No.125103
Hi Anon!
You left your computer open so I thought I'd leave you this note, I'm not completely useless with technology you know!
Anyways, I saw that you left some things open, don't worry I left it all the way I found it. Although I don't approve of some of the things you were looking at. I know I've told you this before but if you ever need help with that sort of thing you can just come and talk to me. I'll always be there for you Anon, even if you finally find that special someone and decide to move out. I'll only be a phone call away!
I saw some of the people you were looking at too, they look nice. You should introduce me to them, we could go out to dinner! Wouldn't that be fun?
I hope you enjoy your day Anon, I've left some things for you in the fridge in case you get hungry. I'll be out taking the dog for a walk by the time you get back.
Lots of love,
Mom.
https://www.f-list.net/c/dearest%20mother/
No.125105
No.125106
No.125119
>>125105
Of course not silly.
>>125106
Oh. Didn't you like my note Anon?
No.125120
You're not even my real mom.
No.125122
>>125120
Y-you don't mean that anon.
No.125123
Mutters. Can't believe she looked through my computer again…
No.125124
Greetings,
Who are you, how did you get into my house, and why are you pretending to be my mom?
Best wishes,
Anonymous
No.125125
Listen, mom. Whatever you saw on my computer I had open for someone else alright? None of that stuff I looked up for myself.
No.125126
Mom, I'd really rather if you didn't try to help me with the stuff I look up online. It's, y'know…a "personal" issue, okay? I can handle it myself.
No.125128
>>125123
It was only with best intentions!
>>125124
Oh Anon, you're so silly.
>>125125
Of course not Anon, I believe you. It's a shame it's for someone else, those people looked so nice. I was hoping you'd bring them home someday.
>>125126
I was only looking! You left it all open anyways, I can't help it if I'm curious.
No.125129
>>125128
That was an accident, mom! I just…forgot to close it, is all. It's not like I would leave that kind of thing open for you to look at.
No.125130
No, really, I have a gun. Get out of my house.
No.125132
>>125128
Don't be weird mom. Why do you wanna meet them so bad anyway?
No.125133
No.125134
>>125128
Sighs Y-yes, I know, Mom, you're always telling me how unhealthy it is to be browsing those sites.. God I hope I didn't leave the torrent site open, if she saw those search results… ugh.
No.125136
>>125129
That's okay sweetie, accidents happen all the time. It's nothing I haven't seen before anyways.
>>125130
You're not very nice at all.
>>125132
I'd just like you to bring people over every once in a while Anon. You spend an awfully long time on that computer.
>>125133
I hope you don't use that tongue with other girls
>>125134
Don't worry Anon, I left everything exactly how I found it. I only really skimmed through.
No.125137
Breaking into my household and leaving weirdly presumptuous notes isn't very nice, either.
No.125138
>>125136
Sorry, mom. I hope I didn't give you any ideas with that stuff I left open. I'm not really into that kind of thing, you know? I was just curious, I swear.
No.125139
>>125136
Can I use it on myself, at least?
No.125141
>>125136
Blushes, heartbeat racing a little. And you're not mad that I was looking for in…in…inc…well, you know…?
No.125142
/me slaps mother on ass, flops on the couch
Ey yo gurl what'sa cookin
No.125143
>>125137
Nor is threatening people with guns.
>>125138
I totally understand Honey, it's okay. I don't mind what you look at as long as you're happy.
>>125139
I don't see why not?
>>125141
No, of course not. Everyone has their interests Anon. I won't judge you.
>>125142
It's the thought that counts.
>>125142
No.125144
>>125143
If you don't mind what I look at as long as I'm happy, would you mind if you found out that sometimes…I look at you?
No.125145
>>125136
Meh. I don't need to bring people over. You worry too much mom.
No.125146
>>125144
Did you know that you usually look at a lot of different people in any one day?
No.125147
>>125146
Sure, but I only jerk off to a fraction of them.
No.125148
>>125147
Do you? I jerk it to every single one of them. Even the ones I see in the mirror?
No.125149
>>125144
O-oh. Well Anon you never said anything before. I never noticed.
>>125145
I only want what's best for you.
I'm off to bed Anons, if you need anything you know where to find me.
