f701f0 No.3640
How do you balance your submissive sexuality and not lose the respect of the girl you're trying to date or your GF?
Alot of these tips for being an alpha male or whatever assume a vanilla relationship. But I figure a lot of these things still apply to us. Even hardcore dominant women would want a man she can respect and will protect her.
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f701f0 No.3641
Some of the dommes I've met have said that while they are sadists and would probably go all the way with full degradation and cruelty and get off on it, they'd not be able to respect the guy and wouldn't want a relationship with him.
So you have to hit a balance. Ropes, whips, wax, gags, collars etc. are good. Pegging, play with excrement, sissy stuff and cuckoldry is bad. Maintain strong boundaries, and yes you have to be "alpha" outside the bedroom and keep doing all that tiresome one-upmanship top dog crap with other guys. I do the cocky crap and tease my domme all the time. She loves it.
Basically, be "manly". That's what all women love.
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f701f0 No.3643
>>3640
I'm not saying it's more important than the attitude stuff, but it definitely helps if you work out and take care of yourself.
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f701f0 No.3648
>>3640
> Even hardcore dominant women would want a man she can respect and will protect her.
Eeeeeeeeeeeee…. I think that's an oxymoron.
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f701f0 No.3651
>>3640
You know how there are intelligent women and respectable women who have high paying jobs etc. but enjoy being submissive in the bedroom? I've dominated gfs before and still respected them as people. That's considered normal. This can work the same way, BDSM in the bedroom and a normal relationship outside of it. What you get off on doesn't define your entire personality.
I generally like to lead things in real life and enjoy power in everything outside the bedroom.
>>3648
No it's not, even dominant women recognize that men generally have more muscle and are better equipped to fend off a hypothetical mugger or something. I think this post I read from a domme I met a while ago sums up a common attitude:
>I fucking love these gorgeous dudes flexing and straining against the ropes, their animalistic spirits breaking free as they struggle and moan and whimper and beg. I love the smells, the textures, the muscles and hair and sweat. I love the tears and the groans and the look of devotion in their eyes and the soft pleas on their lips. I love men and manliness and masculinity, and I love it more when it’s bound for my pleasure.
There are some dommes that might get off on femine/beta type guys but there are plenty who get off on the guy being having "alpha" but controlled during sex.
If you are respectable in everyday life it makes it more special when you submit to someone.
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f701f0 No.3658
>>3651
>You know how there are intelligent women and respectable women who have high paying jobs etc. but enjoy being submissive in the bedroom? I've dominated gfs before and still respected them as people. That's considered normal. This can work the same way, BDSM in the bedroom and a normal relationship outside of it. What you get off on doesn't define your entire personality.
I've *heard* of a few instances where a relationship progressed to the more hardcore femdom stuff (including pegging) and the girlfriend just began to lose actual respect for her BF to the point of breaking up.
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f701f0 No.3660
>>3658
Right, but it can work fine. That doesn't mean it always does. It really shouldn't be tied to respect for you as a person but it might be for some people.
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f701f0 No.3671
>>3640
What the fuck is respect?
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f701f0 No.3672
>>3658
That's women for you. You do stuff for them that they love, and you are happy making them happy. They do stuff you love, and you're happy, but they resent that they aren't the one being pampered.
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f701f0 No.3674
>>3640
It really depends on the people invovled, and what kind of expectations they have. Some want to have total control, some want to keep it in the bedroom, some want to switch roles from time to time. Talk to them, work these things out. The important thing is you stick to whatever ground rules you have. If it's strictly a bedroom thing, don't let it bleed into everyday life. If she expects to be dominated from time to time, take charge and do it.
Basically, don't be ruled by your fetish. Fill the role of a man, at least to the extent she expects of you. It's when you fall short of that that respect begins to decline.
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f701f0 No.4189
Dominance, anything really, is, or can be, work, some people really enjoy that kind of work and can just keep going 24/7, most people need breaks. Making a dom work more than they want to is a tipping point in power exchange, that while the dom is doing dom things and the sub is doing sub things, whoever is benefiting more or exclusively (in this example the sub) is the true "dom" and it becomes less likely that the dom will enjoy themselves creating bitter feelings.
