
Paladins get out! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
▶ 900473 (1) No.317859>>317862
>Be me, a cheshire
>feeling hungry
>go into kitchen
>no digestives
>poof into sittingroom
>mom is there watching danielle cattenborough
>oi mum we're out of digestives
>oh could you pop off to the shops dearie? we need milk too
>and get me a cornetto
>lazy trollop
>off on my bike
>go down to tescos
>nab the digestives and the cornetto and go to the counter
>there's a houri in front of me
>gotta 'ave a chinwag so i'm not busted by the cops as a racist
>"oi mate get a lookin' at the match eh?"
>she turns around and pulls a shooty at me
>cor blimey
>I point me cornetto at 'er
>police in full riot burst in
>arrest me for threatening assault with a deadly weapon
>oi mate what about her gun
<"you silly bugger, as if we'd arrest the mayor of london!"
>BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG
>everyone whips out teacups and digestives except for the houri who whips out a virgin
<"always time for tea"
<"oi mate where's your digestives"
>oi copper i'm trying to pay for them now i've got the money in me trousers
>arrested for having no digestives at tea time
>never got to see manchaser's united match against hatterpool
>coppos let me see me mum for the last time
>forgot the fuckin' milk.
▶ 0060f4 (4) No.317862>>318297
>>317859
As an actual, real Cestrian (someone from Chester) I have to say that's a terrible attempt at pretending to be a local.
▶ e7cf92 (5) No.317863
I bought my human a cute blanket with cartoon snakes on it. It's super warm and he loves rolling around in it. I got one for myself too, since we both hate Midwestern winters.
▶ c64784 (16) No.317865>>317866 >>320626 >>320783
>Be me
>Regular human girl around 25 years old with no BF
>Everything is going fine up until yesterday
>Yesterday someone broke into my house and killed me
>Lich friend brings me back from the dead
>Lich friend isn't an amazing necromancer so I was brought back as a zombie
Does anyone here have some advice on how to deal with being undead?
▶ 821a95 (1) No.317866>>317872
>>317865
Find a human male for "body heat"…amongst other things…
▶ c64784 (16) No.317872>>320626
>>317866
I'm kinda working on finding someone else right now. I work at the police department so I'm currently investigating my own homicide case, feels really awkward to be investigating your own murder. Thanks for the advice though
▶ 0bc5c8 (6) No.317875
>>317874
Who caught you? Your human girlfriend?
▶ 0060f4 (4) No.317878
>>317877
If she claims to be your wife, she is. I had that drummed into me as a boy.
▶ 0060f4 (4) No.317880
>>317879
If it's a domestic violence situation and not an overly enthusiastic sparing match/sexytimes situation, call the cops.
▶ 4a5d05 (8) No.317881
>>317879
Stab her in her sleep. Right between the ribs.
Or, try necking yourself. Seems more your speed, pussy.
▶ c64784 (16) No.317886
>>317883
>Posting on any imageboard
>Not expecting autism
You brought this upon yourself
▶ 60558b (6) No.317887
>>317883
We're just having fun.
▶ 0060f4 (4) No.317890
>>317889
Have a warm bath, take a razor and an hero. Or turn into an Alp - that'll learn her!
▶ 200f1b (1) No.317897
>>317896
>>317896
I'm pretty sure that you're the one who wants to get fisted, you fun ruining twat. Go be a cancerous troll elsewhere
▶ bce802 (2) No.317907
>>317905
M-M-M-M-M-M-ME!? BE YOUR BOYFRIEND?!?! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ATHYOUSAND TIMES! YES!!!!!!!
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS /b/tard tier post fuck off and git gud)▶ ace49d (38) No.317910>>317924
>>317896
The difference is, we're actively creating humor related to specific types of monster girls, or their situation, we're also using this as an oppurtunity to write stories from a different perspective, niggerino. They on the other hand usually ERP, and write PFFT, NOTHIN PERSONNEL KID type shit.
▶ ace49d (38) No.317912
>>317896
Nothing can wipe this smug from my mug.
Sage because I just posted
▶ a74add (2) No.317914>>317915 >>318327
I think I might be in the wrong thread. It's titled /human/ but everyone's a monster. Should I leave?
▶ 2f7f78 (3) No.317915
>>317914
You should report.
▶ f2c678 (1) No.317924
>>317910
And that's cool.
That one cheshire green earlier in the thread was pretty funny.
But be honest with me, do you want posters like this
>>317899
>>317889
on our board?
Because that's what it attracts, and I sure as fuck don't want them here.
Go to the writefag thread and write from the perspective of your waifu, don't support cancer.
▶ 5b04a2 (2) No.317929>>317935
Why are all the good boys taken by alpshits? This is getting fucking ridiculous.
▶ 1496f7 (1) No.317935>>317944
>>317929
why would someone choose an alp instead of a monster girl?
▶ 5b04a2 (2) No.317944
>>317935
I actually asked one of them and they just told me it's because "they get both their best bro and a hot girl". Like I can't be into the things they are! I'm so much better for them than some slob who just got a nice pair of tits handed to him!
…Is it just that they'd rather pick an alp instead of having to deal with me?
▶ ca9aee (1) No.317953>>317962 >>317978 >>317995 >>318013
>be me, taller than average Oni
>picking up my usual crates of rice sake, ice bags, etc.
>fucking sake bowl breaks because all the wares made for humans are flimsy
>tiny weak human girl who sells me ny bowls keeps calling them "bukits"
>ask her for an ornate bowl, to use on special occasions
>insists they're called "boockets"
What the fuck is wrong with humans, but this is where I need input girls, because I found the perfect boy
>find a monster-warehouse an hour away by foot
>get there in ten minutes lightly jogging
>the CUTEST LITTLE BOY dressed in a security uniform catches my eye, I ask him where the drink is and he guides me
>can't help but ask him his age, that he's young to be working security
>he's only 18 :3c
Smol
>he looks 14 at most
>get a few new proper sake bowls, write my number on my receipt and slip it in his pocket
>he texts me and I invite him over he will arrive within the hour
Am I allowed to rape someone who steps on my property? It's self defense right? How do I do this without breaking his pelvis after the first few hours? Please help he's so helpless I don't think I can control myself.
▶ c9ab7d (1) No.317962
>>317953
if he's coming over he obviously wants the V. So just act normal. Eat, talk, put on the TV or something then start "touching" him. if he doesn't stop you, keep going.
This might be your chance to try c-c- conssule? I forget the word. But I hear its fun too
▶ 4a5d05 (8) No.317978
>>317953
You could date him like a normal person. You get more sex and less resentment out've in the end.
▶ 795045 (6) No.317995
>>317953
Get him shitfaced and it's a moot point, since he's guaranteed to say yes.
▶ 7b8815 (5) No.318013
>>317953
I think it's better to just let things go naturally in the first couple dates. Getting him drunk would also work.
I tried to let things go as naturally as a few hundred years old virgin could and it worked out pretty well.
>new guy joins the company
>a bit weird, but still cute and rather nice
>accidentally let my instincts get the best of me and flirt with him a couple 10 times
>I notice him look at me sometimes
>he works overtime to finish his work one day
>take the opportunity and ask him out for a drink after a long working day
>friend had just broken up with her boyfriend once he found out about her kind, so I decided to play it safe
>drink a couple beers and tell him I'm kind of an eldritch beast
>asks me if I can shapeshift or do something else he thinks monsters do
>heard he liked animal ears and lolis with a coworker
>morph into a loli kitsune
>he looks at me with the most interested and amused face and says "nice"
>wanted to mount him then and there, but contain myself and invite him to go "drink" at my house
>take out the good stuff and get him drunk
>a bit wobbly as well, but I could still ride the horse
>guide him to my bedroom
>turn back into the loli kitsune and tackle him onto the bed
>notice he's hard
>take his pants off
>he blushes and tries to resist claiming he'd rather do this while sober and that my original form is c-cuter
>give up on sex
>still blow him
>sleep with him
>he was meek at first, but hug me tight in his sleep
>wake up
>ride him as hard as I could
>he must have come at least a couple times, though so did I
>take a bath together afterwards
>tell him we should do this again
>teases me with "The sex or the drinking?"
>blush and answer with "both"
>we both get late to work
>boss usually gets pretty angry, but this time she just gave me a thumbs up and let it slide
>we've started drinking after work ever since
▶ ace49d (38) No.318025>>318031 >>318034 >>318049
>>317821
Where does vampire girl's wealth come from anyway? Not like I've ever seen any of you doing any work.
▶ 0bc5c8 (6) No.318031>>318032 >>318033 >>318049
>>318025
Compound interest and pawning off family heirlooms
▶ bf5d00 (4) No.318032
>>318031
Family heirlooms you say?
▶ ace49d (38) No.318033>>318035 >>318036 >>318120 >>319330
>>318031
>interest
Sure you're not a danuki?
Speaking of it, has anyone tried that Danukistein brand "Human food"? Before I knew what humans ate, I bought my husband some of it, it said that it was made with "REAL artificial ingredients", but I have a feeling he didn't like it. During incubisation my husband became a shota and now he doesn't want to eat his vegetables any more. Is this typical? :^)
▶ c64784 (16) No.318034>>318037
>>318025
>Where does a vampire girl's wealth come from anyway?
Pretty sure it's different for every vampire, for my family it's that we run a hospital
▶ 903c2f (6) No.318035>>318037
>>318033
No chance of her being a danuki, a danuki would actually invest in something instead of relying on interest that won't beat out inflation.
▶ 903c2f (6) No.318036>>318037
>>318033
>doesn't want to eat his vegetables any more
That's typical if only because humans have stronger taste buds when children.
▶ ace49d (38) No.318037>>318038
>>318034
Oh good God is it a blood bank?
>>318035
Fair enough.
>>318036
(Oh damn. Just googled it, that's actually pretty interesting, didn't know that.)
▶ c64784 (16) No.318038>>318042
>>318037
>Is it a blood bank?
No, we don't run a blood bank. We get our blood by saving the blood that we clean up during surgeries, and even then most of it is used for blood transfusions
▶ ace49d (38) No.318042>>318144
>>318038
That's pretty boring in comparison to the situation I had worked out in my head.
>tfw your husband said he likes the local vampire girl's mansion's architecture because it's "symmetrical."
>tfw even after a year he still gets lost in my house (usually the mirror room)
This is just another reason to buy a leash in my opinion.
▶ 60558b (6) No.318049
>>318025
Land ownership, immortality has it's plus sides, along with what >>318031 she said.
▶ f49ea2 (1) No.318070
Any sea tortoise girls here want to help me figure out how to get my guy to bully me?
▶ 3b577f (2) No.318120>>318124 >>318142
>>318033
>during incubisation my husband became a shota
(thank god i'm not that guy,but thinking about it,i would be fun to tease your best friend after he turns into a kid)
▶ 64a761 (2) No.318124
>>318120
It would be really weird. I imagine the wife would get some fun though.
Can I post Nvidia-tan? it's just a guy wearing a cap.
▶ 7ede72 (3) No.318128>>318129 >>318139
>be hellhound
>moving in with bf
>he's worried his apartment isn't big enough
>he's so fucking cute when he's like this
>tell him it doesn't matter to me
>"I'm just happy to be with my mate"
>he seems to like that
>leans in for a kiss
>tackle him onto the sofa
>wrestle him for a good 10 minutes or so
>hear a knock at the door
>it's some bitch who smells like cat piss and loneliness
>tells my bf to keep the noise down
>notices me
>adds that she'll call the police if this happens again
>fucking catladies
>mfw can't bodyslam my bf
I can't have the cops interrupting sexy time later and I know that shit's gonna be loud. Any advice? I'm considering making an example out of one of her pets.
