/tech/ - Technology★

How are these funny?

>get call from retard customer

>"durrrr why is my software so slow"

>remotely disable the monero miners on his IP

>"did you try restarting it"

>"hey it's fixed, great!"

>restart them 2 hours later

>never hear back since

>>868769

XDDDDDDD

>>868767

There's a reason funny is between parentheses: those stories can be funny or angering.

>>868800

The stories in the OP are neither.

>>868802

You seem triggered enough

>>868766 (OP)

I worked at a phone company for about a year in college and i remember some lady called in and was like complaining her phone was dead/wouldn't charge/was broken/etc and all that happened was the battery died and she never turned it back on after charging it. Like she literally had never used the power button on the phone since she got it. I learned truly how dumb people are that day

Consumers deserve execution imo

>>868943

this is why companies give up on consumer rights and embrace proprietary solutions

if they can't read, they won't be able to buy more products due to insufficient monies and brains

>>868943

Was this an old person?

>>868995

yeah i have lost full concern over the end user after working in support. People willingly decide to just not bother learning anything and want their asses wiped for them.

>>869012

no older than 40-50 id say but sounded dumb as a rock in general. There's dozens of other instances of stuff like this though

>>868943

As crazy as it may be, some people don't want to learn how things works. My mom doesn't understand the concept of a file tree to this day and gets lost if she can't find something in Word's most recent documents list. Just be thankful these people need your help and are willing to pay.

Mom visit me last week we went to Olive Garden. Told me my sister sent her a “hack” to the problems she was having with her macbook text editor

God I hate my mother, stupid cunt

>>869275

That actually doesn't seem unreasonable to me. "Hacking" is the act of playful subversion; e.g. life hacks are a subversion of regular, menial conventions in daily tasks. By hack, your mother could have also been referring to something more superficial like macros or whatever.

>they expect you to fix their computers for peanuts, even if it takes a whole day

>if you wanted them to paint your apartment or <insert other job here> for peanuts for even if it takes a whole day, they'd think you're joking and would be enraged, call you an idiot and tell you to fuck off if you told them it's not a joke

>>869293

>"oh anon, but you like fiddling with computers, don't you"

>"lol anon, I bet you can't solve the problems with this computer, prove that you can"

>"oh come on anon, clicking around on a computer isn't any kind of real work anyway"

>"fuck you anon, you're such an asshole not wanting to fix my computer for a few peanuts, I'll find someone else who'll do it even if it's my grandma's neighbor's 12 year old nephew, bye. oh and did I say fuck you, anon?"

ops story is neither funny nor interesting

making fun of retarded normies is also not funny just sad

>>869324

>making fun of retarded normies is also not funny

It depends, how retarded are we talking?

>imouto wants me to install MS Office for this IT job she says she has where they have to all use Word.

>tell her know and point her to Libreoffice as an alt.

>bro, can't you just download it onto my PC for me.

>nope

>>869324

half the time they dont even know whats going on kek

*when you make fun of them

Speaking of tech support stories, I got one in progress:

>in-laws from Serbia their laptop goes kaboom

>"anon the hard drive failed!"

>start Windows

>9000 games from TPB and possibly the same amount of viruses

>fuckit.jpg nuke and reinstall

>do updates

>slow as fuck somehow

>BSoDs a few times

>now stuck at rolling back updates

Thanks I guess, Microsoft. Thinking of doing nothing to this thing anymore, buy them a first gen Core i5 ThinkPad with a SSD, and tell them to stop installing so much bullshit.

>>869445

My imouto is the same way. See doesn't even do anything fancy,so the experience would be exactly the same.

>>869491

force them to use linux

>>869597

well actually ive gotten a cracked game to run on wine but i had to configure extra shit

>>869597

>how do I open word docs on this Linux thing now?

>OK, just click the funny goat girl and go to file, and open. I can do that.

>this is too weird and strange. Can't you just reinstall Windows for me instead? This is too hard and I need to open my word docs and use Edge. I don't want to learn this Firefox thing either I just want to use what I know because that's what works for me.