In the end, to be a true sub, is to be selfless, even if it means not being a 'true' sub at times. It's all about balancing out your needs with theirs; that's successful relationship fundamentals right there.
Also, being subservient doesn't mean being weak or ineffectual.
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f701f0 No.4200
>>3658
I think the issue is some guys are too quick to submit fully. Most guys lose interest in a girl that puts out too early, correct? Well, a guy that just lets you knock him over is similar. You don't get as invested in him as you would from slowly conquering him. You don't feel like you've put your mark on him, so to speak.
Another thing is, if a girl is inexperienced, she can get weirded out if she gets power faster than she can acclimatize to it, even if she's fundamentally dominant. The dominant role can be daunting, especially when it seems like there's no boundaries - you start worrying about crossing them by accident when you don't know here they are.
TL;DR give her a taste at first, but put up a little resistance.
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f701f0 No.4202
You can still be a normal masculine man and be submissive sexually.
All it means is that you want your wife/gf to take control during sex.
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f701f0 No.4263
>>4202
Look at the OP. I wasn't talking about a girl doing cowgirl or some other vanilla sex
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f701f0 No.6180
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f701f0 No.6631
personnally, we change the dom role w/ my gf so the problem don't happen
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f701f0 No.6656
>>3640
This is how I make it work. And I do make it work:
Be confident. Be strong. Be sexy. Be secure. Be macho. Be manly.
Pamper her. Prioritize her. Don't disagree with her (except in provable, factual matters). Cater to her every whim. Encourage her to find empowerment wherever she can.
Let her control things and make the decisions of the relationship, but don't be a sniveling, ineffective, little shit about it. Assert that she matters more than you (not necessarily explicitly, at least early on). Be confident in your role as the Number Two of a Number One who may be less confident then you.
Make it all about her, her needs, and her wants in the bedroom. Prioritize her pleasure over yours, and don't be shy about telling her you're doing that. If and when she asks, "But what about YOU getting off?" strongly and confidently answer, "I don't give a damn. I just need YOU to cum." In fact, that exchange summarizes this entire attitude. Memorize it.
Put your alpha machismo to work - for HER. Never for you. Visualize a strong, powerful grizzly bear, on the leash of an eight-year old girl, obeying her every word and keeping her safe from harm.
Then throw away notions of dominant/submissive personality types - they won't work here. They're largely for fantasy. An alpha can submit as easily as a nervous wreck of a person can control a relationship.
Power over someone (you) is something that can be GIVEN. It doesn't have to be taken, and it doesn't have to be 'earned'. Anyone can control anyone. The mighty can bow to the weak.
Yes, this does largely exclude a lot of femdom practices - things like chastity, sissification, etc. are still only going to happen if one of you brings up the idea and you talk it about like any other fetish. But in terms of submitting to her *in the relationship* - on a personal level that persists outside of roleplay scenes with whips, paddles, and cries of 'mistress' - this is a method that I can promise works. This is how to be a man your woman both respects and controls.
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f701f0 No.6658
>>4263
I don't get it. Where did he assume you just mean cowgirl?
Making a woman suck your dick, and making a woman bruise, cut, or burn you, are all the same.
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f701f0 No.6659
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f701f0 No.6675
>>3640
Those two things sound mutually exclusive. You just have to decide what you want.
Unless you want two women who don't know about each other.
But I'm guessing any woman who's into alt shit like femdom will be pretty "progressive" and not give a shit that you have another woman besides her. So you only need to keep it a secret from your "submissive" woman.
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f701f0 No.6707
>>3640
You don't. Femdom is an inherently self-destructive fetish, like bugchasing; trying it in real life will inevitably result in your girl losing respect for you and leaving you for Chad Thundercock. Even masculine, high-testosterone women like female lawyers are just looking for an even more dominant and manly man who can sweep them of their feet and put them in their place.
Either keep femdom in the realm of fantasy or pay a professional to live it out. Never try it with a wife or girlfriend.
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f701f0 No.6708
>>6707
This guy is probably right, unless you find the girl that wants to dominate you 24/7 then you are out of luck.
That's why you ask your sister to do your femdom fetishes.