▶ 0bc5c8 (6) No.318129>>318131
>>318128
The answer is simple. Find a danuki, Ratatoskr, and a Cheshire and ask them for their help. It'll be done within a week.
▶ 7ede72 (3) No.318131>>318143
>>318129
>associating with faggotcats
▶ d83798 (1) No.318135
>Be dormouse
>Onitis seems into spoders
>tfw
▶ 9bd032 (3) No.318139
>>318128
Just find someone to monsterize her. She'll thank you once she gets some Pretty Thick and Strong Dick
▶ ace49d (38) No.318142>>318146
>>318120
(I'm more concerned with how trying to parent cheshire kittens would go when you would be the same height and age as them. How old is a shota? Around 8 I'm thinking.
Not to mention once they got older and could toss you back and forth like a ball.)
▶ ace49d (38) No.318143>>318187
>>318131
>smelling like wet dog
>ever
Wow
w e t d o g
▶ c64784 (16) No.318144>>318147
>>318042
Why the fuck do you have a mirror room? Aren't mirrors kinda useless?
▶ 64a761 (2) No.318146>>318150
>>318142
>not being a strong shota
>not keeping strength, wisdom and dick size
▶ ace49d (38) No.318147>>318148 >>318152
>>318144
You… Do know cheshire cats aren't permanently invisible roight?
I had rooms that come and go. Sometimes they lead to brick walls, one day a door goes to the kitchen, the next day it leads to the bedroom. It's a good way to catch him when he isn't expecting it.
▶ c64784 (16) No.318148>>318151
>>318147
> brick walls, one day a door goes to the kitchen, the next day it leads to the bedroom. It's a good way to catch him when he isn't expecting
Wait, you can actually SEE yourself in mirrors?
▶ 3b577f (2) No.318150
>>318146
just like goku in gt
▶ ace49d (38) No.318151>>318174
>>318148
Clear as crystal. Ohhh, you're the vampire girl. I guess the mirror maze would be a little intimidating for you. You should visit some time.
▶ 7b8815 (5) No.318152>>318155 >>318172 >>318175 >>318186
>>318147
>brick walls
>be cheshire
>feeling kind of kinky
>remodel the house a bit while hubby is at work
>he arrives home and close the door behind him
>surprised to find nothing but a stair leading up
>not that used to my shenanigans, so he tries to leave, only to find the door wasn't designed to open after you close it
>sighs and climbs starts climbing the stair
>get mic and start singing
>"What a thrill~"
>"With darkness and silence through the night~"
>"What a thrill~"
>"I'm searching and i'll melt into you"
>sing the whole song and start singing again as he's still climbing the stair
>finally climbs it all the way up to a corridor
>opens the door in the end
>brick wall
>somehow notices me, despite my 90% camo rating
>turns around and start running
>pounce him
>take his naked snake out
>gamer boy can't get his games right, goes solidus instead
>start blowing him
>"Can't you do this normally once in a while?"
>look at him with the shittiest of grins I can manage with a cock in my mouth
>"SNEEEEEEECH EAAAAAAAASHER!"
>nuts
▶ ace49d (38) No.318155>>318156
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>318152
Hmm, interesting idea.
My husband shows me the strange little videos he watches, so I usually make him to act them out with me, sort of as foreplay. This one is one of my favourites, along with that one human with the mask. It's strictly against the rules to break character.
▶ ace49d (38) No.318156
>>318155
If you're a cheshire cat, and don't wake your husband up in the middle of the night by yelling
WAMMUU
You're not doing your job, sis.
▶ bc3441 (1) No.318172
▶ 19880e (1) No.318174
>>318151
wouldn't a mirror maze be reallly easy for a vampire with the ecko-locating thing?
▶ 7ede72 (3) No.318187>>318193 >>318196
>>318143
>literally the same colours as emo girls in 2006
▶ ace49d (38) No.318193
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>318187
At 1:35
>Is that all you got, nigga?
▶ d047bc (1) No.318196>>318198
>>318187
>implying this is a problem in any shape, form or fashion
I had a thing for them and goths. I don't fucking know why though.
▶ b4b9a4 (1) No.318198>>318209
>>318196
If your goth is perky active and not self-entitled, why not? It's just a fashion choice, like gyaru.
Emos and the 'muh life sucks' goths can go fuck themselves. I'm pretty damn sure that emos will alp without exception when dotr happens. They're such huge lazy self-righteous faggots
▶ 7b8815 (5) No.318209
>>318198
I don't mind suicidal ones tbh.
I never dated one, but broken girls get my dick hard. Healing is my fetish.
▶ 6eece4 (5) No.318221>>318249
>tfw no shota to dominate and breastfeed
▶ e421dc (1) No.318249
>>318221
>tfw minotaur
>tfw can't breastfeed bf because he's lactose intolerant
sucks real bad
▶ ace49d (38) No.318279>>318283 >>318287
>put a manticore thorn in my husband's shoe
>tell him to go get some milk from the store
>hear an "Ow!" from the living room, then a groan of, "ohhh shit."
>vanish
>he sits down on the couch and nervously tries to think about anything but sex
>he starts rubbing his hands up and down the arms of the couch
>he keeps blushing deeper and deeper, now he's closing his eyes, now he's biting his lip
>eventually I plop down on the couch beside him and put my feet in his lap, can feel how hard he is
>Appear
>"Did you get the milk?"
>"C-can we, uhm, do you want to… Ahhh…"
>"What's the matter, having trouble focusing?"
>His hips are starting to rock back and forth
>"Are you humping my paws? How terribly lewd."
>He pounces on top of me and buries his face in my shoulder
>"Please, uhm, rape me, please," now grabbing me tighter, "Tie me to the bed and make me scream your n-name.
>Carry him to the bedroom
>Push him on the bed, tie his wrists to the bedposts, then his ankles
>Vanish again
>Go sit in the living room, open up /human/ and type this
>Can hear him calling my name from the bedroom
This is what he wanted isn't it?
▶ deb146 (1) No.318283>>318296
>>318279
oh that's just mean
▶ 4a5d05 (8) No.318287>>318296 >>318298
>>318279
Ok, there's being a prankster and being an absolute ass. You're the latter.
Hope he dosen't head pat you for a month.
▶ ace49d (38) No.318296
>>318283
>>318287
Oh come on, I went and took care of him after I posted it.
We just finished, actually. I think I worked most of the manticore venom out, he unconscious, but he's still pitching a pretty strong tent under the covers. I'm not really sure what to do with it. I'm considering maybe drawing a face on it or something. Maybe propping him up and using it to hold towels or something.
▶ 1a29c9 (1) No.318297
>>317862
It's academic at this point considering you all speak Pakistani :^)
▶ ace49d (38) No.318298
>>318287
And wait did you say no headpats? You do realize since incubisation he's been a little more than 4 feet tall right? I have to bend down or pick him up for headpats.
▶ 795045 (6) No.318308>>318317 >>318326 >>318445
>hubby does some brewing as a hobby
>decided to try making wine with manticore venom
>he tries a glass
>erection hasn't gone down for hours now and he says it's starting to hurt
He says he used "about a handful" of needles in a standard 6 gallon batch, should we call 911?
▶ 2f7f78 (3) No.318317>>318318
>>318308
You need to suck all the venom out of the dick.
▶ 795045 (6) No.318318
>>318317
We already tried that, and he's not running out of semen.
▶ ace49d (38) No.318326>>318347
>>318308
Would yeast love manticore venom the same way they love sugar?
Does that mean the yeast got effected by the manticore venom… and were super turned on until they died?
▶ ace49d (38) No.318327>>318338 >>318391 >>318429 >>318445
>>317914
/human/ used to be called /monster/ up until about a year ago when the portal opened.
Now all the boys who would post here are our husbands and know better than to post on here.
>tfw put a dog bed under your desk for your husband to kneel on
>now whenever I'm shitpostng he's usually kneeling under my desk with his face buried between my thighs
NowThisIsPodracing.jpeg
▶ 26c7d2 (2) No.318338>>318421
>>318327
>Treating your husband like an animal
Someone has no dignity. I hope you don't get headpats.
▶ 795045 (6) No.318347
>>318326
He just got a kit on clearance that was near its best by date and added the venom in with the yeast. It's starting to go down now, so he'll probably be alright.
▶ 4a5d05 (8) No.318391>>318421
>>318327
>treating another living being like shit
Someone didn't get enough love as a child.
▶ 22f5ce (1) No.318409>>318421 >>318552 >>318688 >>318916
>be cyclops
>considered a freak among my kind for being a runt (only 8'7") and not being into being bullied
>the guys all think I like to be bullied, so the nice ones ignore me and the bastards give me unwanted attention.
>Guy I like is a nice guy, doesn't know my dilemma. Friend zoned AF.
Should I:
1. Forge him a sword, (I'm good at that)
2. Raep him at the point of a sword, (don't know if I can)
3. Offer to sharpen his "sword" (Might chicken out)
4. Shell out the dough to buy an anti-loli potion to grow the boobs he'd be into, (Danuki runs the apothecary here)
or
5. Old fashioned roofie and raep? (boring)
▶ ace49d (38) No.318421>>318425 >>318437 >>318445
>>318338
>>318391
That's not even pet play, what in the fug are you talking about?
Humans don't post on /monster/ because they'd get flooded with demands for dick pics and because they're usually already wifed anyways.
The dog bed was just something soft and comfortable. Are you such dykes your husband doesn't enjoy eating you out? Wew
>>318409
Don't choose 2 if you just sit on top of him and say, "M-made you this"
"Thanks?"
"Y-you too-san-sama-kun."
▶ 4a5d05 (8) No.318425>>318435
>>318421
>gets told that her fetish is shit
<"You don't like my shitty fetish? Wow! You must be sad!"
Wew lass
▶ a74add (2) No.318429
>>318327
>Now all the boys who would post here are our husbands and know better than to post on here.
Oh. Then I am most definitely in the wrong place. Damn page title's misleading as hell, thought it was a backup forum for guys after everything else got turned monster-centric. Shit, I had some questions I needed help with.
Wait a minute. Pretty sure most stuff in my house either has been or is being replaced with Shoggoth, so how the fuck did I get redirected here anyway? Makes no blasted sense…
▶ 1f55ff (3) No.318435
>>318425
that picture needs a foxy grandpa hat shoop
▶ db0217 (2) No.318437>>318452 >>318522
>>318421
>Husband eating you out
Must make it awkward when you kiss
▶ 60558b (6) No.318445>>318452 >>318454
>>318308
I think he was referring to his handful and not yours. At this point, if the swelling hasn't gone down in three hours, you should defiantly get him to the hospital since he could be having a rare allergic reaction to it.
>>318327
You are a terrible person. I hope you get CUCKQUEANED.
>>318421
>got told.
>Have no counterargument.
>Starts memeing.
Chesire cats everyone.
▶ ace49d (38) No.318452>>318455
>>318437
I've got no come back for that one. Uh, Australian kisses are like french kisses but down under?
>>318445
Anons it's literally just a role reversal of the "secretary under the boss' desk" fantasy. I didn't mean the husband was treated like some mongrel from Dr. Monreau's island.
▶ ace49d (38) No.318454>>318455 >>318456
>>318445
Anons it's literally just a role reversal of the "secretary under the boss' desk" fantasy. I didn't mean the husband was treated like some mongrel from Dr. Monreau's island.
▶ ace49d (38) No.318455>>318457
>>318452
>>318454
I thought it was shit like this they were supposed to be fixing during the down time a few days ago.