No.125150
>>125148
Maybe I'm just too picky. I limit it to, like, one or two people max.
No.125151
>>125150
Wow, you must be boring. I'll go ahead and masturbate to you just to prove a point, even though I haven't seen you.
No.125152
>>125143
Dips his head and trembles. Mom…I'm sorry… Hooks his thumbs into the waistband of his pants and starts pulling them down after a hesitating, revealing his penis. P-please look at m-m-my…p…p…
No.125153
>>125151
Goodness, I'm flattered. I suppose I could try jerking off to myself, too.
No.125154
>>125153
Couldn't I help, too? It'll be like a double rhodesian metaphysical reacharound.
No.125155
>>125154
I suppose so. An Ouroboros of masturbation, taken to its logical conclusion.
No.125157
>>125155
An unceasing cycle of depravity befit of an allegory of the modern society. Maybe a bit of sucking, too.
No.125159
>>125157
Becoming one licentious unit, engaging in an endless series of lewd ministrations to reach two climaxes with a single effort. Don't forget the licking.
No.125160
>>125159
Bop-it. Shake-it. Pull-it. Pass-it. But don't turn it on. But the most important question is; Should I swallow, or just lick a bit more?
No.125161
>>125160
You left out the twisting. Gentle twisting, of course. And swallowing should always be the primary answer.
No.125162
>>125161
And nipple-twirling, of course. Can't be erotic without stimulating your nipples. And if I swallow, how can I be sure there'll be more?
No.125163
>>125162
Of course. That's the pinnacle of eroticism, after all. Why would you think that anyone would be able to run out with you putting in such an effort to get every last bit of the reserves?
No.125164
>>125163
But how can you be sure that's all the reserves? I might just need to will some of them out with some extra stimulation. Wink wonk nudge nudge.
No.125165
>>125164
That was the implication. Considering how much you'd be trying to siphon out everything, there would be plenty for you to get through before you had your fill. If you catch my drift.
No.125166
>>125165
I might not have caught your drift, but I'd sure love to catch your jism. If you know what I mean.
No.125167
>>125166
I'm not entirely sure what you mean. But I can definitely provide you with plenty of semen, if that was the request.
No.125168
>>125167
Even enough for a shower?
No.125169
>>125168
Fuck it, let's shoot for a bath.
No.125170
>>125169
Why don't you just shoot inside me, while at it?
No.125171
>>125170
Oh, I thought that was a given. Sure, I can spare a few loads.
No.125172
>>125171
So first a double handie while we think of you, then a blowie while you think of yourself, then a kissie while I think of you and then, finally, a pussie for you. Sounds like a great itinerary for the day, right?
No.125173
>>125172
It's one hell of a busy schedule, but I'd be hard-pressed to deny such a specifically lewd offer.
No.125174
>>125173
But won't you also hard-press me?
No.125175
>>125174
As hard or as gently as you'd want me to, anon.
No.125176
>>125175
I'd love it however you give it to me, you handsome anonymous beast, you. It's just about your pleasure, after all.
No.125177
>>125176
chill out you crazy slut
No.125178
>>125177
Oh come on, no need to be so cold about it.
No.125179
>>125176
I'm aware it's all about my pleasure. But I don't see any fun in not letting you share a little bit of the pleasure, you ravishing anonymous individual.
No.125180
>>125179
Other people twirling their nipples pleases me the most of all, so go back to doing that.
No.125181
>>125180
But anon, I never stopped. It was one of the only requests that you had.
No.125182
>>125181
And let's keep it at that. Your every ridiculous demand is my weirdly sexual desire.
No.125183
>>125182
It's not weird if you're into it. What could be more arousing than having a faceless stranger call you a cumdump?
No.125184
>>125183
Maybe my main fetish is weird? And maybe I'd rather a stranger call me a cumdump whilst thinking of himself as I suck on his knob.
No.125185
yall gonna fuck or what
i need something to jerk off to
No.125186
Why are MILFs the absolute best?
No.125187
Why are dicks the absolute best?
No.125188
>>125187
Calm down you thirsty bitch. You want a dick that bad?
No.125189
No.125190
>>125184
Still nothing wrong with that. Hell, maybe I'd even call myself a cumdump, just to close that loop of jerking off to both myself and a stranger.
