/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance★

Don't forget to sage between bumps lads

A) Be a man!

>Mustering the rest of my strength, I turn from the knight and face the door

>BOOM! With one swift kick its down, in pieces, and using my strength I get on my ass and start leaning backwards

This is the "ass on the grass defensive technique" I learned in gym

>"THATS RIGHT FUCKER IM RIGHT HERE COME GET IT!"

>use my piss on the floor attack to ward off incoming enemies and mark my territory

>its probably super effective

>look up and see a graying, aged hotdog shaped thing

>he's mumbling something and its getting louder

>thinning hair, faded skin, pitch black limbs made of some kind of dark magical energy or some shit

>tfw losing virginity not to a whore of a monster but to a rancid hotdog

>knight steps in front of me

"Behold, In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God"

>I shit you not his head starts glowing

"Silence"

>The hotdog stops mumbling

>He's getting visibly agitated as he can't speak and starts clawing at his own flesh

"Kneel"

>He gets on his knees and starts to cannibalize himself

>I reach for my pulled pork sandwich but before I can reach it the hotdog lunges at me

>Takes a nice fat bite out of my calf, good thing I skipped leg day

AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGAH I scream out loud

>Writing in pain, I don't notice that the knight had already cleaved the hotdog in two, processed meat innards spilling on everywhere

"Awoogah? You piss yourself, then do The Mask horn sound as your cry? I have no idea why Solomon himself asked for you."

AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH I scream louder

>WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT I JUST GOT BIT BY A FOOD LEAVE ME ALONE

"I want you to shut up for a second, virgin"

>He takes off his helmet to reveal bright red skin, two small horns, and short cut platinum hair with silver disks for eyes

>His high cheek bones and feminine voice are rather soothing, most likely thanks to the drugs he slipped me so I could hallucinate all this while he jacks my shit

"I could rape you and my order would be none the wiser, you remember that child"

>Just leave my drivers license on the table and take the wallet, the code to the safe is under my bed theres a handgun inside

"What?"

>And leave me the cake I need it for work

"Be quiet, now we return to the barracks for your wound, speak to no other, you will address me as knight, wait here while I prepare our method of transportation"

>Okay kid fucking virgin lol

WHAT DO YOU DO

A) Pulled pork sandwich distraction

B) Crawl for the safe (gun)

C) Eat the hotdog AND the pulled pork sandwich

D) Ritual Japanese Suicide using Pocket Sand

If you want to include your own option, you have to roll for it, if its high it takes precedence over votes.

>>352403

C. We must eat the hotdog man so that we my consume his courage

C) A Man's Gotta Eat

>Well, If I'm gonna bleed to death might as well be eating dead hotdog person and pulled pork sandwich

>Carving into the hotdog wasn't too hard with my pocket knife, the hard part was eating while the knight mumbled some stupid crap

"If you're going to kill me can you atleast shut the fuck up? I'm trying to eat"

was what I wanted to say, what actually came out was

>"h-hey, Im eat, stop making noise!"

"Be still, I have to rest and open a gate for us, there are no allies near here. Mind my armor for me, keep watch."

>Notably I finally realize I'm not dreaming when this knight starts to strip

>The knight that saved me ended up being a /fit/ little girl with two small horns, otherwise known as a Red Oni, from the Ogre family of monsters

>Toned muscles, bright skin that popped like a cherry under my fluorescent lighting, and a set of perky milkers that were inconceivably hidden under the armor from before

>oof, I can see her panties

>blue? Well not a butch dyke color but not a girl color either, lets inquire shall we?

>"nice underwear nerd"

"A pervert and a child, I can see droves of women lining up for you already"

>Okay maybe that wasn't the best idea

>But its still a nice view, she's actually pretty hot

>Something isn't right, if she's an oni, why isn't she raping me?

>"You're an Oni, but you haven't hopped on this dick yet, what gives?"

"I was told to bring you back alive, not unharmed"

>fugg

>okay, well, atleast the sandwich is good

>yeah its really really good!

>man, I really wanna cook something

>I wanna see something being cooked

>I want to burn something

>I want to burn the world

>I'm going to set all life on the planet aflame

>"You too know loss, you too know pain, witness the flame and see what you've to gain"

>lol wtf whats wrong with me, my leg doesn't hurt I guess the hotdog did the trick

"YOU FOOL, IN ALL THE REALMS SURELY ANY CREATURE KNOWS BETTER THAN TO CONSUME THE REMAINS OF A DEMON"

>"Can you speak normally I don't want to feel like I'm murdering Shakespeare"

>before I can register the movement I feel my breathing stop

>her hand is in my chest

>her hand is holding my heart

>"So you do like me? I have to say I'm pretty hot for a-"

>I cough blood all over her, funny the red on red is pretty hot

"shhh, relax"

>relax with your hand in my chest okay, thanks fam

>I do the virgin inhale with what little force of life left in me

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>the next part is fuzzy but I wake up in a bunk bed, bandaged all over, sore all over, maybe some kind of barracks, there's a foot locker at the end of my bed, a doorway at the end of the hall, I feel like shit

>oh, a small note on my stomach

"Anon, please relax, you're safe. There's a pulled pork in it for you if you're a good boy, make a right at the door once you're ready "

Tempting….tempting….what would THE MASK do?