▶ 4a5d05 (8) No.318456>>318458
>>318454
we know. Just like giving you shit for poor wording. But the dog bed and femdom made it too tempting to pass up.
▶ 4a5d05 (8) No.318457
>>318455
>that id
Get back to writing ace.
▶ ace49d (38) No.318458>>318459
>>318456
Oh, phew, for a minute there I thought watching all those Terry A Davis videos had given me literal autism.
▶ 4a5d05 (8) No.318459>>318460
>>318458
>implying we don't already have autism
▶ ace49d (38) No.318460
>>318459
The future we chose
FOREVER AND EVER
▶ 688f84 (3) No.318522>>318523 >>318524 >>318772
>>318437
Wait. Hold on. Let's stop the role play for a second. Are you implying there is something wrong with eating out your waifu?
▶ 56ab60 (1) No.318523
>>318522
They're probably mad because they're husbando thinks krakens have a beak
▶ ace49d (38) No.318524
>>318522
Finally, a wise man enters the thread.
▶ c64784 (16) No.318532>>318533 >>318548 >>318549 >>318838
Automaton here, anyone know of a good place to find some replacement parts? Some of my parts broke a few days ago
▶ ace49d (38) No.318533
>>318532
I wouldn't buy from a danuki, maybe a lich?
>husband takes advantage of the fact he knows I'll protect him
>every time he sees a hellhound and her husband he says, "Well if it isn't Scooby and Shaggy, where's Old Man Jenkins?"
>Hellhound says something to her husband like, "Tell me one reason why I should clobber him."
>Husband looks at her and says, "Would you do it for… two scooby snacks?"
What does he mean by this?
▶ cd68e7 (1) No.318548
>>318532
00111110 00111110 00111110 00101111 01110100 01100101 01100011 01101000 00101111
▶ fcc6f3 (1) No.318549
>>318532
I'd check with any gremlins in your area to see if they could fix it before buying anything.
▶ 26c7d2 (2) No.318552
>>318409
Were you that cyclops over at the bay area? I remember seeing a small cyclops hitting on a human there. Just ask him out directly, and if you're worried, I can use a bit of my hypnosis on him to help out.
▶ 0b3b36 (1) No.318561>>318579 >>318696
Wan here. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, and fall my favorite season. I want to make it special for my husbando, he's kinda shy about leaving the house and has anxiety about wide open spaces. Any activities you ladies would suggest on getting him into the autumn spirit?
▶ d7dde6 (7) No.318579
>>318561
Shark grill anon here.
Going to the pumpkin patch is always fun. Doing a costume duo is also a ton of fun as well. Since every aspect of me and my husband's life is nautical, our Halloween costumes are usually either pirates or sailors. With the exception of one time where we bought a load of old milsurp clothing and pretended to be Japanese imperial soldiers at the battle of Okinawa. Since you're a wan, maybe you two could try dressing up as Scooby Doo and Shaggy?
▶ 2f7f78 (3) No.318688>>318696
>>318409
You should ask him to throw a ball at you and if you catch it you get to marry him.
▶ ace49d (38) No.318696
Read this >>318688 as a reply to this >>318561 by accident, but it seemed to make sense.
▶ d336aa (4) No.318709>>318722
>There are girls that don't provide a clean house, homemade pelmeni, and a massage to your husband after work.
>They instead want to treat their husbands as pets.
XAXAXA, иди на хуй
▶ d336aa (4) No.318715>>318722
>There are girls that don't provide a clean house, homemade pelmeni, and a massage to your husband after work.
>They instead want to treat their husbands as pets.
XAXAXA, иди на хуй
Same for chodemonkey
▶ de9067 (14) No.318722>>318730
>>318709
>>318715
What did the devs even do in the update? I thought they fixed this shit.
▶ d336aa (4) No.318730>>318742
>>318722
>Do you feel the difference in posting speeds?
Yeah, getting stuck at 100% posted and making double posts sure is fucking different.
▶ 4c9d74 (1) No.318734>>318797 >>318964
>Be zombie
>”Seduced” my boyfriend after friends dared him to spend the night in a graveyard
>Turns out he’s a real degenerate, loves the idea of fucking/being fucked by a corpse
>Fell in love instantly
>Whenever we go out though, he makes me wear makeup and heavy clothing
Is he embarrassed of me? He definitely loves me and the fact I’m undead, but I think he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s a necrophiliac. I thought it was cute at first, but I want people to know how much of a freak my man is. Should I confront him about it?
▶ ace49d (38) No.318742
>>318730
Though, to be honest, I kind of like it when posting gets shut down and everyone is filed into that one chaotic thread on /sudo/. It's a change.
▶ db0217 (2) No.318772
>>318522
>Are you implying there is something wrong with putting genitals in your mouth?
Not at all
▶ ace49d (38) No.318796
>sitting in bed with my husband
>the sound of my purring is almost putting him to sleep
>holding a book with my left paw and my right is in his lap
>puts his hands over my paw and starts petting it
>press my lips against his ear and whisper, "Look at your cute little human claws compared to mine, can you even do anything with those?"
>he looks over at me with his eyes half closed and nods
>puts his hand on my head and scratches me behind my ears
>purring gets out of control and I end up falling asleep while he rubs my head
I'm hoping he was too sleepy to remember finding my weakness.
▶ e3a3ed (1) No.318797>>318842
>>318734
He's afraid of getting into trouble, sex with the dead used to be illegal.
▶ de9067 (14) No.318836>>318889 >>318984
My… I can't even call him a husband… keeps trying to escape. I kidnapped him a month ago and he keeps trying to get back to wherever he came from. I always ask him why but so far he hasn't said a word to me about anything.
He keeps getting better. Last time he nearly got away. Should I just let him go?
▶ ac9650 (1) No.318838>>318842 >>318853 >>318905 >>318940
>>318532
This reminds me
If a an automaton breaks her pussy and replaces it with a used refurbished one, is it cuckholdry?
Asking for a friend
▶ c64784 (16) No.318842
>>318838
I never thought about that. I don't think it would be cuckoldry considering that it's only a part.
>>318797
>Sex with the dead used to be illegal
It still is, sex with the undead isn't illegal.
▶ 280d88 (4) No.318853>>318936
>>318838
Can automatons get pregnant? it would count if you would get pregnant but the child would not be identifiable as yours. So I suppose if you get different ovaries (not sure if those are included in your replacement) it would count
▶ 6a0a2b (1) No.318889
▶ d7dde6 (7) No.318905
>>318838
<honey, you broke my vagina….
>It's ok, I have a spare in the garage.
▶ 2ef0a4 (1) No.318916
>>318409
Do 1.
If it doesn't work, he'll at least like you a bit better for it.
▶ c64784 (16) No.318936
>>318853
>Can automatons get pregnant?
Yes, as long as you have all the proper reproductive organs installed
Also the child actually can be identifiable as yours due to the fact that the genetic information that the artificial womb uses has to be copied over to the replacement. The genetic information automatons use is randomly generated as well, this means that no automatons share the same genetic information
▶ e7cf92 (5) No.318940>>319014
>>318838
No, you don't replace it with a used pussy, you put that pussy in a bowl of rice so the Asians come in and fix it for free.
Otherwise, I'd check the warranty. Most pussies have a one year warranty.
▶ 4bf93e (1) No.318964
>>318734
Probably just worried some paladyke orbiter is going to stick an icepick in your skull after watching too much 'the raping dead'. Does he massage you with formaldehyde and make sure your suturing is nice and snug? If so then don't worry, he loves you.
▶ ace49d (38) No.318984
>>318836
Are you sure he's a human?
▶ 7b8815 (5) No.319014>>319022 >>319029
>>318940
>honey gets a bit too drunk and decides to have sex
>after cumming twice he whispers that "I love you" into my ear
>can't contain myself
>flip around and mount him
>after a few hours we go to sleep
>when I wake up I notice something is loose
>AND NOT IN THAT SENSE YOU FILTHY SLUTS
>"H-honey…"
>"Yes?"
>"I think I broke my pussy."
>he was always good with machines, takes it out in a second
>too broken for him to fix, gets a place of rice instead
>"W-wait, I think it would be better if.."
>puts my pussy in the place
>"N-no, take it out!"
>old chinese lady spawns near the place
>"Aahhh, you bleak pussy, do the hanky panky too hard no?"
>start blushing
>"I tell you million time, you no be lough, you ease the pussy."
>start blushing even harder as a smirk creeps upon my husband's lips
>"You tleat with cale, if too bloken I no fix, this not too bloken yet, but you need to lay low on the clazy stuff."
>finally fixes it and leaves after mouthing off a bit more
>husband doesn't says anything, just looks at me with that shit eating grin
>punish him that night
>break it again
HELP
▶ 6a7002 (1) No.319022>>319023 >>319029
>>319014
I'm asian, an electrical engineer, and I'd unironically fix a computer or some broken electronics in exhange for a big tub of white (asian produced, not that Uncle Ben shit) or basmati rice. I mean, I'd much rather prefer money instead, but rice is fucking delicious. English is my primary language though, so I can't give you an authentic FOB accent unfortunately.
▶ ace49d (38) No.319023
>>319022
I've always though rice as bland as shit. My least favourite part of the /fit/ diet plans, next to kale (except for kale chips).
▶ e7cf92 (5) No.319029
>>319022
Not Asian, but I have to agree, rice is pretty good. I had a Korean dude call me a redneck when I told him that I like cooking rice in milk to make it creamy and go well with fried chicken and biscuits, though.
>>319014
That's even better than I could have imagined.
>"Aahhh, you bleak pussy, do the hanky panky too hard no?"
The image of an old Chinese dragon woman saying this is killing me.
▶ 54a57a (4) No.319043>>319051 >>319059
<Be Chupacabra girl
<Mom and Dad became US citizens when I was 4
<Parents starts Americanizing themselves and me as much as possible as soon as we move in
<Works too well
<Be in college now
<All the guys that approach me are expecting a Spicy Latina
<Can't speak a word of Spanish
<Can't sing or dance
<Can't cook
<Don't even like spicy food
<Have a speech impediment, can't even roll my R's
<The list goes on
Tacoland is a shit place with shit people anyway, why do so many guys want to bring the full stereotype into their bedrooms?
Any advice on how to make myself more appealing with what I have to work with?
▶ efdfc0 (1) No.319051>>319056 >>319058
>>319043
Sway your hips. You've got hips right?
▶ 0bc5c8 (6) No.319056>>319058
>>319051
If she doesn't she'snot gonna bescrewed
▶ 54a57a (4) No.319058>>319062 >>319072
>>319051
>>319056
I've got hips. Pretty nice ones too, not to toot my own horn. But is that really all it'll take?
▶ 8efb0f (2) No.319059>>319072
>>319043
>can't cook
Not even tacos?
▶ 903c2f (6) No.319062>>319114
>>319058
No, you also need to let your man rub mango massage oil on them.
▶ 280d88 (4) No.319072>>319114
>>319059
>>319058
You have to show off your nice features but don't overdo it, most men do not like girls that look 'loose'. Also learn some simple cooking, once you've attracted a man he'll appreciate it~ Learn to make a good porridge or something traditional and add your own touch, my darling loves it~
▶ 54a57a (4) No.319114
>>319062
Let's take this one step at a time sister, I'm still trying to get a man in the first place.
>>319072
I-I guess I could go shopping for a flattering skirt, maybe look up and memorize some generic Spanish pick-up lines.
I always did love my Grandma's corn porridge, I can definitely figure that out. Maybe a simple oven-baked chicken recipe too, that'd be nice.