No.125191
>>125189
Open up then. Someone needs to shut you up.
No.125192
>>125190
But if you're the cumdump, what am I? You can't have two at once, that'd be outright criminal. At least make me into a cumdump.
No.125193
>>125192
Oh, I can definitely fill you with cum until you scream for more. That's really a non-issue. I'm just trying to see how far we can take this whole "masturbation cycle" thing.
No.125194
>>125193
Well, maybe you could fit a fleshlight to a bicycle. Or just give me two wheels and climb aboard, though I don't know about the transmission.
Otherwise, the only way to make the loop of lube grander is to add more people or more hands. Or more passion.
No.125197
>>125194
I've got passion to spare, if that's what you're looking for. Breathy names on tender lips as you're taken into a tight grasp, easily tamed by ravaging motions and plenty of handholding. I know passion. Passion's my game, baby. My domain.
No.125199
>>125197
But can you transform that passion into a masturbatory ascension? Can you use it to power you through multiple edgings into the cummy heavens? Can you make something truly great of your passion for literal circlejerking, or can you only solve world hunger with it?
No.125200
>>125199
That's been the issue I've been trying to solve since this whole circlejerk kicked off. See, I'm sure we'd all like to take credit for being able to achieve cummy Nirvana, but the path to enlightenment is clouded by shitters. Only by finding masturbation through yourself can one truly reach their logical conclusion.
No.125201
>>125200
Just be careful to not come undone. Can enlightement be achieved through blowjobs, though? What if it's just the tip, hand takes the rest? What if it's just a few teasing licks on top of both hands going at it? This needs rigorous scientific research, one which could take many years and many pregnancies to fully complete.
No.125202
>>125201
It's a sacrifice that I'm sure we're both willing to make for the sake of scientific progress and eye-opening orgasms that can lead us all to a better ERPing future.
No.125203
>>125202
One small cummy for a man, one giant ERPlog for all of mankind.
No.125205
>>125203
One cummy, undivided, under F-List.
No.125206
>>125205
Four generations and seven babies ago my daddy brought forth on this board, a new thread, conceived in faggotry, and dedicated to the proposition that all of your cum is equally delicious.
I'm afraid I have to go snooze now. But I'll gladly suck your dick in my dreams!
No.125208
>>125206
Rest well, anon. Hopefully your skills allow me to fill your dreams with cum.
No.125228
>>125103
If you wanted to advertise your profile, you should have posted in the F-List thread. God damn it. Lurk more, mom!
Now I'll have to fuck you silly.
No.125234
>Enters thread
>Does a 360 and walks away
Fuck guys c'mon. Can you not even do the MILF thread properly anymore?
No.125235
>>125234
Mom left almost as soon as she started, so we made our own fun without her.
No.125236
>>125235
I don't know why that sounds hilarious.
No.125237
>>125236
The casual implication of everyone fucking each other purely due to the absence of a mother is probably what's doing it.
No.125304
Oh wow this turned into something else really quickly.
No.125311
>>125103
Eeehhh.. can you play a seductive excitable mother instead of a touchy sweet one?
It's just that I have a thing for babysitters and older women, not necessarily motherly ones.
No.125312
>>125311
Anything's possible after a few glasses of wine Anon.
No.125315
>>125312
Can you play a loving wife?
No.125317
>>125315
I thought I was already?
No.125332
>>125103
MOM YOU FUCKING WHORE BITCH STOP GOING ON MY COMPUTER REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET MY TENDIES YOU OBESE SOW
No.125336
>>125332
I-I'm sorry anon!
No.125340
>>125336
Do you suck dick?
No.125346
>>125340
stop bullying the momma she's trying her best to be nice to anon.
No.125347
>>125346
But I really want to know.
No.125348
Mom I'm gonna need you to explain those weird pictures you left in my room.
No.125349
>>125348
And also why do all the pictures with you on it give you a huge tube thing between your legs.
No.125350
>>125340
At least buy me dinner first Anon
>>125346
Thank you Anon, you're such a sweetheart.
>>125348
W-what pictures? I was told growing boys need role model women and I heard about how they like provocative photos so I combined the two! Is that so wrong?