OPTIONS:

A) Have a look around, sleuthing might not be a bad idea

B) Sleep because I feel like shit after getting fist fucked in the chest

C) DEVILISH MODE: turn LEFT at the hall instead of right

D) Ritual Japanese Suicide by Pocket Sand

>>352657

E) Go neither left or right, but go forward and start on the true neutral route.

>>352657

B). There's pulled pork in it for us, also make sure to laugh at Madam WhatsHerFace one veiny hand and foot and shit taste of spats color. Make sure to ask her why the Hell is it bad to eat demons. If they are from this world then they are natural creatures, as such, they harbor no corruption that our ancestors clearly didn't fall to, Course they most likely didn't eat them in the first place. If they aren't natural, then I think she is just trying to stop us from becoming a gray warden and hogging all the glory of stopping the demons. TLDR: best case scenario, we become a gray warden. Worst case scenario, Cannibalism Light™

B) Slep

>Have a good look around and my head is still spinning, finally decide to go back to sleep, no idea what time it is

>Wake up and I feel alright until I try to get out of bed

AAAAAWWOOOOOOO-

*slap*

<"Alright, that's enough, we get it, you're in pain"

>Blue spat oni slapped us, causing even MORE pain

>EVEN MORE PAIN

AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOO-

<"Its old now, you can stop."

"I'm having fun, you kidnap me, and now I'm here and my head feels like it got fucked by a donkey, explain yourself."

<"You're in the church of the black sun, King Solomon is waiting for you"

"No more church shit. I have no idea whats going on, the only reason I don't let you kill me is because FREE COMIC BOOK DAY is on Saturday and I have to live for the next 48 hours you cheeky cunt"

"Also your blue spats look like shit, I don't know why you chose blue but there's no point because if you sweat I can't see your puff or your asshole"

*SLAP*

<"I'm still a girl, anon, and if you want your virgin comic book day I just need a favor, after all I saved your life from the hotdog"

>She did save us, and we get pulled pork soon…it really sucks that life has come to this but sure lets go along with it

>Whats the worst that can happen, besides she has cute sharp teeth and horns, and a nice bod, maybe we can "accidentally" touch her

"I'll play ball only because you saved me, now take me to your leader, fool"

<"shut the fuck up and stay quiet, I dropped my shitty medieval accent you drop the virginity act"

"if-if-if-if o-okay"

>I get out of bed and see that the barracks look like an old hospital ward with bunk beds

>Wait, is this the abandoned hospital?

"Is this the old insane asylum? Of all places to be you chose a holy order to be here?"

<"Part of the plan, you'll know more when you see the King"

>Now mind you this isn't your typical insane asylum

>When we first discovered MON, mankind had already been afflicted by rampaging rapists for the longest time

>Some driven to insanity due to repeated rapes, those men were sent to asylums such as this one between World War I and the Seven Day War, when it was converted to a normal medical center

>Even then a psych ward operated here until 2001 when 9/11 happened

>We walk through a decayed building, narrow hallways with peeling paint and the occasional broken baby crib

>Point of no return: OPERATING ROOM

>The doors open and what looks like fog from a rock concert rolls out towards us

<"Remember to show proper respect"

"Respect deez nutz you veiny hand handjob giving-"

>OOF

>Now holding my erect member due to a swift punch in the nuts, I waddle into the OR trying to remember the feeling of her hand on my penis

"That was hot"

>A shrouded figure in black armor appears before me

<"Mankind needs you anon. I'll get to the point. Demons to slay, Oni needs your magical power, in exchange you'll have pulled pork sandwiches, and a good life until you die, but first you must be knighted"

>Sounds like a sweet deal

"Whats the catch"

<"No catch, just do a few missions and abide by our rules and you'll be set"

"Fine, I want a payment up front"

>Greasy looking BLACKED knight pulls out a gold ornate wooden box, inside, a succulent pulled pork sandwich, hard bread, smokey pulled pork, just the right amount of MOZZ, and of course a side of BBQ and Conke Coley

<"As promised, now accept this blade and be part of our-"

"Yeah okay virgin retard I just want to have sex and eat, do you mind?"