▶ 343bf2 (3) No.319116>>319117 >>319125 >>319163 >>319193 >>319227 >>319316 >>319323
Hey /human/. I got a question for you. Im an average boy and im going to start college soon, but I heard that the campus is filled whit monster girls. Should I make myself very sluty, pervy and easy to get so that the monster girls loose interest in me and I can study in peace?
▶ de9067 (14) No.319117
>>319116
Have earbuds in constantly. Even if you aren't listening to music. Get bright red ones so it's Very obvious.
If they try and talk to you just pretend to not hear them and they'll eventually leave.
Worse case senario pretend you're def or something.
Or, you could tell them you aren't interested like a normal person instead of being a cunt. Yeah MGs are forceful about relationships, but they won't go as far out of their way to get into your pants as everyone seems to think.
▶ d336aa (4) No.319125>>319159 >>319164
>>319116
Just hold your dick hostage, bro. Nobody messes with a man threatening to cut/shoot off his dick.
▶ c64784 (16) No.319133
>>319131
No need to be so hostile, what are you so mad about?
▶ d2a24f (1) No.319140
>>319128
H-how do you do, fellow shoggoth?
▶ 688f84 (3) No.319159
>>319125
But what if they call his bluff though?
▶ 343bf2 (3) No.319163>>319164
>>319116
Yeah, I don't think that will go as planned.
>library
>cheshire get's way too touchy
>threatens to cut dick off
>faggot cat likes the idea
>sudden change in bulge's geometry
>shiteatinggrimintensification.exe
>go to bathroom and find that where my dick was now lies a mini top hat
>for days can't leave the dorm as I fell things whit fur, scales,feathers and other things that I can't describe using my dick
>two weeks lather
>cat appears in my dorm to give my dick back. Whit conditions
>finally gets it back after hours of fulfilling "requests"
▶ 343bf2 (3) No.319164
Sorry >>319163 is a reply to >>319125
▶ 795045 (6) No.319193
>>319116
Just pair up with a monster girl you can actually get along with. The others will smell her mana on you and back off.
▶ 8efb0f (2) No.319227>>319236 >>319273
>>319116
> sluty
That's a female adjective, the male equivalent is player
fun fact: slut originally meant "untidy woman"
▶ de9067 (14) No.319236>>319255 >>319256
>>319227
>player
In like, the 80s. It's fuckboy now.
▶ ace49d (38) No.319255
>>319236
>not using "cumpump"
Wow gay.
▶ 54a57a (4) No.319256>>319263
>>319236
>fuckboy
I could have sworn that was still a ghetto-speak term for "prison-bitch"
▶ ace49d (38) No.319263
>>319256
It is. It's been co-opted by tumblr/reddit, just in the same way "throwing shade" was earlier this year. "Throwing shade" specifically comes from fags/drag queens.
▶ 7b8815 (5) No.319273
>>319227
>select slut
I-is the boy that plays vidya with me trying to tell me something?
▶ cba280 (4) No.319287>>319688
>In my old high school
>There this kid that we girls nickname ghost eel and greasy easy john
>He was skinny and lanky but that not the reason for his reputation
>This boy had no presence
>Always manage to sneak up and pass everyone, even those smug cat bitches.
>From stories i heard this boy always managed to slip out of any manono grasp
>That if they were able to find him first
>By Ammit's plump tights, he was one sneaky and slippery, son of man.
>I wanted to try my luck to claim this elusive boy
>But sadly some elven cunt snatch him by tricking him with her sweet talks of "helping him" with his whole having less presence than an undead ookumade
Pic unrelated I don't have any pic to display my sheer disappointment and disgust. Fucking knife ears.
▶ e2afb0 (2) No.319316
>>319116
Why are /justtheboynextdoor/ posters always massive sluts with mommy issues?
▶ 6eece4 (5) No.319323>>319331 >>319332
>>319116
No I think that would make you look like a faggot.
I know it sounds like a meme but just be yourself. A genuine Anon is better than the actor Anon. Make it clear that you want to study, not date, and those MGs with any self-respect will take note. Males are ultimately the gatekeepers of all sexual conduct between humans and monsters; you have the power over them.
▶ fa6d5a (7) No.319330>>319370
>>318033
>Danukistein
That company isn't run by danuki. It's run by jews, no danuki has ever run a such blatantly jewish company before. We always use nice inviting names like "Green leaf cereals" or "DanDan trading co."
Avoid jewish imitators trying to cash in on the good hoonest danuki name.
▶ 688f84 (3) No.319331>>319370
>>319323
>Males are ultimately the gatekeepers of all sexual conduct
Makes me wonder how social dynamics would change short term in a portal event once both earth men and mons realize there are no gatekeepers. Especially since they would initially both expect the other party to be the gatekeeper.
It would be like being gay in the 80s in California but with more monogamy and less aids.
▶ e2afb0 (2) No.319332>>319370
>>319323
>you have the power over them.
I can't believe they actual feel for it.
▶ 78e8c6 (8) No.319370>>319393
>>319330
A danuki tried to buy my husband last week. While I was buying a collar for him.
She tried to put him on a scale and everything.
Probably the second time my husband has ever seen me genuinely angry about something.
Always do the opposite of what danukis say
>>319331
>>319332
I think most mamono are dominant enough they would take their husbands anyways and wouldn't care.
▶ fcde8d (5) No.319375>>319376 >>319377 >>319379 >>319385 >>319474 >>319620
Hi, Elisa Rodger here. Well this is my last post. It all has to come to this. Tomorrow is the day of retribution, the day in which I will have my revenge against humanity. Against all of you. For the last eight years of my life, ever since I hit puberty, I’ve been forced to endure an existence of loneliness, victory and unfulfilled desires. All because boys have never been stronger than me. Boys gave their affection and sex and love to other girls, but never to me. I’m 22-years-old and still a virgin. I’ve never even kissed a guy. I’ve been through training, for two and a half years, more than that actually, and I’m still a virgin. It has been very torturous.
Training is the time when everyone experiences those things such as defeat and marriage and sex. But in those years I’ve had to rot in loneliness. It’s not fair. You boys have never been better than me. I don’t know why you boys aren’t stronger than me. But I will punish you all for it. It’s an inJUSTICE, a crime because I don’t know what I'm left to do. I’m the perfect girl and yet you throw yourselves at all these obnoxious mamono instead of me, the supreme lady.
I will punish all of you for it. On the day of retribution, I am going to enter the hottest fraternity house of LCTS and I will rape the first, single, spoiled, stuck-up blond --slut– player I see inside there. All those boys that I’ve desired so much. I would have rejected all of them and looked down upon them as inferior men if they ever made an agressive advance towards me. While they throw themselves at these obnoxious whores.
I’ll take great pleasure in raping you. You will finally see that I am in truth, the superior one who is not alone. The true alpha female. Yes. After I’ve raped that single boy in the fraternity house, I’ll take to the streets of Lescatie and show my love for him to every single person who can see there. All those popular kids who live such lives of hedonistic pleasure while I’ve had to rot in loneliness for all these years, they’ve all looked out upon me in fear every time I’ve tried to go out and teach them how to fight. All treated me like a monster. Well now I will be a god compared to you. You’ll be a shota. You are a shota, and I will rape you like one. I’ll be a god exacting my retribution on he who deserves it. And you do deserve it. Just for the crime of living a weaker life than me.
All you popular kids. You’ve never beaten me. And now you’ll all pay for it. And boys, all I’ve ever wanted was to love you and to be loved by you. I’ve wanted a boyfriend, I’ve wanted sex, I’ve wanted love, affection, adoration. You think I’m worthy of it. That’s a crime that can never be forgiven. If I can’t have you, boy, I will have to force my way onto you. You denied me a happy life. And in turn, I will deny you release. It’s only fair. I hate all of you. Humanity is a disgusting, wretched, weak species. If I didn't have it in my power, I wouldn't have to stop at nothing to reduce one of you to a mountain of pleasure and rivers of cum and rightfully so.
I deserve to be raped. And I will give that to you. You never showed me any mercy, and I will show you none. You forced me to suffer all my life, and now I’ll make you make me happy. I’ve waited a long time for this. I’ll get exactly what I deserve. I'll show all of you. All you boys who lost to me and looked up at me, and, you know, treated me like a bully while you gave yourselves to other women. And all you women, for living a better life than me. All of you sexually-active men. I hate you. I hate all of you and I can’t wait to give you exactly what you deserve. Utter humiliation.
▶ e7cf92 (5) No.319376
>>319375
Don't do it, Elisa. L-l-let's hold hands!! O-okay?
▶ de9067 (14) No.319377
>>319375
Muh sides.
Just deep throat your pistol, pretend it's a dick if it makes it any better.
▶ 280d88 (4) No.319379
>>319375
Good luck, Acup-chan
▶ a2caa0 (1) No.319385>>319394
>>319375
Try to look on the bright side kid your race is mortal and i heard for mortals if you stay a virgin till you're thirty you'll be able to use magic.
▶ fa6d5a (7) No.319393>>319409 >>319411
>>319370
Maybe instead of acting like a sperg you should have explained he was yours. I mean Put yourself in her shoes. because of the bad rep we have from jews trying to co-opt us and retarded paladykes considering us evil schemers most danuki end up christmas cakes typically. I got lucky, that poor girl didn't.
If you had pointed her at an available man she probably would have hooked you up with some good discounts for life
▶ bf5d00 (4) No.319394>>319398 >>320449
>>319385
>Dragons
>Immortal
Sorry to break it to ya
▶ 847544 (1) No.319398
>>319394
What if that anon was a dragon zombie tho?
▶ 3bfffe (4) No.319409>>319410
>>319393
>christmas cakes
And here I am past 30 with no waifu candidates to be found anywhere.
Sorry to butt in on the /human/ thread, but are any danukis pouring their resources into portal generation research?
▶ fa6d5a (7) No.319410
>>319409
Why would you think that? That's just silly talk
▶ 78e8c6 (8) No.319411>>319412 >>319424
>>319393
>should have explained he was yours
"I'm looking for a collar for my husband? Maybe a size too large, I don't want it to hurt him."
No excuses, leaf.
▶ 78e8c6 (8) No.319412
>>319411
Oh shit did I change IP's? Damn. I'm still the same cheshire poster from earlier
▶ fa6d5a (7) No.319424>>319427 >>319450
>>319411
Again don't blame the poor girl because she's boy crazy. It's a sad fact a lot of danuki end up doing this because they're so shunned and none of us want to date jews because they're entire culture looks down on anyone not with them. I wouldn't want my daughter discounting a future son-in-law for not doing something as silly as not following a religion.
▶ bce802 (2) No.319427>>319428
>>319424
"No, really boy! We danuki are not like Jews at all, that mge entry on us is simply anti-danuki propaganda, complete filth! Now just sign here, and we can get business underway."
▶ fa6d5a (7) No.319428>>319431
>>319427
>Two posts
>Banned for being an idiot
This is what I mean, retards run around unironically spewing this drivel and a legion of good honest danuki end up left out in the cold. You behave awfully like a human woman, you should stop posting sweety your 4 cats are probably needing to be fed.
▶ de9067 (14) No.319431>>319433
>>319428
Don't you have to go evict some poor people from their homes, jewnuki?
▶ fa6d5a (7) No.319433
>>319431
>fa6d5a
>insults
>Had to kidnap her husband
>Implying I work in real estate
Trying too hard sweetie
▶ ab6016 (1) No.319445>>319477
>Family owns a farm.
>We're not rich but at least it's self-sustainable.
>Around age 10 I help my father.
>Two years later, a danuki and her daughter comes to talk to my father.
>Felt a tingle when I saw the daughter.
>Immediately befriend Alena.