>>125349
I'm not sure what you're insinuating Anon.
No.125359
>>125350
If you had brought the tendies, we would have dinner already.
No.125363
>>125350
Mom! You can't just give me photos of yourself in those poses! What am I supposed to do when I see my own mom, half-naked, with her butt pointed at the camera? It makes me feel all…weird!
No.125364
>>125359
I'll try harder next time Anon. I apologise.
>>125363
W-well gee I don't know. I hadn't thought it that far. You can get rid of them if you don't like them.
No.125365
>>125364
But…that's kind of the problem. I do like them. I love them, even. But now when I look at you, I can't help but think about you showing me all of those poses in the flesh. How it would feel to reach out and grope your soft b-
See?! Now I'm thinking a bunch of weird stuff!
No.125418
>>125359
>Being this much of a faggot to such a loving woman
You don't deserve her anon. I'm going to marry her myself!
No.125428
Mom is actually really good and nice! Please don't say mean things to her!
No.125429
>>125428
Mom is a chubby old lady. Her womb is all dried up! Nobody in their right mind would want a woman like that.
No.125436
>>125103
Mom,
Thanks for being so understanding. I know I don't express it very well, but not a day goes by that I don't feel lucky to be your son. You make me want to be a better person, and I try hard to improve every day, even if just a little, if only to make you smile.
I hope that one day I can make you as happy as you make me every day.
Love,
Anon
Beneath the note is a scribbled-out postscript, unfinished but still partly legible: 'prettiest girl I know' and 'thoughts I shouldn't have about you' are easy to make out through the lines.
No.125439
>>125418
Have fun getting cucked, whiteknight
No.125440
>>125429
Hey, that's mean to say! J-Just because someone is a bit overweight doesn't mean they're ugly!!
No.125442
>>125440
Doesn't matter. Mom is fat and old. Why else would you think her butt is as huge as it is?
No.125451
>>125442
Anon there's no need to be so rude!
>>125440
It's okay Anon, he's partially right. Age hasn't treated me all that well.
>>125439
Is this that board game you were telling me about? The one with the dungeons and the dragons?
>>125418
Anon I can't marry you, you're my son!
>>125436
Oh Anon, you're so sweet.
No.125452
>>125451
You've aged like a fine wine, mom. A fine, beautiful wine, and any man would die for a taste of it on his lips.
…Th-that came out wrong!
No.125465
The secret is that mom gets off on the fact that she's a mom!
No.125469
M-Mom, I know I said I didn't know where your missing panties are, but I actually do…
No.125471
>>125451
Hey Mom, are you…a real worm?
No.125473
>>125471
You are my least favourite child Boymoko
No.125482
>>125469
I don't suppose there's any chance I could have those back then?
>>125465
I enjoy bringing happiness to my children, if that's what you mean.
>>125452
I'm sure you meant well Anon, you're too kind.
No.125483
>>125482
Mom, I wish I could bring happiness to you! I want to give you all of my love, even if it makes me feel all funny inside. You're so pretty and your eyes always make me dizzy when I look into them.
I just wish I could demonstrate my love, somehow!
No.125485
>>125482
T-That's the problem, they're a little dirty…
No.125489
>>125485
That's okay Anon, just put them in the wash!
No.125490
>>125483
You could always hang your washing out by yourself Anon.
No.125692
Wow! This is a very good mom!
No.125703
>>125490
Let's not go nuts here Mom. It's not like that's a skill I'll need when I move out if I have a wife.
No.125744
>>125703
Now Anon, I don't mean to dash your hopes but you spend all your time on the computer. I don't think a wife is just going to fall into your lap. Besides I think she'll want you to help out around the house.
No.125812
>>125744
Then I won't have a wife and you'll just have to keep looking after me! Happy now?!
No.125860
>>125103
I come in through the front door, looking a bit upset
"O-Oh! H-hey mom…I..I just took a very important test at school today, and well…I'm really nervous about how I did, I'm really freaking out! Could…could you…maybe hold me like you used to? I know I'm a bit older now but…you know it's the only thing that calms me down…please?"
Looks at you pleadingly
Lovely F-List profile~ Your so sexy Mom!