No.97694
Post some horribly atrocious writing some shitters have presented you with (anonymized of course). Let this thread be an example for all!
I'll start:
/me twitches as the spit stings her eyes, taking her hand she wipes it off her face licking his snot filled spit before kissing and sucking on his nuts and stroking his thick cock before groaning in pain being forced to look up at him. She nods panting wanting to snort more of his stink and even frowning slightly as he sits down wishing her face was that seat. "I want more and more of your stench master. I would even eat out your ass if you wanted me too!" She said biting her lower lip showing just how much of a cheap whore she really is. "Of course I would not pass on the offer to choke on that thick fat cock of yours and to swallow every last drop of nut batter you have to offer." She says showing she cannot decide between his ass or cock and alls.
No.97695
Here's another:
In the cage that held this slut [NAME] in the harem of the [NAME] empire she suddely hear foot steps down in hallway hearing talking then see the huge [NAME] looking into her cage she trying to fall back to the back of the cage has he opens it up then reaches into her cage and griping her leash. " I'm your my Master please fuck my holes and use my body for your pleasure ?" The slut knows she has no choice and must obay. Atfer all the [NAME]s own her now. Yanked out [NAME] on all four crawing toward the end of the hallway not knowing what her fate is to become of her.
No.97703
>>97694
In before someone posts completely appropriately an example of Fai's work.
No.97709
>>97703
You don't know true pain.
>Fought the battle with her people. It was long and hard from the way she saw it. Her camp had been ambushed suddenly when she had jerked awake hearing the screams of her people. Having rushed out, [REDACTED AGAIN] had grabbed her daggers and rushed out to join the front that was being taken down. Though in a dress and her body revealing she never let it be used against her in battle. She didn’t mind the eyes that were on her. Sadly though everyone started to fall around her and her ears lowered in defeat as she noticed warriors fell down everywhere around her. She had to do something quick, and with that thought in mind she went for the group that was coming at her and raised her arms. Though before she was able to attack something behind her struck her head and the last image she had were the boots in front of her face. Hearing someone yell out that she was alive and would be taken somewhere. She had blacked out before she could figure out where though. She didn’t feel herself searched and dragged back to the enemy area. Her body bound with her arms behind her and her mouth gagged to leave it open as if inviting anyone to use her almost. There was no fighting against anyone that was binding her and staking her into the ground almost like a dog. If one entered they would see the beautiful female laying there with a head wound, but that didn’t take away from her long slender smooth legs, her dress riding up to her thighs to slowly expose her panties she was wearing. The top of her dress started to lower with each small breath she was taking laying there. Her breasts were large but firm in the top part of her dress and seemed inviting just as much as the rest of her having been bound the way she was. Slowly though she started to come to. Eyes blinking she winced some at the sting to her face. She was covered in sweat that glistened on her body and she shivered from the soft cold wind blew over her now exposed body. Swallowing hard she realized she couldn’t even close her mouth. Her eyes opened wide in surprise and fear as they were first met with the cock in front of her face. Her eyes lifted up towards the one that was standing over her. She whimpered when her outfit was starting to get torn apart and thrown off of her. She struggled against the binds that were holding her and growled towards the woman above her. Hate… That was what was in her eyes and she hissed, growling once the gag was out of her mouth. Nose wrinkling some at the smell around her she spat out towards the female and licked her lips. Her throat dry and her jaw sore. “First of all, my name is [REDACTED]… And second I am not a Beast Bitch. I’m not to be used anyway you want me to…. How about you just let me go and find someone else to be your fuck puppet or your prize.” She glared towards her again and pinned her ears back in fear as she looked down at her body and closed her legs tightly. “What are you doing to me.. Cover me up now!” She screamed out in hate. Though her voice was cracking as she tried to smooth out her vocals. This didn’t look so good for her at all. She had to get out of these binds. She had been left in her black lace panties and under it was a clean shaven pink pussy begging for someone to ravage it and claim it for their own.
>Second post from someone else doesn't fit. FML.