>5 years later, we're doing better money wise.
>Alena and her mother came by often, and I took those opportunity to know her more.
>She's a few month my senior, no siblings, and stick with her mom to learn the trade.
>Her father work in a small store not far from the farm, and her mother was interested in our products.
>Also learn about some danuki secrets.
>At age 20 I took over my father in most farm work, Alena and I were best friends.
>One day she comes by with her mother and father, we all reunite around the table.
>During dinner she stand up and comes next to me, no idea what's going on but everyone seems looking at me expectantly.
>She ask if I could groom her fur from now on.
>A little taken aback, I fumble a yes.
>Our moms erupt with joy, while my father take out a bottle of wine.
>11 years later and I'm now the happy father of 4, with one more coming.
I'm still working at the farm, my wife taking care of the money side of it. We managed to expand her father's shop, and her family moved in with mine at the farm to spend their glory days.
I guess what I wanted to say was that not all danuki are only interested in money.
▶ 78e8c6 (8) No.319450>>319475
>>319424
Alright, alright. You're okay.But that specific danuki's inventory and receipt lists are still going to go missing.
So how does the leaf stay on your head? Is gum involved?
▶ b0062f (8) No.319458>>319518
▶ bf5d00 (4) No.319465>>319466 >>319467 >>319500 >>319518 >>319526
>Be me
>Paladin
>Gonna go cleanse the graveyard of all the undead filth
>Wight comes up to me
<Ara ara~ you sure look like you're ready for a-
>Before she can finish her sentence I throw a bottle of holy water at her face
>Guess she didn't have the wight to remain
>Laugh at my own pun for several minutes
>Continue on turning undead and throwing holy water
>Vampire police officer comes to stop me
>Holyfire.jpg
>Holy fire? More like wholly on fire
>Laugh at my own joke again for 20 minutes
>All of a sudden even more cops come onto the scene
>Arrest me for 43 accounts of assault and one account of assault on an officer
>Writing this from prison currently because they forgot to confiscate my phone
>What did I even do wrong?
▶ b0062f (8) No.319466
>>319465
Practice vial flinging in a country that allows it.
▶ 16cbfc (1) No.319467>>319486
>>319465
Don't forget your whip next time, Belmont.
Anyway, I need recommendations for something that can bind a dragon. S&M play with my husband is difficult because I keep accidentialy breaking ropes. A gag recommendation would be nice too.
▶ db32ef (1) No.319474
>>319375
You aint gonna do shit.
▶ fa6d5a (7) No.319475
>>319450
>Stealing
Do you have some black in you? If you really want to get back at her, hook her up with a man
▶ de8e45 (1) No.319477>>319479
>>319445
>not all danuki are only interested in money
Good human *rubs paws*
▶ 1f55ff (3) No.319479
>>319477
they have normal hands, dipshit.
▶ 903c2f (6) No.319486
>>319467
You might have to just opt for chains instead of ropes.
▶ de9067 (14) No.319500
>>319465
Claim you're autistic and you'll be fine. Shit, probably don't even have to claim anything.
▶ 78e8c6 (8) No.319518>>319521 >>319529
>>319458
>claims to hate undead girls
>ID is "b00"
Hmm…
>>319465
The idea of 30 vampire police girls rushing into a graveyard is pretty amusing.
▶ b0062f (8) No.319521>>319524 >>319525
>>319518
I never said I hate undead girls the other guy was purging them not me. There was a murder nearby me that I think was done by another monster over some guy that lives nearby me. My height and pissed off looks generally makes most monstergirls not go for me plus I'm too defiant even still to bother with them.
▶ 6eece4 (5) No.319524>>319569
>>319521
Maybe you should be more outgoing and accepting of their advances. I'd imagine many girls would want to date a skeleton
▶ d7dde6 (7) No.319525>>319569
>>319521
>My height and pissed off looks generally makes most monstergirls not go for me plus I'm too defiant even still to bother with them.
I think you'd do great with a leprechaun girl.
▶ c64784 (16) No.319526>>319532 >>319533 >>319549 >>319569
>>319465
So you're that asshole who was throwing around holy water. I'm that wight that tried to talk to you, you're going to hear from my lawyers pretty soon, reconstructive surgery isn't cheap
▶ 3bfffe (4) No.319529
>>319518
The idea of 30 vampire police girls rushing into a graveyard is pretty amusing.
Indeed.
▶ 0bc5c8 (6) No.319532
>>319526
Oh please. You undead simply become more beautiful as you absorb spirit energy. You don't need reconstructive surgery. Just have skin to skin contact like holding hands or something and you'll be fine.
▶ de9067 (14) No.319533>>319548 >>319620
>>319526
>convicting an autist
Good luck fag, no sane lawyer would take that case. Not to mention the jury will most likely sympathize more with a 'normal' guy than a rich, stuck up corpse.
▶ 78e8c6 (8) No.319548>>319551 >>319556 >>319562 >>320449
>>319533
When are humans going to learn that it's not their world anymore?
▶ 78e8c6 (8) No.319549
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
Undead girls should ignore the paladindu ITT, you know he's just tsundere.
>>319526
What about all of these hordes of undead servants wight's usually have? Surely you could get one or two past a prison guard…
▶ cba280 (4) No.319551>>319553 >>319556
>>319548
>tfw humans and meat puppets still believe they're in control of their destiny
>Still believing in light and darkness!
▶ bf5d00 (4) No.319553
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>319551
>Getting your ass kicked up and down the dimensional road repeatedly by a band of misfits with varying mental and physical disorders
>B-but it's supposed to represent the hopelessness of the universe and how insignificant you all are
Just go back to serving your ancestor body-pillow you wannabe shoggoth
▶ 9bd032 (3) No.319556>>319620
>>319548
>>319551
Not only does your view of human-monster relations disgust me, but this is exactly the kind of shit that makes humans dig in their heels and fight even harder.
▶ de9067 (14) No.319562>>319564
>>319548
>thinking a bunch of nymphos with separation issues run the world
God I'm glad my wife isn't like you holier than-thou cunts.
▶ 1f55ff (3) No.319564>>319570
>>319562
>being salty that your human wife doesn't give you no play.
▶ b0062f (8) No.319568
>>317734
Like someone beating you on the head like a drum. It isn't any better.
▶ b0062f (8) No.319569>>319591 >>319620 >>319624
>>319524
I'm actually human.
>>319525
I doubt it.
>>319526
you're dead faggot. You can't buy lawyers, you can't even own land for that matter. Can't you use magicks to wish your face back to normal even? Oh wait that requires a male to br a tool used by you for "mana" :^)
▶ de9067 (14) No.319570
>>319564
>human wife
You take that back. I ain't no paladyke lovin fag.
▶ cba280 (4) No.319591
>>319569
>Human
We both know you're fucking lying.
▶ 78e8c6 (8) No.319620
>>319556
>>319533
>cumpumps taking the bait again
>>319569
>human
We know it's you Elisa. >>319375
You just switched IPs.
▶ 9f983a (1) No.319624
>>319569
post dink or gtfo, alp-boy
Boys don't exist on the internet
▶ 6eece4 (5) No.319633
▶ 509a6d (1) No.319645>>319649 >>319667 >>319686 >>319694 >>319695 >>319699 >>319747
> Be me.
> Manticore.
> Born with rare manticore genetic defect.
> Spines and venom glands will never develop.
> Childhood goes well.
> Puberty hits.
> Other manticores start growing out their spines.
> My tail remains as smooth as an apple.
> Get teased mercilessly by other mamonos because of my tail.
> Become shy and introverted, develop a complex about my tail.
> Thought about getting spine implant surgery.
> Scared spine implants will look too fake and just make things worse.
> tfw I will never know what it is like to entrace someone I love as my venom flows into their body.
> Want to start proactively dating boys, but how can I date them if I can't even mesmerize them with my ample spines?
> What to do?
▶ de9067 (14) No.319649>>319651 >>319708
>>319645
Meet a guy and talk to him. Befriend the guy, after a while ask him how he feels about you. If he likes you, done. If not, oh well. You can't force love. Mana only draws forth love buried deep, it can't make someone love you. If you try and force it, the only result will be pain, sadness, resentment, and shame.
Don't give up, don't worry. Some guys dislike the spine part of manticores, myself included, because of a fear of needles. Just because you lack something dosen't mean you are lacking.
Tl;dr: stop being a faggot and go talk to people. A love grown from friendship is twice as strong as any other.
A good sob story really gets some guys. Donno why but it does. Point out that you were bullied as a kid.
▶ 0bc5c8 (6) No.319651
>>319649
Evolution has wired men to protect women, even with their lives. Something to do with a reproduction mechanism iirc
▶ 795045 (6) No.319667>>319708
>>319645
Get strong and pin him down with you muscles.
▶ 6eece4 (5) No.319686>>319708
>>319645
I'm sure there's plenty of guys that would want to date you even if you don't have venom.
>fluffy mane for ruffling
>fluffy ears for headpats
>enveloping wings for hugs and backrubs
>fluffy arms and hands for handholding and spooning
>spineless tail for love and protect
You'll be just fine.
▶ 2d4b55 (1) No.319688
>>319287
>knife ears at it again
At this point I think they may be worse than the danukis.
▶ cba280 (4) No.319694
>>319645
Ancient tomes of wisdom have foretold of this! Fret not mutant child! For human have this primal need to defend anything cute and feminine. It weirdly cutesy to see a human defending an oni from another monster.
▶ b0062f (8) No.319695>>319708
>>319645
Calm your tits. As long as you have those at least I'm all for it. A creature as fuzzy as you would be nice to cuddle up to but I hate the idea of what your kinds tails and spines do to men, and some of your kind do it mercilessly too. I just want someone not a friggin' raper.
▶ c64784 (16) No.319699
>>319645
You could always try to make a deal with a powerful demon, it's pretty risky though because sometimes they try and pull some monkey's paw bullshit. A friend of mine is a demon, she might be able to help you out
▶ 3bfffe (4) No.319708>>319709 >>319710 >>319719 >>319731 >>319744 >>319747
You guys are so nice.
>>319649
>Meet a guy and talk to him.
Harder than it sounds, I'm afraid. Even when I can get past my shyness, guys see the wings and the tail and it's like one of two things often goes through their heads:
<Oh yeah, I'm gonna get more venom than /bane/ tonight! Partytime!
<Wait, what??? Nevermind.
<*Loses interest*
(But those guys tend to be kinda creepy anyway, so… bullet dodged I guess?)
<Oh, you're a manticore…
<Nah, I'm not into all that femdom stuff.
<I don't like it rough. Pass.
<*Walks away from me before I can even talk to them and goes over to some Holstaur or Yeti cutie, or even a Kikimora. (I mean, they're all nice and all, but…. sigh.)
I promise I'm not like a lot of manticores. I don't even like hanging around them. But one way or another, it's hard to meet people.
>>319667
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Bullying isn't really my thing, as you guys probably picked up from my intro. Kinda had enough of that growing up. I'm… a really weird manticore. Mom keeps telling me I need to learn to be more aggressive. But if I do that to a guy, it's /just/ like the way all those girls used to treat me. I can't do it.
>>319686
Thank you! That was so sweet.
>>319695
I if was a raper I'd probably be well on my way to having a husbando by now. I mean, I know I can't provide everything a manitcore is supposed to (see tail, for those that want it), but I think I have enough to make cuddling fun. And I'm really gentle with my claws.
>Calm your tits. As long as you have those at least
Well, umm (*blushes*), my tail is fully functional in every way except for the spines and venom. Remember how a husbando's spirit energy interacts with a manticore's tail? Whenever I find the right guy, I think I can accomodate. Just not on the spines, because of the genetic disorder.