<"SHOW RESPECT" the oni booms

"Can you respect your hand on my cock again"

>mfw she punches me in the gut

>mfw still hard

"Jokes on you I'm ROCK HARD, AWOOOOOGAAH"

>suddenly hear moans from the background

<"Great, first task, collect the spirits of the fallen in this place, we need their essence"

<"Ah yes, first choose a weapon, you have a customary blade at all times but need a versatile fighting kit"

"Sweet, hey uh just curious what happened to that hole in my chest?"

<"What hole?"

"Oh right, healed, okay. And do I get some physical training with capt blue spats here? I'd let her wrestle my snake if you know what I mean heh-"

>mfw more physical punishment

>this is the most contact a woman has ever given me

>and I love it

>I'm not a cuck

<"Choose a weapon, child"

OPTIONS:

1) Axe of Ironbound Biglyoxer

2) Sword of Truthseeker Yugeinsen

3) Caestus of Fallen Knight Tunrier

4) Ritual Japanese Suicide, extra pocket sand edition

EXTRA OPTION: Roll a 20 sided die 1d20 for a POWER BOOST TO YOUR CHOICE (will be revealed next post)

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>353343

>Taking this much abuse from an oni

Anon, get your shit together and stop taking it like a anbuis in heat and fucking fight back, at the very least use the abuse you've been taking to fuel your training, as to get strong enough to slap the oni's tits around like a volleyball and deliver a smack to her rear end that it just doesn't leave a red hand print on her skin but on her very soul marking her so you can find her easier in the afterlife, so you can kick her ass again for suck punching you. Also get the axe

TLDR: Get the axe so you can axe a bunch of niggas a bunch of questions. And I'm rolling for swole strength

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>353343

Ax of doom it is. We gotta get swole too so that we can straight up ax motherfuckers in half, pubis to cranium.

METULLLLL

Weapon of Choice: Axe

POWER BOOST: 17

You think for a moment, about yourself and the assholes around you. The caestus seem old, lacking in any divine power but comfy. The sword vibrates for a moment, but you swiftly conclude "thats some gay shit" because we need a weapon not a dildo. Finally, you look to the axe, it almost seems to faintly whisper "heads".

>The axe, you whisper

<Anon, why don't you take the sword instead? It's more your speed, replies the Oni

Being patronized wouldn't normally piss you off but taking it from a bitch of an Oni and some random cosplaying retard in black armor…

>Did I say sword?

<Anon trust me-

>DID I SAY SWORD.

Before another word is spoken the axe is in your hand. You barely notice but a thin purple mist has been enveloping your body.

>I've had enough of you and your shit. Next time you ask a question, you'll find me AX-ing a question in return.

The oni stood there, blinking and flustered which is surprising for a lady of her strength.

The grand faggot came closer and said

<You've taken well to the axe, and best of all it hasn't consumed your soul yet. Anyway, I need you to find a ghost girl and kill her, she's running around here fucking up my spells. This isn't rocket science, and I doubt you need a tutorial. Get to it.

>Whatever you say boss man, lets go bull-dyke

<What did you just-

The RP-ing dark faggot interrupts the Oni, to quickly chime in

<Be kind to anon, he's come a long way. Its a problem if an axe respects him more than you respect him. Understood?

With a downcast face and a bit of stammering, she says

<y-yes master

>HAH What a fucking cuckold, alright lets go I'm thirsty we can get some sweet tea at PopEyes before the hell hounds roll around if we finish early.

You walk down another corridor to your right before feeling swole. The mist is literally entering your body and making you bigger than ARNIE. Naturally you begin to scream

>BIG GAINS MAN

To attract the ghosties. Ghosties love gains

<What the FUCK are you doing anon?

>Don't speak to me you lanklet

>OH MAN LOOK AT ALL THESE GNARLY GAINS IVE GOT, SURE HOPE A GHOST DOESNT SPOOP 'EM

<What you say makes no sense, theres no joke here, you're not even fun-

Sobbing, crying. Sounds of regret fill the hallway. The building corridor begins to expand endlessly, paint chipping off the walls in a Silent Hill nightmare style as the sound of sobbing gives way to the industrial hell below.

<This isn't normal. We should go back and tell the Grandmaster.

>Life isn't normal. I'm about to fight a ghost beside an oni who skips leg day while craving sweet tea.

<Anon if she possesses you, she'll absorb the energy from the axe within you and-

>SSHHHHH, do you hear that?

(1/2)

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>354432

>BBBRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP

3. I'm not about to let anon here lose his virginity to some ghost slut possessing the oni cunt. If the ghost slut wanted some of that gains dick, she should've just asked for it, even if she's not tangible she could've just ASMR'd anon. And fuck that knight, anon haven't even lost his virginity and he's acting like anon is paying child support to his hellhound bullies from high school

>>354432

3. And follow it up with killing the oni because she's a Thot.