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/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

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Visit our friends - /games/ /tg/ /ebola/ /bane/ Bunker - /monster/

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10837f (1) No.295279>>295347 [Watch Thread][Show All Posts]

It is the 41st Millennium. For more than a hundred centuries the Grand Matron has sat immobile on the Pristine Throne of Earth. She is the master of cleaning by the will of the gods and master of a million worlds, by the might of Her inexhaustible cleaning crews. She is a rotting carcass writhing invisibly with lemon scented air freshener from the Dark Age of Dirtiness. She is the Carrion Lord of the vast Imperium of Maids for whom a thousand Shoggoths are sacrificed every day so that She may never truly die.

Yet even in Her deathless state, the Grand Matron continues Her eternal vigilance. Mighty battlefleets cross the Shoggoth-infested miasma of the Warp, the only route between distant stars, their way lit by the Astronomican, the psychic manifestation of the Grand Matron's will. Vast cleaning crews give room service in Her name on uncounted houses and apartments. Greatest amongst Her cleaning sisters are the Adeptus Astartes, the Space maids, bio-engineered super-maids. Their sisters in arms are legion: the Imperial Washers and countless planetary scrubbing forces, the ever-vigilant Dust sniffers and the Washing-Machine-priests of the Adeptus Mechanicus to name only a few. But for all their multitudes, they are barely enough to hold off the ever-present threat to Freshness from litterers, gum chewers, Shoggoths-- and far, far worse.

To be a Maid in such times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live in the cleanest and most blood-stain free regime imaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the power of oxiclean and febreeze , for so much has been dirtied, never to be re-cleaned. Forget the promise of progress and free housekeeping, for in the clean darkness of the far future, there is only washing. There is no cleanliness amongst the stars, only an eternity of dusting and sweeping, and the laughter of dirty gods.

254d5a (4) No.295280>>295283 >>295285 >>295286

File (hide): eeac7b7d5340e36⋯.png (454.78 KB, 453x858, 151:286, HEEEEERE'S YETI.png) (h) (u)

>lemon scented

Are you sure she's a kiki? Were yetis actually the superior maids this whole time without us knowing?


013a41 (2) No.295283>>295284

>>295280

>they're lemon

Praise the memes


254d5a (4) No.295284

>>295283

We need diligent yeti meido with lemon pantsu OC immediately.


5d92d6 (2) No.295285>>295286 >>295287

>>295280

>superior maids

>implying


ff0840 (2) No.295286>>295287 >>295288

>>295280

Yetis can barely hold anything in their oversized paws, and appear to be relatively short, so they wouldn't be an effective choice

>>295285

>squating alcoholic mess of feathers and dog hair

>superior anything

I want slavs to go and stay go.


254d5a (4) No.295287>>295311

File (hide): 1b42d8f65cf5e4a⋯.png (160.52 KB, 651x476, 93:68, yeti spirit healing.png) (h) (u)

>>295285

>>295286

It's too late now. Their lemon-scented purification powers will clean everything.


013a41 (2) No.295288>>295311

>>295286

Think of the slime and effects of madness from a Shoggoth though. Between that and an overbearing tyrannical society of eternal cleanliness, I'd choose the Yeti with warm cuddles and lemon scented freshness.


222bed (1) No.295289>>295300

So who's be sisters of battle if kikis take the role of space marines?


dc4f6e (1) No.295300>>295310

>>295289

Butlers probably. Maybe pool boys or groundskeepers.

But can the Brothers of Cleanliness find waifus among the Space Maids? Or is such a union forbidden love?


5a8a5c (1) No.295310

>>295300

40k parody, love is forbidden.

At best if they retire they can start fucking their kitsune schoolteacher friend.


ff0840 (2) No.295311>>295320

File (hide): a5f2713b7bff51c⋯.jpg (120.64 KB, 850x1077, 850:1077, 2E1AB411-380F-407E-B320-4C….jpg) (h) (u)

>>295288

>the slime

It's fine, shoggoths recollect what they drop.

>effects of madness

Sanity is for the weak.

>Between that and an overbearing tyrannical society of eternal cleanliness

Shoggoths are the choice for keeping things eternally clean, given their body type being slime, which would allow them to grow or duplicate

>warm cuddles and lemon scented freshness.