No.97710
>>97709
>/me writhes down as those shards of an alcohol soaked glass jab and stick into the top of her skull as it drools the bright red blood from under her skin downwards across her swollen tanned cheeks, cascading over her bare brow and her half circle ear lobes as some of her dirty blonde hair is stained red with her own blood. Whimpering around the head of that scalding warm cock head over her teeth and her slobbering fat tongue as [TRES REDACTED] could feel a jolt running up her spine, making her very squeamish and uncomfortable with what was about to happen as one by one those burning drops of alcohol soaking the glass shards in her head drop from her one by one from her. The oozing flow of blood ceases to flow from under her bloodied hair, though the red mask of blood over her face still dripped down off of her chin and the bridge of that short nose of hers leaking her blood onto the hot throbbing thick veins of the anthros dick meat! Stares up at the anthro as the pain over her head still throbs and burns agonizingly into her skull and her own blood streams. Looking at her with a pained expression, but with fluttering caramel brown eyes flicking some of her crimson red blood around across her own brow as stare off into bliss at the anthro’ temple of a body. Both of her slender arms twist around from the side of that massive cock meat dragging long stringy veins a slime and grease from the shaft that were glued over her fingers before shoving her slime and sick coated palms down onto into those gargantuan balls. Kneading her slender creamy wrists and forearms over their immensely thick coat of sticky, dry urine and blood as Step propels her body up stuffing her tiny, slender throat over that giant unwashed pipe down her gullet into the body of her acidic coated stomach, making normally gut tearing bulge down from the sluts chin all the walls down her torso. There was a moment's pause as [QUAD REDACTED] gave the air somehow storing up in her lungs ravaged with the disgusting hot scent of this anthro body mixing with the several of sweaty, bitter, and sweet smells coming from several other anthros. It was after then she swallows again through her, those loose still sore, throat, forcing her waist to stretch out, screaming into the animal cock as the burning hairs in her nostrils rub up along the thick, slimy and rancid coat covering her redden cock meat stuffing the toxic filth and musk straight into her sensitive nostrils. Slamming her knees wildly on the ground as she keeps stuffing her face, murky and salty clear tears watering over those clench shut eyes almost unable to even tolerate the horror of it. Her belly stretches out down below her thick and curvy thighs as she continued to use the anthro’s sac as a spring board while her whole body smears and rolls on the coat of other throat slobber and blood stains spread across both of her furry and leathery covered sac. It was as her stomach stretch right down to her knees, and all thought it was unbearably painfully she finally presses her nostril on the salty and putrid sweat soaked hairs of the anthro whitish stomach line, holding herself settle their.
>Reasons why I drink.
No.97715
>OH NO PEOPLE WHO TYPEFUCK AREN'T LITERATURE EXPERTS WAAA WAAH
Fuck off, OP.
No.97734
No.97735
>>97734
Because he's a painfully stereotypical channer and has to loudly whine about literally fucking everything.
No.97751
>>97735
> and has to loudly whine about literally fucking everything.
so, like OP
No.97756
>>97751
you seem awfully butthurt
No.97758
>>97756
Neither can he ever admit to be wrong, because wrong people are never cool, and all those funny screencaps from the 4chins had only cool people reacting to cool people.
No.98662
9. November [22:49] X smirks for a moment at X as he keeps his clawed hands along her waistline then offers a shrug of his shoulders, driving the length of his rigid canine shaft in and out of the depths of her little cunt with steady motions. The wolfen plows into the little draenei roughly from behind with hard enough thrusts that he nearly brings her feet off the ground, driving into her little cunt with steady motions. The spade like tip of his beastly shaft helped pull some of the previous cum from her body with every withdraw, letting it come pouring down her inner thighs. THe beast speared the full girth of his beastly shaft back in until the tapered tip slammed into her cervix walls, rocking her form forward and pinning her up against the wall.
No.98694
>mfw all these posts are slightly better than mine
Come on people, stop playing around.
Surely all the people I've played with who assure me I'm decent couldn't possibly be lying to me to make me feel better.
R-right?
No.98701
>>98694
Give us an example of your writing boyo
No.98702
>>98694
>All these posts
I don't think you ready my incomprehensible trash, fampai.
No.98745
>>98702
I'm sorry, what? ;-;
>>98701
I-I will later, I promise.
But really, not everyone thinks these are HORRIBLE, right? Like, the posts ITT aren't Tobi Wolf-tier. They can't be THAT bad you'd want to inmediately drop an RP with someone, right?