>>868766 (OP)

>1430755316524.gif

>.gif

go

fuck

yourself

>>869657

>woman in her 50s laments her phone is low on power

>have my thinkpad out

>ask her if it takes microusb or its apple, offer to let her charge it

>its microusb, let her charge

>thank you

>no problem

>she says "I don't do technology" awkwardly a few times as if the act of touching her own phone with her hands was heretical

>>869675

>>>/sudo/68608

>>869657

nigga i'll just theme the shit out of some DE or something lmao

>>869657

dont for get to use google on edge! thats what it works best on :^)

>>869705

Yeah, theyre exactly the same

>>869546

that's unless they have an MS Office class in which you have to learn the importance of the Microsoft Ribbon

I have been to one, it's a bit silly

>>869760

Have you ever tried to use the ribbon with the keyboard? It's soo bad.

I have used it in like a ribbon, so maybe they improved it

>>869767

>like a *decade

>>869675

>notnowsomeoneiswrongandpostsgifsontheinternet.gif

>at my dad's office at a community college

>meet one of his coworkers who tells my dad about some computer issue he has

>dad tells him "my son can handle it, right?"

>I agree to do it, since I'm unemployeed and fixing a problem would motivate me a bit

>guy goes home and gets his computer

>brings it back and shows me the problem

>win10

>some financial program won't update properly

>run the program

>error is mvscr100.dll is missing

>quickly understand its visual c++, but I don't know which version

>go on microshit site and download/install visual c++ 2012 x64

>didn't work

>try the x86

>didn't work

>get the 2013 x86

>finally works

>guy gives me $20 and thanks me

I just want a job

>>868766 (OP)

Blacks.

>>868766 (OP)

>my iphone is slow

>its your fault because you control the wifi

you know about the class action lawsuit against apple because they intentionally slow down thier phones after some time right?

>yeah

>but its the wifi

>its your fault

>fix it

ok

<grabs the phone

<turns it off

problem solved

>>869701

there are several de you can theme to look like win10, then just replace the icon of ff with edge, no way these morons will notice.

>60-something woman down the street complains her computer is running slow

>Knocks on my door because I'm "technically skilled"

>Find an Optiplex that was taken from her husband's dentistry office

>Is running Windows XP

>Norton, McAfee, and AVG are all installed

>Has patient data on it, violating federal law

>Removes patient data properly

>Copies her files to an external hard drive

>Downloads ZorinOS

>Installs it

>Copies her files over

>Applies the Windows XP-esque UI

>"Wow, this is so fast!"

>"Thank you so much Anon, here's $60"

>>872002

should have reported her for the patient data instead.

>hey bro i want to set up a web server for my start up company can you help me out

yeah sure bro i got you

<buy an ancient tower

<remove graphics card as its fan is full of of crud so it overheads and crashes the system

<install debian

<install webserver

<write html

here ya go bro

>wow thanks thats so cool i had no idea you could run a website from your house

its all good man just let me get some of that not gonna say like not even $100 worth

>sure here ya go

(((later)))

>hey i got a lot of work really fast, i cant do it with the small team i have now, can you come in and do some physical labor with me?

idk bro, im recovering from a serious injury to my leg, on one hand the doctor would flip if he knew i was doing that, but on the other hand i could probably use the physical therapy, fuck it i need the money im broke as shit

<do physical labor

<no mercy considering i just started walking again after about a year in bed

<had me carry a buncha heavy ass shit

<bone is shot

<muscle weak from atrophy

<still work the whole day in the blazing sun

>well that was rough but im gonna profit tens of thousands off this job

sweet bro because im broke as shit i could use the cash right now

>oh you didnt really do much what with your injury and all so i cant pay you more than mcdonalds would

nigga wtf you know how much that webserver would have been if i had charged you like you werent my bro?

>doesnt matter your slow and weak your time is not worth that much to me plus all you did was move shit for us we did the work that actually got the project done

but dude that was the hardest job you couldve given me in my situation the only reason i didnt complain is because i needed the exercise to get my leg back to how it was before

>yeah i dont care you should take this chump change and be happy with what you it if youre as broke as you say you are

<hands me an insulting amount of money

whatever dude im outta here

<wonders why i dont want to work with him anymore

fucking shit i thought this guy was my bro...

>>872104

Serves you right for trusting a normie

>>872125

the dude is my sisters fiance, his company pays for the food she eats, and the house she lives in, so even tho i feel like i got fucked pretty hard, its still not a total loss...

>>872167

should have

A) signed a employment agreement so you can hold him accountable for not paying you

B) told your sister to marry someone else

>>872174

well i already did B after the incident, and if i knew i was going do need A, i probably just would have stayed home that day...

>>872189

Don't ever work for friends / family, that's a surefire way to cause bad blood. One party will assume they'll get loadsamone for doing nothing "cause we're friends", the other will assume they'll have to pay next to nothing "cause we're friends".