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f701f0 No.6710
>>6656
This is close to right, but not entirely. Catering to her every whim, pampering her, and prioritizing her is kosher: the truth is, a lot of 'bluepilled' relationship advice is right, and women genuinely do want this. They want to be loved, cherished, respected, and so forth; they're just instinctively averse to weak men. If you're submissive to her in a confident way - because YOU care, not because you're some self-effacing emasculated loser who doesn't think you're worthy of her - she won't think any less of you as a man.
But, two caveats: first, your woman will most likely still want to you to be the more decisive and authoritative party in your relationship. Many women won't admit to themselves that they want this, but this makes them feel safe and loved - a guy who lets her decide more often than not will seem either apathetic or uninteresting, and make her feel self-critical and unsure of herself. Women don't generally enjoy decision-making except to the extent that feminists have taught them to enjoy it, and even then they enjoy it only because it makes them feel like a good feminist, not because it comes naturally or comfortably to them. So you still need to be a leader.
However, it's easy to be the more decisive party and still prioritize her needs over yours when you make decisions. Think of yourself as a military officer and her one of your men; ultimately, you make all of your decisions, but if you're any good then your decisions will all be made with the well-being of your men as your strongest consideration. This should be your relationship to your woman.
Second, you'll still need to dominate her in the bedroom if you want to get her off. You'll have to just accept this as a fact of life, unless you've found one of those unicorn sexually dominant women - and if you have, what do you give a shit about the content of this post? Anyway, it's not that hard. Just play the role well, do what she likes, and think about the fact that doing so is a form of service to her.
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f701f0 No.6711
>>6707
If by 'femdom' you mean to refer to anything you'd find in porn, this is right. If you want a woman to kick you in the balls, peg you, call you names, and so forth, you better make sure that your relationship with that woman does not in any way require her to respect you or be attracted to you, because she won't.
But, if you can get enough satisfaction out of just serving and pampering her, and can scratch your submissive bug outside the bedroom, you can do so without losing her respect. Give her massages and footrubs, run her baths, praise her, do what she wants, and so forth, and she won't respect you any less so long as you're not self-effacing and overtly submissive about it.
In the bedroom, facesitting is probably the most you can get away with without making her lose respect for you. But what's satisfying is just to focus on her pleasure: learn to know when she wants rough sex, and give it to her as if you were the one who wanted it; learn to know when she wants gentler sex, and be as gentle and caring and adoring as possible. If you think about doing what she wants as a form of submission, you'll be fine, and she'll be perfectly satisfied.
If you really can't get off without being abused and humiliated by women, though, then yeah: you're going to have to live with the fact that acting on your fetishes with your woman will destroy your relationship.
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f701f0 No.6715
>>6710
>most women need to be dominated sexually to get off
Egalitarian sex does it just fine.
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f701f0 No.6717
I must confess that this thread makes me feel extremely miserable. I even spend the whole day thinking about it and my future, which it's funny since I read abouth this whole thing a few weeks ago. I don't know why I came back here; this place is very depressing.
I know my post doesn't contribute anything of value to this thread. I guess I just wanted to vent some feels and say you guys are probably right.
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f701f0 No.6720
>>6708
>your sister
what in the fuck
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f701f0 No.6721
>>6717
Focus on this one >>6656
It's the most correct thing in the thread.
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f701f0 No.6722
>>6717
Repeat after me:
>What is true is already so.
>Owning up to it doesn't make it worse.
>Not being open about it doesn't make it go away.
>And because it's true, it is what is there to be interacted with.
>Anything untrue isn't there to be lived.
>People can stand what is true,
>for they are already enduring it.
And again:
>If femdom kills female attraction,
>I desire to believe that femdom kills female attraction;
>If femdom does not kill female attraction,
>I desire to believe that femdom does not kill female attraction;
>Let me not become attached to beliefs I may not want.
https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/Litany_of_Gendlin
https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/Litany_of_Tarski
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f701f0 No.6723
>>6717
>I must confess that this thread makes me feel extremely miserable.
Why, anon?
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f701f0 No.6724
>>6717
You will find here a lot of depressed and cynical people. That´s because websites like 8chan magically attracts these people. Just don´t let it go near you. There are dominant women out there. They may be rare, but they definitely exist. Not every woman likes Chad Thundercock and not every man likes submissive, fragile little princesses.