No.98759
>>98745
These aren't the worst of the worst that I've ever seen. At the same time, yeah, if I set up a scene with someone and they started writing posts like these I'd probably drop that RP real fast.
No.98760
>>98759
And what exactly is wrong with them? I keep looking for ways to improve my writing but I'm dumb as a rock so I never get better.
No.98761
>>98760
Aside from the glaring spelling mistakes, of course.
No.98773
>>98760
>>98761
I guess that asides from the spelling mistakes, another error would be repeating the same word over and over, like >>98662. Where he uses little cunt with steady motions twice. Try to have some more variation, and try being explicit about your descriptions - We're typefucking here, so trying to keep it clean and ambiguous only fucks it up.
No.98777
>>98760
Some things. >>97695 and >>97710 have problems with run on sentences.
>>97709 has the opposite problem, in a way, with short choppy sentences that break up the flow. This can sometimes be useful when it's making a point, but the way it's used in that example is just awkward.
>>98662 is incredibly repetitive. Three of the four sentences start with 'the,' and there's little variation in adjectives. Out of fourteen adjectives he repeats 'little' three times, 'steady' twice and 'beastly' twice.
The advice I'd give is to read your posts aloud to yourself. Obviously spoken and written prose are going to be constructed differently but it should help you find glaring errors.
No.99140
>>97709
>>97710
It's stupid, but it's boring stupid. It's not completely terrible as well. I can see a lot of possible improvements; whoopty fucking do.
Hurry up, and give me the god damn short autistic writing. That's the real reason I'm lurking this thread. I want someone telling me their PTSD problems involving a diaper wearing lugia with console graphics.
No.99142
>>99140
>Not terrible
>Literally incoherent and gives ME of all people a headache attempting to read.
I don't believe you fam.
And sadly I'm not a diaperfag so I don't have shit.
No.99144
>>99140 ok
"[worst gender] shoved her musk-scented shaft at Lautre's face, coating the pure knight's rosy cheeks with her musty piss-sweat. It must've smelled vile for her, [worst gender] hadn't bathed in days since the march began, and has been saving herself, forgoing a night's risque venture to her commander's quarters and watch the blonde sleep while she rub one off. So many nights she kept that pent up desire, the thought of glistening her commander's lips with a smidge of her cum, just a droplet swiped over her soft lips was enough to send her into a frenzy. She grabbed a tuft of her hair, wrung it back until the fear-stricken commander could see all the length of her shaft. Pre oozed out from the tip, onto the nylon shirt, soaking deep and in between her cleavage, and without a word, and a single flare from her tip, she thrusts forward. The tip swiped the mouth with pre, but [worst gender] shoved the commander's head down and stabbed the eye with her tip, all the while cackling as she began to use her eye socket as a second mouth~"
I poofed. Me no like gore.
No.99145
>>99142
>Implies saying not terrible
>removes the word "complete" after "not" and before "terrible"
What are you? The Media?
No.99148
>>99145
'Not completely terrible'
>This does not imply that it isn't 100% terrible
Okay.
No.99228
had heard of a recent informant explaining to her about a house ona hill shrouded in glamour to prevent the humans from seeing it for what it truly was, a house of horrors and evil. [CHARNAME] was set upon the task of finding the evil inside and eliminating it once and for all. That night as the moon rose high in the sky she set out for the house, wearing her black tank top and tight black shorts, she wore no shoes, her bare feet caressing the ground as she strode on. She found herself at the entrance to the home, peering in the nearby window she saw only darkness, she pushed open the door to reveal a loud 'creeeeaaaaaaaak'. Her vividly coloured golden eyes peering into the dank room, she looked around for several moments before striding down the hall, she heard several more sounds, some scurrying, a few hisses, and many bugs crawling about the house. The sound grew louder the further down the hallway she traveled until she found yet another door, she cracked this one open next before peering her head down once more, a long stairway leading farther down into another rooom which revealed a large basment floor. She explored this room for another handful of minuts before realizing she saw a huge hole in the wall to her left, she strode closer to there and turned her gaze down that direction, seeing a few shadows here and there she began her trek down the long winding hallway, there were several doors on either side, it looked like an abandoned underground channel of some sort, it hadnt been touched in years, save for the only evidence of recent tracks, one set of footprints that suddenly disappear as if the person was snatched up into the air. This was incredibly puzzling to [CHARNAME], she stood there for several long moments pondering what she should do next. Her long black hair hanging at her back, draping over her shoulders to rest just below her buttocks.
