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Update anonymous 11/04/18 (Sun) 06:23:48 No.12277

So a bit of a TIFU story for you so a few weeks ago I met this girl from tinder and she was OK looking and absolutely DTF I mean absolutely Down she was dirty talking me n shit over Snapchat

I'd never even tried to have sex before so obv I didn't have condoms so I went to the store and bought the spermicidal lubricant kind thinking I could kill two birds with one stone like what if I make her pussy dry by drinking my water too fast or something and also I definitely wanna kill all the sperms

so I got her on the couch we're watching some dumb Shit Netflix comedy she's resting on the left side of my chest n can obv feel my heart beating heavy I see her look down at my hard dick in my pants so I get to work makeout for a bit then she starts blowing me

It's going good she's blowing me and my dog is in the corner watching and he starts moaning and yelping so I grab a the pillow I was resting on and throw it at him and yell "stop being a faggot" which sorta killed the vibe

So I was like "yeah we should prob just fuck" and she agreed so she's standing by my bed and I have to tell her to take her fkn clothes off and get on there like she didn't know what to do and I'm naked with my socks on trying to hide my ass hair from her while also looking in my sock drawer for my condoms I bought earlier

Now I'd never put a condom on before so I took the condom n put it on best as I possibly knew how

I fucked her for a good 30 mins cause I'm a beast and i was straight slamming her head into my bed board finally I orgasmed n then we went again but I didn't get off the second time n had to jack off in the bathroom

So all is well she leaves I say see ya. Then I looked up a vid on how to put on a condom because I thought maybe mine was too tight or something while I was fucking, and my heart absolutely sank.

I put the condom over my balls and not my penis. I thought you were supposed to tie off your balls with the elastic ring so the sperms couldn't leave and go down your penis. It all made sense. I was sorta iffy about the lubricant I was like what am I supposed to do swipe the lube off with my fingers and apply it to my dick by hand, and that's what I did while fucking the girl. I would swipe some lube from the condom around my ballsack and put it on my penis.

So that was almost a month ago and then just other day when I was pissing it burned real bad and when my piss hit the water it looked like those nature docs where they go into murky water n the soot gets kicked up and thrown everywhere when a fish goes by. Went to the doc n he said I have clap and got me a medication

Not only that but I get a message from the girl on tinder saying she's pregnant n thinks it's probly mine and that she really wants nothing to do with me because I fuck like I "hate women" whatever that means lol

Anyways that's an update on my life

anonymous 11/04/18 (Sun) 06:27:32 No.12278

I just wanna let you guys know about the legend of Long-finger Lou. They say Long-finger Lou has lived in and around the Bayou since before the land was settled. He appears every decade or so like a periodical cicada. They say he roams the wilderness wearing colorful rags and cheering travelling folk up with his whimsical ways.

I actually had the honor of seeing old Lou in person once. I heard him before I saw him in fact, for it is well known Lou plays various instruments to the occasional passerby. I found him at the foot of a tree trunk sitting on the exposed roots. He was tunelessly playing a harmonica. I stopped and listened where it quickly became apparent he actually had no musical talent. He was sliding the harmonica aimlessly across his lips with his disgustingly long fingers (as per his namesake) and slathering all over them. The frantic motions had turned the saliva in between his fingers into frothy bubbles. It was truly disgusting and made me wonder why people made him out to be some sort of whimsical character.

After staring at Lou for what seemed like an eternity I snapped. Lou was so terrible at playing the harmonica and so disgusting I actually got angry at him. Lou put his harmonica away before I could speak though. Lou began sucking the old spit bubbles from betwixt his long bony fingers. I'd well and truly had enough of the man by this point. I felt betrayed. Lou was deep-throating his notoriously long fingers now, extracting as much of the spit left on them as he could. I imagine I was visibly angry at this point and old Lou must have noticed.

He said something completely unintelligible to me and laughed. Lou stood up and pulled up his tattered breeches. His ragged yet colorful pants had been down at his ankles all this time but I failed to notice. Lou tightened his rope belt, walked off into the treeline and I never saw him again. I looked back at the spot he had been sat. Right there, nestled on the roots, right in front of me was a perfectly formed shit left by Long-finger Lou.

As I made my way back out of the wilderness and away from the trees I could still hear the distant playing of a tuneless harmonica. Sounded like old Lou had unfinished business.

anonymous 11/04/18 (Sun) 13:03:02 No.12290

>>12277

Stop having sex retard, nice fucking zoomer tinder story

anonymous 11/04/18 (Sun) 14:37:48 No.12295

>>12290

its a copypasta

anonymous 11/04/18 (Sun) 15:18:31 No.12296

That was a good story to wake up to.

>pee comes from the balls

anonymous 11/05/18 (Mon) 00:30:44 No.12332

She left the browser open on our laptop after he went to work this morning. I go to work after, so I usually hop on and do my own things on my real account.

Today, however, I was disgusted at what I found. My girlfriend is a troll. A really fucking nasty troll. She leaves horribly mean comments to all kinds of FreeBSD developers. They're filled with low quality bait, attempts at helping people with false info, she tears into unix beards, NEETs, etc. She goes to /dfg/ threads and tell people not to use dfhack. She loves to troll around places like #freebsd to discourage people from using ZFS, etc.

I was horrified. Completely horrified. My girlfriend is a nice, gentle girl who is supportive and kind. In our 2-year relationship, we've fought three times total. I never thought this is a behavior she would take part in.

But this is something else. It made me wonder what else she did on the internet, so I looked at the browser history to find her also harassing NEETs and relax otaku on /jp/. Telling them to "smoke weed", calling thier favorite touhous ugly and fat and stupid, etc. It horrified me to think this was the girl who I studied lisp with.

I understand trolling can be fun, we've all laughed at it once or twice. But this goes far beyond what I ever imagined. I don't know how to look at her. I've lost respect for the girl I looked up to and admired.

Good people don't tear each other down. People people don't do that in general.

I don't know what to do. I want to bring it up to her, but I don't know how to do it without her automatically getting defensive and spouting off the same lines you hear from people (get a thicker skin, the world isn't kisses and rainbows, etc, of course it isn't but why contribute to it?).