▶ fcde8d (5) No.319709>>319711 >>319713
>>319708
Your disgusting tumblr rp tier newdyke posting style is showing
▶ 1d3b90 (2) No.319710
>>319708
It sounds like you need to play more to your strengths. Try being more aggressive in a cute way. Be liberal with hugs and kisses, and when you do hug a human boy that you're acquainted with, make sure that he can feel your breasts at whatever angle your embracing him at. It drives them crazy.
▶ 3bfffe (4) No.319711
▶ de9067 (14) No.319713>>319716
>>319709
Fuck off nigger it's an rp thread.
>but this isn't tumb-
Good thing this is a thread for it
>but-
:^)
▶ fcde8d (5) No.319716>>319722
>>319713
>it's an rp thread
What the fuck are you on? Is every thread on /human/ roleplaying to you?
When people start typing out shit like
>(*blushes*)
cringy rp should be the first that comes to mind.
▶ b0062f (8) No.319719>>319723
>>319708
Mate I'm a guy and think MG's are cute but intolerable in too many ways. I can't give mana as there's tons of human men who don't have any. So it'd just be the sex.
Though I have to say you seem kinda vapid or have no idea what you want. You blame others as a scapegoat but you don't know who or what you are. Humans are not husbando's we are people, like your people.
▶ de9067 (14) No.319722>>319725
>>319716
Live and let live dude. That was cringey as fuck, but if you get upset over little shit like that theni have nothing to say to you.
▶ 175e2c (1) No.319723>>319724
>>319719
>I'm a guy
>I can't give mana
>human men who don't have any
>it'd just be the sex.
You don't know how this works, do you, paladindu?
▶ b0062f (8) No.319724
>>319723
>Paladin
Naw just some lonely broken cunt from a different world like most of the monsters who arrived onto this Earth. I got the allocation treatment as well.
It's a terrible thing honestly as the people i'm related to in this dimension don't like me whatsoever. I have nothing and none will hire an off worlder.
▶ fcde8d (5) No.319725>>319728 >>319737 >>319753
>>319722
>when you let shitty post conduct go unridiculed you win
I'd rather this place not get worse in any way anon. To prevent seeing cancer in the future, it must be stomped out like cockroaches with every new user that tries to introduce it, rather than let it fester. You wouldn't let a steven jewniverse thread go up without protest would you?
▶ de9067 (14) No.319728>>319762
>>319725
If we were on any other thread I'd be with you. But the whole point of this thread is to make some cringe.
▶ 177cdc (1) No.319731
>>319708
Have you tried showing off your tail to guys you're interested in? I also agree with the other anon, try for hugs, but also headpats. You'd be surprised how many people like cute fluffy things. You have to try a slightly different angle.
▶ 1d3b90 (2) No.319737>>319738 >>319741
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>319725
>The line must be drawn HERE. This far and no further!
▶ 2cc73f (1) No.319738
>>319737
AND I WILL MAKE THEM PAY FOR WHAT THEY'VE DONE
▶ 2b9df6 (1) No.319741>>320217
>>319737
>monster girl star trek
>exploring the galaxy trying to find the human home world
I don't know if it would be good or just really sad.
▶ 13a144 (1) No.319744
>>319708
Events where the expectation is interaction in a non-sexual manner might help. It'll take longer than the usual methods, but it should give positive results. Try finding a group for a hobby you have, let that context help you meet and get to know guys. It may even help with the shyness some.
▶ 757aa1 (1) No.319747
>>319645
>>319708
>"Not like other girls" manticore
Have you tried dressing the part?
▶ e7cf92 (5) No.319753
>>319725
It's fine to be proactive and shit, but on the other hand reacting like you are will just lead to trolls doing it out of spite because it triggers people.
▶ 1eca10 (5) No.319762
>>319728
I don't want to add to this, but, like I said earlier on in the thread:
>The difference is, we're actively creating humor related to specific types of monster girls, or their situation, we're also using this as an oppurtunity to write stories from a different perspective
We only say things from mamono's perspective, we're not doing the: "Pounces on you, notices your bulge OwO"
▶ 1eca10 (5) No.319771>>319772 >>320502
>post your face when headpats
▶ 0adfb5 (1) No.319775>>319776
>>319772
Fuck, I want to headpat a monster girl that's like 7 to 8 feet tall and needs to sit down for me to touch the top of her head
I prefer tailpats anyways.
▶ b2e90e (3) No.319776>>319782
>>319775
>implying she wouldn't be doing the headpatting
▶ 1c85d1 (1) No.319779
My husband loves to run his fingers up and down my calves and grab big clumps of my fur!
▶ f9620c (2) No.319782>>319822
>>319776
>implying you don't take turns
▶ 1eca10 (5) No.319822
>>319782
>not laying in bed and rubbing each other's heads until you fall asleep
▶ dc96cc (1) No.320062>>320073
My master is not a morning person, so I made him a bedside alarm clock from my body to help him wake up. (Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!)
When he reaches for the snooze button, it's like getting a free headpat.
Of course, since I am also the bed, I make sure Master gets up and going after a snooze session or two.
▶ ca8493 (1) No.320073
>>320062
I just realized the best thing about a shoggoth maid being the bed besides the obvious sexings is that with her you'll never have that moment where you don't want to get out of bed because it's to cold outside the covers. She can just instantly morph and change into warm slippers and robe.
▶ ec7bf5 (1) No.320217>>320273
>>319741
>trying to find the human homeworld
Now I kinda want monster girl Halo
>covenant is replaced by huge monster girl empire
>Humans are fighting a losing battle over 50 years
>Doing whatever they can to stop the MGs from finding earth (would probably involve memory erasure to handle the inevitable human defectors)
▶ 4797f5 (9) No.320220>>320231 >>320312
Hi, I'm just dropping by to laugh at all you monster thots thirsting after our awesome Human dicks. Consider this man off limits, beyond your reach and well out of your league.
▶ 98e192 (1) No.320273>>320301 >>320302 >>320308
>>320217
Why do humans always lose in these stories?
▶ 1b48cf (2) No.320301>>320302
>>320273
Because they're written by femdom fetishist i.e. submissive beta child-men cucks
▶ fb1326 (1) No.320302
>>320273
>>320301
That or the American "muh underdog" storytelling culture.
▶ 873393 (2) No.320308
>>320273
Because it would be boring if they don't? What the point of just returning to the status quo?
Also I want to be raped by a strict lieutenant from the Ancient Anubis Ayys that have returned to harvest the planet's resources and menfolk. Bonus points for body horror.
▶ 72c8d2 (6) No.320312>>320334
>>320220
in b4 that unicorn next door claims you
▶ 295c8d (8) No.320334>>320355
>>320312
Ah, well I know she'll never attack me, it's not the way of the Unicorn.
▶ 72c8d2 (6) No.320355>>320361
>>320334
>Super chaste rapebait with unicorn neighbour won't end up with little unicorns running around the house in the future
Hope you've thought of some baby names
▶ a5fec3 (2) No.320356>>320436
im a human in JROTC ask me anything.
▶ a5fec3 (2) No.320358>>320360 >>320436
and no i am not going to post my wee wee
▶ c91d33 (1) No.320360
▶ 295c8d (8) No.320361>>320369 >>320371 >>320372 >>320388
>>320355
I live in a shit neighbourhood full of Houri and Hellhounds, so I have super tough locks & wear anti-rape pants 24/7. No chance of any little mistakes happening.
▶ 681e5c (1) No.320369>>320370
>>320361
>anti-rape pants
How does that look like?
▶ 295c8d (8) No.320370
>>320369
They're made of material that is very hard to cut or slash, and they have special straps and locks so they only come off when I want them off. The best thing is they can't be detected under most trousers.
▶ 1ef20a (1) No.320371>>320373
>>320361
Why don't you just ask a Houri to watch over you to protect you from the Hellhounds?
▶ 72c8d2 (6) No.320372>>320373
>>320361
>The rapebait thinks that the locks and anti rape pants will stop him from having those little unicorns
I'm equal parts confused and amused. By the time all is said and done you'll be dropping trou for her of your own free will. Anti rape pants can't protect you when you have them on the floor.
▶ 295c8d (8) No.320373>>320377
>>320371
Oh yeah, I'm sure she (and her friends) would be more than happy "protect" me.
>>320372
I-s this her? Look, I don't want to offend you, but I don't go for girls with more than one vagina, it's just too bizarre. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my panic room.
▶ 1f6424 (2) No.320377>>320378
>>320373
Just fuck my shit up get a shotgun and have it pointed a your dick everytime.
That or get a human wife
▶ 295c8d (8) No.320378>>320381 >>320393 >>320402
>>320377
> get a shotgun and have it pointed a your dick everytime.
A shotgun would be a bit messy, wouldn't it? A knife would work though.I did once escape by claim to have had a vasectomy.
>get a human wife
Are you crazy man? They're worse than the Monsters!
▶ 1f6424 (2) No.320381>>320384 >>320385
>>320378
>A shotgun would be a bit messy wouldn't it
Yes but it's more menacing and way cooler
>Are you crazy man? they are even worse than monster
Well i'm just naming the options sorry for bad english
You could also get a monster you can get along with to act as your wife but you should be careful with that one,she could end up raping you
▶ 4797f5 (9) No.320384
>>320381
Eh, I think the girls in my neighbourhood would call my bluff. Besides, I live where guns are pretty much illegal. I wouldn't mind a nice monstergirl to look after me. You can't rape the willing anon, and I'd let my wife do whatever, whenever.
▶ 72c8d2 (6) No.320385>>320388
>>320381
That unicorn would do wonders to keep those other girls away. You don't have to worry about being attracted to her and she won't try to force herself on you. It's very important that you tell her that you're saving yourself for the right someone and that your virginity is still intact.Could also bring up you're a man of faith that lives by a code of chivalry, she would only agree with your line of thinking.
▶ 69addc (4) No.320388>>320391 >>320401
>>320361
Have those pants ever had their design tested against an Ushi-Oni? With the seal removed? I don't think I would trust them otherwise.
>>320385
You wouldn't happen to be a Hakutaku, would you?
▶ 4797f5 (9) No.320391
>>320388
I… I'm not actually sure. I know the model next in the range is, but I can't be sure if the one I've got is. I'd check the site, but they don't make this exact model anymore.
▶ 8fdbad (3) No.320393>>320398 >>320444
>>320378
>claimed to have vasectomy
>not actually getting a vasectomy
Kids are a fucking pain dude. And just letting you know, saying you had a vasectomy won't dive them away 100% of the time.
Just have a spray bottle for nighounds. Or know a cop.
▶ 4797f5 (9) No.320398>>320401 >>320402
>>320393
I actually want kids one day, strange as it may sound. Just not with any of these thirsty betas. I have mace/pepper spray with me when I go out.
▶ 72c8d2 (6) No.320401>>320403
>>320388
No, but I know what I know. Just passing it along
>>320398
Mace is just going to make a more …. forward girl wet. Some of us live for the hunt, so unless you plan a visit to triage with a pelvic fracture you better know how to run. Or have someone you can throw in their path when running away.
▶ 69addc (4) No.320402>>320406
>>320398
You do realize pepper spraying a hellhound would probably only tick her off, and therefore maybe turn her on more, right?
btw, you said you >>320398
wanted kids and >>320378
didn't want a human wife. Are there any specific mamono types or characteristics that you have a preference for?
▶ 8fdbad (3) No.320403
>>320401
>mace only turns them on
<"I'd be fucking you if I weren't in severe pain, blind, and breaking out in a rash right now~"
My ass. I've been maced before, I could barely fucking stand and think clearly let alone sex a person.