No.99251
>>99144
So, like, did they just start skullfucking you in apropos of nothing? Was there no context around the notion of "somewhere in this scene, my character will put her penis into your character's eye socket"??
I mean, who just belts that shit out to surprise people???
No.99259
>>99251
Yes. Out of surprise since this wasn't part of the scene nor in their kinks list.
No.99565
>She circled her slave, diligently eyeing that every knot was not too tight, but uncomfortable enough to keep them occupied. Occupied with that adorably playful and utterly fruitless struggling. Even on her knees she was a head taller, her face hovering mere inches from theirs, caged away in deliciously skintight latex. Every contour, every divot outlined and emphasized on the empty canvas that passed for their visage. Her hand dipped down to brush against their chest, and she could feel their heart begin to pound that little bit extra. She let slip a smile, only faintly illuminated by the soft glow of her eyes. "Mm. Your body is eager, dear, but what I need you to understand…" She paused for effect as her hand shifted down further, a gentle finger brushing up against their clit just to elicit one of those delectable little squirms. "…Is that you're mine. Your flesh, your soul, your being. You understand that, don't you?" She tilted her head, despite the fact her slave could not see, much less hear her properly. Dissatisfied still, her hand moved in to cup the domed head and crane it to face her - before she planted a kiss on what little could be felt of their lips, more of a gesture than an action. "I need you to understand… Just how much mistress loves you." A material click, followed by a soft whirr as the multitude of delicately applied toys sprung to life, their kneeling frame starting to shudder and shake - only to be led down onto the sheets of the bed, cradled in the arms of its mistress, a gentle lull as they worked themselves by proxy to orgasm.
Yes, I'm qualifying myself as a shitter, screw the rules xoxo
No.99684
>>99565
This is pretty horrible, yes
No.99685
No.100248
This makes me feel bad, I probably don't write much better than this
No.100309
>>100248
The best part about knowing you're bad? The fact that you know you can improve! Imagine being terrible but thinking you're the best, you'd never get anywhere.
No.100366
>>100309
You can't really improve unless you start reading books and studying literature which I don't really have time for. Just practicing will only make you better to a certain point. I've RP'd for years so to be about the quality of the posts here if not worse is disheartening
No.100368
I quit, I quit - I can't do it!!!
I'm too introverted to have any charm and suave experiences to write my character with.
My writing style is worse than a chinese haikou poem writer.
My creativity is non existant and I don't even know in which context the words need to fit.
Everything comes out as word vomit.
No.100369
>>100368
Link a profile, fuckboy! I'll mentor you until you're a fuckin' casanova, no joke.
No.100371
I'd still jerk it to all of this.
Deal with it Fai, not everybody needs the opening paragraphs of WAR AND PEACE to cum.
No.100372
>>100368
I feel the same sometimes
>>100369
I might like to take you up on this~
No.100382
File: ab11f0e76bea3ef⋯.jpg (Spoiler Image, 116.9 KB, 850x550, 17:11, ab11f0e76bea3ef447bd87a83a….jpg)
>>100372
Please do! Just post a profile and I'll hit you up. Seriously, I'd love to help people as much as I can!
>>100370
Does that walking meme still come around?
No.100384
>>100382
https://www.f-list.net/c/amazing-white-wolf/
Well, I guess we could try this out~ Here's my profile
No.100402
>>100371
>War and Peace
>Being able to stomach the two posts I posted without a massive fucking headache
You're stronger than I am.
No.100471
The force of the princess' climax and sheer quantity of jelly-thick spunk would turn me into a human cum-flamethrower, essentially pinning sugar to the wall with the sheer pressure of my cumvomit hitting her fat gut tits and balls like a firehose, the shock and vibrations making her have a whole-body toe-clenching orgasm. And this would go on for minutes, until she'd be nothing more than a figure lost in a gigantic cumpudding, with only her erect cock towering above the blob, still spurting.
But even lewdprincess has limits, doesn't she? She can't keep cumming forever!
No.100488
>>100382
Last that I talked to her she was frustrated over some /erp/ lounge drama and was considering taking a break in general. I haven't seen her much since then.