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f701f0 No.6726
>>6724
You will find here a lot of depressed and cynical people. That´s because websites like 8chan magically attracts these people. Just don´t let it go near you. There are lottery winners out there. They may be rare, but they definitely exist. Not every man loses the lottery and not every ticket has the unlucky, non-winning numbers.
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f701f0 No.6727
>>6726
Nice false comparison. The chance of winning in a lottery is like one to a few billion. And how many dominant women are out there? I think 10% of all women are dominant is maybe a good estimation. But thanks for proving my point considering the cynical and depressed people here.
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f701f0 No.6736
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cfba5f No.7070
>>3640
She's fine with it. Having sex is very scary and hard for her as well, so when i told her that i i'm into femdom, she became much more comfortable, because she knew i wouldn't force anything. So this way, when we're both ready to have sex for the first time, she knows what to do…
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cff3ea No.7142
>>6711
>>6707
This thread pisses me off. Being submissive isn't incompatible with leadership skill and with respecting yourself.
If you see <thing you like> as something to be ashamed of and use your SO as an emotional crutch, she may lose respect for you.
If you constantly look for <thing you like> to be the dominant theme of your relationship, she may lose respect for you.
If <thing you like> interferes with standing up for yourself, for your ideals and goals and desires, she may lose respect for you.
If it's difficult to be strong for your SO when she needs emotional suppose because of <thing you like>, of course she may lose respect for you.
It's irrelevant what you replace with "thing you like". If I wanted most of the interactions between me and my SO to be about us going out to eat food, yet I constantly felt shame towards these desires and refused to respect myself, would it be any surprise if she lost respect for me? Why shouldn't she?
Did being submissive magically lead to this sort of self-pitying garbage? Did submissive behavior lead to a fantasy world where self-respect doesn't exist? These issues people are having in this thread are more associated with depression and anxiety issues, as opposed to a fetish/kink.
There's nothing wrong with having a kink/fetish for submission. I fucking live for getting pegged and slapped around by my girlfriend. That being said, if submitting to my girlfriend controlled every waking moment of my day and my relationship with women, to the extent where it is difficult to see them as your equal, I would try to talk to a therapist.
When you see/interact with dominant women, it's normal to feel submissive emotions. The key is to understand yourself, and to understand that submissive tendencies aren't an out-of-control hurricane, so much as a part of yourself that you should both guard and cherish. Someone with dominant tendencies will certainly attract me (men or women), but submission is to be earned, not given away. Desperation is one of the biggest turn-offs, regardless of your gender.
By submitting to my SO, I'm expressing both my admiration and trust in her. As much as I love being dommed, the act itself is an extension of trust in her. Ultimately, she should be grateful that I trust her well enough to let her into such a sensitive part of my personality.
Relationships aren't a one-way road. Relationships aren't some magical fairy-tale land where body parties love each other unconditionally. Yes, people certainly have preferences, and some people may very well laugh you out of the bedroom, but there are plenty of people who haven't explored their kinky side and wouldn't be opposed to trying something new.
>>3658
Something tells me that getting pegged wasn't the nail-in-the-coffin for that sort of relationship. If it is, I'd be glad to find such a red flag before being engaged/marrying that person.
>>6707
>>6711
Y'all sell yourself short.
Don't blame submission for the root of these problems. Look for the actual culprits (depression, anxiety issues, bad relationships) and seek out help. These defeatist attitudes really fucking piss me off.
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cff3ea No.7143
>>7142
Wow in retrospect I really do sound like an entitled shit in this comment. It's more that the defeatist attitude and lack of self-respect gets me angry, more than anything else. You all should respect yourselves because you deserve respect. You all shouldn't be defeatist, because believing that you'll never be accepted due your submissiveness is a terrible way to live.
It should be easier to see that a relationship didn't work out (partly) due to closed-minded behavior, red flags, and sometimes simple incompatibility, rather than submissive behavior being inherently emasculating and something "to deal with".
I can't imagine living my life and believing these things, and it makes me furious that people accept this as their lives. You can and should believe in something better, and work to make it a reality.
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d25dac No.7148
>>7143
I assure you, you were in the right throughout. People are idiots, especially when it comes to dom/sub shit.
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