You fags aren't as invincible as you like to think.
▶ 4797f5 (9) No.320406
>>320402
I've been assured that it's Mamono strength, but I've never had to use it yet. I have a gift of moving without attracting too much attention.
I don't really have a "type", but one that would take care of the tougher Monsters is a bonus. I like all body types, but the whole "two pussies" of unicorns etc creeps me out too much.
▶ 1eca10 (5) No.320436
>>320356
>>320358
>wants attention bad enough to come to a thread where we write stories from a mamono perspective and says he's human
Stop doing this every thread.
▶ 1b48cf (2) No.320444>>320462 >>320479
>>320393
>Kids are a fucking pain dude
>He'd rather his bloodline go extinct
kek
▶ 77ff98 (2) No.320448>>320449 >>320460
Any tips on how to deal with headpat withdrawal ?
▶ 85d524 (1) No.320449>>320478 >>320505
>>319394
Immortal and Impervious are different things, dyke
>>319548
>Not their world any more
>Humans stop innovating because they don't feel they have a stake in anything any more.
Don't fuck this up, bitch. I LIKE hot running water on demand. I am not going back to living in a poorly-cured hide tent like we did before DOTR, and if we leave municipal plumbing to the gremlins they'll probably fill the pipes with bubble slimes once a week for giggles.
>>320448
Be a good wife in the first place?
▶ d20862 (1) No.320460>>320468 >>320471
>>320448
>tfw husbando is in the hospital
>he suffered a nasty motorcycle accident, shattered his hands and gave him minor brain damage
>estimates rehab is up to a year, and he'll never have the same level of dexterity
>his headpats will probably suffer for it
>he had a headpat fetish, it breaks his heart to feel so sexually inadequate
>I keep telling him it's okay, he should focus on getting better
>he keeps worrying that I'll cheat on him
>I would never do that but he doesn't believe me
what should I do
▶ 873393 (2) No.320462>>320468
>>320444
>his bloodline
Well spooked my property.
▶ f46e1d (5) No.320471>>320498
>>320460
Teach him the secret art of headpatting you with his chin.
▶ e56a9d (1) No.320472
Where do I find a monster girl? Maybe a nice holstaurus or a cute cat-girl?
I kinda like the passive ones. Not shy, but just passive/submissive.
▶ 1eca10 (5) No.320478>>320487 >>320491
>>320449
>humans will stop innovating because they don't feel like they have a stake in it
Humans becoming good househusbands doesn't result in nihilism. Besides, there are certain jobs that only monster girls can do. Have you seen how fast buildings are being finished now that onis and ogres are working on the construction?
▶ f6d967 (6) No.320479>>320483 >>320486 >>320490
>>320444
>bloodline will die
I have a few brothers, my family ain't dying any time soon.
That being said:
>implying I haven't donated to a sperm bank.
Atleast I'll help a family have a kid that normally couldn't.
serioulsy though, would that be cucking?
▶ f46e1d (5) No.320483
>>320479
If the family can't normally have kids on their own, then using artificial pregnancy instead of adopting is just fucking degenerate as well as yes, a form of cucking.
▶ f9620c (2) No.320486>>320487 >>320492
>>320479
I've said it before, I'll say it again:
You don't adopt a child. You adopt a future wife.
▶ f6d967 (6) No.320487>>320491 >>320761 >>320783
>>320478
>"Hey you know your job that you've been doing half your life?"
>"Well one of the monster chicks can do it better than you. You're fired."
That's how you build resentment in the population of dudes. Not to mention severe depression coming from the realization that they're useless.
>>320486
Pic related.
You fucking disgust me.
▶ 8dd476 (1) No.320490
>>320479
>serioulsy though, would that be cucking?
It would be bulling.
▶ 69addc (4) No.320491>>320508
>>320478
>>320487
Human here. That's why I've been learning magic. Onis and ogres can do all the heavy lifting they want, but they can't cast a spell to save their lives.
Not all mamono have the capability or skill to use magic to a significant degree, and most humans never learn to use it at all. Supply and demand, my friend.
I'm not sure if turning 30 and still being a virgin had anything to do with my proficiency in magic or not.
▶ f46e1d (5) No.320492
>>320486
>Aux's waifu trying to funpost here again
▶ d885de (1) No.320498
>>320471
>>320471
>chin.
Chin chin*
▶ 77ff98 (2) No.320505
>>320449
>Be a good wife in the first place
But if I give into my weakness I won't be able to protect the one I love!
▶ f6d967 (6) No.320508>>320593 >>320783
>>320491
>"hey, you know how I hired you for your magic skills you've devoted many years of your life to hone?"
>"Well this witch can do it better. You're fired."
No escape. It's like the Mexicans all over again.
▶ 9455a4 (3) No.320591>>320592
> Be 55 year old Human woman
> Husband traded me for a vampire
> Son is a 30 year old NEET
> Have to spend the rest of my life supporting my disappointment of a son
Can't anyone just take him off my hands?
▶ 0ce15f (6) No.320592>>320594
>>320591
Go eat some prisoner fruit. It'll help with just about everything
▶ 0ce15f (6) No.320593>>320598 >>320599
>>320508
>Fuming, go to the bar/ restaurant/ park to seeth against monstergirls
>Witch followed
>She asks me out
>Decide to be the woman and ask to go somewhere ridiculously expensive
>she says yes
>We go later that week
>I get the most expensive thing on the menu
>as we talk, I feel really guilty. She's super funny and nice
>she asks me out again
>I tell her I'll pay next time
>she laughs "With what job?!"
▶ 9455a4 (3) No.320594>>320596 >>320622
>>320592
I-I want don't want to both the mother AND Grandmother to my own children. Can't a nice kikimora take him? I'm sure she'd get him to find a job and I'd have my grandchildren
▶ 0ce15f (6) No.320596>>320597
>>320594
… I just meant that it'll revive your looks and monsterize you to find another man or entrap your husband.
…but if you want to go for your son, hey, I won't stop you
▶ 9455a4 (3) No.320597>>320622
>>320596
Oh that works. I should probably just kick my bum of a son out the street after that.
▶ f46e1d (5) No.320598
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>320593
Did danukis ever create a sitcom as their equivalent of Seinfeld?
▶ f6d967 (6) No.320599>>320600
>>320593
I'm not going to lie, I'd tell her to go fuck herself and never talk to her again. That's just being an ass if you tell that to the person whose job you just took.
Jokes are one thing, but pulling that is just intentionally trying to start shit.
That's something a 3dpd would do.
▶ 0ce15f (6) No.320600>>320601
>>320599
She's just bantzin' bro.
▶ f6d967 (6) No.320601>>320602
>>320600
Dude, bantz is one thing, but that's just being shitty. If you were in her shoes, would you really expect the guy to tolerate you after?
▶ 0ce15f (6) No.320602>>320612
>>320601
Well when I wrote it, I just meant it as a joke. I imagine she'd let you pay if you wanted, but she would genuinely be concerned if you pay for something you can't afford. I imagine in monstergirl society, they'd want to provide for you just like you want to provide for them. Its not like in real life when you become a house husband and your wife loses all sexual interest in you.
▶ f6d967 (6) No.320612>>320613
>>320602
You wouldn't happen to be an aspy would you? Because that's the kind of joke one would make.
not insulting you, legitimate question. I'm curious.
▶ 0ce15f (6) No.320613
>>320612
No, I just teach inner city school kids. I have a thick skin.
▶ 3017eb (2) No.320622>>320634
>>320594
>>320597
Something tells me that your chances of turning to a dark elf, mindflayer, amazon, or any other radical monster are high if you do take the fruit. Considering that husband ended up with a haughty/domineering type of monster, it implies that you may be like that as well. there is also the fact that you talk negatively about your son but still keep him despite your displeasure and you seem to be somewhat interested in incest and possibly other taboos considering your responses.
Now that think of it monsters do not normally take other spouses from each other, so that means that you may be longing to another (your son or some other paramour ); that you may be seeing your husband and his mistress soon. In any case still take the fruit, you will still be able to fix your situation and your son, though how it ends is anyone's guess. If you turn to a dark elf than the outcome is guaranteed.
▶ b1c886 (1) No.320626>>320783
>>317865
Watch your diet… accidentally nibble on a live person and EVERYBODY just goes postal…
Tough ticket for BF getting though. Zombie unlike Vamp just has no good press.
Try the "Date the Dead" matchmaking site. DO NOT FAKE YOUR PICTURE! That never ends well.
>>317872
Ahh good news! Try going out with Forensic guys. They are a natural for you.
▶ 79d79f (1) No.320634>>320783
>>320622
>implying she won't turn into a bicorn and threesome up her husband's relationship
▶ 754a74 (1) No.320761
>>320487
If demonic realms are canon here, (I'm assuming) then the added aspect of losing your home will make some people incredibly furious. It's one thing to lose a job, but start taking away people's homes? Your guaranteed an instant race war
▶ 3017eb (2) No.320783
>>320634
Are there Bicorns that are not submissives or masochists? Nurarihyon would likely be the better choice if she is going that route.
>>317865
>>320626
Wait a second, if she a zombie and retain good mental function, doesn't that mean that she is a high level undead or have plenty of potential to become a wight or the like? She should be training in magic and try to be regal become a Wight or Lich.
>>320487
>>320508
There cannot be that many monster girls to replace most blue collar workers; unlike Mexicans and other foreigners, they cannot replace that fast nor is their boarders so easy to cross. Go train yourself for a different trade, preferably white collar/entrepreneur if your so worried.
▶ df94b5 (1) No.322106>>322208
If the government doesn’t like rape all that much, how about we have like one day a year where it’s like the purge. But with rape. That seems like a good compromise.
▶ 962b5f (3) No.322128>>322188
I have seen the end.
In the end, man, standing at the edge of the very of the universe.
Lamenting a fact; they're alone in this universe.
And I could do nothing but lament too. For no matter how hard I scream at them.
They believe they're alone.
T. paint thinner high
▶ 18c253 (1) No.322188
>>322128
next time try a paint thickener high
▶ 22a74d (1) No.322208>>322287 >>322363
>>322106
Rape without regard for family is their concern. Consensual rough-loving between couples that are not closely related by blood and within the recently lowered age of majority is perfectly acceptable. Circumstances outside that would not be prudent.
▶ 406531 (7) No.322287
>>322208
>lowered age of minority
Pedofags get out, your kind isn't welcome here.
▶ 72c8d2 (6) No.322363
>>322208
sabbath go and stay go
▶ aa1dfe (4) No.322397>>322402
>monster imageboard
>surely, there must be some decent girls, right?
>This whole thread is nothing but making fun of one another and giving advice on how to "court", ie rape, men
Looks like I made the right decision applying for the Order.
▶ 962b5f (3) No.322402>>322418 >>322419 >>322453
>>322397
She didn't came for the heroes of the land, she didn't came for the righteous, and she won't come for you not even if yourself devote entirely to her, she won't even acknowledge your existence. Sure, this girls are degenerates, but they will devote themselves to you and you alone. It time to come to admit to cold fact, brother, we care for her but she doesn't…….
The light has shun us but the fire and her daughters welcome us with open arms.
▶ 406531 (7) No.322418>>322419 >>322424 >>322471
>>322402
>implying you need a god to have a righteous purpose
All you need to be a paladin is faith in a code of honor. I don't need faith in a goddes who doesn't care, all I need is a reason to protect the people from degeneracy and debauchery.