Apparently even Anya can't stand Saruya's bullshit anymore.
No.121989
>>100488
I hear people talk a lot about Saruya, but I can't say I've ever seen some bullshit from them
Most of the bullshit in the lounge have come from people getting upset at something Blur said, but maybe I've just missed something
No.122277
>>121989
She's frankly not a very good mod, and it's hard to really notice it until you've been in there a while and notice her patterns. It's one thing to have a stance some people view as bullshit, but Saruya isn't even consistent on her stances and basically acts on her gut instinct and what her feelings tell her at the time. This is a problem because her feelings are all over the place (like most of us she's a bit of a wreck).
A lot of people (Anya included, I assume…?) left the Lounge because of the fact that Saruya can't be expected to keep to her word when push comes to shove, even if the people leaving agreed with Saruya.
No.122279
>>122277
>left the lounge
You sure they just don't circlejerk offsite somewhere else, like all circlejerks eventually end up being?
No.126302
>>98773
I honestly like using metaphors or euphemisms sometimes though. Not to the point where it obfuscates what's happening, just because an indirect reference to something can be more powerful sometimes.
No.126314
>You know your writing is terrible
>Nowhere to practice from because sessions are so infrequent that you forget most of the shit you learned by the time another one happens. Even if they weren't the people better than you quit within the first few posts because it's not doing anything for them and the people worse than you are just that, worse.
>Nowhere to study literature because I don't even know where the fuck to begin with writing my kinks
>Literally running out of people to ask if they want to try my kinks so that I can learn something
I want freedom from this hell so badly.
No.126316
Run-on sentences. Knock it the hell off. If your sentance crosses your textbox twice before there's a periord or a semicolon, consider adding one because it becomes a chore to read and loses all voice.
No.126338
>>126316
That's such a common thing in erp, damn, it's like a meme that infects all of us
No.126347
>>99565
>>99684
>>99685
What's so bad about this, exactly?
No.126364
>>126347
"Occupied with that adorably playful and utterly fruitless struggling." is an incomplete sentence. "Every contour, every divot outlined and emphasized on the empty canvas that passed for their visage." is also an incomplete sentence. "Heart begin to pound a little bit extra" sounds like fibrillation, not palpitation. "one of those delectable little squirms" sounds gross, like something Newt Gingrich would say. "Dissatisfied still" is a dangling modifier, implying the noun of "her" but grammatically modifying her hand (unless you were going for a synecdoche here). "More of a gesture than an action" stops making sense if I think about it. "Material click" doesn't make sense either, unless it's like, saying the click is important? "Delicately applied" to what? Maybe that one would make more sense with more context.
The "its" in "its mistress" is an ambiguous pronoun, which could be referring to the subject of the sentence (the toys), the most recent noun (the bed), or the most logical noun (the frame).
"a gentle lull as they worked themselves by proxy to orgasm" could use its own sentence instead of being another clause, because its containing sentence is getting really unwieldy.
With all that said, the post isn't particularly bad writing by ERP standards. It's definitely not cringe-worthy or the "worst of the worst."
No.126408
>>126364
> "one of those delectable little squirms" sounds gross, like something Newt Gingrich would say.
Are you denying the passion and sensuality of Newt Gingrich?
No.126422
>"Occupied with that adorably playful and utterly fruitless struggling."
At least you didn't unironically include 'cocksnot'. There's still hope for you.
No.126501
>>126314
Read a book and a couple of logs then write a short-story, dingus
You can even post the subsequent story on your profile as advertising and proof of skill and commitment
No.126551
I used to be a high school English teacher and this is without exaggeration the worst writing I've encountered in my entire life: http://pastebin.com/PnVf4wjx
No.126577
>>126551
>I used to be a high school English teacher and
I was disappointed that this post didn't not continue into something about hot high school scenes.
No.126608
>>126551
Damn, that's the worst writing?
Never enter F-list, you'll rip out your eyes.
No.126640
>>126608
The bad writing I've seen on F-List is merely inept, whereas your writing (at least as represented by that pastebin) is spectacularly awful in a way that takes expertise. It's the consummation years of bad habits and poor creative choices. It's artful in its artlessness.
No.126689
>>126640
Read that last bit again.
Think on it for a few moments.