Money is where friendships end, if in a situation where friends are to pay you or vice versa, have a written contact to minimize any arguments. That, or try to avoid such situations all together.

>>872247

As soon as money comes into play, you have to start documenting everything, especially if you need to take fuckers to court. Always read the laws in regards to temporary employment, as it will help you build a case against bad employers.

>>872247

>One party will assume they'll get loadsamone for doing nothing "cause we're friends"

That's seems a rather rare case to occur, while this

>the other will assume they'll have to pay next to nothing "cause we're friends"

is very common. Somehow it's always the party who needs the help who assumes the other will just do them a favor. Why would they seek the help of a "friend" if they intended to pay him more than they would pay a stranger? Also see >>869293 and >>869298

>>872302

>you have to start documenting everything, especially if you need to take fuckers to court

What if the fuckers say that your documentation is pulled out of the ass? It's just your word against theirs anyhow, the fact that yours is written down on a piece of paper is hardly any kind of advantage.

>>868766 (OP)

What is so funny about your made up stories? The fact that you need to pretend on an internet forum that your relatives pay you for fixing their computers?

>>872247

>Money is where friendships end

If at least one of the "friends" starts being an asshole once money is involved and tries to take advantage of the other(s), then yea, probably.

>Brother using the PC

>Keyboard start blinking and disconnecting

>"Anon" the keyboard is dying I am going to order a new one

>Wiggle the keyboard , check the cable , can't replicate the blinking-meaning it's not a hardware issue

>Hours of autistic searching ,stumble onto an Overwatch forum

>Apparently Goy 10 uses some power saving on the USB Ports

>Disable for every Port manually

>Problems stop

>My brother already ordered a new keyboard

Just think how much money can be made on shit like that

Heading into cyberpunk pretty fast

>>880503

Can confirm.

t. regularly fixes shit for others then gets paid

>>869491

This ended up being a dead hard drive, a Hitachi drive with 9 billion dead sectors somehow.

I wonder how long it will take for the WD Black I put in to die.

>>868766 (OP)

>aunt in-law calls wife

<I can't get computer to print

>listen to about an hour of normie chatter about how to print something off of the internet

>finally, the moment I've been dreading

<anon, can we stop by aunt __'s tomorrow on our way in

>yeah....

>pull up to house to see what's going on

>quickly get into nothing to do with printing territory

>holy shit, XP is fucking slow

> start looking at running processes

>plug in flash drive

>start running diagnostics

>hey, who's been using this?

<oh, the grandkids mostly

<they love their games lol

>games are all malware ridden garbage

>remove them all

>spend next hour trying to reconfigure XP

>install Raven miner and set to very low priority, single-core affinity

>still orders of magnitude faster than before

This story wouldn't have been funny had it not been for getting to hear children bitching in the background of a call later that week and hearing her tell them games weren't allowed anymore.

>>880626

>games are all malware ridden garbage

OK, seriously, how?

Do those fucking kids just play flash games from Chinese malware sites or what?

>>880636

>XP machine probably doesn't have any adblockers

>possibly uses IE as main or only browser

>kids being kids eagerly click on any flashy and colorful banner or popup because them being kids and the banners or popups being flashy and colorful

What could possibly go wrong?

>>880626

Assholes who stealthily install miners on literally every system they have access to and think they can get away with installing a miner on are cancer.

>>880561

I meant the keyboard scheme , killing keyboards forcing people to buy new ones

>>872104

Should have made your "bro" realize you're not a disposable cuck from the beginning. I've had friends ask me to do physical labor and I did it once and it went similar to how you're describing. Now I just tell them no and when they ask me why I just say "I don't want to help you with physical labor." They don't even ask anymore because they realize I'm not going to take shit anymore. Same reason I don't fix friends/familys computers now as well. People become abusive and entitled and have no ability to appreciate it.

I've gotten more respect by just saying "no" than i ever did helping people out with their lives

>>881003

actually im not a dog so i have no desire to assert my dominance over other people like some kind of fucking animal, i would like to think humanity has evolved past that shit, but every day i have to see these fucking apes with this nigger mentality and im reminded exactly why the world is in such shitty shape.

that said dont think for a second that i still do work for this kid, but youre not getting any respect for not helping people, youre just avoiding the possibility that youll feel disrespected by lmimting interaction with normies, in effect youre running away, how alpha...

>>880656

>t. miner-ridden normie

thanks for the coin