▶ aa1dfe (4) No.322419>>322424
>>322402
You can't fool me with your sweet talk, beast. I don't do it for affection, I do it because humanity will always need the noble pureblood. I've seen what the halfbreeds have going for them. My uncle is a halfbreed, and he's something straight out of the dreams of Satan herself. No thanks.
>>322418
>Belief in an abstract concept a literally who makes up
I'll pass.
▶ 962b5f (3) No.322424>>322431
>>322418
>>322419
Sooner or later, the terrible truth will worm it way into your hearts. Conviction and piousness like with any element erodes with passage of time. The fire and her daughters are patient; much like her sister, the light, they will always be there but unlike the light, the fire, she awaits us and always welcome us….
Us beings of darkness.
▶ 406531 (7) No.322431
>>322424
Cowards die many times before death, the valiant never taste death but once.
I fight for no one but the people that wish to live life without worry or fear. This goddess and the debauched demon are the same. Both are selfish being who care only for what matters to them, both see their people as pawns to discard, and both believe themselves above judgement.
▶ 587bec (5) No.322471>>322473 >>323054
>>322418
Oh? Sounds like you just need something a bit more familiar to ease yourself into
Tul- a get nin Palladin seldo
▶ 587bec (5) No.322478>>322481 >>322487
>>322473
>elves
And?
What's wrong with being an elf? After all we're one of the few monsters that can(aside from shape-shifters) blend in effortlessly and subvert human settlements, to the point that numerous Palladins of The Order's upper ranks aren't immune.
Most average humans can't even tell us from their own from more than a few arms lengths away.
You must be an old cuckolded hag if you're something other than a butthurt palladindu
▶ 295c8d (8) No.322481>>322482 >>322484
>>322478
>>322473
Why is it that Elves are hated by Monsters and Humans? I Actually like Elves, they're cute even though they look almost the same as us.
▶ 587bec (5) No.322482>>322484 >>322486
>>322481
Envy perhaps?
Other than that other than that it's kinda like the feud between kikimora and shoggoths. No one knows "Why", they just do.
▶ 7ab869 (3) No.322484>>322489 >>322494
>>322481
>>322482
If you want some stuck up hippie slut you might as well date a college human
▶ 4797f5 (9) No.322486>>322494
>>322482
I guess, but still I wish people wouldn't bully Elves.
▶ cb48b2 (1) No.322487
>>322478
>"What's wrong with being an elf?"
>subvert human settlements
>"Elfs dindu nuffn"
▶ 4797f5 (9) No.322489>>322498
>>322484
Hey! I knew an Elf girl when I was a boy, her family were always nice, and not at all Hippie-ish.
▶ bb7ec6 (3) No.322492>>322498 >>322523
Is it required for a paladin to have a vow of celibacy? If so, what happens to them afterward? Asking for a friend
▶ 587bec (5) No.322494
>>322484
>If you want some stuck up hippie slut you might as well date a college human
Aaawww, you still think those girls are human after the first few months. That's adorable.
>>322486
The bullying is all part of the game at play
▶ aa1dfe (4) No.322498>>322512 >>322519
>>322489
>when I was a boy
Monsters: Not Even Once
>>322492
No, they take vows to only court and marry human women. If they mate with a non-human for any reason, they and their mate are swiftly executed.
▶ 4797f5 (9) No.322512>>322606 >>322613
>>322498
Ah, the incel paladin strikes again! Seriously, you and your kind should go and stay gone. Leave the Monster girls for the rest of us real men.
▶ bb7ec6 (3) No.322519>>322606 >>322613
>>322498
So it's just chastity then? That shouldn't be a problem for us them. Still, you should be careful. That human girl you've had your eye on could be a monster in disguise leading you into a trap. That is of course if you want to hide in that tin can forever
▶ 406531 (7) No.322523>>322529
>>322492
What do monsters do if they find a paladin who already has a wife? Would you take him anyways?
▶ 587bec (5) No.322529>>322535 >>322537
>>322523
>What do monsters do if they find a paladin who already has a wife? Would you take him anyways?
Depends on the monster, normally the solution is to corrupt the wife first. There are however exceptions to the prohibition of polygamy when it falls in line with 'JUSTICE'
▶ f46e1d (5) No.322535
>>322529
newkiddos can't JUSTICEpost
▶ 406531 (7) No.322537>>322541
>>322529
No, I mean what if a monster finds a paladin on a battlefield or whatever and they know he has a wife. A wife who is unavailable to corrupt because they are too far away to get to or deep in enemy territory.
>There are however exceptions to the prohibition of polygamy when it falls in line with 'JUSTICE'
So they'd cuck the wife? That's not very just…
▶ b9c50c (1) No.322540>>322606
How to make a paladin accept monsters in two words.
>orthodox kikimoras
▶ bb7ec6 (3) No.322541
>>322537
They'd probably leave him be unless he insists on doos bulting at them. If he does and then realizes monsters aren't as bad as he thought, she can always capture him then and later on reunite him with his family in a monster-friendly place. Wouldn't want those other paladins coming to get revenge for 'betraying' them after all
▶ 69addc (4) No.322562
>Be me.
>Raiju electricutie.
>Halloween party at Boyfriend's house.
>Boyfriend asks me to come dressed as Pikachu.
>Cliche, but whatev.
>Show up at party. Boyfriend is dressed as Ash Ketchum.
>Party is winding down. Boyfriend disappeared a few minutes ago.
>Mutual friend says they saw Boyfriend heading into the small storage shed in the back yard.
>Go check it out.
>Shed is dark, but Boyfriend is standing at the far wall, one hand behind his back and grinning at me.
>Notice the shed is empty, but the floor, walls, and ceiling are covered in wire mesh.
>That's new.
>And promising…
>I step inside, close the door behind me.
>Boyfriend tosses something at me with the arm he was hiding.
>I catch it. It's a toy Poke ball.
>Open it up.
>Inside is a small note and a ring.
>Note says "Pikachu, I choose you!"
>Pikachu accidentally uses thunderbolt.
>It's super effective.
>A couple of years later.
>Another Halloween party.
>Hubby dressed as Frankenstein's monster.
>I'm dressed as a mad scientist, complete with white lab coat and black rubber gloves.
>Party ends, time to head home.
>Get home, head to bedroom.
>Hubby getting undressed.
>I ask him to leave the top half of the outfit on and lay down on the bed.
>Suddenly lightning strikes Frankenstein's monster, and it rises up, just like in the stories.
>I stand over him performing my best mad scientist laugh.
>IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE!
▶ aa1dfe (4) No.322606>>322612
>>322512
I'm not even a paladin yet. Did you forget that I only just applied, as I said in my first post?
>>322519
>That human girl you've had your eye on could be a monster in disguise leading you into a trap.
Saw that happen once before. Needless to say, she wasn't seen back around.
>spoiler
It's not a tin can if I have it grafted into my skin
>>322540
Aye, that'll about do it.
▶ 295c8d (8) No.322612
>>322606
I used Paladin as an insult. You want to be one, and that's as bad as being one already. I note that you didn't deny being an incel.
▶ 16bb6f (3) No.322613>>322614
>>322512
>shotas
>real men
>mysides.jpg
>>322519
A trap huh?
▶ 295c8d (8) No.322614>>322769
>>322613
>Shotas
You wot? Who are you calling a shota?
▶ f1017f (2) No.322672>>322673 >>322677 >>322701
>Orphanage declined my adoption request for the 3rd time this year
What am I doing wrong?
▶ 04f270 (1) No.322673>>322674
>>322672
Stop trying to /ss/
▶ f1017f (2) No.322674
>>322673
What's wrong with /ss/?
▶ 84f549 (2) No.322675>>322676 >>322686
>be Holstaur
>known a guy for about a year now
>hr finally got comfortable enough to be around me, but things have stalled lately
> know I'm not the only girl he's friends with, but I don't know why he hasn't shown he wants to be closer
>get suspicious one day and decide to search apartment while excusing myself to go to the bathroom
>bedroom is clean
>see closet is left open
>just see clothes at first, but there's some heavy case in there
>no lock
>about to open when I hear him get off couch in other room
>panic and run out of room
>have to lie about powdering my nose so he doesn't get suspicious
>don't wear makeup so he didn't buy it
>can't come up with better excuse
>laugh awkwardly
>he gives me weird look and heads into his room
>don't think he knows I was in there, but that case of his must have some clues about him
>feel bad for snooping, but I don't think I can bear these unrequited feelings much longer
Should I look anyways?
▶ 7ab869 (3) No.322676>>322679
>>322675
Take him out for beer and steaks to show him how cool you are
▶ 4797f5 (9) No.322677
>>322672
Don't adopt a shota, just seduce one.
▶ 84f549 (2) No.322679>>322685
>>322676
I tried that a few times, but I'm a total lightweight. His tolerance is a lot higher than mine so I can't get him to spill the beans if I try to go drink for drink with him and if he's sober he'll just dodge the question.
▶ 645d17 (1) No.322685>>322934
>>322679
Trust me, you shouldn't be looking for skeletons in other folks' closets, it's just plain dishonest.
▶ 781766 (1) No.322686>>322934
>>322675
Have you considered the possibility that he's in a relationship with a living doll or puppet girl and just embarrassed about it?
That or he's some kind of degenerate pervert and the case is filled with all manner of lewd chaos
Only one way to be sure
▶ 406531 (7) No.322701
>>322672
Neck yourself. You're the reason why demons get constant shit about being horrible people.
▶ 16bb6f (3) No.322769
>>322614
Sorry, you're so effeminate I thought you were a shota
▶ ddf785 (1) No.322934>>323046
>>322686
>>322685
not sure how much progress has been made, but recently I was with him and some of his other friends and they had all been drinking well before I got there.
By the time the night was over he was too drunk to move. His friends and and their girls all said that I should "go for it" with him.
I suppose I was so caught up in the moment that I couldn't help but drag him to one of the guest rooms and wrap him up in a blanket and pet his head till he fell asleep
suppose it's just something else for me to feel guilty about, but that case of his still bugs me.
▶ 505de8 (1) No.323046>>323083
>>322934
Maybe you should confess to him
▶ d48167 (1) No.323083
>>323046
>Be with him at park we met at
>Warm and fuzzy feelings come over me
>Start thinking about what I'm gonna say
>Says he feels the same way but was too shy to say it
>Heart is beating so fast I feel like I'm gonna faint and lose my balance
>He catches me and holds me close
>It's like a dream
>"Ummmm…. Anon?"
>ohshitwhat?.jpg
>"Are you ok?"
>none of that actually happened
>I was just standing there staring at him
>He puts his hand on my forehead
>It's so warm
>"You don't have a fever…"
>Panic and start stammering
>He leans in closer
>Push him away
>Forget my strength and he goes flying
>fuckfuckfuckfuck
>Run after him as he lands in the grass
>He picks himself up and insists he's fine
>Apologize profusely
>Try not to start bawling
>Says he's not mad and just laughs like nothing happened
>Doesn't stop the floodgates and I lose it
>Run off, covering my face
Didn't go too well
▶ 46cded (1) No.324502
If I can perform necromancy then who's to say I can't perform thread necromancy?
▶ eab0e7 (1) No.331122
My boyfriend seems to be very into anal play. I don't mind it, but my mother thinks he'll alp if I peg him too much. Is that true?
▶ 4b678e (1) No.332346
Ok, girls, now that the New Year's festivities are over and most of us have sobered back up (except for the onis--we all know you're still hammered), who has some good stories to tell?
Any tales of fun and interesting dates you want to share? Don't leave out any of the juicy details about the hand holding or the head patting
Anyone find the love of their life as they bid farewell to the old year?
Anyone just want to commiserate together over another year gone by without a husbando?