Have a hearty chuckle and knowing smirk.
No.127202
>>126551
>that pastebin name
>Elf scholars should die
Don't get me wrong, that writing is terrible
b-but I like to think i'm a good elf scholar priest.
No.127204
>>126551
>Radiant red gems
>the realization of the sudden truncation of her slumber barely hitting her stupefied
>Her azure tinted sea of locks
>Whatever horrors or delights that strutted to and fro within the depths of the Elf's consciousness whilst getting a few hours of shut eye, were simply erratic upon the hair and flesh it seemed
I get the meaning of this sentence but it's really clumsily worded. Something like "The horrors and delights which haunted the Elf's subconscious had left her a disheveled mess." would have lent the passage greater clarity.
>Droplets of her perspiration running down from the scalp of her head
The scalp of her head? Come on.
>heavily upon the cleavage of her immense breasts
As opposed to the cleavage between her ass cheeks?
That's about as far as I can get through this, frankly. I think whoever wrote this is going for length rather than good style. The prose is terribly purple, and I say that as someone who considers his writing unnecessarily wordy. This makes me look like fucking Joseph Conrad.
Overall, pretty terrible.
No.127209
>>127204
I really can't get through more than a paragraph or two, and I've tried several of their logs. I mean, hell, I read some real tomes for fun - but this is just a solid wall of firmly packed shit.
No.127212
>>126551
>Awoke from her nap with bleary eyes, her radiant red gems glistening as she blinked them slowly open and close, the realization of the sudden truncation of her slumber barely hitting her stupefied.
>this amount of wank to say "She woke up"
I want to die.
No.127216
You know.
I woke up, sipped some tea, and now I'm busy having a pretty fucking hearty chuckle at you guys.
Please, continue. I'm almost as cool as Dan Brown at this point.
No.127220
>>127216
>>126689
>I'll hide behind insincerity and allege satire to avoid confronting the fact my writing is shit.
u rite naw
No.127221
>>127216
Sure, the point of your writing isn't to be good - it's to make a couple of people bust a couple of nuts. It does that, I'm absolutely convinced. We get that.
We're just saying that it's absolute shit, too.
Don't take it too personally. Take it as a humorous reflection on the human condition and experience.
No.127223
>>127221
>tfw I posted saying I'm not taking it personally and that I'm actually enjoying seeing it picked apart
>Dont take it personally!!!!
O-okay.
No.127247
>>127223
Because no one in the world has ever laughed along with ridicule to seem like they're cool with it, especially on the internet.
Just don't take it personally, man.
No.127248
>>127247
>tfw the 'Don't take it personally" is more triggering than anything you guys have said
That's the point isn't it?
No.127254
>>126551
I know writing is largely subjective, but Christ that's some bad writing. Put the dictionary and thesaurus down and step away from the what I assume has to be a purple keyboard.
No.127373
You know… going through all these awful logs, (most of which would, of course, be Fai's) I had an idea. What if I went ahead and rewrote them?
Surgically remove all the purple drank prose, immediately delete all the "gutterskanks" and "cocksnot" and further cut down on the horrible nastiness of it all. It might be an exercise in pointlessness, and take several hours merely to remove all the shit only to be left with all of ten words, but heck, why not?
No.127376
>>127373
I'd read it, just for the trip.
No.127377
No.127403
>>127373
I'd much rather just read something you wrote yourself from the start, honestly. Why build a house out of pressed shit when you can just use proper wood?
No.127410
>>127403
Why RP when you could write a book?
No.127412
>>127410
Why do one when you could do both? :^)
No.127420
>>127410
Because it's fun to do a two-person exercise - it takes on a wholly different flavour that you can't get on your own. This, however, will always be a one-person thing - re-writing or just regular writing.
I'm saying that out of the two I'd much rather see their fresh type than your drivel with a done-up face.
No.127481
>>126347
It's terrible because it's my writing, fam
No.127576
>know my characters are pretty popular here
>afraid I'll see one of my deeds listed anyway
>none are
What a relief.
No.131198
No.131199
http://pastebin.com/08YSuupw
Every single of Fai's logs are terrible tho
No.131243
>>131199
>Fai's […] terrible though
Fixed
No.131246
>>131243
Mmm. Excuse me whilst I enjoy myself nigga.