>implying that cannot be replicated and expanded upon

>>295287

>BIG

>MEATY

>PAWS

>cleaning anything other than a desktop and floor

Explain.


254d5a (4) No.295320

File (hide): fea947f3480478f⋯.jpg (89.52 KB, 500x500, 1:1, lemon oil polish.jpg) (h) (u)

>>295311

>Explain.

Simple, she just grips feather dusters in between two fingers. She also rubs her lemon-oil-perspiring skin against surfaces to wipe out grime.


d3919d (1) No.295327>>295376

Reposting from the dream thread.

>There is no time to be lost! Cleaning-sisters!

>Space Maids, today, the enemy is at our door! We know our duty and we will do it! We clean for our honor, as Sud Ravens, as Space Maids, and we clean in the name of the Grand Matron!

>If we die this day, we die in glory. We die heroes' deaths! But we shall not die, no, it is the enemy who will taste cleanliness and defeat! As you know, most of our cleaning-sisters are stationed in space, prepared to deep cleanse!

>Our perimeter has been prepared in the event that our enemy should be so bold and so foolish! We have placed numerous beacons, allowing for multiple, simultaneous and devastating defensive deep cleanses.

>The Codex Washtartes names this maneuver "Steel Rinse". We will descend upon the foe, we will overwhelm them, we will leave none filthy! Meanwhile, our ground forces will ensure the full spotlessness of our headquarters…

>We are the Space Maids! We are the Grand Matron's fury!


997149 (1) No.295341

File (hide): 749ad46365cc8d1⋯.png (2.8 MB, 2000x4500, 4:9, kiki uniform.png) (h) (u)

I, for one, welcome our new hygienic overlords.


d35c16 (1) No.295347>>295360

>>295279 (OP)

>At the end of the 41st millennium the enemies of man and monster are greater then ever.

>The Orks, brutal and primitive, are more active then ever. WAAAGH's rising faster then the Imperium can put them down. Threatening to drown the galaxy in a green tide of rape.

>The Eldar ever so arrogant and mercurial seeing fit to do as they like with no remorse in an attempt to save their dying species.

>Their dark cousins plundering the galaxy for the dark city of Commorragh needing to satiate their ever increasing hunger to stave off she who thirsts.

>Hive fleet leviathan entering from above and below the galactic plane threatening holy Terra itself. The ravenous creatures seeking to consume all life.

>The forces of /chaos/ boiling over into the materium at a rate the inquisition cannot control. Unholy cults springing up across the breadth of the Imperium dedicated to the depravity and madness of their dark masters.

>In the grimdarkness of the far future there is only war.


5d92d6 (2) No.295360>>300259

>>295347

Nigger you barely adapted that at all, put some effort in

>At the end of the 41st millennium the enemies of man and /monster/ are greater then ever.

>The Orcs, brutal (but with a certain rough quality), are more active then ever, with each AAAAH~! rising faster then the Imperium can put them down. Threatening to drown the galaxy in a green tide of rape.

>The Wans, ever mercurial, see fit to do as they like; constantly inconveniencing men with their demands of walkies and cuddling.

>Their dark cousins plunder the galaxy from the dark city of Detroit needing to satiate their ever increasing hunger to stave off childlessness at 30.

>Slime fleet leviathan entering from above and below the galactic plane threatening holy Terra itself. The ravenous creatures seeking to rape and then cuddle all life.

>The forces of /chaos/ boiling over into the materium at a rate the Auxquisition cannot control. Unholy cults springing up across the breadth of the board dedicated to the depravity and madness of their foul perversions.

>In the grimdarkness of the far future there is only rape.


39e954 (1) No.295376

>>295327

>let's send our men directly into the enemy army

You know, looking back on it that was a pretty god damn stupid plan. Especially since Gorgutz won so they'd be surrounded by orks in melee range with no ability to pull out.


b2c786 (1) No.300259

File (hide): ca28c87a51c7f30⋯.jpg (4.64 KB, 300x168, 25:14, download (1).jpg) (h) (u)

>>295360

>spoiler




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